Home is where my habits have a habitat

The truth is one of those things that's an acquired taste. Some people love it, while others hate it and prefer to have it only with a spoonful of sugar. As someone that spent a good chunk of my life trying to block out reality I've learned to love truth. In some ways this is my down fall since I encounter people who would rather hear a sweeter version of the truth, and then I come along and chop down all their rainbows and unicorns and then you know we cant be friends. But the thing is I'd always rather just know what's what. More than that though I like to just cut to the chase, without any of the niceties that normally go along with it. Like quit all the chit chat and just tell me if I'm dying, or your leaving, or you'd rather date men. Whatever it is I'd rather know now and be firmly rooted in reality than off chasing my little ponies. Or whatever. Which is probably why particular things just get on my nerves. Like fantasy role playing games. Like I'm all for expanding your imagination, but your telling me your a grown ass man and you want to dress up like a storm trooper? Its one thing if its a kinky sex thing, but if that's just your idea of a good time on a Saturday night I'm going to look at you funny. And mock you. Endlessly.

The thing is I completely understand that reality sucks. The world is falling apart at the seams. Not just here in the states, but everywhere. And that makes anyone want to hide under the covers. But the way to deal with that is head on, not by pretending you're a wizard. Because you're not a wizard. It just seems to be a form of apathy that's particularly troublesome since it to comes out of privileged white kids that have a much easier go at life to begin with. Which I know is a complete blanket statement that is based solely on the fact that I never saw anyone at the booker running around in a cape. Of which I saw more than my fair share while at moho. And not a cape as in a whimsical alternative to a coat, but a cape as in I'd rather be in Narnia.

I had a point. Ah yes. Apathy. So not cool. Especially if your privileged. Especially if you don't have a whole world of injustice coming at you since before you were born. The counterpoint of this of course if apathy amongst those of us that aren't white, or upper class, or male, or you get the point. Its one thing to be apathetic when the system or the "man" works in your favor, and quite another to be apathetic when your the one who is being screwed. Then it stops being cute, and starts being stupid. You might as well just walk yourself right back to the plantation because you're missing the whole point. More than that though, if you're not passionate about something, or angry about something, or sad about something especially in our current political climate then you're not really living. And what's the point of that?

That being said I understand the value of mindless entertainment. Turning your brain off every now and then ensures that you don't burn out a la "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy." In the spirit of this I present to you my newest crush via my guilty previously secret pleasure of the food network. The thing about Santos is that its very where's Waldo because he's quietly behind the scenes in every food network show (that's filmed in nyc). If Emeril screws something up Santos magically appears and makes things better. The knowledge that Santos could appear makes any show that much more wonderful. Because when he does show up he's always super dreamy and usually carrying an extra bowl of chopped onions or potatoes or breadcrumbs or whatever else the host might need. Oh and just so you know, that picture, totally not doing him any justice since a) he never smiles on camera (giving him a whole rebel without a case thing that I'm totally into right now) and b) he's a billion times cuter than that.

And now the links:

* My very first serious crush that could have turned me into a stalker, but didn't because I have more sense than that is trying to once again lure me into a life of endless groupiedom. He might just win this fight.

* For a while my big goal in life was to go on Jeopardy. I have since expanded my goals. However if you're still interested this might be your best shot.

* "Iraq is not your girlfriend. And if she was you couldn't treat her like that." Not a new argument, but one that I never tire of hearing.

* One of those funny online sex quizzes, this time designed to test your knowledge of sex in film. I did horribly, just so you know.

* Dog the Bounty Hunter is getting married. You care because there's a mullet involved in the wedding.

* I'm one of those people that loves being right. I'd rather be right than be friends with people, since I've learned that being right keeps me warmer at night than things like compromise or thinking before you speak. Anyways this post brings in a ton of people to my little blog, and when I realized that I was a little horrified since I was being particularly obnoxious that day given that we had just lost an election and what not. This article however reminds me that even when I'm completely off my meds I make more sense than most people.

* Slum ecology. A worthwhile read if you're in the mood to use your brain.

* Most rape victims don't come forward because they're afraid (with good reason) that they're going to be subjected to horrific personal attacks in the vein of "well she's a whore so she was asking to be raped." Hopefully this case can change all that, or at the very least change things just a wee bit.

* Funny video that further illustrates how incredibly stupid people can be.

* Slate tells us why gay marriage does not equal polygamy. My favorite part: "Fidelity isn't natural, but jealousy is. Hence the one-spouse rule. One isn't the number of people you want to sleep with. It's the number of people you want your spouse to sleep with."

* An adorable little comic strip, that encourages all of us feeble minded girls to give Bill Napoli a call when life's big choices get us down.

* How to become an early riser.

* A South Dakota newspaper refuses to run editorials on abortion because they fear people will get too upset. This post smashes that idea into tiny little pieces using humor and sarcasm.

*And finally a fish bowl in the shape of a fish. Very zen. If you're into creepy there's always this.

* Links of course come from my wandering around the web to awesome places such as Salon's Broadsheet and Feministing. Oh and the title is Fiona Apple, and if you didn't know that you are a sad sad person.

Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?*

Growing up is so seriously over rated. Its all pay bills, wash the dishes, vacuum, laundry, rinse, and repeat. Blah. I'm so sick of it. I'd like to go back to the days of skipping class to go make out between bouts of mario tennis. Its funny though because all I could think of then was that I couldn't wait to go away to college, and then I got to college and realized it was all class, papers and all nighters and not nearly enough partying and making out with boys. Although the reason I went to moho was to focus on my brain and get away from all the boys and the drama. Which was good and all, but maybe I over did it. Once I was in college all I could think was that I couldn't wait until I didn't have to wake up and go to class anymore because how fabulous would it be to be able to read books for fun and have my own kitchen. And here I am out of college and its all real life hum drum and not nearly enough grilled cheese sandwiches and sun bathing on the hill while pretending to do work. I guess the big realization is that there's not nearly enough making out in the "real world," which sucks because there's nothing like a good make out session to fuzz out your brain and talk you down from the ledge.

Did I just grown up too fast or not nearly fast enough? Cause here I am packing up my life and being someone's faux wife and once again longing to be working on my tan and drinking something with a tiny umbrella in it so is it that I rushed into being an "adult" and having an adult relationship or that I just need to suck it up and learn that this is grown up life and it only gets worse from here. I wish more of life came with surgeon general warnings like "moving in with this boy is going to crush your will to live/your heart" or "being a grown up means you have to wash the dishes all the time" or "graduating from college means your bff no longer lives across the hall from you and you have to suck it up like a big girl because life is hard and grown up's drown their sorrows with a glass of wine which you should learn to like because drinking hard alcohol at dinner makes you look like an alcoholic." Blah.

I hate the realization that this isn't the life I want to be living because it means I have to do something about it. When I've much rather hide and pretend its not happening. Cause that always worked so well for me. Although really why am I complaining about anything? Life should be super sweet for me. I don't have to work some shitty job I hate or live in some shitty apartment because Andy takes good care of me, but it seems that I'm missing that gold digger gene or the house wife gene because I'd much rather be on my own paying my own bills instead of playing house. Life would be like a billion percent easier if I was stupid/less ambitious. Damn my parents for ever teaching me to read and that I could do anything I wanted. This is all their fault.

Enough of this emo post. Today's title comes via Lisa Loeb's "Do you sleep?" which was the soundtrack for this post. And yes I am channeling my middle school angst, thanks for asking. Here are the links:

* If you don't use gmail you should this is why.

* You are what you post. Another article that serves to remind us that the internet is a big place that forgets nothing so you should probably take down that picture of you doing shots off that 13yr old girl before the cops come busting through your door. Speaking of which my blog no longer comes up when I google my name, which is awesome.

* Cindy Sheeham's article on the three year anniversary of the Iraq war. Powerful awesome stuff, go read it.

* Somewhat related is McSweeney's "Parallels Between My Living Through Two Years of Middle School and the Two Terms of the Bush Presidency." Its funny but its McSweeney's what else do you expect?

* My favorite advice columnist tackles my current crisis of being 23 and sucking at life.

* Funny funny recap of my favorite show: America's Next Top Model. Yea, I said it, its my favorite show.

* Without a doubt my absolute hands down favorite thing on the internet is New York Magazine's Look Book. Every week when it comes out its like xmas.

* "How to lose a girl in ten words" a wonderful post by one of my favorite bloggers. Also a perfect example of why I just stick to boys from Texas since even when they're complete idiots (or convicted felons) they always remember to treat girls like girls and not frat brothers.

* Whiny insecure kids grow up to watch Fox News while self reliant kids (such as myself) grow up to be liberals. Sometimes I love science.

* "The real keepers of the American flame, the real practitioners of daily love and a life of the spirit, are gay and lesbian parents. They are, gosh darn it, what made this country great. Someone get a damn fife and drum." Make sure to read the rest of Jon Carroll's awesome column.

* The supreme court is hearing arguments that could seriously impact the prosecution of domestic violence cases. Read a good op-ed of it here.

* "Why Republicans are the best party in bed." Although funny (number 7 is my personal favorite) it does nothing to change my view that being a republican is the ultimate turnoff.

* I watched V for Vendetta this weekend. I of course loved it, even though its not the type of movie that I normally enjoy (action films are not my thing) because I am a bleeding heart liberal. Some critics hated it others loved it. I say watch it yourself and make up your own damn mind, if only because Natalie Portman is hot and doesn't pick bad movies (she needed the money to pay for Harvard hence the bad Star Wars movies, it was either that or turn tricks and you know she's too classy to go down like that).

*The links came from the usual suspects: kottle, salon's broadsheet, and feministing.

Why so blue panda bear?*

Before I begin a small clarification on the last post. First I am by no means a porn expert or porn connoisseur. I was merely attempting to figure out why as a very liberal open minded person porn made me feel so icky. It wasn't meant as the end all be all argument against porn. Oh and I really was talking more about two dimensional porn (as in images) than video porn or live action porn neither of which I'm familiar enough to speak about. And that's that.

On a vaguely related note though, you must read this article in GQ about Adriana Lima (who I must admit is my current favorite super model) in which she states that sex is just for after marriage. What follows after that is probably the most unintentionally funny interview that I've read in a while, since its pretty clear the interviewer doesn't believe her assertions that she's a virgin. Although can you blame him? The reason Adriana Lima is one of the highest paid models is because she looks like sex, no matter what you put her in she just exudes sex. Which is a pretty cool trick, but I guess makes people assume things about you which might not be true. Which leads me to wonder if she's just playing a jedi mind trick and lying or if she's really serious. And why do I care? Why do we ever care if someone is or is not a virgin? Does the allusion of virginity really make someone that much more attractive? And why is no one asking any equally hunky men about their virginal status?

That's all I got. Oh and the title comes from this fabulous little ad which is so insanely creepy its funny. And now the links:

* A great article on a course on African-American sexuality and how it attempts to have students of color rethink what's natural.

* A list of the 100 most overlooked films in the 90s.

* A fabulous post on why I don't have the energy to read another article on why feminism makes women unhappy. Its short, its funny, go read it.

* Who knew social embarrassment was the way to make assholes quit buying hummers? I wonder what else we can apply this to.

* Apparently strippers have unions in Australia. And their unions actually accomplish stuff.

* The egg donor business booms college campuses.

* The battle to ban birth control. A long but worth while article on the new tactic of creating regulations against things we all know and love like the pill and condoms. Here's a small excerpt:

"While no one is suggesting that activists like Worthington will ever succeed in outlawing condoms or the pill, they are making incremental progress in passing laws that are making access to birth control more difficult. Of the 23 states that mandate employers to provide insured coverage for prescription contraceptives to their employees, 14 have exemptions for religious employers, and Missouri allows any employer, religious or secular, to deny coverage for any kind of contraception. During the 2005 legislative session, more that 80 bills in 36 states were introduced that would restrict minors' access to birth control. [...] And then there is the matter of pharmacists and "conscience clause" laws. South Dakota, Arkansas, Georgia and Mississippi already allow pharmacists to refuse to fill contraceptive prescriptions. And at least 15 states have legislation pending that would allow not just pharmacists to refuse to dispense prescriptions, but would also protect cashiers who refused to ring them up. "

Porn does more than kill kittens

As a card carrying feminist it should come as no surprise that me and porn are not friends. My reasons however have very little to do with feminism. Its not the objectification or exploitation of women in porn that bothers me, even though I do think that women are objectified as sexual playthings in porn and that this is bad for women as a whole. But it doesn't bother me since I'm sure there are women that are into that kind of thing and have really turned the objectification into real tangible power (Jenna Jameson comes to mind). Plus its not up to me to judge what another woman has decided to do with her own body. Its just not my style.

Actually my main problem with porn is that it glosses over the most interesting parts of people. The flaws. In porn the women are perfectly blond and tanned, and while that's all well and good, its not real. And reality is the best part of sex. There's nothing like finding something on someone's body that's uniquely theirs. The mole right above their hip. Or the way a nose is slightly off center. The little blond hairs amidst all the black ones. The way their ear lobe is extra springy. The plumpness of a belly. All those little quirks are airbrushed right out of porn to make way for an idealized version of what women are supposed to look like. Which is boring to me.

When I'm with someone I like the sense of discovery that comes from seeing something no one has ever seen before. Its like discovering the new world without all the colonialism and small pox. Its fun. But in the porn that I have been exposed to (which is very mainstream we're talking playboy not midgets in bear suits doing donkeys) that just isn't there. And that saddens me, because the best parts of people, the things that make them really beautiful and worth knowing, is the mix of flaws and quirks that make them them and not someone else. I have no interest in perfect versions of people. Perfection is boring. And I'd rather get off on something real. Although this isn't to say that I want to watch your home videos, since you should know that no one wants to watch your home made porn unless of course your name is Paris Hilton or Tommy Lee in which case everyone is going to be watching.

That little rant turned out longer than I expected. If you're still bored, here are some links to keep you amused and away from the porn:

* An interview with the new folks on snl that have made the show worth watching again.

* "Fake Gay News, because real gay news is too damn depressing"

* Umm so some people really do want to ejaculate like a porn star...especially like this guy. To which I say ew.

* "4 out of 10 people think it's okay to talk on a cell phone in the bathroom"

* A cute little article on a Colombian musician who turns ak-47s into guitars.

* A great analysis on Matisyahu on Slate. The most interesting part for me was the last five paragraphs on how Jewish musicians/entertainers have been doing this type of thing for a while.

* The Men's Bill of Rights from Slate, continuing the conversation on the reproductive rights of men.

* How to be a good lover.

* Hello Kitty Waffle maker. Because waffles are just that much more delicious when they're shaped like hello kitty.

* The shame on you kit for those who want to be prepared for their one night stand with both condoms and a side of guilt.

* A surprisingly lucid interview with Macaulay Culkin from New York Magazine.

* The top 1000 list of books in public libraries in the US.

* Writing and drinking go hand in hand.

* A very funny video on the value of virginity. ps. this is soo not safe for work.

Now with more sperm!

Normally I don't open spam. Its all "enlarge your penis" and since I have no penis, and I am not a teenage boy I'm not interested. Except today I saw something that I knew was probably spam but was intrigued enough by the subject heading. It said simply "hi, hit me." And I was like huh? What is this? So I clicked. And got a weird quote:

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. We call a man a bigot or a slave of dogma because he is a thinker who has thought thoroughly and to a definite end."

So now I'm even more confused. So I clicked on the attachment. And I know I know you're not supposed to click on the link. That's just inviting your computer to get syphilis. But I was so curious. Sooo curious. I wasn't stupid though, I didn't download the attachment I just opened it in the browser. And what I got was this gem:

"More Sperm, means longer orgasms.

bigger stamina... Ever wanted to ejaculate like a porn star?

Worldwide shop

Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid. Evolution is not a force but a process. Not a cause but a law. The greatest difficulties lie where we are not looking for them."

First I have to congratulate whoever came up with this little spam campaign because it confused me enough that didn't just automatically delete it. Secondly how does more sperm equal longer orgasms? Like where is the correlation? I want to see some data, because I've never ever felt like what was keeping me from achieving an orgasm was a lack of sperm. Not once have I ever finished having sex and thought you know what was missing? Sperm. Lots of sperm. Oh and who wants to ejaculate like a porn star? Who is this person? I could understand wanting to be built like a porn star. Or wanting to have as much sex as a porn star. Or have your own line of dildo and dildo accessories like a porn star. But ejaculate? Seriously? That's a little sick, even for you.

And now the links:

* For some reason I'm noticing a weird news trend. First it was this. Which was weird enough. And then designer vaginas. But virgin cream? You have got to be kidding me. Of course I found all this stuff here.

* For those of you with a great love of strippers. I think its actually a very clever campaign. Cooler than that though is that I saw the exploding car exhibit that they're using as the banner at MASS MoCa last year. And it was awesome.

* The nutritional benefits of picking your nose.

* For those of you with a thing for gnomes.

* The only thing extraordinary about my high school was the marching band. Here's proof. When I saw Kanye's video for the first time I thought it might be them, but then promptly dismissed it because there must be a million BTW bands in the US. But then Jose and his ability to find the most useless things on the web persevered and we now have the link.

* I can't believe I forgot to link to this yesterday. Its both incredibly funny and a little too realistic for comfort.

Only in dreams

My right knee looks like it has a black eye. Because I am a genius who at 22 still manages to have nightmares. The problem is not so much the nightmares but how real they are. I think that's the problem with all my dreams they're all a little too life like. This particular nightmare involved giant flying ants with big sharp teeth coming after me in my bedroom. And of course since I have freakish visual memory it looked exactly like my bedroom down to the pile of books that are currently on my nightstand. Now this whole nightmare thing happens pretty regularly about once a month or so. They started junior year at some point and go away and come back really randomly. This time however because I am genius, marks the first time I ever injured myself as the direct result of one of these nightmares.

Normally the way this goes is that I scream, jump out of bed, turn on the lights and promptly wake up, look around and then go back to sleep. This time however I managed to tangle my feet in the covers in such a way that my entire 108lb frame landed on my right knee. Hence the beautiful green and purple bruise that now accents my knee. Then some other less interesting stuff happened (Andy tells me that I tried to hide in the closet) but the most interesting part for me was that I didn't wake up until I was in our second bedroom where I woke up not from Andy telling me to calm the fuck down, but from the throbbing awful pain in my knee which was by this point bleeding.

This was Friday night. Its now Tuesday. And my knee is still bruised, but at least now I can bend it, which is nice. Since you know bending your knee is useful. When I told my mom about it she suggested that I start hiding my car keys so I wouldn't drive into a pole in the middle of the night. But I'm sure I'd wake up before then, at some point. Really besides the whole injury to my knee thing the nightmares don't really bother me. As soon as they're over I just go right back to sleep like nothing happened. It really just sucks to be Andy since he has to hear me freak out. But I figure it all evens out in the end.

* "That's right. The state legislature wants public libraries to keep their faggot books away from tender, easily influenced, God-fearing children lest they catch queer."

* "Women hate women. We all secretly think we're men." This quote is out of a discussion on rape on nerve.com. The first 2 pages I didnt agree with much of anything, but the third page really brings some really interesting things up.

* creepy.

* "Here lies Billy sperm ejected into a dirty sock." A political cartoon that while outlandish makes a good point about where we're heading.

* Good idea. Bad campaign.

* The aural times. Highly entertaining. Stolen shamelessly from my brother.

* I can't believe a guy that looks like this has the balls to write a book on manliness.

* A interesting post on the pros and cons of Fuck Me Feminism. Which sadly was not covered in any of my feminist theory courses.

me vale lo que piensen, hablen de mi­ es mi vida y yo soy asi!

I may or may not have cursed at a nun earlier this week. I'm hoping I didn't. But I honestly cant remember. It all happened so fast. I called to confirm my interview. She (the nun) said that my appointment was for 9am (which was exactly when I was calling) and I remember a string of curses in my head. I just don't know if any of them came out. Given my track record of cursing at insanely inappropriate moments (LD debate finals, summer 00' being broadcast live in front of a large audience being one of my more classic moments) I'm going to go with yea, I cursed at a nun.

The nun was of course nice and let me reschedule. Thankfully I don't want the job and was only going out of curiosity. Reasons I don't want the job include but are not limited to: it was located inside a church (working at a church would only reinforce my deeply buried catholic guilt), the pay sucked (my interview outfit cost more than I'd make in a week there), and you know I'm not staying in Erie so getting a job in Erie is kind of stupid.

Its funny because right when I'm positive 100% moving is when I start getting interviews. I got another call from a different place asking me to come in for an interview this morning. I haven't decided if I'm going to call them back or not. Its just cruel that just as I'm leaving and packing is when people want to interview me. My luck is all out of whack. But maybe this means that folks in Boston will get it together and call me back. Maybe.

*This post is a bit of a downer, but the most beautiful sum up of a breakup that I've ever encountered.

*Macho Macho Military. A good read if you're in the mood for some thinking.

*If you're not in the mood for something there's always this. To which I have to say that as someone who has read Marx, Foucault, Butler, etc I'm a bit ashamed by how much this site amuses me.

*People Houston whats going on? Don't embarrass me like this. Its not cool.

*Personally I always found the "de" endearing, but I can see why if you have no choice in taking its suddenly not so cute. Read about it here.

*Jack Nicholson is pure entertainment.

ps: if you can guess where the title is from I'll send you a cookie.

sugar is only sweetness, salt is ocean tears

I'm mentally preparing myself for how incredibly lame next week is going to be. With Andy in New York for a conference I'll be in Erie, all by myself. For a week. Yea. Its going to suck. But its necessary. I'm moving out and I need to face that head on. As opposed to knowing I'm going to move and starting the process of packing but really pretending its not happening. I'm not moving. Let's not talk about what's going to happen. I guess when I go I'll take the pastry blender but leave the grill pan. But its not happening yet so why are we talking about this.

Without Andy to distract me though I'll have to get the boxes out and just start packing. So I don't know exactly what city the boxes are going to. I know they aren't staying here. And that's really all that matters right now. Plus its probably emotionally neater if I pack without Andy around being impossibly cute and making me think that maybe just maybe this place isn't so bad. Cause it is so bad. There's no ignoring that. Unless I started drinking heavily, which I wont do since my love for my liver knows no bounds.

So I'll pack. Cause boy do I own a lot of shit. Its mostly books. Cause getting rid of books just feels wrong to me. And I'll watch Sex and the City. All six seasons. Which will maybe get me through to Thursday. If I pace myself. Maybe I'll drink. That might make this whole thing easier.

uh that post was a downer. here are some links to get the taste out of your mouth:

*Turns out blondes have been having more fun for centuries.

*A really funny read about award winning movies that critics hated.

*Why its important to for journalist to just ask people if they're gay as opposed to just describing them with words like "flashy" and "coy". Read it here.

*Ride me bicycle panties. Its funny, cute, and gets your point across. Plus its for a good cause! (besides getting you laid)

South Dakota is an attention whore

Here's the thing. I never liked South Dakota. I have never once thought about moving there or going there on vacation. In reality I think the only time I ever gave South Dakota any thought was when I was being tested on the locations of US States, which means (since I went to public school) were talking like 5th grade (right brent?). But we were never not friends. I didn't have any of the foul feelings about South Dakota that I had about other places like New Jersey (it smells), Arkansas (inbreeding), or Maine (seriously it might as well be Canada). Until now. Now South Dakota is dead to me. Its become more backwards in my mind than Mississippi (which I've actually been to and while beautiful is backwards). Ban abortion? Seriously? You're not joking? Your serious? Not joking? Uh you do realize that people have sex right? Like all the time. When they're not married. You see that chair? People have done it on that chair. That's probably cum your sitting on Mr. Governor.

The thing is abortion while unpleasant is like death and taxes. It happens all the time for all sorts of reasons and no one throws a parade when it shows up. You just deal with it and then have a snickers to take the taste out of your mouth. Blah whatever. That's all I'm going to say about that.

*Slate does a nice analysis of the inherent hypocrisy of the ban here. Its a short read I promise.

*A very interesing longer read on the interscetion of abortion politics and class, by Meghan Daum.

Oh and if you think that maybe I'm over reacting because you know I'm a man hating feminist (which I am ask my friends) you can read what South Dakota legislator Bill Napoli had to say about making exceptions to the bill:

"A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life." -BILL NAPOLI

Better yet you can watch it here.
He sounds like such a pleasant man, this Bill Napoli.

Conmigo nada es facil

This weekend was actually quite enjoyable, thanks in large part to the obscene amount of money we spent at Banana Republic. Only problem was that both times we went into the store we were followed around. The first time it was by a hyper attractive black man, who was basically stalking us around the store. I looked at women's tops and he was there, I looked at men's ties and he was right there too. I thought maybe he worked at the store since he was never looking at the clothes just at us, and whenever I looked him straight in the eyes he would advert his eyes and pretend to look someplace else, but he wasn't wearing the requisite madonna headset they wear there. Of course Andy saw none of this because his paranoia does not extend into retail stores, just mine. The second day when we went in it was a smaller latino (possibly puerto rican?) man, who was a lot better at the stalking. He was wearing a headset so I know he worked for the store, and everytime I looked at him he looked like he felt really bad for following us around and promptly would move to another side of the store, which I appreciated. The thing was that its not like me and Andy scream "shoplifters" or even "thugs." We scream things like "return their library books on time" and "spend entirely too much time watching the discovery channel."

But whatever. On the way home I asked Andy what he thought the deal was and he of course was like "they weren't following us around, I figured they were just checking you out" which troubles me even more than them thinking we were shoplifters, since a) I was wearing a giant coat and there was nothing to check out and b) I was with Andy the whole time so who stalks someone's girlfriend around while the boyfriend is right there?

I almost wish Brent would have been there because both of us have a finely tuned paranoia that catches every weird glance and or glare in our direction, but alas Andy 's paranoia is limited to germs and me and whether or not I've cheated on him in the last five minutes.

Hips don't lie

You want to know what's worse than your parents hating your boyfriend? Your parents loving your boyfriend. Whenever I talk to my mom its always "how's Andy doing? Is everything going well? I hope he's not working too hard" and I'm like mom get off it he's my boyfriend. Honestly I think the woman (if she could) would trade me for him any day. I can't blame her though, Andys obnoxiously perfect, she would have saved herself a lot of heartache if she'd just had him instead. But alas hindsight is 20/20.

*And seriously. Words cannot describe. Who needs an abstinence bbq apron? Although the iron hymen bears are cute, they could be misread as someone advertising that they like it rough as opposed to them not wanting it at all.

*this is just cool.

*The secret creative life of others. I always love watching in awe as someone I thought I knew blows me away with their real passion that they keep hidden. I think its magical.

*The news is depressing more than usual lately.

ps: wtf? via productdose.com

epiphanies happen slowly

Its funny how at 22 your life can seem so stable, so settled. And then life happens. And nothing is stable and settled and you're right back where you started. Wondering about the basic things like where your going to live next, what exactly your going to do. Who's going to love you now.

So yea. I dont know. The world just got really scary all of a sudden.

Bill O'Reilly is a tool

Bill Clinton gets a blowjob and its impeachment time. Dick Cheney shots someone and its not a big deal. Man I love Bill O'Reilly. Watch it here:

http://www.salon.com/ent/video_dog/media/2006/02/16/oreilly/index.html

Pipo chan

Since Andy works 6 days a week, I spent a lot of my time alone. Which is good in a way because I'm a bit of a hermit (and that's putting it mildly) but it also just sucks because I really enjoy hanging out with him. Although it gives me more than ample time to watch a lot of bad TV without judgment. This week the WB ran a marathon of "Beauty and the Geek" a show that I'm sure everyone is ashamed to watch. Mostly because out of all realty TV this is pretty much the worse, its on the WB which already makes it hard to publicly pronounce your love for, and its based off the Bachelor, men and women on a show to win some money by working on a team for money, but with the hope that they'll hook up. Except the show is good. At its core its a really sweet show about people getting to know each other past stereotypes and learn from people who are vastly different from themselves. I think that's what makes it so hard to admit to like this show, its not just bad TV that is enjoyable because its soo bad that its good. Its a show that should be bad, but isn't. My point though is that I wonder if I could manage to weasel my way onto the show as one of the beauties. I've never in my life pretended to be stupid so I wonder if its even possible for me to pass as a blond bimbo. I have the sneaking suspicion that my sarcasm would slide through. Plus I'm sure everyone on that show is properly vented to ensure that no one is faking it. But wouldn't it be great if one of those beauties had actually gone to Cal-Tech and one of those geeks was the man-whore out of all the band geeks? I think then maybe we'd all really challenge some misconceptions.

So yea...here are the links that kept me amused this morning:

*The cute factor.
*Reggaeton is the next big thing. This story just makes me even more jealous of my friend in Puerto Rico.
*Moving to the suburbs isn't everyone's dream.
*A really interesting story about the weird competition between a wife and her mother in law.
*There have been 2,405 coalition deaths in the war in Iraq as of January 9, 2006, according to a CNN count. CNN does a really nice breakdown of those deaths in terms of race, age, nationality as well as providing a listing of all the dead. The very first name on the list is Cpl. Roberto Abad, 22, from Los Angeles, CA. The fact that we're the same age and have the same last name makes his death all the more sad for me. -from fark.com
*affordable mid century modern design. -from purecontemporary.blogs.com
*a list of overlooked albums from 2005. -from slate.com
*And the US has decided that a bridge doesn't constitute dry land.

one is the primest of prime numbers

I noticed something interesting at the supermarket today. I was the only person there who seems to do any actual cooking (actual cooking being defined as more than heating up frozen food). I, of course, was the youngest person at the supermarket by about 30-40 years which already makes everyone look at me weird. Although I did see a pair of catholic schoolgirls there, but I think they were only using the bank. This is not the first time that I've gone to the supermarket and been the only person pushing a cart filled with vegetables, which makes me wonder if people in Erie cook. Or if all the people in Erie who cook shop someplace else. I know its a union town and people work crazy hours, but I wonder where all the stay at home moms shop. I know they're out there because whenever I make the mistake of going into Target between 10-2pm they're out in full force with their adorable 3 kids, which always makes me feel weird for not having 3 kids myself. But that's something else entirely.

Besides getting weird looks at the supermarket for buying organic spinach today has been a really good day. Granted its 30 degrees outside and its been raining all day but its Erie, its not like I expect to see anymore 80 degree and sunny days anytime soon. So for now the weather is bringing me down, especially since I received an email from UCLA confirming me for a writing class that I'm taking there via the all powerful internet. So today it rocks.

Here are the links:

*4 Reasons to be glad Bush is still president.
*A solar backpack that charges your cell phone. From Target.
*words cannot describe.

long long time ago

Spending the last two weeks in Texas was a necessary vacation for me. As always its so nice to go back to Texas, its hard to explain to people that have never been to Texas and have these silly misconceptions about the place but it is really a wonderful state filled with good food and great people and good weather. My body needed to feel 70 degrees again, since in Erie after all that snow it was getting hard to believe in the existence of the sun and warmth. From the moment I got there though I realized I didn't belong there anymore. Houston changes at a ridiculous pace, old buildings are torn down and freeways are erected. All that traffic, all those people. It was a bit overwhelming.

The city feels different too. All those plates from Louisiana, making all the more real the fact that in a year an entire city of people have been lost. In my isolation here I've grown accustomed to white faces at the supermarket and post office, completely forgetting how adorable it is to see little brown children running around Target. I still long for home. For Texas. But being in the north these past 4 years has changed me. All that traffic now seems unnecessary, excessive. I feel less overwhelmed in my day to day life. Its kind of nice. Nicer still because its temporary. Perfect even because of who is here with me.

So that's that. Here are some links that entertained me this morning:

*The battle over what it means when women stay at home continues.
*Why its hard to share the wealth.
*Design Without Reach. An homage to Design Withing Reach. The satellite bowl is actually pretty ingenious.
*My outsourced Life. A fabulously funny article on outsourcing.
*Being Poor. A post that hits you in the gut.

And finally a really funny end of year list from the BBC. Here are my favorites:

8. Devout Orthodox Jews are three times as likely to jaywalk as other people, according to an Israeli survey reported in the New Scientist. The researchers say it's possibly because religious people have less fear of death.

11. One in 10 Europeans is allegedly conceived in an Ikea bed.

41. Tactically, the best Monopoly properties to buy are the orange ones: Vine Street, Marlborough Street and Bow Street.

69. First-born children are less creative but more stable, while last-born are more promiscuous, says US research.

94. Bill Gates does not have an iPod.

Most of these links came from kottke.org

there aint nothing for free

hello again. its been a long time. summer came and went and now its winter and I'm in a different state and in a completly different place then I was before. Its good though. Change is always good. Even if it sucks for a while.

When I went to Texas for the holiday break I found out that my mother had told everyone in Colombia that I was married. Which resulted in me screaming at my grandmother who I only speak to once a year that I wasnt married. Later on I asked her if her family didnt ask for some proof that I was married and she was like "oh no" like I was the silly one.

So yea. I'm not married. I'm happy. Its winter. And I'm back. Let the peasants rejoice.

i did it.

i feel like this momement requires documentation. today was an awesome day. it marked the end of my undergraduate career. and god damn it i earned this one. all by myself.

this semester has been impossible. i honestly didn't think that I would make it. between the internship, and being an hp, and taking 5 classes, and having a life, and painting. i didnt think i would get to this point. but here it is. i'm done.

it feels amazing. like a daze. my last paper was due at 5pm. i considered getting an extension on it. but i didnt. i just turned it in. then the women's studies majors all got together and celebrated. what an awesome group of women. three tequilla shots in the room where i took womst 390 and fem and queer theory. then we went and had an early dinner. and i was tipsy, partially on the cuervo but mostly on the accomplishment. i finished. it still hasnt completly hit me.

then dinner in amherst. and a bit more drinking. and i got a job for the summer, which is super good news. its a really great position and i'm incredibly excited. i didn't think i would get it. but i did. all by myself.

oh and i took ten seconds off my minesweeper score, taking me to 94 seconds in expert. which is definately among the top world minesweeper scores. and we played some barrell of monkeys and i whooped everyones ass and won.

i started the day off with an email from my cuba prof, letting me know that if i had taken the independent with her for credit i would have gotten an A-. I just needed to pass and i got an A-.

i feel like i so very rarely do, that i accomplished something worthwhile here. and it wasnt given to me because i'm spoiled and priviledged, i had to earn it. and i did. and it feels awesome.

i am the winner

I am: 0% Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Are You A Republican?

Ha!

Anyways on page 6 of the 20 page anthro research paper that I am editing. I'm basically going through and putting in stronger evidence and strenghtening my argument but its taking forever. So in between deep thinking about migration as a gendering process for Latino men I play minesweeper. Lots of minesweeper. Thinking about it today I think I play over 3 hours worth of minesweeper whenever I write a paper. Its probably way more than that but if I actually tallied it up I'd cry. I did however learn that my 27 sec. time in the intermediate minesweeper qualifies as a world record (in the top 25 of times for that level) which is cool. especially since I lost my old records when I reformated my computer, so who knows what scores I had there. They were good though. I remember that.

Next Tuesday is my last day of classes, which I will celebrate by going to champagne and strawberries. After that I only my womst paper (20pg), my presentation (10 minutes in front of a bunch of people), and my comedy final. Totally doable. Yay!

Okay back to the horror that is editing.

this is me doing my work

You Are 55% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

that was amusing. and not one of the three things i should be working on. oh well. i'm having burst of productivity were I write a good page and a half and its followed by an hour of me searching the internet and taking silly quizzes. this paper has to get done today. and i absolutely have to work on the first of the 20 page monsters.

here are some more things to keep you distracted:

* 10 things about interns.

* I knew they'd pick a winner.

* just kidding

* tony danza rocks.

"the way to hump a cow" *

my eye needs to stop twitching. seriously. now. it started twitching a while ago (maybe at the beginning of the semester) and then andy came to visit and it stopped. but then of course he had to leave because he has to write a thesis in 9 days and it started twitching again. even though it was most lovely this week. i wore flowery dresses, and left the sunroof open on my car and it was fabulous. except for my eye which kept twitching. its the only part of my body that seems to care that i have to write a 20pg paper, a 5pg paper, a 3 pg paper, a 20pg paper, a 5pg paper, take a final, paint, paint, paint, write a speech, and give a speech in the next 2 weeks. the rest of me didnt really care. i was too busy watching the west wing, taking 2 hour dinner breaks, and goofing off with my friends.

during my goofing around I saw a post on my brothers site about someone wanting a life sized cut out of him and joked that it would be motivational not creepy. so in response he made this and suddenly i regained my work ethic. I've finished editing all the papers I needed to read for my anthro class, made appointments, gone into work, started readings, gone to class, and started my research for my 2nd 20 page paper. so now my brother is my wallpaper and work is getting done. yay.

now if only my eye would stop twitching.

*e.e.cummings. read this.

-and this.
--and this too.
---and while your at it, dont forget about this. (okay so maybe I havent been so productive)

mercury is the new lead

Fortune cookie says "If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?"

Fortune cookies are surprisingly clever sometimes. Oh well. The universe has returned back to normal, after a week were everything was upside down, but Andy came to visit first for a night and then for two nights and it was fabulous. Absolutely nothing got done. We did however eat yummy Chinese food and have pizza and watch most of the fifth season of the west wing. Which was most needed.

Now I have a rather long list of things that need to be done. I have no clue how they'll actually get done, but I know it has to happen. I cannot wait to be done with classes. I'm very much looking foward to that.

le piccole virtu

This past week has been bizarre. I ran into the one person I absolutely did not want to see. It was bound to happen. I don't think he saw me. And if he did I don't think either of us wants to say a damn thing to one another. Well maybe a few choice words, but I'm civilized enough to keep them all in my head.

He looked so happy and carefree. I think that's what really got to me. How happy and carefree he looked. This week has just been like that, reminders from the past about the way I once was and how I'm no longer that person. Letting go of the past is a lot like mourning for someone who has passed, except once you let go there is something much better waiting on the other side.

This entire school year has been reflective like that. Looking at the past, figuring out what to keep and what gets thrown out. There's been a lot of throwing out this past week. But, its good its like pulling out the weeds so they don't suck all the minerals from the daffodils.

So what if I trust way less people than I did before? The good still outnumber the bad. And in the end, thats what keeps me going.

come out and play in the sun

You know I'm ready to check out when I'm updating my blog a million times a week.

Time needs to hurry up. And my work needs to magically get itself done. Specifically my painting class, in which I'm 2 assignments behind. Eh. I wish I cared. Yesterday I sketched out my still-life and my Prof. came by and freaked out on me telling me that I made the purple ball (one of those kickball things) too big. Basically he wanted me to start over. And I just stared at him and told him I didnt want to put too much stuff in it and that I liked it. And he said that he wanted me to put stuff in it because I have a habit of making things too "shapey." I have no clue what that means. If he had said "cartoony" or "cute" I would have agreed with him. So I ignored him and continued on. The man doesnt like me as it is, which might be a problem if I cared, but I dont.

Oh well. In other news I've decided that my summer plans will revolve around me getting the fuck out of my life. Specifically not going to Houston for longer than 2 weeks (my parents are lovely but stressful) and getting out of the country. I got a sorta job offer that would be able to pay for my need to spend ridiculous amounts of time around people who speak Spanish and in a bikini. Its good to know I have priorities. Or not.

Links:

*Why naming your kid "Roshanda" is probably a bad sign. There's also a list of the whitest and blackest names. Thankfully Jessica is not on either list.

*Pink umbrella from Target. (from mighty goods)

*One in seven Americans would stop in the middle of sex to answer their cell phone. Why?

Spent the day sunbathing on the mandelles hill with Yara. Took a book with me but only read about a page in it. Saw some girls playing with a frisbee and a topless Bulgarian. Yea.

If last week I was ready to check out, this weekend it only got worse. Time needs to go by faster. And I need to figure out some summer plans. the end.

we all feel how we feel inside

This past week has been surprisingly good to me. It basically involved me reading every book and article on Latino masculinity and then writing 19 pages in 14 hours. The first 11 were pretty good. If I had started a couple of hours earlier I would have done and alright on the other ones. But alas sun always beats work and I spent more time sunbathing than typing. Oh well paper draft is turned in.

The weeks just been a lot of memorable moments. Like a really fun seminar class and sitting in front of Blanchard with Yara avoiding work and enyoing the early night. Going out to mexican food and being really loud. Standing my ground in a meeting and winning. Getting to talk with old friends. And yea. a bunch of tiny good times.

I'm ready to graduate. Like mentally ready to move on. And that feels ridiculously good.

*This guy's been in college for 11 years. I respect that. I could barely stand to go through 4.
* I love pocky, the delicious Japanese waffle chocolate sticks. But I do not get their commercials. At all.
* this is just so i wont forget to watch this.

f@#&! self involved pricks

Its a bad sign when you're trying to write a message to your hall and everything you think of ends in "bitches"

Man I need to get out of this place.

And now a quote from my new favorite website:

Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that's just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.

--Lincoln Center

and a link. about the japanese.

This feels exactly like the last semester at HSEP where I missed a month of school and spent a billion more hours playing Mario Tennis than in Physics. awesome.

A month from now this will all be over.

I'm incredibly amazed at my ability to be a horrible student sometimes. Not all the time. Just enough to get myself in trouble every now and then. Like now. When I have a fairly important 20 page paper of doom due tomorrow I am sitting here happily updating my blog. Why? Because I really stopped caring. I had a horrible allergic reaction to something this weeked (I'm hoping its either oil paints), and really after losing all of Saturday to the horror of Benedryl I really just dont care about my work. Which is bad. I should care. But I dont.

I really dont. Instead I have been doing everything but work today. For instance I cleaned my room. Made my bed. Made myself breakfast. Read everything on the internet. Straightened my hair.

Thus I leave you with links:
* http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/people/columns/intelligencer/11678/index.html
* http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/03/22/hogzilla.ap/index.html?section=cnn_offbeat
* http://www.slate.com/id/2089248/?GT1=6334

such is life.

My blog has been really quiet for a while now. But I'm feeling especially renewed today (maybe since its Easter Sunday and here in western mass its oh so close to being spring) so I figured I would say something today.

I'm in a really funny place right now. 45 days away from when all my grades are due. Those around me who arent graduating are getting ready for next semester, choosing hall numbers, picking roommates, and running for elections. And I'm not a part of that. Which is weird but feels right. Last night I went out to On The Border with Yara because I was starting to dream of fajitas. And our waitress was a Moho who graduated the year before. She told us not to worry that she had a really job just that Moho was really expensive so she had another job. It was just reality served to me by a girl who used to be in one of my econ classes. This is life. And this is the reality of what happens after you leave the safe ivory tower of mount holyoke. Or really any ivory tower. There are bills to be paid and a life that is not glamorous but just real that needs to be lived.

And such is life. I finally told my parents that I was moving to Erie like 5 months after I already decided I was going (shhh dont tell my mom that part) and they were as always my parents. Super suportive and really nice about the whole thing. I don't know why I was so scared that they would be disappointed or mad. By this point I should know my parents well enough to know that. So yea, its highly official now I'm moving to Erie and I'm really excited about it. So yea for me!

I will now leave you with adorable things:
* "gansta" t-shirt.
* "I'm saving it!" undies.
* and a giant pony. (stolen from: design*sponge)

a lot of advil and kleenex

so this week has been...memorable. and thats all i'm going to say about that. it snowed again last night/yesterday. It was really pretty. So yea. that's that. I have big things to do this weekend. Because before Monday rears its ugly head I have to finish a black and white still-life and do 4 more tiny ones (its really cool they're all monocromatic using one primary color in each painting until the last one where I get to use all 3 primary colors). I'm going to do a series of children's toys. So like one rubber ducky (yellow), one barrel of monkeys (red), and yea I dont know what for the other two. Maybe a train for the last ones. Its going to be a ton of work. If that's all I had to do though I would not be worried. However since I also have to learn about Travestis (brazilian biologically male but female bodied prostitutes), PR, Infant CPR, and Men's Shelters I'm in a bit of a crunch.

Its okay though. I'm a lucky girl. Lucky girl with little time so here are some links to keep you company:

* The cuteness of tiny tiny ninjas is overwhelming. i want one!
* Ikea is like crack.
* More Britney Spears madness.
* An Ivory soap enema?
* If you think finding this made my day and I fowarded it to all my friends. You're right.
* Another fabulous store.
* this made me giggle.

ps: go visit my bro's site (www.jonabad.com) and vote for him as a wordpress topsite. so click on the icon on the right hand side and enter the site.

pain is magically delicious.

in going through the blogs it seems a lot of people are going through some stuff right now. i am no exception. Strangely though its always when I'm put in horrible stressful situations that I'm at my best and most positive. I dont know why that is though. But yea. I'm focused on graduating in May and doing awesome on all of my classes and just saying thanks to everyone who has been there for me. I have awesome friends and even though I'm going through some shit right now, I am truly blessed. I'm just super proud of myself. I can take care of myself through anything. And this makes me happy.

Just one link today because I am ultra busy:
* scary!

busy= good/bad

I am currently in a very interesting state of exhaustion, where I am busy (ie I am writing this blog within the only 2 block of time within my day that I have "free" today), but really content/happy. Being really busy makes me feel like my life is actually being used productively. and this i like. But yea. I'm really excited about this semester. I'm taking a bunch of new things, and doing some specialized old things.

So here's why I'm busy:
*The internship I was so excited about turned out to be a bust. Which made me have a mini panic attack, which I have now moved on from, which has caused me to spend every free moment between classes researching non-profits in this area. I now have my sights set on a women's shelter in Holyoke, so hopefully things will go well this time and I shall have an internship.
*Painting I is time intensive. Like whoa. But I like it. There something really humbling/frustrating about doing something that you love so much in a different medium that your not used to (ie oil paints) and suddenly you suck. well I dont suck. I could be way worse, but yea. It takes much time.

No actually that's it. I guess writing it all down makes it seem better. which i like. sadly my busy-ness means i have to cancel meetings (which i had doing) and not see andys (which i hate doing even more).

and as always some links for your enjoyment:
*this years oscar nominations make me soooo happy. basically because of this.
*juice. movies. and porn. is there really anything more to life?
*nothing quite like revenge.

this is my life.

Conversation currently going on outside my room:

girl A: how cold is it outside?
girl B: its 30
girl A: 30! I dont think I even need my coat
girl B: yea I know, I was thinking of going back and putting on my swimsuit
together: hahaha!

I've been really productive lately. I wonder were this energy is coming from? eh oh well. I went to Boston yesterday to drop Andy off and got to go to one of my favorite art stores. plus we went to Dino's and I had the pasta ravioli, which I've been dreaming about for various months now. Plus Yara came with us, so I didnt have to drive back to Moho all by myself. So yea. All is good.

Here are many interesting things that I found:
* We're number 1! Well maybe being number 1 isnt good on this one...
* So there aren't any slutty girls in high school. Interesting. Also interesting that amazingly there are also no gay people at this high school.
* The cutest thing.ever.really.
* disaster porn and lesbians on PBS. What's educational TV coming to these days?
* old article about the awesomeness of MHC
* my new most favorite thing.

long time no post

I'm back at school now after being without the internet for a month with only basic TV channels to keep me in touch with the outside world. So I started and finished Wasterland by Jo Sinclair. It was really great to just sit and read something. I also go to spend massive amounts of time with my daddy, which was awesome because he's really the most fabulous man ever. Other highlights included meeting Andy's grandmother (she's soo cute I could just keep her in my pocket, if that wasnt kidnapping) and getting to watch The Life Aquatic and Closer. And thats it. The weather was both nice (high 70's) and bad (freakish snow failing).

So far here at school things are going awesome. I got my fin aid stuff all worked out so I could register for classes. I found an internship with ACCION headquarters in Boston that would pay me money for something I would gladly do for free. I got into CPR so now I wont not graduate just because I'm missing a PE. I'm taking a comedy class in the english department, so I'm learning really good jokes (Why do blind people hate to go sky diving? It scares the dog). And Andy came to visit and bought me really beautiful white roses and delicious truffles. So its happiness all around. Even though its like -5 outside.

Here are some links:
* The pictures are funny.
* The future is now.
* this week in sex. from nerve.

yes.

there is something really cruel about having to stay on campus a week longer than i need to. even though its finals time i'm not stressed. all of my big work was due at the midpoint of the semester. so i just have biology left, and its one of those things were i have to take the exam to pass but even if i do ultra well i wont get an A. so its all a matter of showing up. so i've been watching a ridiculous amount of movies since its really the only thing to do in south hadley.

so yea. saying i'm bored is an understatement. i made a to-do list which includes gems like: sweep, throw out trash, re-write notes, and balance dorm checkbook. oh the excitement.

good news is i finally have a plane ticket home and will be flying on the wonderful southwest, soo i know no matter if it decides to snow like its never snowed before i know that by early afternoon i'll be Texas next Tuesday. and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy like you wouldnt believe.

also i took this quiz. i took it roughly 20 something times, and was considering being Chile but decided that the Vatican was really funny.

You're Vatican City!

You're pretty sure that you're infallible in all that you do or say, and
it's hard to say whether you're right.  You have a lot of followers, most of whom will
do whatever you say without question, or line up to see you ride around in your spiffy car.
 Religious and reserved, you have some wisdom, but also a bit much contempt for everyone
around you.  You're also fabulously wealthy, no matter what you say to the contrary.

Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

ps. here are some really adorable things I found on the web:
*Passing time in the loo. a book.
*tabletop Garden Gnome!
*a day at the beach. for your desk.
*massage deck!
*a pig cutting board. adorable! and delicious.
*a rabbit cutting board! even better!
*magnets! you can write on!

fa-bu-lous break

i had a really amazing thanksgiving break. i learned to play Halo2 and i now know that if I'm every in a situation where I'm in a team and doomed to die my instinct is to hide and run away. i also watched a ton of west wing episodes. and became addicted to law and order. i made really yummy hallacas. andy made really yummy tamales. the kapustas made a really good pumpkin pie. and had a really nice dinner. especially since we were eating dinner with about 8 other frat boys. but it was really fun. probably one of the best breaks I had.

ev and I did learn though that we're not the domestic goddesses we thought we were since it took us about 3 hours to make a pumpkin pie that ended up being burned on top. but then again i dont think either of us honestly thought we make good housewives.

and what else? i sleep. and watched the incredibles with brent and his girlfriend. the movie was actually a bunch better than i thought it would be. and brent's girlfriend was really nice.

ah and i ate a really amazing burger in the back of a bar. and it was heaven.

now its over though. and i cant leave western mass until dec.22nd at the earliest. even though i only have one final. and everyone i like gets to bolt out of here as soon as their classes end.

on the plus side i had a really great break playing house with my boyfriend and spending a bunch of time with ev. now to just will myself to go back to my normal schedule of school and meetings. blah.

You are 93% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

* silly beavers.

* no good can come from this, it's like the plot of a bad B movie.

did you know that heterosexual couples have more anal sex than homosexual couples?

After much deep and careful thought I've figured out the answer to our nations problems. We need to have more unprotective sex. And I know you're thinking "now Jessica I tried that last time and thats how i got the clapp" but I think this time it'll be better.

Here's why, the problem is that as liberal democrats and just hyper educative conscious people we're too smart for our own good. We dont have enough children because we know how to read and can put on a condom. or know how to save money and get an abortion. and if not that then we're educated enough to know that at 13 there's no way we can save enough money to send our kids to Harvard, so we give them up for adoption. and i think this is where everything is going wrong. either that our we're hyper evolved and are able to overcome our homophobic society and just love and lust after whomever we love and lust after. even if we have the same pieces. imagine that.

but i'm getting off track. the point is that progressive people need to have and raise more progressive children. and we need to do it now. because the problem isnt that we dont know how to talk to conservative america. its that conservative america is full of idiots who think jesus elected bush. we're outnumbered and its time we changed that.

alternately we could just each resolve to steal and raise republican children. but i really think my way is more fun. plus republican evangelical christian children have coodies and remind me of the children of the corn.

all abstinence, all the time

like always its been an interesting week. not interesting in the way were cool things happen and you're all excited and giddy, but interesting in the way were you realize funny things. like i can write a ten page paper in about 9 hours by basically writing in a trance and staying awake on pure will power. and all this time i thought i needed caffeine. silly me. what else? my dad never calls me with good news. and fire drills are stupid.

i'm also noticing that i dont have good weeks. like first year i used to have awesome weeks were everything went right. but now basically everyweek i'm like when can it get to friday so i can have a drink and forget this week ever happened. although in my defense while it may be 2pm on a friday when i have a drink, i only have one. and then i take a nap.

this semester is all about the naps.

* oh texas! how i miss thee.
* flies that decapitate ants. brilliant.
* best letter to the editor. ever.
* porn. it does more than kill kittens.
* "Maybe terrorists don't like the cold."

Did you know that Superman is Jewish?

Its been one of those days where I've been working all day but havent actually accomplished anything. Well anything thats due this week. I'm looking foward to not having to do homework as soon as i get out of this place. i love mount holyoke and all but i'm tired of school. i have no motivation and most of my conversations consists of talking with other seniors about how little work we want to do. hopefully next semester will go by quicker and before i know it i'll be in my adorable cap and gown walking across a stage and getting a fake diploma. so yea. time needs to move faster and i need to find my motivation.

or i need to just drive my car back to texas so i can have some delicious carne asada with tostones while drinking a colombiana. now that would be awesome. and the perfect thing to get me into some sort of working mood. or something.

the good thing for you is that when i dont do my work instead of procrastinating like normal people i read news instead of downloading porn or blowing up aliens. so enjoy this weeks wide and varied link selection:

* the future is six years from now
* interesting
* Did you know that John Steward is Jewish?
* Jesus needs to stay away from my uterus.
* British bookies think Hillary has 5-1 to be President in 2008
* babies are cannibals. eew.
* "I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground," said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl.
* 51.6% of twentysomethings voted, which is great because it means P.Diddy only has to kill the remaining 48.4%.
* Shamelessly stolen from my brother.
*this is too gross

there are more of them then there are of us

so yea. now what? its obvious where the majority of the country stands. and its a scary and depressing thought. I had the feeling Bush would win. probably because I'm a pessimist. mostly because in my heart I knew that its not enough to just hate the other guy with a passion. your guy must be someone that you just as passionately love. I never loved Kerry. politically he was too much a coward, too afraid to speak his mind, too concerned with not alienating the "conservatives."

where did it all go wrong? where did we, as liberals, go wrong? what does it say about our electoral system when you concede before 3 states' electoral votes have been accounted?

why do I want to be a citizen of the united states?

Bush winning is bad enough. the fact that all 11 states voted to ban gay marriage is like John Stewart said "just like this bad dream I had the other night." its depressing. utterly all consuming depression.

how can you ban love? with so much hate in the world why regulate love? I don't understand it. I just don't.

I had the honor of getting to meet and talk at length with Marcie Hershman (who teaches creative writing at Tufts) author of "Tales of the Master Race". The novel presents the Holocaust from the perspective of ordinary Germans, through a series of short stories. For me the novel helped explain how ordinary Germans could allow the Holocaust to happen. Strangely enough, even though incredibly hard for me to read, it gave me hope, especially in these troubling times. That the little acts of resistance that we do add up to something. I have to hope that they do.

So on that note. Obama for 2008! or Hillary for 2008! we'll make it through another 4 years. we just have to. and hopefully old republicans will just croak already and stop voting. that at the very least brings me some comfort.

Some random links to keep your mind off things:

* drugs are bad
* have all the sex you want with 17yr olds, just dont tape it.
* this guy needs a different hobby
* did you know that vibrators were the fifth thing that was connected to electricity? right after the sewing machine, the tea kettle, the toaster and the fan and before the vacuum cleaner. now with a history like that why would Alabama ban them?
*eek!
*a vaguely hopeful political link

sadness

I had the most awesome-est post ever. but blogger ate it. it was wonderful. but alas it was not meant to be.

lets see, did you know that 95% of white american men in the 1950's broke the law along the way to an orgasm? this was one of the many interesting tid bits that i learned while reading the parts of the kinsey report. now i just want to read the whole thing though.

and what else. i'm addicted to popcorn, partially because its the only thing in my room that i can quickly make without a microwave. but mostly because popcorn is delicious. i had my senior picture on friday and in spite of mr.pattersons' wonderful coaching i think the pictures are going to be bad. i dont know what it is but its incredibly hard to take a good picture of me. i think its because i dont do the fake smile so i dont smile and it just looks weird. but at least my hair looked good in it since i decided to get it cut and straighted the night before. so its really cute its like punky japanese schoolgirl, but in a good way. i dont think it'll look so nice when i dont feel like straightening it, but thats what hats are for.

mostly i'm just out of it. all i want to do is paint and write and sleep. especially since its becoming increasingly harder to just fall asleep at night. i swear i dont actually get any quality rest until 9am when i have to get up to go to class. i need to find my motivation. its out there somewhere.

okay here are some links:

*if i ever become a politician's wife i want be like her.
*awesome election rage advice
*if voting twice was against the law why didnt anyone tell me?
*if for some odd reason you havent seen emimen's mosh video, then you should. its interesting to watch it in terms of class and race. and something more substancial than i'm used to seeing from a mainstream artist.
*this might just be the funniest thing ever. possibly not safe for work.
*got an std? then this is for you.
*dont think you have an std? umm think again.
*informative read on african american women and hiv
*want to go to med school, but have no money? go to cuba

a little rioting is good for the soul

its family and friends weekend at my school which always just weirds me out. partially because my parents would never think of coming for family weekend (its too far and it would just be weird). mainly though its the fact that other people's parents just creep me out. maybe its the thought of old people reproducing that creeps me out, or how strange other people's family are. especially in college because by this point people's parents are just strange entities that for the most part you dont meet.

i saw the motorcycle diaries last night. it was really fabulous. a bit slow for my taste (i think there were more stories they could have told about the trip without getting rid of a lot of the necessary silences within the film). but then again i could watch gael stare at a wall and still consider it a good movie. he's just such an awesome actor. i think its because you can see the wheels turning in his head. so go see it. its a good coming of age type of film. and helps you better understand how che became che. i came home though and someone had written "che is dead...thank god" on my white board which i found really obnoxious since i doubt they know very much about che (a very complicated and brilliant man who i think was sincere in his ideals) and even if they did know anything about che i dont think any one deserves to be murdered by the CIA and have pictures of your body taken at the morgue like your some kind of fish they just caught.

what else. went to boston on wednesday and saw the red sox win and went out to fenway to see what a riot looks like. it was actually really calm with college kids just hanging out and chanting to one another. i was disappointed. i thought i was going to see mayham. but it was the riot police that scared me. i wanted andy to take a picture but he didnt. instead we took pictures of people climbing on top of billboards. then the police with their big horses pushed us all out of the area and i thought i was going to suffacate since being that close to people just freaks me out sometimes. plus knowing that if you fall you will only be trappled doesnt make me a very calm person. but we got out of it alright. we stuck around to see if anyone was going to set anything on fire but nothing like that happened. so we left. come to find out later that a college student was killed when the police shot rubber bullets into the crowd to calm people down. although the logic behind shooting people to calm them down makes absolutely no sense to me. we think it happened like a block from where we were. its really tragic. she was going to turn 22 next week. she was just like us, going to celebrate and be a part of history.


*an interesting link: http://www.slate.com/id/2108575/
*interesting to read the official account of what happened: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3944365.stm

the good with the bad

i'm having an interesting week. Things are going good. I've managed to do all the readings needed for my classes. All my response papers have been written and turned in ahead of time. So my life seems to finally be putting itself into order. Plus since I know everything there is to know about photosynthesis i rocked my bio exam and got an A which means that I can breathe a little easier and not have to worry too much about the labs.

which is exactly where things always start to go wrong. my body is exhausted. i havent slept for longer than 4 hour streches for more than a week now. my readings are depressing me. i have a 10 page paper thats looming on the horizon. my job is taking its toll on me. too much responsibility and as always i'm filled with doubt that i'm not doing it well enough. to top it off my mom is having surgery on friday to remove another lump. this time their saying its preventative but i've been in enough hospitals and dealing with enough doctors for long enough to be concerned.

but i'm not there. thats the point. i cant go to the hospital with her and hold her hand and joke about how shes wearing heels and makeup for surgery. i'm over here. it hits me that i'm not going to be there for her when i leave school either. i'll always be away.

at least my brother is there though to be with her. that allows me to not be as worried.

oh the upside i'm always better able to focus on my schoolwork when i'm in crisis mode, so at least i know my grades are gonna rock this semester.

some links:
http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/thebodiespolitic/

i <3 the west wing

I've decided that when people ask me what I'm going to do in Erie I'm going to start telling them that I'm going to start popping out babies and be a stay at home mom. And I'm going to do it with a smile.

and since when do complete strangers get to tell me how to live my life? seriously.

*storm lighter. a fabulous idea.

my ikea catalog finally arrived

yea. so i'm obsessive. about everything really.

Like I was excited about getting a kitten when I moved to Erie, so I researched breeds of cats and learned how to take care of kittens. i did this obsessively for like a week straight.

I am now obsessed with my indoor plant. i just repotted it today and i need to just leave it alone because i definately just spent over an hour sprunning it and having sure it was sitting in the pot perfectly straight. this was preceded by an hour of research where I read up on how to repot a plant and then about how to keep my plant healthy and thriving. i basically found out that the place that i had my plant was going to kill it since it was on my windowsill which means it was getting the cold air from outside and then really hot air from the radiator (which is right in front of my window) so i had to move it. this means that i'll have to leave my lights on all day while i'm gone so that my plant gets enough artificial light.

i'm a big dork. but i love it so thanks ok. i'm more of a gigantic dork because i'm playing miles davis for my plant since it needs some music to calm itself down from the traumatic experience of me taking spurning leaves and cutting roots.

also i finally got my pictures developed from alesha's wedding. so in the time that it took me to get the film developed alesh got married, seperated, and got re-engaged to someone else. this is why i need a digital camera.

and now for the link dump:
* a good idea from the finns. especially since my traffic tickets would be like $10.
* hope that i'll be able to do something with my life after college. because really if Ashtin Kutcher can major in biochemical engineering, i can do anything.
* the st. bernards are gone. sadness.
* umm who does this?
* and if they elect this man i may just move out of the country.
* but in case i move to italy this is good to know

speaking about politics though i'm starting to think that either way the presidential election goes it'll be okay. because if kerry wins then we get rid of bush. which is fabulous. but if he looses then Hillary will completly run for office and will win by a landslide. so its a win win either way. well really a win lose/win. but yea. i'm hopefull.

right so

i keep thinking of things to blog and then i dont. basically my week goes something like this:

go to boston because i have to get off this campus and not work because the week was hard ----> come back sunday and realize that the weekend is gone and i've done no work but sucks to be me because i have to go to umass and watch a boring long movie in black and white ----> come back and realize that i must go to sleep but cant because i have a gatrillion emails to respond to ---> wake up early monday to run errands that werent done last week ----> go to class exhausted ----> run more errands ----->inhale lunch---->more exhausting---->inhale other food----> meetings more meetings and then somewhere in there bs some work ---->get no sleep---->more exhaustion in classes----> stop eating because there is not enough time---->go to class hungry and exhausted ----> more meetings----> and then once the week is over run away to boston and repeat the cycle.

so umm yea. i cant wait for break to get here because dammit i need a break. and some sleep.

in other news:

Britney Spears has completly lost her mind. And I love it.

http://everythingbritney.net/photos/brit-milkshakefun-sept26/index.html
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0924042_britney_spears_1.html
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/scanner/09_27_04/

and this is just sick. but something i might just apply for.