i'm bored.

not in the "i cant figuare out what to do today" kind of day where really u just need something to jump start your day, but i'm bored in a much deeper sense. like i'm stuck, i'm trapped, i'm sufficating, i stopped living and i'm just observing my life. i'm tired of the four walls in my single. theres no one to enjoy them with. i'm tired of this place. i'm tired of being surrounded by women, i dont know how i ended up here. i'm tired with this semester, with my 4 classes that arent that hard and aren't challenging me. i'm tired of south hadley and of the fucking snow. i feel trapped here. there's nothing to do here that i havent already done.

i've just spent the day really thinking about it and i dont know why i'm here. yea, its a great school. yea i wanted to get the hell out of Texas. but i miss my mom. i miss good food. i miss actually being excited about dinner. i miss being excited.

i'm just bored. bored with my life and with this place.

I want a really good bacon burger. maybe i'm just hungry. or maybe i just realized that somehow i ended up a girl's boarding school. maybe i will graduate next year. i dont think i can take this place for another 2 yrs.

next time around i'll do things better. i'll be nicer to my parents, save some money, buy a mac in the first place, and date a man who doesnt have to have his arm twisted to come see me. and i wont live in south hadley. next time around i'll do this better...i will.