I had an odd night last night. I've had an odd week. I've had an odd life. I had a really intense conversation with andy last night, probably everywhere in the spectrum of human emotion was reached in the span of about 4-5hrs....love, fear, anger, frustration, joy, sadness, regret, jealousy...it was all there. We have very intense conversations sometimes, we both have really bad tempers, quick to get angry, quick to apologize. Very proud stubborn people. Somedays you wonder if its going to work. Others you realize that it already has. I realized last night how badly it is that i want it to work between us, how i see it all fitting into place and just working but not just functioning but triving between two people who could really destroy one another. It wouldnt even take that much to be crumpled into a thousand little pieces. It makes you really afraid when u realized how easily you could be destroyed.
We talked about so much last night, and we touched on the subject of my parents and its always so hard trying to explain what I feel for them. How those feelings evolved, how I wish things were different. How I wish things had been different. How much I love them now, and how much I hated them then. How those two feelings can coexist in a person. Everyone has difficult times with their parents though, at some point or another even if its just for a fleeting moment. That bond between parent and child, that relationship is so different than anything else in our lives. I just keep thinking of what it took for me to change my feelings, what it took for me to see my parents in a different way. What it took to forgive and move on. Life is funny that way.