you gotta work with me

So as we know, I've been dating for a while. By no stretch of the imagination am I somehow new to the concept of having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend is my natural state of being. Once you've been around the block a few times (or a few hundred times) there are few things that catch you off guard. You know how things go. Or so I thought. For the very first time in my very short life I'm dating someone and I'm the one who is making things all complicated.

Now I know, if you know me your rolling your eyes and thinking "come on jes you've always been the complication" but hear me out. When before it was all square peg in a round hole now its like this makes too much sense, I'm overloading on how perfect this is. But this isn't perfect in the hormone induced craziness of relationships long since past, this is perfect in a completely sane we are two grown people with a plethora of issues but we figure it out as we go along, and then everything is good.

Everything is good.

That's the problem. Well if your me at least it is because I'm used to making things work. Used to stubbornly fighting and sacrificing to make something work that was never meant to work for so long. So the bliss, the insane compatibility freaks me out. Because I'm not used to someone actually understanding and hearing the words that trickle out of my mouth. I'm used to "agreeing to disagree" every five minutes.

So this is nice. Nice and scary, because what if I fuck this up? Then what? It wasn't him or us, or the universe, or the timing, it was me and my id. So that's where I'm at. Trying to not be the complication and just be.

I'll let you know how that goes.