Young and restless and bored*

There was a hoochie contest at the club Friday night. A veiled "model search" that was really just a way to discovered the hoochiest of the hoochie. The club is 21 and up though and the majority of these professional hoochies were under 21, so their parents were there. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to be at your normal spot and look around and see a bunch of 50 year olds drinking bud light. Just so you know this isn't the type of place were you drink bud light. So even at the very beginning of the night, the entire vibe was odd.

So lets ignore for a moment the complete absurdity of taking your 19 year old daughter out to a club to let her prance around in a micro skirt and a g string in front of a group of drunken strangers while you stand back and clap and drink your bud light and focus instead on these young women instead. First of all they all looked way older than me, which doesn't really take much because I'm really more of a mascara and lip gloss kind of girl. I'm constantly being told that I look much younger than I am, which is fine because I figure that when I'm 78 I'll be the one who comes out ahead.

Anyways, so one of these girls asks my friend to buy her a drink. She's totally up front that its all she wants from him and he's cool with it because she's hot enough. Now the bartender whose a good friend of his (because he's there three times a week) tells him he's only going to make him the drink if its for him and since we're all pleasantly tossed at that point we don't get what he's talking about. So my friend gives her the drink and the bartender gets pissed and drama ensues because the girl isn't 21. Now to his credit even I had no idea she wasn't 21 because honestly I never looked at her face. She was all breasts. So if I didn't look at her face, there's no way he ever stopped to look at her face.

Now the other thing is she was hot and a lot of these girls were hot only because they weren't wearing any clothes. When your walking around in some shiny cloth and some tape its very easy to be considered hot. Much harder is being attractive when your actually wearing some clothes. The moment you stopped staring at their totally bought and paid for matel breasts and looked at their faces, it was total disappointment. Which is sad because even if your going to be a hooch you might as well be a pretty hooch. But maybe you go into hoochy-doom because your more of a Monet than a Cezanne.

Either way it was amusing enough to watch them prance around. Endlessly more amusing though was the swimsuit portion when they all started walking around the club in their bikinis. Now I think it must take some incredibly large balls to be able to walk around a club where everyone else is totally dressed and you're pretty much naked. Now technically they were "clothed" but honestly if you'd seen these bikinis you would have realized that it was only a mere technicality. A technicality that was necessary because it would have been totally disconcerting if they had actually been walking around butt naked.

And yea that was my night. That and some babysitting followed by some delicious buttermilk pancakes. The end.


*I'm currently obsessed with Bob Seager and I'm not quite sure how that happened. Anyways the title comes from his "night moves" an awesome awesome song.