glacial motion

I have a love hate thing going on with my cell phone. For starters I never wanted a cell phone. I'm not one of those people who must have the newest cutest tiniest cell to flash around to their friends. A)Most of my friends don't really care about these things and B)Most of my friends care entirely too much about these things and there's no way I'd be able to pick something that would amaze them. More than that though it would be pointless. I drop my phone at least twice a day. Probably because I like to carry it in my hand next to my lip gloss and keys, just so that in the rare chance that I need to call 911 between the walk to the car and the house well I'm prepared. A la girl scout. So something impossible cute and tiny would die within a week of being in my possession.

I've only used my cell in an actual emergency once, like a week ago when my mom's car stalled and I had no clue what the hell I was supposed to do. For emotional emergencies though the cell phone is my life line. Creepy man tries to talk to me on the street? I'm on my phone immediately. Boy troubles making me nutty? I start calling my trifecta to see who picks up the phone first.

So that's the love part. The hate part is much more pronounced. I hate my phone. I hate calling people on the phone, it makes me uneasy. Probably because I'm a rambler with a touch of ADD so its hard for me to keep track of everything that comes into my brain and in what order I said it and then wait what was my point. I'm much better in print. Because I can delete things, and spell check, and google things. Over the phone I'm a mess. Which is why I don't call people. Well lets rephrase that, I call some key people obsessively to talk about every micro crisis, real and imagined. But that's only like 1% of my phone list. The other 99% I'd rather die or I don't know eat Taco Bell than actually call them on the phone. Unless its for directions then I'm ok.

Which is why texting is the best thing known to man. Because its just like iming someone but using your phone. There's none of that weird chit chat that I hate, or any of that "oh are you busy, can you talk" kind of bs. Whatever random thing popped into your head can be sent out and be answered by the other person at their own convenience. Like when they're stuck in traffic or stuck in some horrible awful comedy show and you need to talk to someone immediately about how much you just want to die right now. Texting allows for me to multitask in real life as much as I do online. Because online at any moment I have at least five tabs open, plus some minesweeper, video or music, and an aim conversation or two. In real life I have to focus on one thing, even when I'd much rather be doing something else. With texting though I can be the good daughter and have two hour dinners with my folks while still talking to someone else, without the rudeness of getting up and answering the phone.

The only thing is with a cell I always feel obligated to answer it, because if you dont there's a bit of the "umm I called you why didn't you answer" thing which I hate. Because I'm forgetful and like to leave my phone on silent and then leave it in the kitchen next to the peaches. Unlike email where sure you have to answer it right away but there's like a one day to two day window where you have the time to answer it without feeling like you have to apologize for your complete inability to stay on top of your email. So I hate my phone. Because my mom likes to call me and then I have to answer and sometimes I just don't want to answer. Which is the main reason I didn't have a cell for 5 years or so.

But now I do and I'm hooked and what are you going to do, not have a cell? Then what would you have to do when creepy men start trying to talk to you? Talk to them? I think not.

Ok and now the links:

* The world cup starts June 9th. In preparation I have begun reading a lot of soccer stuff so I can better appreciate the game and know whats up. If you want to also stay in the know there's this.

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." - Bill Shankly, the former Liverpool coach.

Oh those silly Brits they're not going to win this year. Although if they did, that would be something.

* I love tiny cars. Probably because I love tiny things that are jes sized, the way all things should be really. well most things should be tiny, not crucial things like steaks or tvs.

* This thing is so cool. You type in an author and whatever authors appear closest to it are other authors you would enjoy. The listing is just getting started so everyone isn't on there yet, but they have Grace Paley so its a good enough start. And perfect for me because whenever I go into a bookstore I always just end up having to flip through the first couple of pages of a book to see if its good or not.

* On the book kick there's this nifty slide show from Slate about classic novels done with pulp book covers.

* How to make your own ac unit. If you like to build things and have the space and design aesthetic to accommodate a garbage can in the middle of your home. I'm looking at you Jose.

* A nifty little ad.

* Wtf? Here's the thing, I know butts are all the rage right now but umm seriously? This thing doesnt look like fun. And plus the let down when your clothes come off, would be intense.

* A very nice article from Slate arguing for the ethical reasons why meat should be made in the lab and not slaughtered. As an fanatic meat eater and a tree hugging liberal I sometimes have a hard time justifying my love of meat. I typically just eat some bacon though and just shrug it off though.

* An article from the nytimes about the importance of net neutrality.

* Yet another reason to hate Bush. Followed by an even bigger reason to hate Bush.

* Over the weekend in Colombia President Alvaro Uribe won re-election in a landslide. I dont follow Colombian politics very closely, because its really depressing. But my general feeling about this news goes like this, any friend of Bush is no friend of mine. But at the same time anything that brings even the semblance of peace and order to Colombia is desperately needed. So I'll wait and see how this all plays out.

* Finally, the other day I watched this on PBS. Being a documentary on sex slavery it was impossibly sad. Especially the story of a man trying to get his pregnant wife released from these people. If you get a chance to watch it do, and if not the directors commentary on it is a must read.

"my mommy approved this outfit"

Last night was interesting to say the least. I tried once again to wear my engineer shorts out of the house only to have my outfit vetoed by my mommy. Its really just a matter of semantics though, since I ended up wearing a skirt that's just as short, but for some reason my mom thinks that with a skirt I'm much less likely to be gang raped. Which is really just silly if you think about it. But I like to humor my mom so I let her veto my outfits from time to time. Leading to the quote of the night when my friends started hassling me about my outfit that "my mommy approved this outfit". That I actually said that and that its true makes me giggle.

The thing is though that whenever I go out there's at least one guy with me at all times. Normally though I'm in a group of 3 to 6 guys, which explains why no random guys try to talk to me and why the chances of me being gang raped are impossibly slim. This is why I can wear a teeny tiny skirt and not be worried that I was going to be hassled the entire night. I'd attempt to explain this to my mommy but I don't think I can adequately translate "gang rape" into Spanish. Sadly, I'm just not that fluent.

I also "borrowed" a pair of my mom's heels. This was actually a pair I didn't even know she had but the moment I saw them I knew I had to wear them, it didn't matter if I was going to have to chop off my baby toe to get in those shoes but it was going to happen. They're that cute. White suede stiletto pumps require that level of sacrifice. They fit pretty well though, because the universe loved me tonight. I just had to take little steps because they're little shoes. I was also terrified someone was going to ruin them by spilling a drink or something on them and even though some little Asian dude booted right next to me not a drop of it ended up on my shoes. I think some of it ended up on the back of one of my legs but I didn't care as long as none of it got on the shoes. It was really only a spritz of candy colored boot, and I can deal with that.

Best part of the night though hands down, was the impossibly inappropriate conversation that we had at the diner where we were beginning the sobering up process. A diner located in the gay epicenter of Houston. A conversation that pretty much just revolved a rotation of the words "dyke, gay, donkey, anal, nuts, ass, and punch". Even in my fuzzy alcohol induced giggly haze I felt impossibly bad for the two gay gentlemen sitting at the table next to us.

It was really just the kind of night where you try to explain why you had such a good time, but there really is no explanation. We went to the same places we always go to, talked to the same people, had the same drinks and yet some how the evening was incredibly good. And chill. Ok so we offended a waitress, some gay men, someone was drunk dialed, I got boot on my leg, and we watched a million Asian kids acting like this was the very first time they'd had a drink. It was still a good night. A really good night. And exactly what I needed to forget the ickiness that was last week.

okay now some links:

* When I like something I listen to it a billion times until I squeeze every bit of goodness out of the song and it becomes something I hate. This song and video are well on its way to being hated. Oh and can you believe she had a baby? Maybe there's hope for britney spears after all. I doubt it though.

* This video is at once disturbing and hilarious. Its good to the last drop, so make sure to watch to the very end.

* I love meat, but for some reason jerky has never done it for me. Probably because I prefer for my meat to be juicy with just a bit of blood peaking out. Apparently though jerky is America's hidden obsession.

* If you're like me and are more than just a bit excited about the world cup here's the schedule for all the games in handy chart form. I was watching the match between the US and Venezuela and I almost wet myself I was so excited when Brian Ching from the Dynamo scored the very first goal for the American team. I'm just excited that the US seems to finally be getting it together (especially after the ass whooping they received from Morocco). I doubt they'll go all the way, especially after watching France destroy Mexico yesterday. But yea, its looking like its going to be an awesome cup.

* I'm more than a little excited about "Nacho Libre" partially because I have a wee bit of an unexplainable crush on Jack Black. Let's never discuss it again ok? But I was a little worried that the movie might be offensive since Jack Black is playing a Mexican priest and the man is about as white as they come. It seems though that the movie is going to be funny without being mean which I always like.

* Ok, so maybe myspace isnt all bad. maybe.

* And finally one serious link. Cervical cancer is no joke. Not even a little bit of a joke, and now a vaccine has been developed to prevent this horrible awful cancer that is caused by HPV a sexually transmitted infection. Good news right? Except that the Christian right is already taking issue with the fact that the best and wisest course of action would be to vaccinate young girls/women saying that doing so would encourage young people to have sex. Which is like saying that getting a flu shot encourages people to make out with sick people. Or getting a tetanus shot makes me want to lick some rusty nails. This article which deals with this hypocrisy and tries to get to the bottom of it is super good, super short, and you should read it. /rant

achiote

Remember last week when I was simply happy to be alive giddy? Yea this is not that week. This is the week that is starting to snowball into something not at all pleasant. All of it really the result of my decision to interact with more human beings. People who I had carefully chosen to associate with because they seemed cool and anti-drama. Its not fun to misjudge people. And the thing is I want to just blog about it, because this exactly the kind of stuff that only happens to me and that makes me hate people. All people. But I used to like these people (well one of these people) so I wont talk about it here. But if I know you well enough ask me and I'll tell you a great story about a boy and a girl who knew other for years and were pretty good friends until one day when that boy decided to kill that girls puppy by ripping its little heart out and eating it. A heart warming story really.

Blah.

I found out where all the rich pretty black people hang out in Houston. That was pretty cool. Cooler still is that they make really yummy grilled cheese sandwiches there.

And thats all I got. Links:

* Interns? Bloggers need not apply.

* Nylon is one of my favorite magazines to buy and then ripe up and make into something else. Their full June/July issue is online, which makes them cooler still.

* The birthday calendar is a niffy little thing.

* So cute!

* Almost killing your neighbor is yet another reason you should never play with guns.

* oh and this is just cool.

* everyone loves al gore now.

My daddy, the feminist

Last night I added yet another reason to my gigantic list of why I love my daddy so much. We were test driving a car (my moms car committed suicide and we had to replace it asap) and impossibly horribly painfully bored. None of us know anything about cars, so its a pretty silly exercise to take a drive around in one to see how it drives. We were looking out the window and there was a mechanic school or something out the window and my daddy pointed at it and smiled at me. And I was like what? And he told me that when I was little he used to tell people that I was going to grow up to be a race car driver. Then he corrected himself and said "no a race car engineer, there the ones that actually win the races." Which made me smile to think of my daddy telling people that his tiny little curly haired girl was going to grow up to be a race car engineer. It actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. And who knows if the whole writing thing or helping people thing doesn't work out it may just be worth checking it out.

* Speaking of feminism, the word "feminism" and being a "feminist" have a lot of very negative associations with it. When I meet people and I tell them that I'm very liberal and went to a women's college there's always that moment and look of fright when they ask me if I'm a "feminist." Always in a hushed tone like if they're asking me if I like to fuck dead people or kick puppies. Mostly when I'm meeting strangers I'm drinking, since I hate strangers and I'm just not in the mood to put them in their place. So I normally offer a lame retort to assure them that this doesn't mean that I'm some kind of man-hater, but that's just acting like there is some truth to this stereotype. When there really isn't. And besides which I do hate men sometimes, but its never all men its always just one particular asshole who is pissing me off at the moment. I hate women too. More of the time actually, since I'm much more offended by female stupidity than male stupidity. The point is sometimes feminist hate people, but that isn't because they are feminist (well except for Mr. 29% I'm pretty sure my feminism is a huge reason why I hate him) its because they're human. And human beings hate people sometimes. Anyways this article from Salon discusses why young women in particular dislike the term and if the word doesn't need to be replaced. I don't think it does, but then again I have no problem scaring off men in bars. Here's a little excerpt:

Gandy said that membership in her organization [National Organization for Women] is bigger than ever. "Eighty percent of people in the United States, based on what they think now about pay equity and domestic violence, would have been considered total feminists had they felt that way 30 years ago. And the women's rights movement is living in our daughters every single day. Whether or not they consider themselves feminists."

* You have got to be kidding me! Botox being use to treat depression?

* You must must must watch this commercial. Via my bro who reads the entire internet while your busy sleeping. Silly mortals.

* Do you ever feel like your cigarette smoke is bothering your pigs? If so this is for you. via apartmenttherapy

when mohos attack

I'm so impossibly excited for my birthday you have no idea. I had a really good birthday last year. So there's built in excitement of it being my birthday and celebrating making it another year. But to make this birthday even more exciting my friends are coming to visit me! So its going to be a mini moho reunion! I've been trying to get my friends to come to Texas, because I think Texas is a magical place that needs to be shared with people and since my birthday is on a Saturday its perfect for people to fly in and hang out and then go back to their responsible young adult lifestyle. Plus I am in some desperate need for some estrogen in my life. Not that men aren't lovely creatures in all, but some times you just want to have a pillow fight in your pjs, you know what I mean?

Soooo looking forward to July you have no idea. I've already started thinking of all the places I have to take them and how impossibly sloashed we're going to get! yay!

Ok here are the links to keep your case of the Mondays down to a minimum:

* Having run out of more serious things to report on the NY Times brings in this breaking style news of black toilet paper.

* Wow. If I had a dog I don't think I'd ever leave him with this woman. But I don't know maybe she's a lovely human being? She must be.

* Is Tyra Banks racist? Slate tries to figure it out.

* A long but interesting interview with Clotaire Rapaille about his new book "The Culture Code" which compares the core codes or stereotypes of different cultures. He says some pretty interesting stuff in the article. Here's a little bit:

What do you think about the rise of Christian fundamentalism?

Religion in America is Disney World. We're not really serious about it the way the Muslims are. We just want some rituals, we have so many different brands of religion. We like the stories about it and talking about what they say and don't say. It's little stories for children. When in Kansas they try to stop the teaching of evolution, it's like at Disney World. If you are in the Mickey Mouse costume, the rule is that you never take off your mask. You're not supposed to show in public that there is a real guy under the mask. That's religion in America; let the people keep their illusions. Don't show the reality.

Now, because we are adolescent, we like to take things to extremes: extreme sports, extreme everything. Moderation is boring -- eating in moderation? No way. So we apply that to religion, too, religious extremism.

* If you feel like using your brain there's always this, an interesting and thought provoking article about immigration from the San Francisco Chronicle.

* A collection of drawings done by an artist while he was on lcd.

* This video is so zen. I'm afraid though if I tell you what it is though you wont watch it, but you have to watch it, because you'll watch it and be sucked into it. Its almost hypnotic. So yea go watch it. Its short. Its zen. Its funny.

* Well this video is frightening. Its a sex ed video from planned parenthood. Its a cartoon. There are talking genitalia acting as hosts for a talk show. Its so frightening, so funny, and yet I learned something. So you should watch it, just not around people you don't want them to think your weird for watching a cartoon with a talking penis in a suit. via feministing.

fools like me

The last two days have been a long series of a phenomenon known as the flutterjinx. The flutterjinx is a concept much too complicated to explain so suffice it to say you do not want the flutterjinx anywhere near you. The flutterjinx however surrounds me and now leaves me here writing this at 11am on a Sunday morning still a bit tipsy from last night. Because the last two days went so horribly wrong that I decided the only way to balance out the good to bad ratio would be to take 4 shots [3 big reds and something ingeniously called an abortion] + an amaretto sour + the strongest drink known to man in a 2 1/2 hr period. On an empty stomach.

Why were the last 2 days so bad? please let me tell you in list form:

1. Friday afternoonish my mom's car overheated and stalled while I was about a block from her job. I had just gotten off the freeway so it could have died while I was actually on the freeway and then I would have died and been a byline in the chronicle, "22 year old woman crushed to death by 18 wheeler on 610 N". Thankfully, I'm cute and was a genius and wore a little skirt so some impossibly nice man who looked exactly like cee-lo pushed my car into a gas station, did stuff to my car, explained everything he did to my car while calling me mami, and kept the creepy old mexican men away from me until my mom showed up. I'd like to take a moment to thank the patriarchy for having this man feel the need to rescue me. Thanks P! You almost made up for trying to take away my rights. Almost.

2. We rode with the tow truck driver (also an impossibly nice man) to the dealership were my mom proceeded to rip the owner of the dealership a new one. This took 2 hours. I was starving. I was bored. It was hot. We finally get in the loaner car, and it wont start. I then proceed to start laughing hysterically because obviously the universe hates me. It then started and all order returned to the world, but by then it was so late and I was so hungry that I had lost all interest in leaving my house and interacting with other human beings.

3. The next day we go to the Dynamo game. Its at 3pm. There is no shade. Houston at 3pm on a clear sunny day makes the surface of the sun seem cool and breezy. So it was a billion degrees. And the big guys sitting in front of me blocked my view. And the game was awful. I sat through a 90 minute game in a billion degree weather sitting on aluminum seats, and we lost the game. I wanted to cry it was so horrible. And now I'm sunburned and have a weird tan. Because I am an idiot who didn't wear sunscreen.

4. I sat through an improv show at a comedy club. Why did I go to a comedy club? Because I am an idiot and as such was punished severely for even thinking for a brief passing moment that a comedy club could be anything other than hell. Not only did I go to a comedy club but I rushed home from the game showered, straightened my hair, got pretty, and skipped dinner so that I wouldn't be late. To a comedy show. Yea. I'm an idiot.

5. I then went to a bbq in the middle of who knows where downtown with a bunch of people I didn't know because by that point my day was not shitty enough and I just wanted to push it over the edge. I could have just pulled a Punxsutawney Phil, seen my shadow and gone back into my hole, but nooooo I hate having a good time. I hate having a good time so much that I will go out of my way to ensure that I walk right into my #1 least favorite scenario ever: walking into a party already in progress where everyone knows one another but you. For added kicks though I decided to go with a guy who likes to pretend he doesn't know me every other week and drank a coke because the only options were beer and some unidentifiable punch. So I sat there in full sobriety and embraced the complete awkwardness of being the new girl who is completely overdressed because she thought she was going to a club tonight, not a bbq with a bunch of hipsters and who knows absolutely no one and hates strangers.

I stayed for about 30 minutes and then bolted. I literally ran out the door and to my car. I nearly impaled someone with the heel of my super strappy shoes, my excitement was so great for getting the hell out of there.

And then I drank. A lot. Because I can only take so many bad stupid things happening before I start feeling like the universe hates me and I need to go hide under the covers until the bad juju passes. I didn't hide though. I drank. And bitched and whined and moaned until the delicious shots killed my brain and then I exploded into a fit of giggles. And had an entire conversation about anal sex and anal beads and why I wish I was into women but sadly am not. And then I got home at 5 something in the morning. Which of course made my mommy love me even more.

::fresca::

The problem with having gone to moho (besides the gigantic soul crushing loans that I have to pay off) is that all alums are impossibly brilliant, so that when I read the class notes I end up feeling like a loser because I don't have a Fulbright and didn't spend my vacation traveling through Europe before starting my graduate studies at Oxford. Of course I know there are people besides me who are working in coffee shops or dropping out of law school or getting knocked up, but they don't write in so instead I have to read about someone's' awesome PhD program.

Yara and I always wanted to write in impossibly funny notes about how we were having a double wedding while 8 months pregnant, but I don't think either of us could actually go through with it. Everyone reads the class notes, or at least skims them, and there's no way I'd like anyone to actually believe that I was involved in a shotgun wedding while 8mths pregnant unless it was followed up by the announcement that my first book had just been published.

I think class notes in general give the wrong impression about what's going on with alums because unless its a death announcement all that people are sharing is the good news. And after you graduate not everything is good. People end up in crummy jobs or with shitty roommates or move someplace and know absolutely no one or hate their jobs or their dogs or their girlfriends. Like there should be a balance between the impossibly good news and all the other stuff. Like this couple who you saw everywhere on campus for 4 yrs broke up but its okay because they're sharing custody of the kitten. Then reading the class notes would be more inclusive and more people would want to write in and a real experience would be documented not just the impossible good news that eventually fade into reality.

And that's all I have to say about that, here are some lovely links:

* Impossibly beautiful dolls. via boingboing

* Reason #317 why I'm not on myspace.

* If books make you hot, then this list is for you.

* Why it takes Wes Anderson so long to make a movie.

* Do ninjas love? This video has the answer.

* Go here and vote for Gabrielle M. who wants her softball field to not be littered with rocks. A simple request really. via broadsheet (of course)

stupid boys

So far this week is going really well. Its beautiful here in Texas today. The sky is so blue and the clouds are fluffy and white. The sun is shining. And I woke up in an impossibly good mood. So good in fact that as I was driving around today the traffic didn't bother me and I wasn't cutting anyone off on the freeway. I didn't even flick off that Hummer I saw with the W in 04' sticker (seriously though? guy driving the hummer we already know your an asshole you drive a hummer its obvious but a Bush sticker on top of that? are you trying to make sure you get a nice seat in hell?)

Its a good day. And for no reason really. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened today. And yet I feel impossibly good. Like just happy to be alive good. And that's normally much too sappy for me. But then it dawned on me. I'm back to normal. I'm better than normal, I'm me again. Somewhere in those 8 months in Erie I stopped believing that good days were even possible. Everyday was exactly like the day before. The best part of my day was roasting a garlic and herb chicken. But that tiny high would just fade when I sat down to eat it alone. Because the best part of cooking is seeing the pleasure on someone else's face from eating your food. Its the sharing, that's the best part.

And now I'm home. I'm really home. A month ago I was in Erie. A year ago I was graduating and taking tequila shots. A year has come and gone and now I'm just glad to be back and wondering what's wrong with me for ever wanting to leave Texas. 80 degree days are what make me happy. Good Mexican food. Being able to have lunch with my Daddy on a Tuesday just because I can.

Not everything is perfect. I haven't completely gone off my meds don't worry. I'm just happy. The end.

I have a ton of links to share with you so lets get to it:

* Apparently animals have problems too via my bro

* Its about time that science and alcohol were brought together to made the world a better place.

* How to eat more meals at home (even if you don't know how to cook)

* This is one of those things that's so not safe to open at work or around small children or the elderly, well maybe the elderly wouldnt really be able to decipher whets going on so that might be ok. Before you think I troll around the internet looking for this stuff just know that I found it here.

* Umm yea how to describe this...umm its the most beautifully designed dildo you'll ever see in your life. Until like a week from now when they come out with a prettier Scandinavian model. via apartmenttherapy the only site where you can find a beautiful eames chair next to a dildo.

* New evidence White House influenced FDA on Plan B. I wish I wasn't so jaded with this administration that things like this stopped shocking me, its like of course they interfered with the FDA because their political loons. Duh that's what they do on Mondays.

* This interview with Jessica Valenti of feministing fame makes me wish I was into women. Alas it was not meant to be. Here's my favorite quote from the interview:

Speaking of Bush, you once wrote a post called "why I don't fuck republicans." Does one have to be a Democrat to be a feminist? How else has your feminist politics affected your personal and dating life?

I have a shirt that has that slogan, too. Though I would probably have to put another message on the back of it that says: “ . . . anymore.” I’ve been Republican free for years though, so I figure I’m good. Kind of like a second-virginity thing. I guess anyone can call themselves a feminist. But I’m pretty far left and I find most Republicans scummy. Sorry, I just do. And I think that if you believe in certain things—like being pro-choice for example—you just can’t date someone who believes in an ideology that creates legislation that effectively says your body belongs to the state. So yeah, my feminism has definitely affected my personal life! It’s not something I can separate myself from at the end of the work day—it’s always with me.

My sister and I used to joke that the best way to get a guy to stop bothering you at a bar was tell him you were doing your Masters thesis on post-colonial feminist theory. It totally works. Whenever I used to meet a guy and tell him that I was basically a professional feminist, the initial reaction was usually uncomfortable laughter. Or “you don’t look like a feminist!” Some guys find the idea of dating a feminist kind of a novelty thing, though. Then after a couple of months they’re like, “Seriously—where’s my dinner?”

el tiempo y su velocidad

My weekend was awesome. From start to finish awesome. I haven't had a weekend that good in a really long time. Too long in fact. It started Friday with the arrival of my blowdryer along with the added surprise of a rainbow pinata. And it just kept getting better from there. The weekend was in fact so good that now looking back on it I don't completely believe it was real.

Lets see highlights included going to the oldest bar in downtown Houston, inside of a tiny little building, so impossibly narrow that there was only enough room between the bar and the tables for one person to go in one at a time. The place was decorated with random oil paintings the only light was from candles that were placed inside beer mugs. It was quiet enough that you could actually hold a conversation, but still had really good music playing in the background. It was the complete opposite to the ultra trendy clubs we go to normally.

There was also a sing along in the car to Julieta Venegas, which is now forever embedded in my brain. And an impossibly good milkshake, which I think was made better by the fact that I was eating it at 2am. And a really nice dinner with my dad at a seafood place.

So yea. I hope this means this week will also be really good. That's the hope at least. And now links:

* I'm fascinated by Lindsay Lohan and strippers. I dont think thats a coincidence.

* This pepsi commercial is super cute, mostly because it involves soccer players.

* Is the hassle of getting your room ready for so many parties wearing you down? MIT students have solved this problem for you. Oh and you must watch the video. You must. Your life will not be complete unless you do.

* I once accidently went on a date with this guy who took me to test motorcycles. It was so absurd and so obviously meant to impress me that I actually humored him and pretended to be enjoying myself. I wasnt though, because I'm not impressed by stupidity but scientist are now saying that stupidity is why women live longer than men.

* So cute!

* Is this really neccessary?

* How to learn difficult subjects quickly.

and thats all I've got.

Frostys make everything better

Its a beautiful spring day in Houston, 80 degree high, sunny, clear blue sky, a nice light breeze and on my way home today I saw a man get jumped by two men. I was driving down Westpark, drinking a Frosty, waiting at the light and something on the other side of the street under the overpass catch my eye. I wasn't completely sure what was going on, until I realized that I was looking at a man being held down on the ground, as one man held him down while the other one punched him. Of course, I'm still in shock and start to look at the other cars to see if anyone else notices what's going on or if this is just some strange hallucination. The light changes and cars keep going pass them and no one is doing anything so it could just be that I'm the only one who notices.

Like the complete genius that I am I got out of my lane and into the left turn lane and just sat there at the red light thinking that someone needs to bear witness, and I guess its going to be me. As I'm waiting at the light one of the men grabs a large stick and starts to come towards the man on the ground and I start to wonder if I'm going to watch a man get killed. At this point my brain is working both very quickly and very slowly. I can't do anything, since I'm stuck at the light, but at the same time my mind is racing trying to determine if the appropriate response is to call the police or roll down my window and yell at them to stop. I start looking around to see if there are any cops. Of course there are never any cops when you need them. So I sit there. And stare as the man gets punched and dragged around some more. And suck on my Frosty because its delicious and what else am I supposed to do I'm stuck at the light watching a man get pummeled.

Right before the light turns green though I realize that if I try to stop this beating all by myself, I'll probably get hurt. Which wouldn't help anyone but might attract more attention and get the cops here faster. So now I have no plan, I don't think their actually killing the man so I cant justify calling 911, and I cant get out of my car because that's just as invitation to get stabbed by a random group of men under an overpass. So I just keep drinking my Frosty.

As I make the turn I slow down to get a better look the 2 men get off the man and walk away, kinda like nothing happened, until the other man starts to throw karate kicks at the main man who was beating him. So I keep driving and make a u-turn making sure to come back the same way so I can watch them some more. The situation seems to have resolved itself, some what. The man appears to be fine, he's not bleeding or limping, he's walking around throwing karate kicks, and while one of the men is still holding a big stick he's no longer threatening the karate kicking man with it. So I continue on my way home, like nothing ever happened but still wondering what the hell it was that I just witnessed.

I'm still not completely what the appropriate response would have been. I'm a little disturbed that I watched a man get punched around and my response was to sit there on suck on a Frosty, but then again at least I didn't just keep on driving like I didn't see anything at all.

Yea that was weird. Here are the links that I deemed amusing enough to share with you:

* The best article I'd read about Kaavya Viswanathan. You should read it. Even if your tired of talking about her, because it puts her inside the larger context of super achieving kids and whatnot.

* Apparently kids lying about being virgins is news. Who knew?

* An ode to birth control. There's also this news about the 30% of German women who are childless by choice, another ode to birth control in a way. Personally I think its awesome, minus the fact that when you sample college educated German women 40% chose not to have children. Which leaves conservative religious folks not using birth control and knocking people up all over the place and leads to George W. being elected and me having to move to Cuba where there universal health care but no toilet paper.

* "The Bith Soccer Month Abnormality." Soccer stars' birthdays are typically at the beginning of the year (January through March). The reason? Practice more than innate talent makes people better at stuff, and kids born in the beginning of the year are normally picked more often for teams because they're bigger than their punnier peers who were born in the later months. This is good news for all of us because it means we can learn to be good at things even if we dont seem to have a knack for it.

* There's a war on porn. First those silly Jews and now this? Where's Bill O'Reilly when you actually need him? (Best part of the story though is the guy was dressed up as a ninja when he burned down the porn store. Who knew ninjas were working for the lord?)

* This is one of those articles you read, and afterwards you feel sad, but better for having read it. Its about women in the 50's and 60's who were unwed and pregnant and forced to give up their kids. Sad stuff, but worth reading since this country seems to want to regress back to the good ol' days where people lied about having sex and hid pregnant unwed mothers away and forced them to give up their kids.

* Why your college major wont determine you getting a super sweet job. via lifehacker

* Yesterday I mentioned this article that essentially blamed erectile disfunction in young men on horny young women, but didnt provide a direct link cause I was feeling lazy. Here it is though. You should read it and then read this wonderful counterpoint to it from Salon. Something else that bothers me about the article was this passage:

Keith Brodie, former chairman of the psychiatry department at Duke University, has been counseling male college students for 25 years. Fifteen years ago, none of his patients complained about having problems in bed. Now, he hears about them from as many as a quarter of them.

Couldn't it just be that 15 yrs ago society was a wee bit different and men didnt want to talk to anyone about having problems in bed? Or that expectations for awesome sexual performance were not as pronounced? That might have something to do with it. Maybe. Or maybe this woman is right and willing, vocal, young women are the biggest turnoff of all.

Like cutting through butter

So Britney Spears is pregnant. Personally I think its great. There are far too many over-achievers out there, having stable awesome careers and marriages. Britney however is not afraid of fucking up her life. Instead she has decided that she will make as many mistakes as she wants to, thank you very much. And for that I have to say thank you Britney Spears for screwing your multi-million dollar career, it is when I look at you that I realize that I'm actually doing quite well. Sometimes I need to be reminded of this, and Britney Spears has chosen to be the one who reminds all of us really of how much better we are than her, that even for her million dollar homes and super catchy songs she too can walk around barefoot and get knocked up by a complete waste of a man. Good for her. She knows what she is and is going for it. That's quite commendable really.

Ok I have a ton of links today so here you go:

* Why is it so satisfying to kill video game bosses? via boingboing

* Ever ate a piece of meat and wondered where it came from? I haven't, but you might have and for you there is this.

* I didn't have to do a swim test to graduate, but I know other people who had to. I don't think its a bad idea to make sure everyone knows how to swim, but the few schools that still require it seem to think swimming is no longer the necessity it once was and are removing the requirement.

* My love for lifehacker is well documented. Now there's a blog with lifehacker like tips for college, which is useful and all except for the fact that I'm not in college anymore, but you might be so check it out.

* I personally think George W. Bush is the worst president in US History. Apparently historians agree with me. I love when that happens. Its not all bad news though, his suckage at running the country is apparently pushing more people towards activism.

* So more young men are suffering from erectile disfunction and its being blamed on by young women being more opinionated and initiating sex more often. Yea. I can't say it any better than Amal Amireh, so here you go:

If a man needs a helpless damsel, an unwilling partner (otherwise known as rape victim) or a virgin to get it up, then it is better for humanity that he doesn't.

amen. read about it here.

* Another study are proving that girls are better than boys.

* Umm this is old news, but its new to me. Or maybe I wrote about it last year? Who has time to go through the archives? Not me. Besides which anal sex, totally one of those things you can never tire of talking about.

Atrevete, te, te, te*

So last Friday I went out to a club and the evening was odd. Partially odd because someone was drugged (minus the all too important consent). Odder still because I was bored out of my mind. Here was someone completely fucked up, acting like a total idiot, humping a staircase at one point, and I didnt even notice something abnormal was happening. I was too busy trying to calculate how many amaretto sours I could drink while still being sober enough to drive home and go to sleep. I've noticed that it really depends on the bartender and how strong he makes my drinks. This particular bartender maybe wanted to get me drunk. Possibly. He failed though, and I managed to get home just fine. Unlike you know other people who spent the night in jail.

But yea. I was bored. I was also pissed and drinking more than I should, but it didn't really negate the fact that I was bored. Yes, there were slutty girls wearing gold bikini tops and gyrating strangely which normally would have amused me as I tried to decipher if she was a law student or a stripper or some combination of the two. Yes, there was a guy who I'd talked to the weekend prior for the entire night who suddenly was acting like he'd never met me just because his exgirlfriend was around. Yea, I danced to some cumbia and got super dizzy from all the spinning.

I was still bored. Which is a bad sign since I have to keep myself entertained until I get a job. If not I'll go crazy. Or something like crazy. I'm hoping it was simply a matter of me not really being in the mood to go out and not that after a few weeks I'm already bored of clubs and drinking. Well I'm bored of clubs I could never be bored of drinking. That's like being bored of air. You cant be bored of air just because it doesn't smell right one day, its a vital part of life. Or you know something.

and that's that. The title comes from Calle 13's Atrevete, which has wormed its way into my brain and wont let go. Possibly because its about this intellectual girl who loves pop-rock latino but cant help but like reggaton and is really a callejera, a street fighter. Its totally about me.

And now the links:

* Are your digital pictures of your drunken friends and your stupid exploits looking dull and tired? Well now there's help via lifehacker.

* Edmunds tested all those gas saving tips to figure out which ones work and which ones dont. via lifehacker.

* Secrets are big currently. I don't think I'd tell my secrets to a bunch of strangers, but then again they don't know me so why does it matter? Its a toss up.

* Jeremy Priven is a new film about the quest for a super sweet bar mitzvah. I totally want a bar mitzvah. Maybe when I turn 25 and I actually feel like a grown up. But then maybe I'll be too cool for a bar mitzvah. But then can you ever be too cool for a super sweet bar mitzvah? I think not.

* Being single is the new normal. I guess my singledom made it cool again.

ps: Happy Birthday Mr. Patterson! just for you here's a picture of a beautiful black renaissance man.

a music letter

Why are spring and summer the seasons for breakups? Every where I go everyone I meet is just reeling from a fresh breakup. A lot of this could do with the places where I'm hanging out. Bars and clubs don't really bring in a lot of happy couples. They bring in single people who want to drink and kill whatever it is that's making them unhappy. Well maybe that's harsh, some might actually just like clubs and the random possibilities of interacting with strangers. I've never been one for strangers though. I like the friends I have. I've had them for years. There's history there. A pattern of known behavior. I can better predict what I can and cannot expect from them. These are things I need in other to feel like I'm up for whatever or whomever or whathaveyou. Strangers bring in an entire sense of the unknown that makes me uncomfortable. What's their motivation? Why are they talking to me? Or not talking to me?

I over think these things entirely too much. That's for sure. Not all strangers are bad. I've had more than my fair share of fabulous life changing conversations with people whose names I don't even know. I just always prefer knowing to the unknown.

There are times however when I wish I knew less. That I wasn't having the same conversation over and over again. That there wasn't a predicted pattern of behavior that I know ends up with my being disappointed, and hurt, and angry and drinking on a Wednesday night and a Friday night and a Saturday night. Not like my liver cant handle it, because it can I have an insane tolerance for such a tiny frame. The drinking just dulls the ache for a few hours until I wake up and I'm sober and wish that there was something more substantial.

There isn't though. But for now, it'll have to do.

Its cinco de mayo!

To go out or not go out that is the question. Part of me feels like I should stay home and sleep since I've been uber tired this entire week. The other part of me feels like its cinco de mayo! Only happens once a year, you need to go out. Even if you know your not mexican, and you really have no ill feelings towards the french and really just kinda want a margarita.

Its an epic battle.

I like how this is the stuff that passes for epic battles these days. And thats all I got. I'll let you know if I did end up going out and leave you with some links to keep you company:

* The cuteness is overwhelming in this video of a tiny little kitten with a heavy head. It makes me want to get a kitten and just eat it up.

* This video clip is reason #112 why Madeleine Albright is my favorite former Secretary of State. Cause I'm a dork and I have favorites about things like that.

* Sex advice from triatheletes. Its more educational than funny this week.

* Other people out there in the world are also pleased with Kaavya Viswanathan's big fat failure. For reasons beyond you know just being mean. Like you know what I was doing.

* An article about how hard it is to be a secret blogger with all the fame and what not.

* A condom pot. Shaped like a condom. So very zen. via apartmenttherapy

* Speaking of sperm, it seems that men are becoming less fertile leading to less women getting knocked up. Which is good news when those women are teenagers. And umm bad news for humanity.

Mullets, faux mohawks, and fros oh my!

I was in an alternate hipster universe last night. Imagine that urban outfitters and misshapes spawned some children and let them lose on a Wednesday night to dance to surprisingly good music and drink and you'd have an idea of what we're talking about here. It was so impossibly wonderfully bizarre that I loved it. When I walked in I was like where did all these people come from? and where have they been hiding? There was a beautiful black man with a poodle like fro who danced sporadically like he was only capable of moving his legs and shaking his hair. A tragically blond white woman who could not dance to save her life, she failed her limbs about in her denim mini like this was the best most intense seizure known to man. My absolute favorite though was the beautiful tall thin gay white man who was wearing a red tank, stripped blue shirt, topped with a tiny little vest. He was adorable and I watched him the entire night, as he danced and danced to who knows what they were playing.

The club was also impossibly cool. So cool in fact that we wandered around for blocks trying to find it. Only to run into a bartender from the bar, who showed us where it was. Since there's no sign out front we had walked right past it and had no clue there was even a bar there. There was only a white door with three doormen standing outside. So obviously if you don't recognize it then you must not be cool enough to get in. Strangely enough though I didn't feel out of place there, not because I think I've magically become a hipster, but because the place was random enough that anyone could really go in and have a good time. The music was really good. It was impossibly good. Even I who would much rather sit and people watch couldn't help to dance just a little bit.

We were supposed to go to a gay club though, which is why I'd agreed to go out on a Wednesday night. I even bought a super cute tiny blue poka doted skirt my excitement for it was so high (my mom called it a culifalda which made me love it even more- my dad's face when my mom made me show it to him was also impossibly classic). It was very in the navy which I felt was fitting. Sadly though the club was booked up for a private party and we had to find another place to go to- so my poka doted skirt had to wait for another night to go out. All was fine though, I exchanged one tiny skirt for another and all was good in the world.

And now some links:

* Its very hard to tell baby toys from sex toys. Don't believe me? Take this test. via nerve scanner (of course)

* I don't think there is anyone more qualified to give sex advice than Heidi Fleiss. Apparently Maxim read my mind.

* More evidence of the horrible puffing screening machine I was placed in. Gentle puffs of air my ass.

no words

I have no idea why this hasn't made the national news. I know its on AP and that some national papers like the Washington post have run the story, but for the life of me I cant comprehend why a story of 16 yr old boy being brutally beaten, sodamized by having a pipe kicked into him, carved with a knife, burned with cigarettes, and then doused with bleach simply for trying to kiss a 12 yr old girl and being Mexican (as the two skinheads beat him they shouted racial slurs at him) doesn't make the front page of CNN or the New York Times, but stories about Brooke Shields commenting on Tom Cruise's baby and Paris Hilton breaking up with her boyfriend get top billing! I couldn't even find the story on either CNN or the NYTimes. What scares me is that awful horrible things like this happen all over the US all the time, to the point that its not newsworthy when it occurs. If I didn't live in Houston, and didn't obsessively watch the local news I wouldn't have heard about it.

He lay in the backyard unconscious for hours (at first I heard 12 then 6) without anyone coming to his aid. Why isn't this national news?

You want to know what makes me impossibly sick about this whole thing? This case isn't being charged as a hate crime because prosecutors say it wont affect their sentence. If this isn't a hate crime what is? At the very least this is Texas and both assailants will be charged as adults (they're 18 and 17), which means that since both have criminal records they aren't going to be given probation or community service or whatever bullshit is handed out in other states for minors.

Yea. I don't know what else to say about it.

Now some much lighter links as an attempt to balance the impossible horrible sadness of this post:

* The absolute cutest shirt ever!

* So this is impossibly funny a group of ultra-orthodox hackers are replacing the porn on some Israeli porn sites with a picture of a Rabbi Lubavitch and following message: "the holy kabbalah warns that the sin of spilling sperm in vain is the cause for most diseases and misfortune!" via nerve (of course where else can you find such random hilarity?).

* So when I was flying back to Texas they stuck me into an air machine thing, remember? Well apparently I'm not the only one who's been stuck in this thing because they scream terrorist.

* Yet another funny clip from the Daily Show, this one is a bit about Bush and a warning to nuns.

* Stephen Colbert is on a role this week with his gig of hosting the white house press corp thingie. Here's a clip of excerpts of that and over here is a clip of him interviewing Phil Gingrey, a Republican congressman from Georgia.

* The entire time I was reading "Memento Moris: When gifts come back to haunt you" by David Sedaris in the New Yorker I was thinking that I hope one day to write this well. It was so impossibly funny that I imed it halfway through finishing it to a bunch of people, something I never do because I just had to share it right away. Now go read it and enjoy. via kottle.

* A disturbing video of Mexican police shooting at striking miners. via boingboing.

* A nice round up of a variety of opinion about yesterday's protest/boycott from global voices which posts roundup of blogs from around the globe. A bunch of countries are listed, you should check it out.

* As you know when I first heard about Kaavya Viswanathan I was relieved and a wee bit smug since well I'm a bad person. Now however as new similarities between her book and yet another book are being discovered this whole situation has just become sad. Partially because if its true that there was even more plagiarism (I heard an estimate of 49 similar passages) occurred, then that in itself is just sad that she doubted her own ability as a writer to the point where she felt the need to steal from other writers. Part of me though (the tiny little part of me that is you know not evil) wants to defend this girl, because maybe she really didn't maliciously use other writer's work and pass it off as her own, maybe there are just no original ideas left. How many books have been published? How many have similar themes, ideas, situations, characters? Its overwhelming to think about as someone who sits around and writes stories. So overwhelming in fact that at times it makes me want to not write anything ever. And yet some how I still do.