so last night was pure randomness with brent. we watched Garden State (i liked it. you should watch it. but it also made me feel very much like "i could have written that") then we proceeded to drive around downtown, check mail, stuff like that. fairly typical. then both of us needed to go to the restroom. so since we were in the Rice University area we were like "oh lets go there." this is where the evening turned memorable. basic life lessons were learned like dont touch anything at Rice.
yea we parked at the garage and then wandered around some management building. i noticed a door that was ajar and i tried to open it. which is when the alarm started blarring from the building. so of course i ran. and when i stopped i looked around and realized that brent was no where to be found. yea. i definately freaked out when i saw a string of ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars cruising by me. so i casually walked away like nothing had happened. still no brent. so i walked down some stairs and back into the parking garage and found brent's car when i sense that i'm not alone and turn around and there's brent. we then proceeded to wander around rice some more except that i refused to touch anything since i was trying my hardest to avoid being arrested in the last 5 days before i head back to moho.
eventually we drove over to the stadium and brent nicely asked some man to let us use their restrooms which is how i received a tiny tour of the Rice football lockers. if we had been on a scavenger hunt we would have totally won.
we drove around some more and by the very end of the night we were in Fort Bend county on a desolate road surrounded by pickup trucks and mosquitos. and when your alone in the car with a black man and you look like a white woman there's possibly no worse place to be at 11ish at night. so we turned around and went home.
*this is a good idea.
agosto 21, 2004
agosto 20, 2004
vacationing
okay this is just too cute and kinda horrific so i figured i'd share:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of thebank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of thebank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
agosto 18, 2004
bwa-ha-ha
its been a really fabulous week. random but fabulous.
my boy visited and it was most wonderful. we got to go to Chacos which seriously puts crack in their tortillas. their delicious. and we watched the Olympics. and had dinner with my dad and my brother. basically when i retell it sounds really boring but it was the most fun stress-free time i've had all summer.
then i had my last 2 days at work. which were good. i had a really good time working for them this summer and I learned a ton of stuff and the people there were really nice to me. so all is good.
and then what else. leaving for MA in less than a week. still not completly sure how this plan is going to work and how i'm going to get there, but i'm ready to go back. i miss having my own room where I can watch my mindless tv without being judged for my addiction to bad tv. a little stressed since my folks havent paid my tuition bill in full so I cant register for classes, which doesnt matter since I havent filled out a minor form so I cant register for classes since I havent officially changed my major yet since I'm a really gigantimous slacker when I want to be. so yea.
oh and my mom is buying a house. in san antonio. sketch.
some links to keep you busy:
*i dont find her that attractive but eh different strokes for different folks. Ah the whole thing with her kind of makes me want to go annonymous since I know I'd have a bunch of more interesting things to vent about. but then I wouldnt give y'all the link because that would kill the annonymous bit.
*this week's news
*glad to know all is well in the world again
*and this is just cute
my boy visited and it was most wonderful. we got to go to Chacos which seriously puts crack in their tortillas. their delicious. and we watched the Olympics. and had dinner with my dad and my brother. basically when i retell it sounds really boring but it was the most fun stress-free time i've had all summer.
then i had my last 2 days at work. which were good. i had a really good time working for them this summer and I learned a ton of stuff and the people there were really nice to me. so all is good.
and then what else. leaving for MA in less than a week. still not completly sure how this plan is going to work and how i'm going to get there, but i'm ready to go back. i miss having my own room where I can watch my mindless tv without being judged for my addiction to bad tv. a little stressed since my folks havent paid my tuition bill in full so I cant register for classes, which doesnt matter since I havent filled out a minor form so I cant register for classes since I havent officially changed my major yet since I'm a really gigantimous slacker when I want to be. so yea.
oh and my mom is buying a house. in san antonio. sketch.
some links to keep you busy:
*i dont find her that attractive but eh different strokes for different folks. Ah the whole thing with her kind of makes me want to go annonymous since I know I'd have a bunch of more interesting things to vent about. but then I wouldnt give y'all the link because that would kill the annonymous bit.
*this week's news
*glad to know all is well in the world again
*and this is just cute
agosto 11, 2004
excitement.
so um. my parents are moving to San Antonio.
my boyfriend is going to be living in Erie, PA.
i dont want to live in pennsylvania. or in san antonio.
lovely.
my boyfriend is going to be living in Erie, PA.
i dont want to live in pennsylvania. or in san antonio.
lovely.
agosto 07, 2004
save a horse. ride a cowboy.
there are many things that i love about Houston. and then there is an even larger number of things that I loathe about Houston. or maybe their just general loathings. for example:
**men leering at me: i have no problem with men looking at me. i have a problem with them leering and/or staring. once they start trying to talk to me and invade my personal space i have to just restrain myself from hurting them. i'm personally just to the point where i wish they would try something because i'd kick their ass. and then laugh. and point.
**traffic: i understand theres a lot of ppl in houston. i get it. but why it takes me 30-45 minutes to go 2 blocks is beyond me. like when theres an accident or something it makes sense. but everyday? ridiculous. whats sad is i've gotten to the point where if i get home from work in 45 minutes i'm like "oh wow that was quick" which is sick because it should take like 20 minutes since its all freeway to get there.
**idiots who cant drive: now i'm not the best driver in the world. i get it. i manage to hurt other people's cars when i'm walking (not a joke i completly broke some guys mirror with my elbow the other day). but its gotten to the point where i completly understand road range now. like when some idiot is driving in front of me on the freeway going like 45 (on the freeway) i have to restrain myself from slamming my car into theirs. or from flicking them off. which is why its a good thing i dont have a gun in my car.
**Bush stickers on hummers. or bmws. or Ford F150s: yea. I kinda wish i carried a carton of eggs with me so i could just egg peoples cars. but then i remind myself that everyone has a right to be an idiot. and to their own idiotic opinion. and yet still theres a part of me that wants to slash their tires. except that would only cement them in their own idiotic opinion. and then what.
so umm yea. venting makes things better. oh and i got a cellphone. even though i kinda hate cell phones. they annoy me and i think their rude and obnoxious. i like how i get things that i dont really want, but things that i do want i dont get. lovely.
and this might just be the most hillarious one yet. so read it. love it. loathe it. either one.
**men leering at me: i have no problem with men looking at me. i have a problem with them leering and/or staring. once they start trying to talk to me and invade my personal space i have to just restrain myself from hurting them. i'm personally just to the point where i wish they would try something because i'd kick their ass. and then laugh. and point.
**traffic: i understand theres a lot of ppl in houston. i get it. but why it takes me 30-45 minutes to go 2 blocks is beyond me. like when theres an accident or something it makes sense. but everyday? ridiculous. whats sad is i've gotten to the point where if i get home from work in 45 minutes i'm like "oh wow that was quick" which is sick because it should take like 20 minutes since its all freeway to get there.
**idiots who cant drive: now i'm not the best driver in the world. i get it. i manage to hurt other people's cars when i'm walking (not a joke i completly broke some guys mirror with my elbow the other day). but its gotten to the point where i completly understand road range now. like when some idiot is driving in front of me on the freeway going like 45 (on the freeway) i have to restrain myself from slamming my car into theirs. or from flicking them off. which is why its a good thing i dont have a gun in my car.
**Bush stickers on hummers. or bmws. or Ford F150s: yea. I kinda wish i carried a carton of eggs with me so i could just egg peoples cars. but then i remind myself that everyone has a right to be an idiot. and to their own idiotic opinion. and yet still theres a part of me that wants to slash their tires. except that would only cement them in their own idiotic opinion. and then what.
so umm yea. venting makes things better. oh and i got a cellphone. even though i kinda hate cell phones. they annoy me and i think their rude and obnoxious. i like how i get things that i dont really want, but things that i do want i dont get. lovely.
and this might just be the most hillarious one yet. so read it. love it. loathe it. either one.
agosto 01, 2004
random ramblings
This marked my first week at work where I was the primary person in the office handling all the responsibilites. I even got a key, but with that key came the not so fun aspect of having to be into work by 9am especially since I'm not a morning person. And when you add in at least a half hour commute (when traffic is flowing incredibly well) then you have a situation when you get home and your just exhausted. but even with the exhausting I've had a lot of good things happen this week, like I found Pocky (the delicious Japanese snack)in the Randalls by my house. I like how I can buy Japanese goodies, Mexican cheese, Colombian malta(kinda rootbeer-ish soda), Kosher salt, and American bread at my neighboorhood store. The joys of living in a gigantic city. Although the traffic sucks enough ass to make me never want to live here permanently. Sad. but eh.
In other news my daddy is officially moving to San Antonio. The end of an era. Its been in the works for a while now, and after my daddy's heart scare it seemed like it might not happen but now it is happening my dad just needs to say when he's ready to go. Its sad but I've had enough time to process it so that it doesnt sting so bad. I've talked my mom into taking his phone number so I dont lose the one time thats been constant in my life since I moved here. Theres something insanely comforting about knowing that people that knew me in 6th grade can still randomly call me using the same number.
And what else. I found this great Argentinian bakery and deli by my house. If i went to college here thats where I would live reading my books and writing my papers. I wish we had a place like that in South Hadley. I've noticed that when ppl ask me were I go to school I'm really excited to tell them all about it. I figure that I'll educate the world about the wonders of Moho one person at a time.
My job is going ultra well since I pick up things insanely quickly. I can now process loan applications all by myself which means that I can review a credit report, gauge financial capacity, and evaluate the monetary worth of collateral all by myself. I can also close a loan application by myself too. Except ppl sometimes come in and since I look so young they assume that their loans are just too complicated for me. Which is stupid because trained monkeys could do the work that these ppl do. Except thats not nice to tell ppl so I've resisted the urge to be rude and just tell ppl that I understand their loan is important and that I've been trained very well. What I want to do is put them in their place and tell them that I'm smarter and better educated than they can ever hope to be, but thats not really the kind of attitude you can take when you work in a non-profit. Thus my conundrum in wanting to help people but really hating people sometimes. Eh. such is life.
My brother is coming back to Texas today. Which means I no longer have my parents all to myself so I have to share and I'm not so good at sharing so we'll see how this all plays out. But the good news is I'm back at Moho in 26 days. I'm unsure how I'm getting there and I have no idea what my room looks like. Although I know its huge. Which is good since I like huge.
I figure I'll spend my time home as best I can. Continuing to eat yummy food and learning how to cook "traditional" meals. and then before I know it I shall be back with my girls. ahh such excitement. The idea that I'm a senior keeps hitting me at random times, like on the drive home or in the supermarket. Eeek! It'll be okay though. I hope.
In other news my daddy is officially moving to San Antonio. The end of an era. Its been in the works for a while now, and after my daddy's heart scare it seemed like it might not happen but now it is happening my dad just needs to say when he's ready to go. Its sad but I've had enough time to process it so that it doesnt sting so bad. I've talked my mom into taking his phone number so I dont lose the one time thats been constant in my life since I moved here. Theres something insanely comforting about knowing that people that knew me in 6th grade can still randomly call me using the same number.
And what else. I found this great Argentinian bakery and deli by my house. If i went to college here thats where I would live reading my books and writing my papers. I wish we had a place like that in South Hadley. I've noticed that when ppl ask me were I go to school I'm really excited to tell them all about it. I figure that I'll educate the world about the wonders of Moho one person at a time.
My job is going ultra well since I pick up things insanely quickly. I can now process loan applications all by myself which means that I can review a credit report, gauge financial capacity, and evaluate the monetary worth of collateral all by myself. I can also close a loan application by myself too. Except ppl sometimes come in and since I look so young they assume that their loans are just too complicated for me. Which is stupid because trained monkeys could do the work that these ppl do. Except thats not nice to tell ppl so I've resisted the urge to be rude and just tell ppl that I understand their loan is important and that I've been trained very well. What I want to do is put them in their place and tell them that I'm smarter and better educated than they can ever hope to be, but thats not really the kind of attitude you can take when you work in a non-profit. Thus my conundrum in wanting to help people but really hating people sometimes. Eh. such is life.
My brother is coming back to Texas today. Which means I no longer have my parents all to myself so I have to share and I'm not so good at sharing so we'll see how this all plays out. But the good news is I'm back at Moho in 26 days. I'm unsure how I'm getting there and I have no idea what my room looks like. Although I know its huge. Which is good since I like huge.
I figure I'll spend my time home as best I can. Continuing to eat yummy food and learning how to cook "traditional" meals. and then before I know it I shall be back with my girls. ahh such excitement. The idea that I'm a senior keeps hitting me at random times, like on the drive home or in the supermarket. Eeek! It'll be okay though. I hope.
julio 25, 2004
i buy alcohol because i can
Thanks to all of y'all that sent birthday wishes. I managed to have myself a good time. I ordered a fruity peach drink and had a nice big steak. So good food, good drinks, good time.
I was actually not carded though, which is a bit disappointing. I keep wanting someone to card me, but its just not happening yet. I figure I'll just keep buying alchol until someone decides to card me. I really just want someone to see my id, because I'm finally 21, so I feel like I should buy alcohol, because I can. Not really because I want to drink, but because I can. Like I went to Fiesta with my mom and we had just finished buying seafood, and I was standing there waiting for her to pick out her wine, and I was just like I'm going to buy some delicious malt beverage because I can. Not really because I want one, but because I can. Its a good feeling, and so silly really.
so umm yea, soooo excited about being a senior. Mucha anticipacion.
Ahh I also got these beautiful flowers from andy, so thanks for the flowers monkey their lovely. And thanks for the letter Jess it made my day!
alright heres a quiz, i did a bunch of different combinations, and this one was my favorite.
Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
oh and an interesting essay in case you have the time.
I was actually not carded though, which is a bit disappointing. I keep wanting someone to card me, but its just not happening yet. I figure I'll just keep buying alchol until someone decides to card me. I really just want someone to see my id, because I'm finally 21, so I feel like I should buy alcohol, because I can. Not really because I want to drink, but because I can. Like I went to Fiesta with my mom and we had just finished buying seafood, and I was standing there waiting for her to pick out her wine, and I was just like I'm going to buy some delicious malt beverage because I can. Not really because I want one, but because I can. Its a good feeling, and so silly really.
so umm yea, soooo excited about being a senior. Mucha anticipacion.
Ahh I also got these beautiful flowers from andy, so thanks for the flowers monkey their lovely. And thanks for the letter Jess it made my day!
alright heres a quiz, i did a bunch of different combinations, and this one was my favorite.
| How to make a Jessica |
| Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 5 parts ambition 1 part joy |
| Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com
oh and an interesting essay in case you have the time.
julio 17, 2004
Dear Senior,
I received my first letter from my school addressed to me as a senior. I almost shed a tear. I'm so ready to go back to school and have my jess across the hall from me, my yara across the lake from me, and ev right in the middle. excitement. thinking about commencement and what i'm going to wear. i need to start shopping for green outfits since thats our class color. excitement.
i already found the most perfect dress for senior ball. so i need a laurel parade dress in white, i was thinking about a white pant suit, because i could rock a white pant suit but i dont know i might just want to wear a cute white dress. ahh decisions. and lets see what else. oh i received my graduation requirements so now i know what stands between me and a diploma (2 PE credits and a lab science). and thats school stuff.
i've been working at ACCION Texas as an intern and that's been going really well. There's only 2 people in the office besisdes me so I get to do alot of stuff. So I'm learning a ton and I think I'm getting a good sense of what I want to do and not do once I graduate. I just need to be busy if not I get really bored and start feeling like i'm wasting my time. which isnt cool. but umm yea. it fits into my grander plan of working for ACCION international, which fits into my even grander plan of living in Colombia. or Venezuela if they decide to stabilize themselves. which i dont think is going to happen. but umm yea. thats all.
excited about turning 21 finally. now i get to go out with the big kids and not have to stay home like a dork, unless of course i feel like staying home like a dork in which case thats what i'll be doing.
and some links to keep you busy:
*at least crazy liberals have fun.
*this is just too cute
* another new favorite thing
i already found the most perfect dress for senior ball. so i need a laurel parade dress in white, i was thinking about a white pant suit, because i could rock a white pant suit but i dont know i might just want to wear a cute white dress. ahh decisions. and lets see what else. oh i received my graduation requirements so now i know what stands between me and a diploma (2 PE credits and a lab science). and thats school stuff.
i've been working at ACCION Texas as an intern and that's been going really well. There's only 2 people in the office besisdes me so I get to do alot of stuff. So I'm learning a ton and I think I'm getting a good sense of what I want to do and not do once I graduate. I just need to be busy if not I get really bored and start feeling like i'm wasting my time. which isnt cool. but umm yea. it fits into my grander plan of working for ACCION international, which fits into my even grander plan of living in Colombia. or Venezuela if they decide to stabilize themselves. which i dont think is going to happen. but umm yea. thats all.
excited about turning 21 finally. now i get to go out with the big kids and not have to stay home like a dork, unless of course i feel like staying home like a dork in which case thats what i'll be doing.
and some links to keep you busy:
*at least crazy liberals have fun.
*this is just too cute
* another new favorite thing
junio 09, 2004
minesweeper owns me
ah the hazy days of summer when its completly socially acceptable to wake up in the afternoon, answer the phone, and then go back to sleep. except that this summer my brain is refusing to shut off, which makes it hard to enjoy doing absolutely nothing when your brain craves stimulating conversation and good books. unfortunately my summer book is still in the mail on its way over here and so in the meantime i have nothing to read, which isnt so pleasant. my attempts to go into the public library and read something else have been ruined by the fact that i'm now spoiled, and everytime i enter a public library i just think about how quaint it is and how this isnt a real library especially since all of my favorite authors are missing from their collections. and then i just think to myself "how is this a real library if irene klepfisz isnt included in it?" so then i just back away and leave the library sad about my lack of good summer reading.
but yea, so far this summer i've started the process of figuring out what i'm going to do this summer, and yea its late but its better than never starting at all. i sent my resume out to the one non-profit that seems to combine everything i love and do it well, but the problem is that they dont have a specific internship in Houston although they are offering two in San Antonio where the Texas branch of the nonprofit is based. personally i love them so much that if it came to it i would move to san antonio just to work for them, but hopefully they'll figure something out for me to do here in Houston. hopefully.
and what else. i'll keep it short and just leave y'all with things to go through on your own time:
*everything you ever wanted to know about intersexed births
*the stupidity of the bushes never ceases to amaze me (melissa, you should read this)
and a quiz just to keep things interesting:
I am an Intellectual
Which America Hating Minority Are You?
Take More Robert & Tim Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim Cartoons
but yea, so far this summer i've started the process of figuring out what i'm going to do this summer, and yea its late but its better than never starting at all. i sent my resume out to the one non-profit that seems to combine everything i love and do it well, but the problem is that they dont have a specific internship in Houston although they are offering two in San Antonio where the Texas branch of the nonprofit is based. personally i love them so much that if it came to it i would move to san antonio just to work for them, but hopefully they'll figure something out for me to do here in Houston. hopefully.
and what else. i'll keep it short and just leave y'all with things to go through on your own time:
*everything you ever wanted to know about intersexed births
*the stupidity of the bushes never ceases to amaze me (melissa, you should read this)
and a quiz just to keep things interesting:
I am an Intellectual
Which America Hating Minority Are You?
Take More Robert & Tim Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim Cartoons
junio 06, 2004
i need a new tribe
alright, so brent told me to post and since he just drove me around houston for like a good couple of hours and kept me entertained i'm going to humor him. but really i have nothing to post. its basically a ditto to what he posted. just basically that i'm bored, been bored since i got home and have started trying to figure out what i'm going to do once i graduate next may. its a little scary, but not so scary because i know how i want things to go down i just have to figure out how the pieces will fall.
but umm yea. basically the grass is always better on the other side. and right now i wish i was with my wonderful women back at moho where i can go on a rant about anything really and not have it be brushed off. i just have come to realize that i'm different. and sometimes this just makes it hard to relate to other ppl because my motivation in life is very different and i could care less about fancy cars and i think theory is facinating. so yea. i'm all over the place right now. i'm going to take the summer to figure things out with my man, my life, learn some portuguise, write some stories down, study for the gre's, volunteer at planned parenthood, and work for a nonprofit. and paint.
oh and i spent 13hrs with a 3 year old and it made me rethink having children. and it wore me out completly. and i probably never want to do that again. so yea. well see how this summer turns out. but i strangely want it to go slowly so i can think everything over and be ready for senior year, which i think is going to rule. i just need to swash some drama and get my classes in order for the year so that it'll work out.
but umm yea. basically the grass is always better on the other side. and right now i wish i was with my wonderful women back at moho where i can go on a rant about anything really and not have it be brushed off. i just have come to realize that i'm different. and sometimes this just makes it hard to relate to other ppl because my motivation in life is very different and i could care less about fancy cars and i think theory is facinating. so yea. i'm all over the place right now. i'm going to take the summer to figure things out with my man, my life, learn some portuguise, write some stories down, study for the gre's, volunteer at planned parenthood, and work for a nonprofit. and paint.
oh and i spent 13hrs with a 3 year old and it made me rethink having children. and it wore me out completly. and i probably never want to do that again. so yea. well see how this summer turns out. but i strangely want it to go slowly so i can think everything over and be ready for senior year, which i think is going to rule. i just need to swash some drama and get my classes in order for the year so that it'll work out.
mayo 13, 2004
wow
in the last 24hrs I have written 3 spanish papers and one 15pg econ paper. thats ridiculous, especially considering that I did the research the night of. ahh i should always pick topics that i can easily write, then my life will be much easier. but yea, my brain is shutting down, although i dont know why since i slept for 7 hrs, but yea it doesnt want to be awake right now. but thats too bad because i need to pack up my room and put everything into storage, which means that once again i will be saying goodbye to my computer for the summer and dealing with life without aim or checking my email every five minutes. eh. such is life. tomorrow if all goes well i shall be on my way to boston and enjoying living in an actual city for a few days.
i really should of hooked up my computer so that I wouldnt have this problem anymore...oh well. all thats left to do is just pack, throw things away, and one more meeting with my spanish profs. which i think will go really well.
i hate packing, even though i'm good at it because theres always this feeling that what was your home for a year is now over, and for some reason even though this semester was long i'm going to miss this room. but next year my room is bigger and better, and jess shall be living across the hall from me so i'll have someone to bother all the time. ::sigh::
alright kiddos i have to pack.
i really should of hooked up my computer so that I wouldnt have this problem anymore...oh well. all thats left to do is just pack, throw things away, and one more meeting with my spanish profs. which i think will go really well.
i hate packing, even though i'm good at it because theres always this feeling that what was your home for a year is now over, and for some reason even though this semester was long i'm going to miss this room. but next year my room is bigger and better, and jess shall be living across the hall from me so i'll have someone to bother all the time. ::sigh::
alright kiddos i have to pack.
mayo 12, 2004
de|vel|op: vt. to make fuller, bigger, better
this has been an amazing semester. not always the most pleasant but I learned so much. and not in the hollow way where you learn how to find the speed of a car moving down a cliff, but in this astonishing way where you learn how to live your life, where you grow as a human being. i love this feeling. it reminds me of being five (and oh soo cute) and just walking around in constant awe of the world around me. somewhere along the line i lost that, i think it had everything to do with school and life getting in the way of things. school isn't very conducive to people learning to think for themselves, its more about teaching how to be a sheep and regurgitate what the teacher preaches as truth. why didn't anyone ever bother telling me that there is no such thing? i would have gotten sooo much more out of school that way.
the funny thing about this semester is that i've learned the basics: how to read, write, and listen. and now, even trying to explain that it sounds silly. "oh jes of course you know how to read, everyone knows that." do you really know how to read? are we really taught that? because reading isn't about just superficially reading the words, its about connecting fully with the text and the author, knowing who they're in conversation with, and what brought them to create this. this is how you read. and it takes forever, and its a bitch to do, but once you've done it the taste lingers in your mouth and you're hooked.
i think the most important thing i've learned this semester is to listen. like truly listen to other people, and not just like in one ear and out the other, but listen. everyone has something amazing to say. last night during my umass class (which lasted 5 hours) i heard some of the most beautiful, amazing, engaging, powerful, and intelligent work that i've ever heard in my life. it was a privilege. and this amazing work was coming from umass kids who i typically would have just shrugged off because they dont speak up in class and worry more about their gucci sunglasses than the reading. but the class was just incredible. and it felt so amazing to read my work, and show my paintings, and just breathe.
i thought i was going to have a panic attack before i went up there. the entire day i was having these horrible pangs of "what am i doing sharing these things with people?" i told a class of about 30 women things that i dont tell people. things that y'all dont even know about me. and it was amazing. for the first time in my life, i really took a risk and put myself out there, and it rocked. i feel alive. like truly alive. but most importantly i learned to let go of the outcome. you don't like what i have to say? thats too damn bad. i don't need you to like me. i'm a grown ass woman. and what i want to do with my life is write.
ps. this is fabulous. consider it your required reading for the night.
the funny thing about this semester is that i've learned the basics: how to read, write, and listen. and now, even trying to explain that it sounds silly. "oh jes of course you know how to read, everyone knows that." do you really know how to read? are we really taught that? because reading isn't about just superficially reading the words, its about connecting fully with the text and the author, knowing who they're in conversation with, and what brought them to create this. this is how you read. and it takes forever, and its a bitch to do, but once you've done it the taste lingers in your mouth and you're hooked.
i think the most important thing i've learned this semester is to listen. like truly listen to other people, and not just like in one ear and out the other, but listen. everyone has something amazing to say. last night during my umass class (which lasted 5 hours) i heard some of the most beautiful, amazing, engaging, powerful, and intelligent work that i've ever heard in my life. it was a privilege. and this amazing work was coming from umass kids who i typically would have just shrugged off because they dont speak up in class and worry more about their gucci sunglasses than the reading. but the class was just incredible. and it felt so amazing to read my work, and show my paintings, and just breathe.
i thought i was going to have a panic attack before i went up there. the entire day i was having these horrible pangs of "what am i doing sharing these things with people?" i told a class of about 30 women things that i dont tell people. things that y'all dont even know about me. and it was amazing. for the first time in my life, i really took a risk and put myself out there, and it rocked. i feel alive. like truly alive. but most importantly i learned to let go of the outcome. you don't like what i have to say? thats too damn bad. i don't need you to like me. i'm a grown ass woman. and what i want to do with my life is write.
ps. this is fabulous. consider it your required reading for the night.
mayo 10, 2004
dropped my ankle down
okay so i'm lisening to Freek-a-leek and i realized that in that entire lines of names there aren't any jessicas and then i realized that i've never met a black woman named Jessica. which is pretty interesting. well actually i knew one in middle school but she was creole so she was part french. probably one of the most attractive people i've ever met in my life.
yea i'm on crack, and its okay.
so my finals period has just taken a swing towards the worst when i realized that the paper for econ that i thought was only 5 pages is really *15* pages. beautiful. now the question now becomes, where did this 5 page idea come from? ugh. so i'm not sleeping for the rest of the week it seems. or maybe i just pull 15 pages straight out of my ass and get some sleep. i like how sleep is my new goal.
plus somewhere in there i have take my stuff to the storage place, write spanish papers (about 5), and not lose my sanity. although i may have already lost it long ago.
on a positive note i like the stuff that i've written for my umass class. i think its actually quality stuff. although i'm a bit frightened of reading it in front of the class because thats like being naked in front of people, and while nudity is great when it involves sunny parisian beaches, its not so cool when it involves possible academic humiliation. so i'll let you know how that goes tonight.
yea i'm on crack, and its okay.
so my finals period has just taken a swing towards the worst when i realized that the paper for econ that i thought was only 5 pages is really *15* pages. beautiful. now the question now becomes, where did this 5 page idea come from? ugh. so i'm not sleeping for the rest of the week it seems. or maybe i just pull 15 pages straight out of my ass and get some sleep. i like how sleep is my new goal.
plus somewhere in there i have take my stuff to the storage place, write spanish papers (about 5), and not lose my sanity. although i may have already lost it long ago.
on a positive note i like the stuff that i've written for my umass class. i think its actually quality stuff. although i'm a bit frightened of reading it in front of the class because thats like being naked in front of people, and while nudity is great when it involves sunny parisian beaches, its not so cool when it involves possible academic humiliation. so i'll let you know how that goes tonight.
i slept funny
so its finally starting to hit me. I'm really going to have to pack up my stuff and leave. its funny how i'm just a little slow sometimes, but i also think its something that keeps me in check. like i know i'm an intelligent woman, but just sometimes I have really ditzy moments. but thats okay, because my brain is always going to be bigger than my breasts. haha. i'm such a dork.
oh finals, you make me lose my sanity.
so blogger is new and improved so I decided that I should also be new and improved. thus, new skin. I was getting really tired of the old one, but i just changed things around and now i like this. it just a matter of getting the comments back up, and all that goodness. so i hope y'all like it.
oh and I'll leave y'all with some links:
*they beat you to it Andy!
*i might start doing this
*verb oppression
oh finals, you make me lose my sanity.
so blogger is new and improved so I decided that I should also be new and improved. thus, new skin. I was getting really tired of the old one, but i just changed things around and now i like this. it just a matter of getting the comments back up, and all that goodness. so i hope y'all like it.
oh and I'll leave y'all with some links:
*they beat you to it Andy!
*i might start doing this
*verb oppression
mayo 09, 2004
oh finals you tease me so
"So hows the studying going?"
"umm i have papers to write, not finals to take"
"wait so you dont have finals"
"i have final papers"
"oh so thats easier right?"
"not really no"
"oh well i'll let you get back to your studying"
"thanks"
::sigh:: finals. I've never loved the idea of having to pull together a paper that ties everything you've learned in a course together while having to balance that with pushing your academic dominance of the material to sway your prof to just give you that bloody A once and for all. and for what really? so my GPA wont tank, and my self worth and intelligence will be vindicated by a little number with some decimals attached to it. bullshit. but whatever. i pay (and when i say "i" i mean my father, and the loan people) pay my $29,170 for me to go to my swanky school. and no i dont go to a "girls school" because thats where rich indulged parents send their 7yr old girls to go to school so they dont have to be bothered with them. i go to a women's college where overachievers come together, eat cookies, drink alcohol, question their sexuality/the meaning of gender, and learn. yea. i'm looking foward to going home and shutting my brain off for a summer. or maybe turning my brain on to new things since i need some distance from everything to figure out what my next move next year will be. grad school is being put on the back burner because i realized the other day that I havent written anything in my time here that I'm seriously proud of. like i've written some stuff that I'm like "eh thats not so bad" but nothing that i'm just like "wow, i'm amazed by the size of my brain" but maybe thats because i have impossible standards for myself and even if i wrote something of any kind of academic significance I wouldnt be able to take it seriously, i'd just notice all the flaws.
i think i just need to get out of things for a while. move to another country. live in the sticks. help people. realize what i'm fighting so hard for. live another life for a year. or more. learn another language. i've forgotten a good chunk of my italian. which is so damn sad since i really love that language. i watch the foreign news in italian sometimes and somehow hearing about a man that plunged to his death in italian just makes the news so much more interesting. it feels like my brain is actually working. i miss that feeling.
i'm excited about this week though, and not so excited at the same time. excited because i'm going to present one of my paintings and do a reading of some of my work for one of my classes. then i'm going to write a paper on the interesection between whiteness (as it is known in the US) and class, specifically focusing on the differance between being "white trash" and being white and rich. although theres not many studies on rich white people so i dont know how i'm going to get data on that. and then i'll pull some spanish papers together. and then do some packing and heavy lifting to the storage unit.
I'll leave you with this because its just the most perfectly explained statement on being pro-reproductive rights. and read the whole thing, even if your not pro-choice or your pro-life or anti-choice or pro-apathy, because its a very well structured argument.
oh and happy mothers day!
"umm i have papers to write, not finals to take"
"wait so you dont have finals"
"i have final papers"
"oh so thats easier right?"
"not really no"
"oh well i'll let you get back to your studying"
"thanks"
::sigh:: finals. I've never loved the idea of having to pull together a paper that ties everything you've learned in a course together while having to balance that with pushing your academic dominance of the material to sway your prof to just give you that bloody A once and for all. and for what really? so my GPA wont tank, and my self worth and intelligence will be vindicated by a little number with some decimals attached to it. bullshit. but whatever. i pay (and when i say "i" i mean my father, and the loan people) pay my $29,170 for me to go to my swanky school. and no i dont go to a "girls school" because thats where rich indulged parents send their 7yr old girls to go to school so they dont have to be bothered with them. i go to a women's college where overachievers come together, eat cookies, drink alcohol, question their sexuality/the meaning of gender, and learn. yea. i'm looking foward to going home and shutting my brain off for a summer. or maybe turning my brain on to new things since i need some distance from everything to figure out what my next move next year will be. grad school is being put on the back burner because i realized the other day that I havent written anything in my time here that I'm seriously proud of. like i've written some stuff that I'm like "eh thats not so bad" but nothing that i'm just like "wow, i'm amazed by the size of my brain" but maybe thats because i have impossible standards for myself and even if i wrote something of any kind of academic significance I wouldnt be able to take it seriously, i'd just notice all the flaws.
i think i just need to get out of things for a while. move to another country. live in the sticks. help people. realize what i'm fighting so hard for. live another life for a year. or more. learn another language. i've forgotten a good chunk of my italian. which is so damn sad since i really love that language. i watch the foreign news in italian sometimes and somehow hearing about a man that plunged to his death in italian just makes the news so much more interesting. it feels like my brain is actually working. i miss that feeling.
i'm excited about this week though, and not so excited at the same time. excited because i'm going to present one of my paintings and do a reading of some of my work for one of my classes. then i'm going to write a paper on the interesection between whiteness (as it is known in the US) and class, specifically focusing on the differance between being "white trash" and being white and rich. although theres not many studies on rich white people so i dont know how i'm going to get data on that. and then i'll pull some spanish papers together. and then do some packing and heavy lifting to the storage unit.
I'll leave you with this because its just the most perfectly explained statement on being pro-reproductive rights. and read the whole thing, even if your not pro-choice or your pro-life or anti-choice or pro-apathy, because its a very well structured argument.
oh and happy mothers day!
mayo 04, 2004
I'm a good eater
yea. so I've uncovered another expensive addiction...brie. the delicious french cheese. i can just add this to the list of things that i love but shouldnt do because they're ridiculously expensive. like getting my nails done every week and getting masages. maybe brie will one day become one of those expensive things that becomes incredibly necessary for my sanity, like getting my hair professionally highlighted and cut. or buying ridiculous amounts of sweaters...that happen to be ridiculously expensive and yet oh so perfect for me.
as with many things the first time i ate brie i wasnt obsessed. but after the 3rd and fourth bite i just became hooked. kinda like the first time i ate naan i just thought it was yummy and yet the second time i ate it afterwards i had dreams of the stuff. i find it really funny that i form such deep obsessive relationships with my food even though i'm super tiny. but i love to eat. love it. the other day i had a dream about biscuits. like what the hell? and not just like any biscuit but to a specific biscuit that i ate like six years ago. maybe i should be a food critic.
oh and its the last day of moho class. i still have one umass class to go to but we are finally in the final stretch my friends. except all that i'm going to be doing is writing tiny papers and reading like crazy. i'm flying home on the 20th. so i'm pretty much staying an extra two weeks for no good reason. beautiful.
as with many things the first time i ate brie i wasnt obsessed. but after the 3rd and fourth bite i just became hooked. kinda like the first time i ate naan i just thought it was yummy and yet the second time i ate it afterwards i had dreams of the stuff. i find it really funny that i form such deep obsessive relationships with my food even though i'm super tiny. but i love to eat. love it. the other day i had a dream about biscuits. like what the hell? and not just like any biscuit but to a specific biscuit that i ate like six years ago. maybe i should be a food critic.
oh and its the last day of moho class. i still have one umass class to go to but we are finally in the final stretch my friends. except all that i'm going to be doing is writing tiny papers and reading like crazy. i'm flying home on the 20th. so i'm pretty much staying an extra two weeks for no good reason. beautiful.
abril 30, 2004
"hit me baby one more time"
Today was really a marvelous day. It was sunny and I got to wear one of my new sundresses both of which are plusses. I also woke up early, watched tv, and then went off to the picnic on the green, which was lovely. then i went to northhampton and ate yummy cheesecake and had a wonderful conversation with my umass prof. I'm in complete awe of this woman and what she's managed to do in her life. She's just so inspiring, and gives me hope that I can figure out how to live life in my own way and still be happy. After that I went and got yummy indian food again, and this time I tried the garlic chicken and shrimp and even though I was scared when it came out because it looked like baby barf, it was actually delicious, and the nice owner lisened to me and made it very mild like I asked him to. Which was great.
Then Jess and I stopped at this ice cream stand about bought soft serve ice cream for 2 bucks (i got chocolate and vanilla with a chocolate shell) and then we went to an acapella 80's jam, which was *amazing* even though it was super packed, it was really stuffy and hot, and the fire alarm kept going off in the middle of songs. They sang "cowboy take me away" by the dixie chicks and i almost cried it was so amazing. Then they followed it by Lonestars' walking in memphis and pretty much lost all emotional control at that point. I just had a moment in the middle of the song where i just knew that i had made the right decision coming to moho, and that this was the right place and right time for me. which is such a nice thing to realize. But I also learned a valuable lesson: all boys from WPI are just weird. One of their accapella groups came to perform and at first they were kinda lame, like too much old-school barber shop type of stuff but they ended with "Hit me baby one more time" and it hurt I was laughing so much. It was classic.
So yea it was a great, beautiful day, indeed. (oh and lasu your comment on my link made me smile.)
Here's a quiz for y'all to enjoy:
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Then Jess and I stopped at this ice cream stand about bought soft serve ice cream for 2 bucks (i got chocolate and vanilla with a chocolate shell) and then we went to an acapella 80's jam, which was *amazing* even though it was super packed, it was really stuffy and hot, and the fire alarm kept going off in the middle of songs. They sang "cowboy take me away" by the dixie chicks and i almost cried it was so amazing. Then they followed it by Lonestars' walking in memphis and pretty much lost all emotional control at that point. I just had a moment in the middle of the song where i just knew that i had made the right decision coming to moho, and that this was the right place and right time for me. which is such a nice thing to realize. But I also learned a valuable lesson: all boys from WPI are just weird. One of their accapella groups came to perform and at first they were kinda lame, like too much old-school barber shop type of stuff but they ended with "Hit me baby one more time" and it hurt I was laughing so much. It was classic.
So yea it was a great, beautiful day, indeed. (oh and lasu your comment on my link made me smile.)
Here's a quiz for y'all to enjoy:
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
abril 29, 2004
*spring*
I love spring! I love it, and I think I love it even more because it feels earned, like I've survived winter and have earned the right to wear my spring girlie dresses. I find it really amusing that I used to be such a tomboy, although I guess I still am in some ways. Like I'm really aggressive and I know that if it came down to it I could kick some ass. Which I find amusing. Another fun thing about spring is that I can completly rejoice in my lack of allergies, since I'm not allergic to life like some of my friends are. For some odd reason I take joy in this. eh.
So this weekend is the beginning of the final stretch. When I start to pull all of my brain power together and try to be as witty as I can possibly get to impress my profs. I have some very interesting assignments this time around, so we'll see how they turn out. I've also been meeting with alot of my profs to get a better feel for what they want for me out of this final stretch because I've found that knowing what someone wants from you upfront is the easiest way to just do what they want and for you to get a happy grade. Plus I'm going out for indian food which is exciting.
the perils of walking
Houston's number 5
So this weekend is the beginning of the final stretch. When I start to pull all of my brain power together and try to be as witty as I can possibly get to impress my profs. I have some very interesting assignments this time around, so we'll see how they turn out. I've also been meeting with alot of my profs to get a better feel for what they want for me out of this final stretch because I've found that knowing what someone wants from you upfront is the easiest way to just do what they want and for you to get a happy grade. Plus I'm going out for indian food which is exciting.
the perils of walking
Houston's number 5
abril 27, 2004
pancakes!
I saw this and it made me giggle, which is always good:
things are strangely looking up for me, or my attitude is changing. I think it has everything to do with the fact that I just got out of my umass class, and since jess is such a rocking person we went to get pizza first and i didnt have to ride the bus there *and* then she picked me up from class. so that was great because i didnt have to ride the bus, which is marvelous. plus we go to have a really amazing conversation about weigh obsession, and how odd it is that I've managed to not be obsessed about my weight or what i eat. I think it has everything to do with my mom who always told me to wear to wear the shortest skirts and the tightest shirts, as long as it wasnt vulgar, so I'll have to thank my mom at some point for making sure that I had a great self image.
and what else? i had really great sleep last night, even though i was really cold at first, but then i put on layers of clothes and then blankets and i slept so wonderfully. i need to be incredibly hot to go to sleep, its kinda odd but i just sleep alot better when my room is above 90. oh and i tried the seafood pizza today, even though i was scared about it, and was almost certain in was going to be sick after eating it. in the end though, i made it through okay, and did not hurl which is a good thing since not knowing how fresh seafood is always disturbs me in the worst way.
things are strangely looking up for me, or my attitude is changing. I think it has everything to do with the fact that I just got out of my umass class, and since jess is such a rocking person we went to get pizza first and i didnt have to ride the bus there *and* then she picked me up from class. so that was great because i didnt have to ride the bus, which is marvelous. plus we go to have a really amazing conversation about weigh obsession, and how odd it is that I've managed to not be obsessed about my weight or what i eat. I think it has everything to do with my mom who always told me to wear to wear the shortest skirts and the tightest shirts, as long as it wasnt vulgar, so I'll have to thank my mom at some point for making sure that I had a great self image.
and what else? i had really great sleep last night, even though i was really cold at first, but then i put on layers of clothes and then blankets and i slept so wonderfully. i need to be incredibly hot to go to sleep, its kinda odd but i just sleep alot better when my room is above 90. oh and i tried the seafood pizza today, even though i was scared about it, and was almost certain in was going to be sick after eating it. in the end though, i made it through okay, and did not hurl which is a good thing since not knowing how fresh seafood is always disturbs me in the worst way.
abril 26, 2004
burn|out: n. emotional exhaustion from mental stress
The end of the semester is always a very strange emotional period for me. I start sleeping through classes, and being much crankier than normal. Typically this is because I am overwhelmed by academic pressures and my own psychotic need to be perfect. This semester, while academic stress is playing a huge part of it, I'm also burdened by a lot of fear for what's to come. I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, which is bad. But I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life, which is worse. I feel like the summer is a microcosm for the rest of my life, and I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up.
Thankfully I talked to Alesha today, which once again put into perspective how (while plausible) I'm not going to screw up my life, no matter what I do with it, because there's no way I could possibly do worse than she has. I don't have a kid. I finished high school, and I'm on my way to finishing college and in the four years that its supposed to take no less. I'm also not a drug addict of any sort. (no matter how much some days I wish I was). So this is good. Its not so good that I now feel like I'm doing great, but its good enough to keep me from losing whatever thread of sanity I have left.
If I were home, I would probably just take a really long bubble bath and think about what I'm doing, in order to regain my focus. Since I live in dorm, this is not an option, since our tub is just gross. I don't like to think about what has gone on in there. I barely like to take showers in there, but that's mostly because I'm paranoid of what could be lurking between tiles, even though I know that the showers are cleaned/bleached every day. If I were home/in Texas I would also blow off some steam by going out with some friends. Since I'm here and its finals time it seems all of my friends are in the same freezied/unstable shape that I'm in. Plus not being 21 I cant just go to a bar and drink with my friends that are of age, and this is sad.
So yea. That's me. I have 5 more days of class left and I honestly have no want to go to any of them. Well except my UMass class which is the only one which I feel is not a waste of my time. blah.
Some fun links to let y'all waste some time:
*Gonorrhea is so scary, and yet still hilarious.
*not your typical horoscope
*I have a problem
*Strangely fascinated by this show, even though its so wrong.
Thankfully I talked to Alesha today, which once again put into perspective how (while plausible) I'm not going to screw up my life, no matter what I do with it, because there's no way I could possibly do worse than she has. I don't have a kid. I finished high school, and I'm on my way to finishing college and in the four years that its supposed to take no less. I'm also not a drug addict of any sort. (no matter how much some days I wish I was). So this is good. Its not so good that I now feel like I'm doing great, but its good enough to keep me from losing whatever thread of sanity I have left.
If I were home, I would probably just take a really long bubble bath and think about what I'm doing, in order to regain my focus. Since I live in dorm, this is not an option, since our tub is just gross. I don't like to think about what has gone on in there. I barely like to take showers in there, but that's mostly because I'm paranoid of what could be lurking between tiles, even though I know that the showers are cleaned/bleached every day. If I were home/in Texas I would also blow off some steam by going out with some friends. Since I'm here and its finals time it seems all of my friends are in the same freezied/unstable shape that I'm in. Plus not being 21 I cant just go to a bar and drink with my friends that are of age, and this is sad.
So yea. That's me. I have 5 more days of class left and I honestly have no want to go to any of them. Well except my UMass class which is the only one which I feel is not a waste of my time. blah.
Some fun links to let y'all waste some time:
*Gonorrhea is so scary, and yet still hilarious.
*not your typical horoscope
*I have a problem
*Strangely fascinated by this show, even though its so wrong.
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