. . .

I've spent the last 8+ months waiting. Waiting to hear back about some job. Waiting for Andy to get home. Waiting for it to stop snowing, for the water to boil, the rice to be ready. Waiting for Andy to propose. If I'm ever captured and held in a little cell somewhere all by myself I'll know that I'll be able to handle the solitude for about 3 days before I crack. I wouldn't be able to deal with the possibility that I would be there forever, in a little cell, just four walls and me. I haven't minded the waiting because I knew that at some point or another it would stop. Either I'd completely lose it, or I'd get a job and not be here anymore. The solitude is the worst part of it all. Especially for someone like me who thinks entirely too much to begin with, all that time by yourself isn't good. Its bad. It lets you contemplate entirely too many possibilities. Yesterday my brain stumbled upon one that caught me by entirely by surprise.

"He was never going to marry you"

And just like that something snapped. Because everything suddenly made sense. My entire life made sense. So I did what any sane-ish person would do. I packed as much as I could into as many boxes and threw away anything and everything that was weighing me down. It was the exact kick I needed to be productive. And then my brain felt like it was going to split open. So I slept. For like 18 hours. Thanks to the awesomeness of tylenol pm. I woke up today still tired. A little hazy from all the drug induced sleep, but so much more clearer than I've been in a while. I'm a fucking idiot for ever believing that he was going to propose. So yea. That's that. I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with it all.

Links:

* "Girls attempt real-life version of video game"

* The look book once again brings much needed absurdity into my life.

* An interesting interview with Rosie O'Donnell

* top 87 bad predictions about the future.

* "A meditation on the speed limit" - a cute video

* A very informative post on nyc etiquette