this time its going to be different.

some days you just feel like the world's bitch. like you're entire existance is for other people to dump their shit on you. today's definately that day. but i will not cry anymore. i will not wonder if there's something wrong with me since i seem to get dumped on more than other people. i will wonder whats wrong with them. i will not be a passive victim. i will fight for the things that i've worked for. i will not cry.

Manifestos

After writing a really long response to something Deb said on her blog, I realized something that I've known for a while now. There are certain things that I am passionate about and other things that are just a waste of my time. I want to get my PhD in economics and change the world for the better because life is so short and there is so much out there that needs to be done, but the thing is we all get so wrapped up in our own lives and in stupid petty material shit ("I want this, I need this") that all we see is ourselves and what we don't have and what we wished we had because if we only had that thing then maybe we would finally be content. But there's no such thing. I wouldn't be satisfied with a pair of Manolos, I'd want more. In the same way that I find it very hard to be satisfied within a relationship because there's always something that isn't quite right. When in reality if we all just stopped and looked at all the things that are right and just stopped focusing on ourselves we would realize just how lucky all of us are. And just how powerful we are. But somehow between the ages of 5 (when you think there's nothing that you cannot do) and 20 we lose that and become riddled with insecurities. Am I smart enough to do this? Am I pretty enough? Am I strong enough? and we become paralyzed and begin to live in our own small bubbles.

well I don't have that much time left but I'm going to make as much change as one person can do in a lifetime. I've already wasted 20yrs, I'm not wasting anymore. Besides which I do not live in Cuba so I have the freedom to speak my mind freely.

i've decided to do a special major somehow blending economics and women's studies because I dont have time to waste learning idiotic neoclassical economic bullshit. it doesnt apply to the real world where people work all day like machines and then wake up 20yrs later and wonder what happened to their families and their children that have grown up without them.

the more i learn the angrier that i get and if you're not learning things that are making you angry then consider this your wake up call. you are wasting your education. you are wasting an opportunity. do not wake up 20yrs from now and wonder why your wife left you and where all your dreams went. This is your chance to change your life. Do not let it pass you by.

Yay for activities!

I just had a really great hall activity that I threw together in the 30minutes before the event and it went really well and that makes me happy since its my job to get people to come together and mingle and the best way to do that is thru food. So I got really yummy cookies and fruits and caramel dip and then the people just started coming down. It was really great and it made me feel good since I become really afraid that no one is going to show up to my events.

so now i'm going to go to bed with my cuba books.

I hate waking up.

it has reached that point in the semester where I would rather sleep than go to class and where I am now talking myself into going to class. I think it might be better if I was actually getting as much sleep as I was earlier in the semester (I was getting a good 8-10hrs every night) but now I start a new Cuba book before bed and then I don't go to sleep until I'm too tired to see the words anymore. But on a good note I have now finished 5 books on Cuba like read them not just flipped thru them and got good info. I also think that I don't want to wake up bc its so hard for me to go to sleep in the first place that once I'm actually asleep I don't want to stop that. its so precious sleep.

oh and this is from Brent (You'll like it I promise)

too funny to not share

This came from: http://www.nerve.com/regulars/thisweekinsex/10-10-03/

What Kimmy's Mom and the Vatican Have in Common

Once TWR was babysitting our three-year-old niece Kimmy, who would not shut up. We asked her if she wanted some ice cream — figuring that if we gave her a whole gallon that was really frozen, it might occupy her for a while — but she recoiled in horror. Apparently, her mother had told her that frozen desserts contained bugs which, when ingested, would devour her from the inside out. No joke.

We chalked that one up to questionable parenting, but this week we were reminded that you're never too old to be fantastically deceived by people who want you to behave a certain way. Apparently, the Vatican (which, for our purposes, roughly corresponds to Kimmy’s mom) has issued warnings in AIDS-stricken countries (Kimmy) that people should not use condoms (ice cream) because they contain tiny holes that AIDS can pass through (organ-devouring bugs).

The president of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, stated, "The AIDS virus is roughly 450 times smaller than the spermatozoon. The spermatozoon can easily pass through the 'net' that is formed by the condom.” Meanwhile, the archbishop of Nairobi, Raphael Ndingi Nzeki, said: "AIDS . . . has grown so fast because of the availability of condoms."

Meanwhile, I'm banging my head against a wall. — Carrie Hill Wilner

random

my italian profesor just called my room. i love going to school this small.

Vegas Night Recap

Last night was Vegas Night and it's the biggest party that we have at Moho, and some of the guys from the house came over and we made margaritas. By "we" I mean me and Victor made some, and by "margaritas" I mean that I poured some tequila, margarita mix, sugar, and ice into my blender and created something that was no quite a margarita. I'm still learning its okay. or at least thats what I tell myself. The guys who came are just so sweet and fin so it was a completely not-stressful evening of walking randomly from one place to another. and then eventually coming back to my room and drinking some more. but i didn't get sloshed since I have absolutely no desire to blackout, throw up, or wake up in the morning with a pounding headache. but it was fun and i had a good responsible time. go me!

now my room smells like Jose Cuervo and smoke so I must fix that. immediately.

I'm going to Cuba!

I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!

yay!

Wednesdays can suck my 2 dicks*

I turned in my Cuba application today and I'm so scared. This is something that I really want to go to and I'm scared I'll be rejected. It'll be just like high school when I really really wanted to go to Israel and live in a Kibbutz but I was rejected and Pasha and someone else got to go because I said that my daddy was a engineer. But then again I did meet Andy that summer and that was a life altering experience so maybe if I don't get in I'll do something better instead...Like stay in Houston and drive around all J-term....Lovely.

in other news, yoga is really relaxing and as much as I want to make fun of it I really can't because its helped me strengthen my back and has increased my flexibility a lot, plus my instructor is super nice and helps me with my postures all the time because I'm not nearly as graceful as I look. I just have no time for it, so I'm thankful its almost over.

this is good for a fun read.

(*oh and the title is in reference to a wonderful article that I read in my fem and queer class)

I love not going to school

It was a highly productive break that began with getting over my cold/flu and then andy showing up and drilling things into the wall. We finally got all of my lanterns up and my room is once again nice and bright and happy. i also put up a curtain in the entrance to my room and organized my room. The only things that are left to be cleaned and organized are my desk and a corner of my room that has a box full of books and various other things.


in other news i'm a big huge dork and i like it. i went to the library today and picked up all my Cuba books with Yara and it was just really fun to watch the librarian go and pick up all the books i had on reserve...it was like 20 of them....the look on her face was priceless. but i'm really excited about this paper so thats good, and i'm going to go and read my books now, like the big huge dork that i am. oh and then we started joking around about how black listed I am now. My phone's probably on its way to be tapped. i like how this amuses me.

oh and if any of y'all know where to find a cafe table (small with like 2 matching chairs) i would love you forever. the end.

this is just a too disturbing

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
Username
You will die by:	You died of natural causes. How sweet. Your funeral is an adverage open casket.
Death Date:	January 28, 2040
Number attending your funeral?	22
How much will you leave to friends and family?	$4,380,971
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

I love Boston!

We went to Boston today for the day and it was just such a great trip and it taught me a bunch of things like:

1) My friends are just so great, and I'm so happy here because the people that I hang out with are just the nicest, sweetest, funniest people I could be friends with and they're are just so amazing because there's no drama. no mess no fuss. just good times. I like that.

2) Andy just makes me happy. we just work together and its fun doing absolutely nothing with him. Plus I can be a big huge dork around him and its okay. I like that.

3) I love to shop. and I'm good at it too. I bought the softest pink scarf, a bunch of cute elastic headbands, and nailpolish. and I have a new favorite store. which is always exciting.

4) I really like hanging out at the house. it just makes me feel normal to be around guys. and these guys are funny and sweet.
5)I like having things in sets of 5.

the end.

Cuba crazy

I'm in the library on a Saturday night, and the sad/pathetic part is that this is my entertainment for the night and I don't mind it. So I'm supposed to be reading my corporate finance but that's just boring, so I decided that something fun and productive that I could do was to start my research on my research paper that's due at the end of the semester. yea I'm a big dork, so I started looking up books and ordered a bunch of them up...like more than 20....but that's okay because its only October and this isn't due until the end of December. yea feel free to hate me, mostly because I'm excited about this and starting my research waaaay too early.

oh and its really cold here. and its only October. If it started snowing in the next couple of weeks I wouldn't be surprised.

Exhausted

Wednesdays try to kill me, and this last one damn near succeeded too. I started my day by waking up at 5:30am since I wanted to be ultra good and study for 6hrs before classes started, well I went to the bathroom and then came back into my room and I heard screaming, and not like happy "hey its the crew team lets scream" screaming (the crew team likes to yell in the morning), but it was "someone's getting killed" screaming. Being the scarie cat that I am I jumped back into my bed and just tried to go to sleep. but I just remembered that I'm living in a dorm that was built and has been in use since 1912, which does not provide me comfort.

so then I wake up around 8ish, shower and then start cramming for my corporate finance quiz and realize that I'm screwed. I walk over to class with yara (who's b-day it was yesterday and has been sick with a cold/flu/viral congectavitis for 2weeks now), and I basically use class time to cram some more. I think I missed 2, but it doesn't matter since I have to get perfect scores on ten of the quizzes so I don't have to take the final. Then was lunch, then boring Italian, then my day kicked into high speed since I had 30minutes to walk across campus (15 minute walk), change into yoga clothes (5 minutes), and write my makeup assignment for yoga which meant that I walked to the library (10minutes) and wrote my paper (I did it in like 15minutes) then walked over to class (and I didn't run, which is a 5minute walk from lib to gym) and got to class in time. so basically I bended the rules of space and time bc I got to class, dressed and everything, 5 minutes before it started.

after that it was back to the library for me, since I had to post a reflection on the readings for my seminar online, which meant finishing the readings and posting in the 3hrs that I had before my meeting at 7...I thought I was going to get to eat dinner but no...so I asked amazing yara to grab me some fruit at dinner and bring it to me...so that's what kept me from starving at my meeting for res life. which was actually fun for some odd reason, and I got to use my engineering skills for the first time in my liberal arts career since we built water towers out of spaghetti, straws, and tape and we did it in 20 minutes. Our structure was the tallest and the most stable, and it completely supported the water balloon on top. So the fact that I went to HSEP finally paid off, which is nice since I don't like losing.

then after the meeting ended (9pm) I finally got to eat dinner...well no, I went back to the library to collect yara and finish some work, then we got dinner (10pm). I didn't get to actually eat my food until 10:40pm when I got back to the dorm and I proceeded to inhale my food. and my tummy hurt. I then collapsed into my bed after saying hi to ev.

damn I'm tired just thinking about yesterday.