burn|out: n. emotional exhaustion from mental stress

The end of the semester is always a very strange emotional period for me. I start sleeping through classes, and being much crankier than normal. Typically this is because I am overwhelmed by academic pressures and my own psychotic need to be perfect. This semester, while academic stress is playing a huge part of it, I'm also burdened by a lot of fear for what's to come. I'm not sure what I'm doing this summer, which is bad. But I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life, which is worse. I feel like the summer is a microcosm for the rest of my life, and I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up.

Thankfully I talked to Alesha today, which once again put into perspective how (while plausible) I'm not going to screw up my life, no matter what I do with it, because there's no way I could possibly do worse than she has. I don't have a kid. I finished high school, and I'm on my way to finishing college and in the four years that its supposed to take no less. I'm also not a drug addict of any sort. (no matter how much some days I wish I was). So this is good. Its not so good that I now feel like I'm doing great, but its good enough to keep me from losing whatever thread of sanity I have left.

If I were home, I would probably just take a really long bubble bath and think about what I'm doing, in order to regain my focus. Since I live in dorm, this is not an option, since our tub is just gross. I don't like to think about what has gone on in there. I barely like to take showers in there, but that's mostly because I'm paranoid of what could be lurking between tiles, even though I know that the showers are cleaned/bleached every day. If I were home/in Texas I would also blow off some steam by going out with some friends. Since I'm here and its finals time it seems all of my friends are in the same freezied/unstable shape that I'm in. Plus not being 21 I cant just go to a bar and drink with my friends that are of age, and this is sad.

So yea. That's me. I have 5 more days of class left and I honestly have no want to go to any of them. Well except my UMass class which is the only one which I feel is not a waste of my time. blah.

Some fun links to let y'all waste some time:
*Gonorrhea is so scary, and yet still hilarious.
*not your typical horoscope
*I have a problem
*Strangely fascinated by this show, even though its so wrong.