sadness

I had the most awesome-est post ever. but blogger ate it. it was wonderful. but alas it was not meant to be.

lets see, did you know that 95% of white american men in the 1950's broke the law along the way to an orgasm? this was one of the many interesting tid bits that i learned while reading the parts of the kinsey report. now i just want to read the whole thing though.

and what else. i'm addicted to popcorn, partially because its the only thing in my room that i can quickly make without a microwave. but mostly because popcorn is delicious. i had my senior picture on friday and in spite of mr.pattersons' wonderful coaching i think the pictures are going to be bad. i dont know what it is but its incredibly hard to take a good picture of me. i think its because i dont do the fake smile so i dont smile and it just looks weird. but at least my hair looked good in it since i decided to get it cut and straighted the night before. so its really cute its like punky japanese schoolgirl, but in a good way. i dont think it'll look so nice when i dont feel like straightening it, but thats what hats are for.

mostly i'm just out of it. all i want to do is paint and write and sleep. especially since its becoming increasingly harder to just fall asleep at night. i swear i dont actually get any quality rest until 9am when i have to get up to go to class. i need to find my motivation. its out there somewhere.

okay here are some links:

*if i ever become a politician's wife i want be like her.
*awesome election rage advice
*if voting twice was against the law why didnt anyone tell me?
*if for some odd reason you havent seen emimen's mosh video, then you should. its interesting to watch it in terms of class and race. and something more substancial than i'm used to seeing from a mainstream artist.
*this might just be the funniest thing ever. possibly not safe for work.
*got an std? then this is for you.
*dont think you have an std? umm think again.
*informative read on african american women and hiv
*want to go to med school, but have no money? go to cuba

a little rioting is good for the soul

its family and friends weekend at my school which always just weirds me out. partially because my parents would never think of coming for family weekend (its too far and it would just be weird). mainly though its the fact that other people's parents just creep me out. maybe its the thought of old people reproducing that creeps me out, or how strange other people's family are. especially in college because by this point people's parents are just strange entities that for the most part you dont meet.

i saw the motorcycle diaries last night. it was really fabulous. a bit slow for my taste (i think there were more stories they could have told about the trip without getting rid of a lot of the necessary silences within the film). but then again i could watch gael stare at a wall and still consider it a good movie. he's just such an awesome actor. i think its because you can see the wheels turning in his head. so go see it. its a good coming of age type of film. and helps you better understand how che became che. i came home though and someone had written "che is dead...thank god" on my white board which i found really obnoxious since i doubt they know very much about che (a very complicated and brilliant man who i think was sincere in his ideals) and even if they did know anything about che i dont think any one deserves to be murdered by the CIA and have pictures of your body taken at the morgue like your some kind of fish they just caught.

what else. went to boston on wednesday and saw the red sox win and went out to fenway to see what a riot looks like. it was actually really calm with college kids just hanging out and chanting to one another. i was disappointed. i thought i was going to see mayham. but it was the riot police that scared me. i wanted andy to take a picture but he didnt. instead we took pictures of people climbing on top of billboards. then the police with their big horses pushed us all out of the area and i thought i was going to suffacate since being that close to people just freaks me out sometimes. plus knowing that if you fall you will only be trappled doesnt make me a very calm person. but we got out of it alright. we stuck around to see if anyone was going to set anything on fire but nothing like that happened. so we left. come to find out later that a college student was killed when the police shot rubber bullets into the crowd to calm people down. although the logic behind shooting people to calm them down makes absolutely no sense to me. we think it happened like a block from where we were. its really tragic. she was going to turn 22 next week. she was just like us, going to celebrate and be a part of history.


*an interesting link: http://www.slate.com/id/2108575/
*interesting to read the official account of what happened: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3944365.stm

the good with the bad

i'm having an interesting week. Things are going good. I've managed to do all the readings needed for my classes. All my response papers have been written and turned in ahead of time. So my life seems to finally be putting itself into order. Plus since I know everything there is to know about photosynthesis i rocked my bio exam and got an A which means that I can breathe a little easier and not have to worry too much about the labs.

which is exactly where things always start to go wrong. my body is exhausted. i havent slept for longer than 4 hour streches for more than a week now. my readings are depressing me. i have a 10 page paper thats looming on the horizon. my job is taking its toll on me. too much responsibility and as always i'm filled with doubt that i'm not doing it well enough. to top it off my mom is having surgery on friday to remove another lump. this time their saying its preventative but i've been in enough hospitals and dealing with enough doctors for long enough to be concerned.

but i'm not there. thats the point. i cant go to the hospital with her and hold her hand and joke about how shes wearing heels and makeup for surgery. i'm over here. it hits me that i'm not going to be there for her when i leave school either. i'll always be away.

at least my brother is there though to be with her. that allows me to not be as worried.

oh the upside i'm always better able to focus on my schoolwork when i'm in crisis mode, so at least i know my grades are gonna rock this semester.

some links:
http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/thebodiespolitic/

i <3 the west wing

I've decided that when people ask me what I'm going to do in Erie I'm going to start telling them that I'm going to start popping out babies and be a stay at home mom. And I'm going to do it with a smile.

and since when do complete strangers get to tell me how to live my life? seriously.

*storm lighter. a fabulous idea.

my ikea catalog finally arrived

yea. so i'm obsessive. about everything really.

Like I was excited about getting a kitten when I moved to Erie, so I researched breeds of cats and learned how to take care of kittens. i did this obsessively for like a week straight.

I am now obsessed with my indoor plant. i just repotted it today and i need to just leave it alone because i definately just spent over an hour sprunning it and having sure it was sitting in the pot perfectly straight. this was preceded by an hour of research where I read up on how to repot a plant and then about how to keep my plant healthy and thriving. i basically found out that the place that i had my plant was going to kill it since it was on my windowsill which means it was getting the cold air from outside and then really hot air from the radiator (which is right in front of my window) so i had to move it. this means that i'll have to leave my lights on all day while i'm gone so that my plant gets enough artificial light.

i'm a big dork. but i love it so thanks ok. i'm more of a gigantic dork because i'm playing miles davis for my plant since it needs some music to calm itself down from the traumatic experience of me taking spurning leaves and cutting roots.

also i finally got my pictures developed from alesha's wedding. so in the time that it took me to get the film developed alesh got married, seperated, and got re-engaged to someone else. this is why i need a digital camera.

and now for the link dump:
* a good idea from the finns. especially since my traffic tickets would be like $10.
* hope that i'll be able to do something with my life after college. because really if Ashtin Kutcher can major in biochemical engineering, i can do anything.
* the st. bernards are gone. sadness.
* umm who does this?
* and if they elect this man i may just move out of the country.
* but in case i move to italy this is good to know

speaking about politics though i'm starting to think that either way the presidential election goes it'll be okay. because if kerry wins then we get rid of bush. which is fabulous. but if he looses then Hillary will completly run for office and will win by a landslide. so its a win win either way. well really a win lose/win. but yea. i'm hopefull.

right so

i keep thinking of things to blog and then i dont. basically my week goes something like this:

go to boston because i have to get off this campus and not work because the week was hard ----> come back sunday and realize that the weekend is gone and i've done no work but sucks to be me because i have to go to umass and watch a boring long movie in black and white ----> come back and realize that i must go to sleep but cant because i have a gatrillion emails to respond to ---> wake up early monday to run errands that werent done last week ----> go to class exhausted ----> run more errands ----->inhale lunch---->more exhausting---->inhale other food----> meetings more meetings and then somewhere in there bs some work ---->get no sleep---->more exhaustion in classes----> stop eating because there is not enough time---->go to class hungry and exhausted ----> more meetings----> and then once the week is over run away to boston and repeat the cycle.

so umm yea. i cant wait for break to get here because dammit i need a break. and some sleep.

in other news:

Britney Spears has completly lost her mind. And I love it.

http://everythingbritney.net/photos/brit-milkshakefun-sept26/index.html
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0924042_britney_spears_1.html
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/scanner/09_27_04/

and this is just sick. but something i might just apply for.