i'm back at school. My room is a mess, but thats really to be expected. I just want to get organized and fix things in my brain so that i'm happier to be here than i currently am. This weather is ridiculous. I wasnt meant to live my life in the cold, i was meant to live it in tiny miniskirts and 70degree weather. I'm gonna change some stuff on the site. A lot of stuff, actually. Put some titles up, have a better way to search thru the history, things like that. Take that silly banner down. Change the colors. I'm feeling very pink right now. I"m very much looking foward to valentine's day and to wearing my gorgeous heels. I love shoes.

I miss my mom. This semester is going to be hard if I dont get my head straight. I'd so much rather be in my mom's appartment, laying on her bed and looking up at the canopy we put up and feeling like a princess...going to the fridge to get some yogurt and watching spanish telenovelas until i was just furious with Migelangelo and how he could ever leave Soledad for that bitch, and then on top of that believe that she would kill her like that. The idiot. I need to be on top of my game this semester. Be a better SA, have some sort of vague social life. Not miss my parents. I miss my boy though. I miss him a bunch. I have no breaks besisdes spring break this semester, so its going to be rough getting time to see him. I need a car. Or better put I want a car for my mental health at this school. I'm excited of seeing Ms.Williams this weekend. She's such an amazing girl I cant wait to see her. Thats a sure fire way to make me feel better.

But yea. I need to figuare out how to enjoy winter, bc I cant control the weather so I'm going to have to make the best of it. Theres so much I want to do. Like finding the perfect white bikini and becoming a beach bum during spring break. I want to see my brother more, he's such a funny little man and there's so much i dont know about him. Thats something I learned this break, I just started asking a bunch of questions and learned a few really cool things, like my great grandfather was german (my mother's father's father.) So really I'm german. Who knew? and all along i was making fun of the germans. okay on to cleaning and getting some order back in my life.

i've done some major shopping this break. i am the amazing shopping godess, its my gift, really it is. i bought these amazing shoes that are perfect. they're reddish, high deadly heel, no bows no rinestones just beautiful shoes. i get so giddy and happy when i'm buying shoes. i think the only person who loves shoes more than me is my mom. hapiness is buying shoes. going shopping is happiness. sure theres the guilt of knowing where things were made, but its still happiness. like busting open a box of chocolates and eating all of them like a crazed toddler...i love chocolates.

i go back to the cold in 3 days. i cant say i'm looking foward to it. i cant even say i want to go back to school. i've never had this much fun just hanging out with my mom. but i come back with a chair, and clothes, and happy skin, and minus the wisdom teeth. ohhh and shoes that are perfection. its funny how the time just flew, and how i dont remember what i did at all this break. but i feel better. i'm dreading going back and having the happiness for life being sucked from me...silly school. i'm seriously happy now. i just feel content, like in my own skin i'm happy. ::sigh:: i'm not looking foward to next semester. although i'm looking foward to seeing jes, and yarita, and ev, and hearing all about my crazy annita and how she got malaria and survived in India...and andy i'm looking foward to seeing my andy, and brent its so odd being home without the threat of brent just showing up. other exciting things for this year are the new matrix movies, the hulk, and jim carrey having the powers of god. plus i have Y tu mamma tambien on my computer which is really cool.

my mom gets a biopsy done the day that i leave. i dont want to leave. i want to stay and laugh at my mom as she bitches about the doctors and how angry she is at the whole thing. i just find it hillarious that my mother is not sick, and they keep telling her she is and so she just gets angrier. my mother is amazing. and if she has to go thru treatment another yr i dont know how i'm going to take it. i hate cancer. i hate it.

yea so i've been a hermit lately. eh thats me. i go home and i like to watch tv and sleep and take baths and think about nothing. i dont see people i dont go out. i eat ice cream and wear sweats. its like a detox. althought this break i've been more of a hermit than normal because i had my wisdom teeth removed. yea i was completly out of it for like a good 2 days. like drugged up on painkillers, and like coughing up blood. not fun. and then when i was awake all i could eat was ice cream, jello, and yogurt. and thats not really food. u cant live off snacks. so last night i had real food, which was great cause i was having like dreams about pizza and burgers. but yea, i'm better i still have stiches in my mouth but at least the pain has died down. which is good. so yea. i go back north in a week, and i dont really wanna leave. i like it here. i like it there too. i wish i could have both.