Why aren't I in Texas?

I've been asking myself this since I started packing my bags and getting ready to leave again for mass, with everytime i leave it gets harder and harder to go, which is ass backwards since it should just get easier for me to leave, but its just getting harder. Everytime I go home its just more fun than the last time, and I just love having alesh in my life like this and getting to hang out with kassady and having her call my name and kiss me just stole my heart. i know why i'm here and then i dont... summer has just been so odd, and everything has just kept turning itself over and i dont know whats going to happen next. all i know is that i wish i was in texas sorting my feelings out... i dont know whats going to happen next and i dont know what i want.

everytime i go home i feel so much like myself and so damn happy, and then i get back here and i feel like i left my soul in texas like i go thru the motions but i havent found my place here bc my place is in texas with the people i love and the new people that i'm starting to love. i just feel like i'm living split lives that have nothing to do with one another. i wish i could just get ppl to move with me or that i could commute in from texas...or something. oh that and i'd kill someone for a whopper right now. seriously.