Now with more sperm!

Normally I don't open spam. Its all "enlarge your penis" and since I have no penis, and I am not a teenage boy I'm not interested. Except today I saw something that I knew was probably spam but was intrigued enough by the subject heading. It said simply "hi, hit me." And I was like huh? What is this? So I clicked. And got a weird quote:

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. We call a man a bigot or a slave of dogma because he is a thinker who has thought thoroughly and to a definite end."

So now I'm even more confused. So I clicked on the attachment. And I know I know you're not supposed to click on the link. That's just inviting your computer to get syphilis. But I was so curious. Sooo curious. I wasn't stupid though, I didn't download the attachment I just opened it in the browser. And what I got was this gem:

"More Sperm, means longer orgasms.

bigger stamina... Ever wanted to ejaculate like a porn star?

Worldwide shop

Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid. Evolution is not a force but a process. Not a cause but a law. The greatest difficulties lie where we are not looking for them."

First I have to congratulate whoever came up with this little spam campaign because it confused me enough that didn't just automatically delete it. Secondly how does more sperm equal longer orgasms? Like where is the correlation? I want to see some data, because I've never ever felt like what was keeping me from achieving an orgasm was a lack of sperm. Not once have I ever finished having sex and thought you know what was missing? Sperm. Lots of sperm. Oh and who wants to ejaculate like a porn star? Who is this person? I could understand wanting to be built like a porn star. Or wanting to have as much sex as a porn star. Or have your own line of dildo and dildo accessories like a porn star. But ejaculate? Seriously? That's a little sick, even for you.

And now the links:

* For some reason I'm noticing a weird news trend. First it was this. Which was weird enough. And then designer vaginas. But virgin cream? You have got to be kidding me. Of course I found all this stuff here.

* For those of you with a great love of strippers. I think its actually a very clever campaign. Cooler than that though is that I saw the exploding car exhibit that they're using as the banner at MASS MoCa last year. And it was awesome.

* The nutritional benefits of picking your nose.

* For those of you with a thing for gnomes.

* The only thing extraordinary about my high school was the marching band. Here's proof. When I saw Kanye's video for the first time I thought it might be them, but then promptly dismissed it because there must be a million BTW bands in the US. But then Jose and his ability to find the most useless things on the web persevered and we now have the link.

* I can't believe I forgot to link to this yesterday. Its both incredibly funny and a little too realistic for comfort.