this is my life.

Conversation currently going on outside my room:

girl A: how cold is it outside?
girl B: its 30
girl A: 30! I dont think I even need my coat
girl B: yea I know, I was thinking of going back and putting on my swimsuit
together: hahaha!

I've been really productive lately. I wonder were this energy is coming from? eh oh well. I went to Boston yesterday to drop Andy off and got to go to one of my favorite art stores. plus we went to Dino's and I had the pasta ravioli, which I've been dreaming about for various months now. Plus Yara came with us, so I didnt have to drive back to Moho all by myself. So yea. All is good.

Here are many interesting things that I found:
* We're number 1! Well maybe being number 1 isnt good on this one...
* So there aren't any slutty girls in high school. Interesting. Also interesting that amazingly there are also no gay people at this high school.
* The cutest thing.ever.really.
* disaster porn and lesbians on PBS. What's educational TV coming to these days?
* old article about the awesomeness of MHC
* my new most favorite thing.

long time no post

I'm back at school now after being without the internet for a month with only basic TV channels to keep me in touch with the outside world. So I started and finished Wasterland by Jo Sinclair. It was really great to just sit and read something. I also go to spend massive amounts of time with my daddy, which was awesome because he's really the most fabulous man ever. Other highlights included meeting Andy's grandmother (she's soo cute I could just keep her in my pocket, if that wasnt kidnapping) and getting to watch The Life Aquatic and Closer. And thats it. The weather was both nice (high 70's) and bad (freakish snow failing).

So far here at school things are going awesome. I got my fin aid stuff all worked out so I could register for classes. I found an internship with ACCION headquarters in Boston that would pay me money for something I would gladly do for free. I got into CPR so now I wont not graduate just because I'm missing a PE. I'm taking a comedy class in the english department, so I'm learning really good jokes (Why do blind people hate to go sky diving? It scares the dog). And Andy came to visit and bought me really beautiful white roses and delicious truffles. So its happiness all around. Even though its like -5 outside.

Here are some links:
* The pictures are funny.
* The future is now.
* this week in sex. from nerve.

yes.

there is something really cruel about having to stay on campus a week longer than i need to. even though its finals time i'm not stressed. all of my big work was due at the midpoint of the semester. so i just have biology left, and its one of those things were i have to take the exam to pass but even if i do ultra well i wont get an A. so its all a matter of showing up. so i've been watching a ridiculous amount of movies since its really the only thing to do in south hadley.

so yea. saying i'm bored is an understatement. i made a to-do list which includes gems like: sweep, throw out trash, re-write notes, and balance dorm checkbook. oh the excitement.

good news is i finally have a plane ticket home and will be flying on the wonderful southwest, soo i know no matter if it decides to snow like its never snowed before i know that by early afternoon i'll be Texas next Tuesday. and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy like you wouldnt believe.

also i took this quiz. i took it roughly 20 something times, and was considering being Chile but decided that the Vatican was really funny.

You're Vatican City!

You're pretty sure that you're infallible in all that you do or say, and
it's hard to say whether you're right.  You have a lot of followers, most of whom will
do whatever you say without question, or line up to see you ride around in your spiffy car.
 Religious and reserved, you have some wisdom, but also a bit much contempt for everyone
around you.  You're also fabulously wealthy, no matter what you say to the contrary.

Take
the Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid

ps. here are some really adorable things I found on the web:
*Passing time in the loo. a book.
*tabletop Garden Gnome!
*a day at the beach. for your desk.
*massage deck!
*a pig cutting board. adorable! and delicious.
*a rabbit cutting board! even better!
*magnets! you can write on!

fa-bu-lous break

i had a really amazing thanksgiving break. i learned to play Halo2 and i now know that if I'm every in a situation where I'm in a team and doomed to die my instinct is to hide and run away. i also watched a ton of west wing episodes. and became addicted to law and order. i made really yummy hallacas. andy made really yummy tamales. the kapustas made a really good pumpkin pie. and had a really nice dinner. especially since we were eating dinner with about 8 other frat boys. but it was really fun. probably one of the best breaks I had.

ev and I did learn though that we're not the domestic goddesses we thought we were since it took us about 3 hours to make a pumpkin pie that ended up being burned on top. but then again i dont think either of us honestly thought we make good housewives.

and what else? i sleep. and watched the incredibles with brent and his girlfriend. the movie was actually a bunch better than i thought it would be. and brent's girlfriend was really nice.

ah and i ate a really amazing burger in the back of a bar. and it was heaven.

now its over though. and i cant leave western mass until dec.22nd at the earliest. even though i only have one final. and everyone i like gets to bolt out of here as soon as their classes end.

on the plus side i had a really great break playing house with my boyfriend and spending a bunch of time with ev. now to just will myself to go back to my normal schedule of school and meetings. blah.

You are 93% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

* silly beavers.

* no good can come from this, it's like the plot of a bad B movie.

did you know that heterosexual couples have more anal sex than homosexual couples?

After much deep and careful thought I've figured out the answer to our nations problems. We need to have more unprotective sex. And I know you're thinking "now Jessica I tried that last time and thats how i got the clapp" but I think this time it'll be better.

Here's why, the problem is that as liberal democrats and just hyper educative conscious people we're too smart for our own good. We dont have enough children because we know how to read and can put on a condom. or know how to save money and get an abortion. and if not that then we're educated enough to know that at 13 there's no way we can save enough money to send our kids to Harvard, so we give them up for adoption. and i think this is where everything is going wrong. either that our we're hyper evolved and are able to overcome our homophobic society and just love and lust after whomever we love and lust after. even if we have the same pieces. imagine that.

but i'm getting off track. the point is that progressive people need to have and raise more progressive children. and we need to do it now. because the problem isnt that we dont know how to talk to conservative america. its that conservative america is full of idiots who think jesus elected bush. we're outnumbered and its time we changed that.

alternately we could just each resolve to steal and raise republican children. but i really think my way is more fun. plus republican evangelical christian children have coodies and remind me of the children of the corn.

all abstinence, all the time

like always its been an interesting week. not interesting in the way were cool things happen and you're all excited and giddy, but interesting in the way were you realize funny things. like i can write a ten page paper in about 9 hours by basically writing in a trance and staying awake on pure will power. and all this time i thought i needed caffeine. silly me. what else? my dad never calls me with good news. and fire drills are stupid.

i'm also noticing that i dont have good weeks. like first year i used to have awesome weeks were everything went right. but now basically everyweek i'm like when can it get to friday so i can have a drink and forget this week ever happened. although in my defense while it may be 2pm on a friday when i have a drink, i only have one. and then i take a nap.

this semester is all about the naps.

* oh texas! how i miss thee.
* flies that decapitate ants. brilliant.
* best letter to the editor. ever.
* porn. it does more than kill kittens.
* "Maybe terrorists don't like the cold."

Did you know that Superman is Jewish?

Its been one of those days where I've been working all day but havent actually accomplished anything. Well anything thats due this week. I'm looking foward to not having to do homework as soon as i get out of this place. i love mount holyoke and all but i'm tired of school. i have no motivation and most of my conversations consists of talking with other seniors about how little work we want to do. hopefully next semester will go by quicker and before i know it i'll be in my adorable cap and gown walking across a stage and getting a fake diploma. so yea. time needs to move faster and i need to find my motivation.

or i need to just drive my car back to texas so i can have some delicious carne asada with tostones while drinking a colombiana. now that would be awesome. and the perfect thing to get me into some sort of working mood. or something.

the good thing for you is that when i dont do my work instead of procrastinating like normal people i read news instead of downloading porn or blowing up aliens. so enjoy this weeks wide and varied link selection:

* the future is six years from now
* interesting
* Did you know that John Steward is Jewish?
* Jesus needs to stay away from my uterus.
* British bookies think Hillary has 5-1 to be President in 2008
* babies are cannibals. eew.
* "I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground," said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl.
* 51.6% of twentysomethings voted, which is great because it means P.Diddy only has to kill the remaining 48.4%.
* Shamelessly stolen from my brother.
*this is too gross

there are more of them then there are of us

so yea. now what? its obvious where the majority of the country stands. and its a scary and depressing thought. I had the feeling Bush would win. probably because I'm a pessimist. mostly because in my heart I knew that its not enough to just hate the other guy with a passion. your guy must be someone that you just as passionately love. I never loved Kerry. politically he was too much a coward, too afraid to speak his mind, too concerned with not alienating the "conservatives."

where did it all go wrong? where did we, as liberals, go wrong? what does it say about our electoral system when you concede before 3 states' electoral votes have been accounted?

why do I want to be a citizen of the united states?

Bush winning is bad enough. the fact that all 11 states voted to ban gay marriage is like John Stewart said "just like this bad dream I had the other night." its depressing. utterly all consuming depression.

how can you ban love? with so much hate in the world why regulate love? I don't understand it. I just don't.

I had the honor of getting to meet and talk at length with Marcie Hershman (who teaches creative writing at Tufts) author of "Tales of the Master Race". The novel presents the Holocaust from the perspective of ordinary Germans, through a series of short stories. For me the novel helped explain how ordinary Germans could allow the Holocaust to happen. Strangely enough, even though incredibly hard for me to read, it gave me hope, especially in these troubling times. That the little acts of resistance that we do add up to something. I have to hope that they do.

So on that note. Obama for 2008! or Hillary for 2008! we'll make it through another 4 years. we just have to. and hopefully old republicans will just croak already and stop voting. that at the very least brings me some comfort.

Some random links to keep your mind off things:

* drugs are bad
* have all the sex you want with 17yr olds, just dont tape it.
* this guy needs a different hobby
* did you know that vibrators were the fifth thing that was connected to electricity? right after the sewing machine, the tea kettle, the toaster and the fan and before the vacuum cleaner. now with a history like that why would Alabama ban them?
*eek!
*a vaguely hopeful political link

sadness

I had the most awesome-est post ever. but blogger ate it. it was wonderful. but alas it was not meant to be.

lets see, did you know that 95% of white american men in the 1950's broke the law along the way to an orgasm? this was one of the many interesting tid bits that i learned while reading the parts of the kinsey report. now i just want to read the whole thing though.

and what else. i'm addicted to popcorn, partially because its the only thing in my room that i can quickly make without a microwave. but mostly because popcorn is delicious. i had my senior picture on friday and in spite of mr.pattersons' wonderful coaching i think the pictures are going to be bad. i dont know what it is but its incredibly hard to take a good picture of me. i think its because i dont do the fake smile so i dont smile and it just looks weird. but at least my hair looked good in it since i decided to get it cut and straighted the night before. so its really cute its like punky japanese schoolgirl, but in a good way. i dont think it'll look so nice when i dont feel like straightening it, but thats what hats are for.

mostly i'm just out of it. all i want to do is paint and write and sleep. especially since its becoming increasingly harder to just fall asleep at night. i swear i dont actually get any quality rest until 9am when i have to get up to go to class. i need to find my motivation. its out there somewhere.

okay here are some links:

*if i ever become a politician's wife i want be like her.
*awesome election rage advice
*if voting twice was against the law why didnt anyone tell me?
*if for some odd reason you havent seen emimen's mosh video, then you should. its interesting to watch it in terms of class and race. and something more substancial than i'm used to seeing from a mainstream artist.
*this might just be the funniest thing ever. possibly not safe for work.
*got an std? then this is for you.
*dont think you have an std? umm think again.
*informative read on african american women and hiv
*want to go to med school, but have no money? go to cuba

a little rioting is good for the soul

its family and friends weekend at my school which always just weirds me out. partially because my parents would never think of coming for family weekend (its too far and it would just be weird). mainly though its the fact that other people's parents just creep me out. maybe its the thought of old people reproducing that creeps me out, or how strange other people's family are. especially in college because by this point people's parents are just strange entities that for the most part you dont meet.

i saw the motorcycle diaries last night. it was really fabulous. a bit slow for my taste (i think there were more stories they could have told about the trip without getting rid of a lot of the necessary silences within the film). but then again i could watch gael stare at a wall and still consider it a good movie. he's just such an awesome actor. i think its because you can see the wheels turning in his head. so go see it. its a good coming of age type of film. and helps you better understand how che became che. i came home though and someone had written "che is dead...thank god" on my white board which i found really obnoxious since i doubt they know very much about che (a very complicated and brilliant man who i think was sincere in his ideals) and even if they did know anything about che i dont think any one deserves to be murdered by the CIA and have pictures of your body taken at the morgue like your some kind of fish they just caught.

what else. went to boston on wednesday and saw the red sox win and went out to fenway to see what a riot looks like. it was actually really calm with college kids just hanging out and chanting to one another. i was disappointed. i thought i was going to see mayham. but it was the riot police that scared me. i wanted andy to take a picture but he didnt. instead we took pictures of people climbing on top of billboards. then the police with their big horses pushed us all out of the area and i thought i was going to suffacate since being that close to people just freaks me out sometimes. plus knowing that if you fall you will only be trappled doesnt make me a very calm person. but we got out of it alright. we stuck around to see if anyone was going to set anything on fire but nothing like that happened. so we left. come to find out later that a college student was killed when the police shot rubber bullets into the crowd to calm people down. although the logic behind shooting people to calm them down makes absolutely no sense to me. we think it happened like a block from where we were. its really tragic. she was going to turn 22 next week. she was just like us, going to celebrate and be a part of history.


*an interesting link: http://www.slate.com/id/2108575/
*interesting to read the official account of what happened: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3944365.stm

the good with the bad

i'm having an interesting week. Things are going good. I've managed to do all the readings needed for my classes. All my response papers have been written and turned in ahead of time. So my life seems to finally be putting itself into order. Plus since I know everything there is to know about photosynthesis i rocked my bio exam and got an A which means that I can breathe a little easier and not have to worry too much about the labs.

which is exactly where things always start to go wrong. my body is exhausted. i havent slept for longer than 4 hour streches for more than a week now. my readings are depressing me. i have a 10 page paper thats looming on the horizon. my job is taking its toll on me. too much responsibility and as always i'm filled with doubt that i'm not doing it well enough. to top it off my mom is having surgery on friday to remove another lump. this time their saying its preventative but i've been in enough hospitals and dealing with enough doctors for long enough to be concerned.

but i'm not there. thats the point. i cant go to the hospital with her and hold her hand and joke about how shes wearing heels and makeup for surgery. i'm over here. it hits me that i'm not going to be there for her when i leave school either. i'll always be away.

at least my brother is there though to be with her. that allows me to not be as worried.

oh the upside i'm always better able to focus on my schoolwork when i'm in crisis mode, so at least i know my grades are gonna rock this semester.

some links:
http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/thebodiespolitic/

i <3 the west wing

I've decided that when people ask me what I'm going to do in Erie I'm going to start telling them that I'm going to start popping out babies and be a stay at home mom. And I'm going to do it with a smile.

and since when do complete strangers get to tell me how to live my life? seriously.

*storm lighter. a fabulous idea.

my ikea catalog finally arrived

yea. so i'm obsessive. about everything really.

Like I was excited about getting a kitten when I moved to Erie, so I researched breeds of cats and learned how to take care of kittens. i did this obsessively for like a week straight.

I am now obsessed with my indoor plant. i just repotted it today and i need to just leave it alone because i definately just spent over an hour sprunning it and having sure it was sitting in the pot perfectly straight. this was preceded by an hour of research where I read up on how to repot a plant and then about how to keep my plant healthy and thriving. i basically found out that the place that i had my plant was going to kill it since it was on my windowsill which means it was getting the cold air from outside and then really hot air from the radiator (which is right in front of my window) so i had to move it. this means that i'll have to leave my lights on all day while i'm gone so that my plant gets enough artificial light.

i'm a big dork. but i love it so thanks ok. i'm more of a gigantic dork because i'm playing miles davis for my plant since it needs some music to calm itself down from the traumatic experience of me taking spurning leaves and cutting roots.

also i finally got my pictures developed from alesha's wedding. so in the time that it took me to get the film developed alesh got married, seperated, and got re-engaged to someone else. this is why i need a digital camera.

and now for the link dump:
* a good idea from the finns. especially since my traffic tickets would be like $10.
* hope that i'll be able to do something with my life after college. because really if Ashtin Kutcher can major in biochemical engineering, i can do anything.
* the st. bernards are gone. sadness.
* umm who does this?
* and if they elect this man i may just move out of the country.
* but in case i move to italy this is good to know

speaking about politics though i'm starting to think that either way the presidential election goes it'll be okay. because if kerry wins then we get rid of bush. which is fabulous. but if he looses then Hillary will completly run for office and will win by a landslide. so its a win win either way. well really a win lose/win. but yea. i'm hopefull.

right so

i keep thinking of things to blog and then i dont. basically my week goes something like this:

go to boston because i have to get off this campus and not work because the week was hard ----> come back sunday and realize that the weekend is gone and i've done no work but sucks to be me because i have to go to umass and watch a boring long movie in black and white ----> come back and realize that i must go to sleep but cant because i have a gatrillion emails to respond to ---> wake up early monday to run errands that werent done last week ----> go to class exhausted ----> run more errands ----->inhale lunch---->more exhausting---->inhale other food----> meetings more meetings and then somewhere in there bs some work ---->get no sleep---->more exhaustion in classes----> stop eating because there is not enough time---->go to class hungry and exhausted ----> more meetings----> and then once the week is over run away to boston and repeat the cycle.

so umm yea. i cant wait for break to get here because dammit i need a break. and some sleep.

in other news:

Britney Spears has completly lost her mind. And I love it.

http://everythingbritney.net/photos/brit-milkshakefun-sept26/index.html
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0924042_britney_spears_1.html
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/scanner/09_27_04/

and this is just sick. but something i might just apply for.

naked and famous

I'm doing what all great thinkers do when they have a ridiculous amount of work that they need to do in an impossibly short period of time. I'm ignoring it.

School is not my friend this semester. I need a break. Like this girl.

Speaking of breaks, mystic pig thinks that I should move to Erie. I think that settles it.

The Mystic Pig
	I asked the mystic pig: Should I follow my boyfriend? and the mystic pig said: Go for it! Ask the Mystic Pig another question created by ixwin

oh and this is cute. and depressing. all at once.

i dont know where you went when you left me

My graduation gown sits in the back of my closet. Its awesome and terrifying all at the same time. It doesn't particularly help that I feel like I'm trying to do too much and don't quite know how I'm going to get all of it done. Like I have too many balls in the air and I'm trying not to drop them but I know some of them are going to have to go. Yea.

I can't sleep. Everytime I lay down I have a flood of thoughts drowing me. I've resorted to just curling up in a little ball and just hoping they'll go away. I need to just figure out how I'm going to keep myself sane this year. I dont really know though.

Its so frustrating though because things that should be easy arent. I cant register for my classes because I havent filled out a minor form, which is stupid because I've basically crammed 2 majors into my 3 years here, so why should I even worry about having a minor? ugh. and the stupid form is just sitting on the deans list and i've had the same conversation with the registrar's office at least 3 times now and they dont seem to get it.

and books cost money which i dont have. but i will have i just dont have right now. and i cant focus on anything because my brain just feels like its going to explode. and my friends are all stressed out, which makes absolutely nothing better.

and yea. i dont know how i'm going to get through this semester. but i need to figure it out soon because the time to hesitate is through. and i need to get on the ball and figure out what i'm doing. or start drinking heavily. or something.

my friends are all closet republicans.

so lasu took this quiz and I've seen it around before but never just sat down and took it to see where i stood. Basically I'm about as far left as you can go. Although will say that there were many questions where you had to say whether you agreed or disagreed with something and I knew that the reality of the situation was much more complicated. but eh. people like easy answers. So take the quiz and see where you stand.

Economic Left/Right: -8.12
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.15

"speaking of queers..."

so school has started but this school year is different for a number of different reasons like: i'm taking 3 courses off campus (hampshire, umass, and smith), i now am the happy "owner" of an adorable honda civic, and of course i'm a senior.

excitement.

its basically all randomness as I wander from one campus to another being the girl thats a little too conservative/clean for Hampshire, a little too snotty for umass, and bringing up really random points at smith. My fear is that this is going to be the semester where I turn into "that girl" that everyone hates, since she's just so excited she can't keep her mouth shut. I really cant figure Smith out since it really should be exactly the same as Mount Holyoke but I'm finding that this is the class whose readings are the most interesting, but the discussion isnt that stimulating until the Mount Holyoke block begins to raise random points. so umm yea. be jealous of my workload because really my classes rock. while other people are learning about [insert boring engineering things] i get to read about sex, politics, and current events. Mostly is all about sex.

ah i'm also learning about plants since this is the semester where i'm fullfilling my lab science requirement by taking bio.145 "A Green World" which is my one class at Mount Holyoke. and its filled with first years. delicious. i would seriously hate this class except that the prof is soo excited about plants that you cant help but really get into it. Like for example did you know that flowering plants are highly evolved and that the entire reason for that display is for sex. And the coconut is the largest seed.

so umm yea. i have a car. it rocks. plants are cool. and i'm exhausted already and its only the second week. but i love it.

* Bush is drinking again. (Which could be a good thing since when he was an alcholic he wasnt off destroying the world, he was just partying and having a good time.)
* the south is fighting the good fight again, this time with alcohol.
* Ugh. That's all i'm going to say about that.
* I'm starting to think that the kids who drop out of college are the most successful.

i am officially a senior

Today was convocation. which is one of our wonderful Mount Holyoke traditions where we welcome the incoming class while celebrating the final year of the seniors. This year it was our turn. We put on our caps and gowns, and put on some green (our class color). I basically thought I was going to bawl like a little girl the whole day. Thankfully I kept it together although I kept having these moments where I just wondered "How did we get here?"

The ceremony was indoors which was sad, but it was a great ceremony. The blessing was in multiple languages, and the faculty speech was amazing. And when we all stood up and sang our alma mater it was incredible. I love this school. More importantly though I love the women that I met along the way.

Okay as of right now I have one picture, but its in Ofoto. and I dont know how to give y'all a link. I figure if you really want to see it you'll figure it out.

its not always rainbows and butterflies

back at moho. it feels good to be back. had a little drama with the moving in process, but now my stuffs all here. its a good thing i have a fabulous boyfriend if not i would have had a major panic attack. but i didnt. so my rooms good so far. i have my lanterns up and stuff. so thats good. i just got to get my paintings up on the walls, organize my clothes, do some laundry and get rid of the weird storage place smell, and then i'll be all set.

it keeps hitting me in waves that I'm a senior and somehow i have all this responsibility now. with being in charge of a building and all. its nice but scary. as i guess all good things are in life.

i think my favorite part of being a senior is being around the people that i've surrounded myself with. who are just the most amazing women i have ever met. if theres any reason to come to moho its for that.

Convocation is tomorrow. I bought an adorable outfit for it, thats comfortable and cute and that makes me happy. which is really what matters. if i find a scanner i'll show y'all the pictures.

so much stuff floating around in my head its not even funny. so much little stuff that needs to get done. eventually. before classes start on thrusday. eek.