right so, my boyfriend is crazy, but its very nice. now i just have to find a car to drive to springfield in to pick him up...by 10....i wish i had more advance notice on these things.

also what is it w/professors giving us (by us i mean me) all this work over break its break! i need to get so much done and i dont know how thats going to happen. oh well. it'll magically get done.

umm in other news, i'm skipping all of my classes tomorrow, bc andy's skipping his to see me so i'm skipping mine to see him. as long as he gets back into boston sometime before 7am on wednesday when his flight leaves and he's able to pack stuff to go home in its all good.

ohh i really need a car. like really.

i'm in a really odd mood. I'm restless, like I have too much extra energy and I'm sick of this school routine, wake up study, read, study, italian, sleep, marx, eat; the same thing everyday. I really just wanna go home and drive around and waste gas and not have a place to go to. Thats what I want to do right now, I wanna go on a drive, lisen to some music and clear my head. but thats not gonna happen tonight. so i'm left here with a headache, slightly brewing over things, overanalyzing things far more than they should be. somewhere along the way i stopped having fun. i dont know when that happened. its all starting to fall under the pretext of work....all of it.

i got all dressed up today bc i was tired of looking like shit. i put on makeup, i did my hair, i wore something cute. and then nothing. i did homework. went to the coffee house and gossiped about people who came in. a good waste of the evening. the funny thing was i felt odd going to dinner and being cute, bc everyone was basically in sweats, but whatever, i needed to see myself in something other than a wifebeater.

so i asked Andy a very simple question, a dangerous question but really a very simple question, I asked him if he thought that i was still as pretty with short hair as i had been with long hair. i wanted him to lie. i really did not want to know what he honestly thought about my shorter hair. i honestly didnt. i wanted to him (and expected him) to say "jessica of course ur still as pretty with short hair as u are with long hair. it doesnt matter how long ur hair is" he didnt. and his answer, was the wrong answer.

andy's going to say when he reads this, that if i didnt want his honest opinion why did i ask him. the answer (and this applies to everyone reading and taking notes) that many times ppl ask u questions (by ppl i mean women and speciafically women that u are dating) and they do not want to hear the truth they want to hear something that will make themselves feel better, a much softer and kindler watered-down version of "the truth," which really means a lie. bc really theres nothing i can do now but wait until my hair grows back to how long it was and that will take me about 2-3yrs. Now 2-3yrs is a looong time to not like the way ur hair looks, and i know i chopped off my hair for a good cause and that i need to get over it, but u dont live with my hair, i do, so dont try telling me that. but thats not the point of this story, the point of the story is that there is a right answer and a wrong answer to dangerous questions, u need to pause (but not for too long a time) and think about what it is that they want to hear, and then u need to say that in the best possible way. now someone with some skills can completly turn the conversation and avoid the question all together, although i do not think that there are many ppl out there with those kind of skills.

now if all of y'all are real smart, u will leave comments telling me how i am still pretty even though my hair is short.

a lot of times i seriously wonder about ppl. i really think that if these ppl just smoked some illegal substances (that i want t make very clear that i do not consume/smoke/insert into my body/snort) things would go a lot better in some of these places. hell in all of these places. dont believe me? what some proof that ppl need to chill out? read this and then make a comment

i've been missing in action this week, sorry about that its been a busy busy week.

I talked to my best friend Alesha on tuesday night and her life always makes me very thankful of the life that i have now. Life is really very different when u dont go to school and u have a kid, and ur dating a dumbass who mistreats u, and u dont have a high school diploma because life basically screwed u over. the point is her life puts my life in perspective, and me going moho is really a priviledge, and something that i cant take very lightly.

lets see i bombed an italian quiz, mostly bc i skipped the 2 classes leading up to it, and felt like shit during class. i hate the passato remoto, i hate it. i hated it last yr, and i hate it this yr. its just so annoying and pointless, no one uses it in normal conversation and unless ur going to be reading old italian books ur not going to need it. and i for one am not planning on opening a boring italian book and reading it. its just not going to happen. ugh. but yea, i have 10 italian classes left this semester and i cannot wait until they are over. i hate waking up and getting to italian. which makes me scared of next semester having to be at umass at 9:30am. but at least i have friends taking the class with me, so i can deal with that with other ppl.

i've been reading really interesting stuff for my women's studies class, about the Green Belt Movement in Kenya, and what these women are managing to accomplish there. like its a very simple idea for a project, these women plant trees, well they give away seeds so that women can plant trees so that they have firewood, food, and shade. In Kenya bc of globalization and the stupid IMF structural adjustement programs, the traditional croops of Africa were replaced with nontraditional plants, such as coffee that were intended to be grown so that the country would have an export to sell to the world market. This is just bad economics basically, and i wont go into the whole reasoning behind it, but just know that its retarded and that the world has never worked like that and never will, although it is a very utopian and interesting theory. anyways the point is that these "cash crops" were farmed and as we all know u cant live off coffee, and so they wonder why children are malnutritioned and dying when an entire country is now being forced to import the foods that they need to eat. the land becomes erroded bc these plants cannot survive the summers in africa, and bad awful things happen as the result of bad economics. so this group encourages communities to plant indigiounous trees in order to be able to sustain the community. the point, is that reading this stuff is really encouraging bc very simple things like planting trees has huge ripple affects on every aspect of the community.

the other interesting point of my readings was that they mentioned this woman named Patsy Ruth Oliver, who is an amazing enviromental activist that emerged out of Texarkana. Now u have to understand that feeling that i got from doing my readings for class and realizing that they were talking about a place that i've been to. and i mean they talk about the valley and what goes on there, and i've visited but for some reason reading about texarkana was just so interesting for me. Like Terxarkana is a superfund site, which means that it is one of the most polluted places in the US. Like these families had creotin bubbling up in their sinks, and developed tumors and children died, etc. Which just made me think of Pasadena and the weird awful smell whole nasty place has, and how those ppl are probably dying too. (btw, they made the argument that these companies target the communties of minorities to dump their waste, which was interesting and made me want to force a law to go thru that they start dumping the awful chemical waste underneth the homes of the evil CEO's that run these companies, to see how much they liked to watch their children die of cancer) Its a weird feeling when u randomly read about ur homestate and its never about the good things that are going on there.

and i think i've figuared out what i want to write my thesis about, which is great bc if my advisor lets me do it that means that i can start like next semester and work thru the summer on that. which may be amazingly great for me. so much stuff running thru my head but i think i'm doing okay. my level of hygiene is a bit down, but my brain is in great condition, which is really all that matters. this weekend i will do work, lots of it.

i'm starting to think that the source of my problems lie in the fact that i am too well liked. i will even venture to say that i am too loved for my own good, bc no one wants me to leave them. this should be a great thing, but the problem is that i become very attached to people that i also love and care for, and so i dont want to leave them either. the new problem with my going to italy plan thing, is that my advisor, who i adore terribly, will be in hong kong when i come back. this means that in my senior yr, i will no longer have my wonderful advisor who make random phone calls for me and get me into the classes i want and teaches fun econ courses for me. this makes me very sad. and all sorts of panicky. he's now attempting to get me to go to umass for grad so that i will continue to see him after i graduate and so he can sit on my disertation committee. i have to admit that the prospect of having him, wolff, and resnick sitting on my committee is very nice. but i hate this weather, mostly bc i get all sickly when its cold and dont want to venture outside. so then i become antisocial and moody and such. oh well, grad school is very far away from now. satya started joking around and saying that he never knows what to expect from me. i never do either. but so far i think i've done alright. i think i'm going to italy. i'll learn to live without the internet and without seeing my favorite andy. that part also makes me really sad. hell maybe i wont get in and the choice will be made for me.

its a bad sign when its monday night and ur already thinking of drinking.

yay for me! and i really should be asleep. oh and if i go to italy i have narrowed it down to either Milan or Rome, and as Anna has pointed out Milan has really amazing shoes...and the evil consumer in me *loves* shoes. but we shall see. but i'm thinking italy will be the place to be next year...now to get accepted.

You Are A Juicy Kisser!

Your lips are totally kissable baby, and you know how to use them.

You are the perfect kisser - with the right combo of lips and tongue.

It's important to flaunt it, so kiss early and often on dates!



How Do *You* Kiss?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

i've been noticing lately that theres a bunch of alcoholics running around this school. (by a bunch i mean like 10) like women who start partying on tuesday afternoon and dont stop till monday morning when they're too hungover to drink anymore. people like this scare me. mostly bc i have a pretty high tolerance so the concept of how much it would take me to get me drunk for an entire week frightens me. although these are the same ppl that help me make A's in classes since its impossible for them to write coherent sentences. i went over to the thirsty mind last night (the coffee house place) and ran into some ppl that i lived with last yr, (the troll even made an apperance) and i started talking to kathryn who is too much fun and she started telling me that one of her profs was basically telling the class that the papers were so awful that he became suicidal halfway thru reading them. so i started joking around that it would make for a hillarious comment on a paper, like "your writing is so awful that i felt like throwing myself off a cliff after reading the garbage that you wrote. for my mental health, i would appreciate that you dropped the class, thanks." like how would u feel after getting that? its just funny the standards that these ppl hold us to, like they're not dicking around when it comes to these papers. ah silly profs...

okay today i will decide if i will go abroad to italy or stay here and graduate early and write a thesis next yr....must figuare this out today. i must.

but first, a relaxing hot shower. damn its cold outside.

i'm a lazy ass. heres the deal though, the school's server has been retarded lately, some sort of problem with verizon, so what i really wanna do is move over to the schools server. thats like the ultimate goal. so think of this as an "inbetween" kind of deal. like the girl who isnt really the one but is better than getting no ass. she's good enough for now. thats this skin.

as far as me, satya like calmed me the fuck down on friday and we talked for like a good 3-4 hrs about my life and me going to grad and how he thinks i'm brilliant and he talked me into taking like 3 econ classes and none of my maths. he's basically trying to talk me out of going abroad to italy, and i have to say that i'm seriously considering it, bc if i can start taking like grad classes at umass then that gives me a huge heads up on everyone else. and like he pointed out if i seriously want to go to italy, i can always become a visiting professor or something and like there for a year. thats what he does when he feels like going to china.

oh and i was doing consumerism surveys on friday, and these women were getting like pissed off at me. like seriously upset and i just wanted to break it down to them and tell them that if they didnt buy shit for a day, or hell even for christmas they werent going to ruin the economy and force ppl to lose they're jobs. i'm also really bad at giving surverys. thats what i learned. i'm very passive about like "eh, fill this survey please" and then ppl ignore me.

umm yea. i went to dinner with anna and yara, and that was just so much fun. we had chinese and talked and made fun of ppl and it was exactly what i needed to regain my sanity.

my desk is a covered in schedules. i'm trying to get my schedule for next semester figuared out and done and turned in early so that i'll get all the classes i need....but ahhh umass keeps trying to screw me over basically. as it stands right now i've signed up for intermediate italian, us economic history (with gabe), into to stats, calc 1 (yes i know i said i was never going to take it....but i'm going to grad school so i need it), and i need an econ class, specifically a intermediate micro or macro class in order to be an "econ" major. its so annoying. theres so many class that i want to take and i'm being forced to waste my time with 3 classes that i know i shall dislike intensely. i still need random stuff like a lab science, some gym credits (i think 3) and math (which i'll be taking next semester.

maybe i can drop clac and take something much more exciting....like a grad marxian class at umass....so many options....

okay lets see if this worked.

yes!

okay, the banner above is for a great campaign called "Buy Nothing day" Nov.29 (the day after thanksgiving) is the busiest shopping day of the yr in the US. Overconsumption is the mother of all the problems that we have right now, (why do women in el salvador have to work in sweatshops? bc americans "consume"/ buy more goods than any other country in the world. not only do they want these goods they want them cheap. why is the us going to war with Iraq? not to fight 'terroism" but to gain control over the country with the largest amount of petrolium deposits in the world. oh and fyi americans consume more oil then any other country in the world. why is global warming giving us extra floods and messed up weather? short answer, overconsumption.)

christmas is a wonderful beautiful holiday. and its not about getting gifts. its actually a religious holiday, but we wont hold that against it. (kidding) christmas is about love. friends. family. spend time with ur loved ones. buy ur friends meangful gifts if u even buy them anything at all. spend the money on worthwhile causes, charity. think, evaluate what the money that ur spending is saying to corporations. when u spend $50 on a sweater from the Gap (or on a downpayment for a pair of nikes) ur telling those companies that its okay by u that they destroy the earth and exploit ppl, including ur family members, and urself. thats not the gift that u want to be giving.

oh something thats been bugging me for a while now....
why is j.lo going to marry ben afflect? thats jennifer lopez from the bronx, who has the most ghetto ass i have seen in a really long time, marrying some guy from cambridge, mass. thats not right. thats one of the fly girls from inliving color marrying a white guy named ben.

i just realized that i dont have a sprinkler in my room. that sucks for me.

i wish i could paint my walls...they would look so pretty...like a nice happy yellow, como un pollito like my mommy says. i miss my mommy...i miss my parents. some evil man tried to rob my father at gunpoint (sorry if mom didnt get a hold of u to tell u jonathan) on sunday night while my daddy was walking the crazy dog. my daddy escaped and got back home safely but still...life is so fragile... and the irony of some desparate crazy bad man trying to get money from my dad is just...::sigh:: people are so disconnected from one another. like if that man knew my father, and that he's given everything he has to educate his children, then i dont think he would have tried to do that, but people dont think of others. i run accross a lot of girls here who feel that they're entitled to have whatever they want. i think thats why i want my kids to grow up with very little, or at least thinking that their poor because i think that having to work for everything that you have gives you the best perspective on life...on whats truly important and what is a luxury, a gift, not an entitlement or a right. the older that i get, and the more perspective that i receive the more afraid i am of losing the few people in my life that i truly value. my mom's illness taught me that...life teaches you many things about priorities in life.

do something good. live. we all hear that crap about seizing the day but i'm starting to think that its true, and i'm getting really scared because i spend most of mine with my nose in a book and not actually getting to live it. college does that. and so does having a job. things try to get in the way of u enjoying ur own life...maybe thats why i want to go to italy, so that i can try to get out of this american mindset of always rushing thru things...rushing thru ur life not focusing on whats important.

its been raining here since around sunday, when andy left and its funny the effect that the rain has on me. it seems appropriate somehow.

i did this all for lasu. i hate losing.

umm i may mess around with the colors and maybe change the colors scheme or something. i think maybe i'll even try to create my very own blog....but we'll see how this weekend looks for that. i make no promises. although i do promise that i will not be returning to the 80's....it just didnt feel right.

but yea....i wrote my ws paper/letter thing this morning. i started on it at 1:30ish. and then i talked to andy for a bit and then i was vaguely made an outline. vaguely. then i went to bed at like 2:30 and set my alarm for 6 to finish. which meant that i started writing around 8am. which wasnt too bad i finished the letter at 9:50something and managed to get to italian only like 10minutes late. i'm that girl in the class who can never get to class on time. i try though. i try really hard...i just cant.

the global assembly line was pretty cool. i learned how liz clayborne is the devil, how taco bell wont give their tomatoe pickers a one cent raise (those bastards), how ll bean gives pregancy test to their textile workers in china and pay them "minimum wage" which is about .21 in china as opposed to "living wage which is a whole .81, ummm yea, oh and starbucks only buy 1% of their coffee at fair trade so their also the devil and their cups are made with prison labor in the US. oh and chocolate is a "luxury" good...i had never thought of it as one...and my team did intel and how they screw over the philippinos... it makes me wonder where to buy my food, clothing, and technology stuff without having that guilt that goes with knowing that the computer ur writing on, the clothes that are on your body where all made by people who are basically slaves of capitalism. ur clothes are made by slaves. i want guilt free clothes....

oh this site was made by one of the teams in the class about the women in El Salvador who work for Liz Claiborne

this is another good site about sweatshops around Los Angeles and gives u good info on how to get involved. i think it specifically deals with the evil forever 21, but it might also have info on other evil textile companies.

satya is so amazing! we figuared out my schedule and what i needed for that. but he's so funny. i wanted to take this econ seminar with another professor and he's like "yea he's okay, but if u just need the seminar credits then tell me what classes u want to take and i'll teach them when you get back"

i'm basically majoring in econ from Satya. oh well, i'm not complaining. I like his classes, their much funner than normal econ classes. and really who else will taylor their syllubus to match what i want to learn?

oh and as far as the new look for the blog goes keep in mind that i'm not even sure if i like it. so we really dont know how long it'll last. it might just be too 80's for me.

ok, this might be the best that i can do for now. maybe it'll fix itself.

::sigh:: this is as good as its gonna get. can anyone smarter than me tell me why all of my date's arent coming up with the same background color? like the first one does and after that they dont. and it makes me sad.

ugh i dont know about the site. i changed stuff around. played with some things. tried some new colors. i hope y'all like the funny picture of me. tell me what u think of the page. and if u have any suggestions on how to fix it up.

yea, i should be doing my essay's. but why write a letter to the evil secretary of labor who has sketchy ties to the chinese when u can play with ur blog and try to figuare out how to do cool things with it? besisdes which, i can never actually do work once andy leaves anyways.

this was the best weekend that i've had in a really long time. andy and luke came to visit and it was just the most wonderful thing in the entire world. luke and I had hot chocolate and steamed milk at the dirty and i had this delicious delicious strawberry. we all watched anna and yara dance on saturday and that was fun. anna did a very disturbing piece that messed with andy's mind but left me feeling relieved that anna wasnt actually going crazy, it was all just that damn Tere O'Connor and his messed up mind, and now i hope that she's gotten all the crazyness out of her system and will return to normal. umm we all went to eat at the Teapot in Noho, and that was fun. i ate yummy shrimp and discovered that i really just want a dish entitled "shrimp," because i have no use for all the other stuff that they like to serve with it. like broccoli, who eats broccoli? umm but yea, we had to run to catch the bus and we realized that since luke is like 6'8" when he runs its like....well i've never seen anything like it. when we got back we played charades and that was fun in that way where things turn into a disaster and u wonder how u got sucked into playing. it was me and andy against anna and luke, and me and andy make a great couple, but the combination of both of us in a competitive enviroment is just horrific. mostly bc neither of us could ever really be considered a "team player" so anna and luke gave me War and Peace (the book) to try to act out, so i being very logical pretended my hands were ppl and started making them fight, to symbolize that war is really 2 individual governments fighting against one another. obvious stuff. andy had no idea what i was doing. so then i resorted to giving andy an illegal 'w' hand gesture, which got me disqualified. other highlights of the game included them giving me the movie "gooyneys" (or something like that) to try to guess, which of course i had no idea what the hell it was since i didnt grow up in this country. so that round involved andy doing stuff and me telling him i didnt know what the fuck he was doing. and then the other highlight was anna doing interpritive dance movements to get luke to figuare out "natural born killers" and luke being incredibly confused.

umm but yea, it was a great weekend. a normal weekend with boys and just so so wonderful.