its what we are

In about a week or so I turn 23. To say I'm excited about it would be an understatement. I am beyond excited. For many reasons beyond the normal, "oh its my birthday."

I'm excited because my very favorite mohos are coming to visit. I'm excited because they both said they'd show up at the airport in bows. I'm excited because I officially have my own damn place and we are going to get so impossibly intoxicated on girly slumber party fumes I'm not going to sleep for a week.

So there's much excitement. There's also the big realization that I am turning 23.
And 23 is close to 25.
And 25 is close to 30.
And 30 is close to death.

So I'm glad I'm not close to death.

23 is the beginning of a lot of things though, I am realizing. Its the beginning of the baggage. Of the real honest to goodness baggage. Sure before 23 nutty people got married, experienced heart ache, got herpes, went to rehab, had big blowouts with folks, made some mistakes, you know the good stuff. But somehow I think 23 is that marker, where no longer do you just shrug those things off and you begin to weight your choices a lot more carefully.

I'm being so vague when really I'm talking about one thing. Before 23 I think people take a lot more chance on love and like and lust. After 23 I think there's a lot more caution, because experience has shown that if you give your heart away you get hurt. Or that eventually the butterflies pass and your left with a elbow to the face. I think there's more fear. At least that's what I've noticed amongst the 23yr olds I know.

There's a lot of "I'm not looking for anything serious, my last relationship was X amount of years and I don't wanna go through that again. I just wanna have fun." Which seems smart. Seems so prudent, but there's something to be said for just taking a stupid chance. Stupid chances defined my teens and well I didn't get herpes, and I survived. But by not being bold and taking a chance possibilities are lost. Hope is lost. If your cautious all the time, and think everything through then you over think everything and you miss that window where you just kiss that girl/guy and say the hell with it to over thinking what it means and the repercussions.

I think you miss out on living when your weighed down by all that baggage.

But then again what do I know? My motto is currently "I don't need no stinking boyfriend telling me what to do. I just wanna have fun."

What do I know really I'm just turning 23. I'm just a kid.