the end of an era

so this morning concluded what was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life, but not the same horrible way were you have a horrible day because someone dies (or in my case has cancer/heart attack) but in the way where the day just snowballs unexpectedly into something horrible that you didnt expect it to. i hate this feeling like i just managed to fuck up/lose something that at one point made me so happy. how did this happen? i dont know. but of course i'll survive because i always do, i just wanted this one to work so badly....even though i didnt always act like i did.

tried to buy myself flowers to cheer me up (the weather here is overcast and that never makes me feel great) but the flower shop was gone. I think that just sums up everything. I turn around and my favorite little place is gone and I'm left there starring at the empty boxes left behind. why am i so terrified of being alone? i'm really not alone, because i have amazing friends but it feels like every semester i lose someone else that i was close to. it makes me scared of who i'll lose next. why am i sharing this? i should be asleep, my body shouldnt be functioning anymore since i only slept for maybe an hour, if that. this is the longest ickiest day ever. but at least my hair was cute.