I'm starting to associate college, as roughing it. I have to take showers, and I personally dont care for showers. I like to take like 2 hr long baths. That's not an option here. Well it is but I'm not putting my body into the pertri dish that is the communal bath tub.::gross::anyway, I'm really looking foward to being able to clean the bottom of my feet really well, bc in a little shower, its really hard to shave let alone reach the bottom of my feet and be able to hold my balance for long enough to clean them as well as I'd like to.

did i mention the boy is coming?

more cheerleading notes: I at one point during practice had like 4 ppl gathered around my ass like sitting and grabbing it. Odd feeling. Becka one of the girls on the team is like "I get more tits and ass on team than anywhere else." Its so true. We were doing these really cool thingies where like 2 people were holding my legs and one person had the honor of holding my ass. Actually no, grabbing it. yup. and then they lift me up from a sitting possition, and extend me over their heads. But the 1st time we did it like for some reason the ppl holding my legs moved apart, and like my legs were being streached open for me. Not a pleasant feeling. I made the mistake of saying something about how its an unpleasant feeling, and my coach was like: yea, she doesnt like her ass grabbed while her legs are being streched open at the same time. yup....gotta love cheerleading.

right so, ur asking urself, why hasnt Jes posted more funny things about cheerleading?

respose: Jes is damn tired when she comes back from practice, and its hard to be witty when ur body just wants to lie on the floor.
But yea, thrus. night at practice, all we did were stunts. which if u've been following along, is the only thing I'm actually good at. yea the only thing. Minus the fact I'm afraid of heights, and I'm a flyer. Small thing going against me. But I'm 5'1" and weight like 110, so throwing me in the air is no sweat, its the coming down part that scares the sh*t out of me. so yea. we did craddle tosses. Which means I'm standing on 2 girls hands (they're facing each other) with a person in the back holding my ankles. Then they throw me into the air and I land sitting down with my feet/legs at this really uncomfortable angle. I was like "this isnt comfortable" and they were like "its not supposed to be." So of course the 1st time I didnt do it so badly, it was okay. Probably cause I didnt know what was happening so my mind didnt reeally know what was gonna happen. Third and Fourth time, I'd get up and then I'd freak out. It was funny. After I was done I like sprawled my body on the ground and remember how good it is. The ground is good.

'm wondering to myself why I downloaded Italian songs....self what was i thinking?

somedays life is better than others. i havent ventured outside the room yet (yes its the afternoon already) but so far things seem good. Why u may ask? bc i woke up to one of my really good friends calling me, and i got to laugh alot, which is what i needed and he argued w/me which is great. No one around here fights with me, they're all really nice girls. except for Katya, who's from Bulgaria, who I have yet to figure out if we like each other or hate one another. I think we like each other. I think....

anyways back to me: right so, yea, Luis called me and it was great. I got to laugh at him, and make fun at him, and just overall good conversation. Then again, we always have good conversations but thats besisdes my overall focus. In other good news, I skipped class and got to draw. Which I needed to do. I figure its more important than Italian. I needed to feed my soul. and its done.

bad part is that I opened the blind and looked outside and it's another one of those New England days where it looks the sky just threw up gray. Disgusting, I'm suprised ppl up here dont just kill themselves. So I lowered the blind. Also, Kim's not in the room, and I get to lisen to country. More of the making my soul happy.

odd asking ur roomate to get the hell out of ur room for the weekend cause the boy is coming over. i always hate how we agree on things like a looooong time ago, and then she like acts like this is the first time we've had this conversation. Its ok though. bc things will work out. but yea....i think its odd how she watches clips of ani di franco over and over again. i think its a sexual thing, and i dont wanna think about it. so yea.

in other news: talking back to ur coach is completly acceptable. actually its encouraged. my coach was telling me I did needed to open my legs more like to roll them out (if u know what this means please tell me, cause to me it just sounds sick) and I just like stared at her, cause I'm trying to not fall. And then she hit me, and I had her handprint on my thigh. It was funny. now re-reading this it doesnt sound so funny. its funny in like the way that someone tells u a story & gets to the punch line, and ur all like: yea... and then they look at u, and theres that uncomfortable silence like they just realized u didnt get it, and tell feel like a dumbass, and ur just like. yea. u know? and if u managed to follow that, i'm impressed.

This is the kind of humor I'm getting from a women's college:

An old woman visited her daughter's house and found her
daughter naked, waiting for her husband. "Daughter! What
are you doing naked?" the mother asked.
"This is the dress of love," the daughter responded.
The old mother returned home and took off her clothes to
wait for her husband. When he arrived and saw her, he said,
"What are you doing naked, woman?"
"This is the dress of love," she replied.
"Really?" he said. "Well, go iron it first."

Wall Street great movie, if u havent watched it, do it.

"The point is . . . that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms --- greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge --- has marked the upward surge of mankind, and greed . . . will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the U.S.A." -Gordon Gekko

Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22) - A water sign represented by the crab, Cancer symbolizes imagination and affection protected by a harsher outer core. Cancers are intuitive, loving and sympathetic, but tend to keep these traits hidden, which at times leads to their underappreciation. They also have less admirable traits including, moodiness and an inability to let go of things.

haha! i laugh at these things, but in the inside i'm crying....really i am.

my parents are the shit! i got a care package with everything a college student could ask for : money, thermals, a pretty note, a phone card, and magazines! SCORE!

so that was the most amazing game of basketball I've ever seen. Grated I've only seen 3 games in my entire life, but this was a damn good game. We were down by like 2 with 30 secs left and then we were tied, and then we were down by like 1 at like 10 secs and then we tied, and then there was overtime. I thought I was gonna die. We went into overtime and won it by 10 points. It was amazing.

right so life likes to punch u in the gut when it gets a chance to. and so it did. enough said. but at least my dilema is solved and I know I'm staying in Houston for J term. Life always decides for you.

y does my room smell like wet kim funk? huh? i just cleaned this morning and got all the funk smell out, and she manages to bring it back it....gross

and why does no one ever talk to God anymore? i think i've been ranting about this for a couple of yrs but seriously. it seems like before ppl could walk around and have conversations with God and ppl took them seriously. How come I cant just walk over to class and have a conversation with the divine?and even if i did get thru to him, if i told anyone about it, no one would believe me. whats that all about? i dont get it.

Game today at 7pm, and 2 hr practice before hand....i can just feel the excitement

i've discovered the meaning of life. Wake up early in the morning, and force ur ass out of bed and shower. or whatever else u do in the morning that wakes u up instantly. All of a sudden I had complete clarity and I was able to eat breakfast, get to my classes on time, do my laundry, and eat lunch. Amazing!

in other news: my theory of doing 8 loads of laundry for the entire yr has been ruined by the weekends' events. I had 3 weeks left. I was gonna do it....ohh well. actually, i could just not do any laundry for my remaining 3 wks and then my hypothesis will be proved correct. If theres one thing I learned from Felsky/Bobo, if it doesnt work just bootleg it. and bootleg i shall...

I think this is funny, so I'm gonna post it (yea its kinda long but its funny, so deal):

INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE On the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God by Ruth Smythers beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference Published in the year of our Lord 1894 Spiritual Guidance Press New York City

INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE circa 1894

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency. Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted. A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness.

Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time. Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment.

The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection. She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he's huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regard to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

lesson learned in cheerleading today: Never wear a thong to practice

in order news: I won the award for spirit in the last game. I go a ribbon. I feel special.

in order news: My room has a smell. Before it just smelled like Kim funk, now it smells like tobacco Kim funk. Ugly ppl shouldnt smoke. Actually no. I take it back. Ugly ppl should smoke, so they die off faster. The end.

right so, I hate Mondays. Rommate wakes me up at 8 in the morning. actually no, backing up, roommate doesnt let me get any rest at night bc she makes odd noises in her sleep that keep me up. what kind of noises u may ask, well she talks, breathes loudly and has other bodily functions that i shall refrain from mentioning. so i dont get any real sleep until she gets out of the room at like 8 something. i dont have work study till 10, so i decide to get some quality sleep. I wake up, its 9am, i go back to sleep thinking that i'll just wake up at 10 like normal. wrong I sleep thru work study bc i dont wake up until 11. this is my second offense. not good. so ur thinking thats not too bad, u cant hate mondays cause of that. the fun doesnt stop there. i had a quiz in italian. did i know i had a quiz? nope. did i bomb it? ohhh u wouldnt believe how badly i did on it. from then on i managed to smash my hand against a wall and look at my planner and realize that i have 3 wks until classes are over and i didnt get any work done during break.....sucks to be me

horoscope: Your personal life is anything but smooth. You have to let go of the past and learn to live each day at a time. Sudden events may disrupt your routine.

translation: Damn girl your track record sucks! forget about it though bc slowly thru the help of counselors, therapist, and Ms.Cleo you'll be able to breathe and not wonder when the shits gonna go down. Actually no, I lied, ur paranoid don't forget that. Ur easily frightened and if u don't plan stuff its gonna scare the crap out of you.

i like reading my own post, and making comments on them. i've taken to making noises instead of actually talking. so ppl are beginning to look at me and wonder. but yea, i skim through them and come up with things like "i talk alot", "ummmmmmm", "huh" and "i need to pee."

i wonder if i could trade my roommate for a George Foreman grill.

i talked to my best friend. i love talking to her bc its so different from the girl i played with back in 5th grade. she's definately one of the few people on earth I actually like. even when we're bitching and fighting, I really love this girl. Most ppl just piss me off and thats the end of it. anyways I'm talking to her and shes amazing, shes getting married and shes like home all day and taking care of her little girl and getting married, and we were just laughing the whole time we talked. few ppl can get me laugh like that. I miss her.

right so the whole concept of getting to sleep whenever u want to goes away when the roommate comes back. I was awoken by her coming in and dropping shit on the floor. Then the bad music is turned on bc she cant sleep without it. My shit is wet bc her fridge is above my dresser, and now all my socks and undies have this gross smell of moistness. I don't know I think everyone knows the scent that comes about when stuff is wet but doesn't get washed right away. I definitely cant live with other people. Maybe its me. Maybe I'm asking for too much. I'd like for my shit to not get wet, and to be able to sleep without being woken up. And I don't want my room to smell or be a pigsty.

I'm asking for too much.

my room is a mess. water from the fridge got into my top drawer on my dresser and so now I have to do laundry. what isnt wet is laying on desk waiting for me to figure out what to do with it. I think I'm just giving up and going to bed. I been awake for all 5hrs and the days not getting any better i'm going to bed.

best part about break: u can go to sleep at 6 in the morning and not have anything to wake up until 4pm.....

its disgusting outside, it looks like the sky just barfed itself up. I didnt know it could be soo gray.....

the longer I'm up here the more start really wondering about stuff. mostly about people. i keep wondering if I'm supposed to be up here. If I'm supposed to do anything really. Like whats the point of it all, i mean really. One of my friends up here is Anna, and shes just amazing. shes got the best set of lungs and shes a dancer. great girl. anywho, shes always asking people when shes blastered what their passion is, like why do they get up in the morning...which is a great question really. I used to wake up to get to play with the people i decide to bother with and love. i think i like making other people happy. which just gets me into all sorts of trouble, i'm rhambling but thats ok. I think theres a point in this. People end up doing alot things to make other people happy. Like why would I move all the hell to the middle of western Mass? could i stay up here if it wasnt making me happy? No, of course not. I couldn't put up with this bullshit if I didnt truly love it. or could i? I put up with a lot of shit I dont enjoy....my best friend is getting married, she has a kid. That could be me. i dont think it makes her happy. i doubt this was her dream...actually I know its not. so what is it? what stands between ur passion and what u actually end up doing? u have to be willing to screw up, how does it happen?

Right so I got home and of course I had managed to leave my one card (the card that allows me into my dorm/school ID/i cant eat on campus without this/i cant even do my laundry without this), drivers license, keys to my room, bank card, and cash all inside my friends car. Of course shes in Rhode Is. and isnt coming back until Monday afternoon sometime. so i call my wonderful abs and she opens the door for me and I have the campus police let me into my room. and then I watched like about 10hrs of ally mcbeal. I mean I spent all of friday watching Iron Chef on the food network might as well continue the TV watching. anywho the best line out of all of this came from my favorite Ling: I practically stripped naked and shot myself out of a canon. Classic.

I'm anxious to get home, back to the dorm and play with girls. Boys are weird. I'm starting to really wonder what a women's college is doing to me.

i had my very first normal thanksgiving, which was nice. I also attended my very first high school football game, which in accordance with the laws that govern Jes I did after i got to college. and then I watched lots of football. So all in all it was an abnormal holiday.

i go to watch tv, which is always good. I havent done that in a really long while.

right so I'm in worcester. i left my wallet in the girl's car who drove me over here. my bros room is cold. i went from being surrounded by girls to being surrounded by guys, who call me abad and do double takes when they look at me. I dont think its a good thing for ppl to tell me I look like my brother....i'im hungry. all i've had is some bad chinese food. but yea, hes back now.

I'm going to my brothers for thanksgiving. I hope all of u have a great holiday and enjoy thr much needed break from school. My room smells like foot powder, but thats fine bc I'm not gonna be here to smell it for much longer. I'm hungry.....have a great break everyone!

theatre is not a real major. It just isnt....what the hell do people do with a theatre major? I hope they starve.

right so yea, I'm never with a freaking theatre major again, I dont even wanna live with her now or for the next semester again. Her and some girl are inher moving in slow motion and not speaking, and its really annoying. augh....why cant I live with someone normal? who keeps her mouth closed and doesnt move in slow motion, and doesnt have an odor. Is that too much to ask for? I dont think so. I need a new roomate. I really do.

right so I'm having the whole inner dialogue discussion on like should I stay in Houston for J term or stay up here. Right so theres many different things that I'm considering and I'm looking at. The question is what the hell am I gonna do if I stay in either place u know? like if I stay in Houston for all of January will I just go crazy and not be able to deal with my parents and not having anything to do for like a month? if I stay up here will I freeze to death? Right so I found this class at Hampshire on humor and being sarcastic, but the deal is that its like for all of january and like the class meets for like 2 hrs, and I dont think I wanna do that.....i just dont know....

I still do not understand y my roomate cant close her mouth. I dont get it. Its open all the time, she really should do something about that....

right so in Italian I watched some Italian movie, which made absolutely no sense. Like the entire movie was about some guy riding his mopehead (u know the demi-motocycles) and looking at houses, and watching Italian movies. But the highlight of the first half was that they played a Juan Luis Guerra song in it. It was really funny, I was the only person in class who like knew the words. . .The rest of the movie made no sense though. but that was the highlight...I dont get Italian movies...

yea, I live in western Mass. Overheard in Caribbean Lit:

Girl 1: yea, I had some clips of Tupac on BET (she pronounced it BET not like B E T)
Girl 2: BET is that how its pronounced? I've always said B E T.
Girl 3: no its BET, that's how I've always said it...
Girl 1: yea its definitely BET

hehe I read this on my bro bro's posting and liked it so much that I decided to share:
Norm: Kissing will make an optimist out of anyone.

yea, so I was on the phone last night/this morning at like 1ish-2ish something like that and I heard like a banging noise, didn't think too much of it. Then the moaning cam and I decided to move to the other side of the hallway, away from this girls room so I didn't have to hear her cries for the lord. and then the drunken seniors came, and the hall reeked of pot. That was great. Life lesson: theres only so many things u can do in south hadley when ur a senior at an all women's college to have fun. the end.

andy's a doll, he really is....

i ate a mango, and like one half was really good, and the other half was just bad....it made me sad....but yea, I'm still hungry....i want my m&c's....

I had such a great time today, it was really just fun like throughout. I mean like I didnt eat all day, I'm soo tired, my body's gonna fall off, but like I went out to eat, I watched some good acapella groups perform, and some funny improv groups, and theres a meteor shower tonight best since like 1700 or something I'm just excited! ok, i have to go pee....

Aside: Thanks Andy for the note! it was great! i miss u!
Everyone: I miss you too. Except some ppl which i dont miss. u can guess whether or not i miss u.

I had another game today and it was sooooo much fun! I was really comfortable and I had a good time with it and it was great! yea! go me! like I was watching the game and it was really close and I got really into it, and its like the 2nd time in my life I've sat through a basketball game. Like I do not watch basketball, the first time I watched a full game was last night, but it was soo much fun. and I learned what some of the stuff meant, and I understood what was going on, but yea. I'm hungy! must find food.....

y'all theres a meteor shower tonight which is supposed to be like amazing, so I would recommend that you watch it. This is probably like the one benefit of living in the middle of nowhere, I can like walk like 10 min and be in the complete middle of nowhere with the perfect view of stars.

The game went great, like it was like not stressful at all and it was just really really fun! but yea. I made the new friends watch infomersials with me and the one for the "Super Blue Stuff" came on, and it was the most hillarious thing that I have seen in a really long time. I started crying, the man who like created the stuff said something classic like "I aint got no degree. I aint no scientist. I just know the super blue stuff gets rid of allll ur pain" I was rolling! it was great. good times

I'm incredibly afraid of my game today. Like I had nightmares all night long, not about the game but about stuff in general. aaaaaahhhhh...I think i'm gonna have a panic attack.

my new motto: i am the catalyst for change

i think these post are mainly to amuse myself.

ok, so like I'm thinking about my day alot right now, cause its my first chance to really write about it. Anyways, I had like this really intense discussion during lunch about men and hair. I personally dont like it. If I'm not hairy I dont really think they should be either, thats gross. it got really heated and intense, there were some at the table that were telling me that not liking hair on like chest and stuff was like me saying I wanted little boys, which is definately not what I'm about. yea, things were said. everyone joined in. It was a quality conversation.

right so I had a dream that I was like going to a waterpark with this man with no nose. but like when we got to the park there was no water, only trees....very odd. and like we were on a boat on the way to the waterpark which we had to sneak into....but like for some reason the whole day I;ve been thinking about this man with no nose.....thats really creepy....the consensous I got was that the man was like someone in my life who like is missing an essensial feeling, and that the water is like sex, so like when I got to the park there was no sex....I'm confused....

i miss KFC biscuits and colesaw. Thats what I miss.

right so theres this ongoing debate about whether my breast are the size that I say they are. (If you don't know the size, guess, I really don't feel like telling u if u don't know) anyways Abby, who is the same size as me, is all like we do not have the same breast. and I'm like their the same size, I'm just a smaller built so they seem bigger, anyways this has been going on for weeks, Today it like boiled over to where I like. u know I'm thinking about it and this story borders on like soft porn, I'm not gonna finish it. The end. I don't wanna like feed into the conceptions that like women's college are like a porn movie....ok.

I think of all these great ideas to post and then I forget them when I get home....so sad

u know when ur troll roomate has her f*cking headphones on ur not supposed to be able to hear the bad music! augh she ruins the aura in my room

anywho: I got a 72 on my italian midterm. Which I knew was gonna happen since it feel in the middle of my dementia where I hadnt slept in like 2 weeks. Her fault. Its actually a 72 bc it was curved. how much so, well u can decide that. Its always sucks how I start liking italian again and then I see my grades. Today I asked how u say "kill me" in italian, she gave me a funny look.

Take that Charles:

MRKrazyBones: what about televised live events
justasmurf: like what?
MRKrazyBones: like mtv unplugged or a soccer game
MRKrazyBones: its real
justasmurf: no its not
justasmurf: ur not actually there
justasmurf: thats a tv program
justasmurf: thats not real life
MRKrazyBones: ok thats understandable but it is occuring in real time
justasmurf: no really its not
MRKrazyBones: thats not real life for the veiwer
justasmurf: if its not happening to u, or in ur time zone its not real time
MRKrazyBones: i dunno
justasmurf: if u were there watching like it being taped thats different
MRKrazyBones: actually yea your right
justasmurf: i know
MRKrazyBones: actually if your watchin something ebing televised in your time zone its not cause of a time delay
MRKrazyBones: it allows time for editing
justasmurf: which is why its not real
MRKrazyBones: so technically nothing being watched on television is real
justasmurf: theres always a delay
MRKrazyBones: nothing on tv is real

so there: I'm not difficult just right

Luis used to always tell me that from my legs up I looked good but that my shoes always threw everything off. I think his exact words were something like "u look throwed" Whats great about a womens college, is that even with my blue shoes I'm considered to be "dressed up to go to class" I wonder what ppl would think of how these girls dress. . .

Charles is difficult. I am not. Having seen someone on TV does not equal having seen someone in real life.

its amazing how quickly my floor gets dirty. where the hell does all this dust come from? why is my school so freakin old? how many people have lived in my room? how many people have slept on my bed? what have these people done to my bed? i'm glad i dont think about that while I'm in bed, that wouldnt let me sleep. . .

my new friend Abby (who I am in love with) got a callback to the Vagina Monologues. I feel like i could lisen to her rant about her vagina forever.

i think i've decided that i will begin all conversations with "Lets talk about me" bc thats the most interesting part of the conversation anyways like we say here when we start taking vodka shots 'lets just get to the point."

i actually had a good practice today. Like I had fun. This is amazing, normally I spend practice like cursing my coach out in my head. This was great! I'm excited about the game on friday now! woohoo! go me!

I had my blood pressure checked today at the health center for a sports physical (yea cheerleading is a sport,) and the woman was like "wow" and I felt good that my blood pressure is so good that she said wow. I think i'm gonna read some more, and get more ahead in my classes.

my italian class was cancelled today, and I realized that I had reached a new low in my life as a college student when I was like "good now have a chance to shower"

i slept through a fire drill. the sad part is that I knew there was gonna be a fire drill, and I even went to bed ready to like go outside in 20 degree weather. like i slept in jeans and a long sleeved shirt. and i knew the time it was gonna be at and everything. and i slept throught it. my clothes and jacket, scarf, gloves, the whole deal where right by the door, and i slept right through it. and like fire marshalls came into my room, and both me and my roommate slept through it. i actually heard the fire marshalls and i ignored them, and tried to get some sleep. I actually thought the alarm was my radiator going off. oh well...

yea, and I'm not a lesbian

ok, i have nothing to say. wait thats a lie. i saw the Grapes of Wrath for eco, and it was one of those experiences where ur just like, u know I want that part of my life back. and u just cant get it back. its like that. yea, my roommates still doing the sing along thing, cant stand it. my lips are chapped. and I'm hungry my last meal was like 6 hrs ago. and were gonna have a fire drill at like 3 in the morning. I'm not excited about it. Its like 23 degrees outside....

i went outside, and like a good non-northern checked the weather. It said 38 degrees. I said ok, cold. and since it snowed this morning I figuared a bitter 38 degrees. It wasnt. I like went out in my coat, hat, scarf, gloves, and 2 layered shirts. I was hot. and I also realized people do not look good in winter clothing. Its not attractive. I'm building a list of the things that are wrong with the north.

its started to snow. I woke up this morning and had this whole inner dialogue with myself: "Am I more hungry than I am lazy or am I more lazy than I am hungry?" and then my roomate was basically stomping up a storm while dressing herself, so the inner dialogue stopped and it was like "am I'm up." so then I was like walking down my three flights trying to decide if I want scrambled eggs or cereal or both, and then I decided I wanted scrambled eggs with ham in them, but we dont have that, and my friends coming down the stairs too and she's all happy and like "u know whats its doing outside?" and I'm like "whaaaaaat?" and I look and see nothing and shes like "its snowing" and I look out and I'm not impressed.

oldgreymen: shakira doesnt look good except when she was blond in that video
justasmurf: she looks damn good in the whole thing
justasmurf: if I can shake my hips like that, my life will be complete
oldgreymen: she doesnt look good in real life
justasmurf: have u seen her in real life?
oldgreymen: mtv unplugged
justasmurf: thats not real life
oldgreymen: sure it is
oldgreymen: its live
oldgreymen: not a music video
oldgreymen: thats what i mean
justasmurf: no its not
oldgreymen: yea it is
oldgreymen: it is live
justasmurf: charles that TV not real life
oldgreymen: her live performance
oldgreymen: not a music video with a director
oldgreymen: and a makeup artist
justasmurf: yea the spanish video is better
justasmurf: charles TV even live TV is not real life
oldgreymen: there are no takes or on the spot make up artists in live perfomances
justasmurf: ok, but will u at least admit its not real life
oldgreymen: i wont admit that

I am not difficult

I'd like to add that I miss McDonald's chicken nuggets, Weddy's fries, and Whoppers. I also miss smoothies, and whataburger. But I really miss Sourdough Jack's, I like to tell northerns that they dont know what there missing and how freaking deprived they are, and they laugh like I'm joking. I'm not. These people dont have Jack in the Box, they dont even get the commercials. the roomate walks around barefoot, its a communal bath room shes going into with her bare feet, she brings that back into the room with her. ::gross:: i miss Texas...

for some reason I think that last post is gonna get me in trouble...

My roommate sings along to music. Bad music. Which wouldn't be a problem if she could sing or at least carry a tune. But she cant, and its bad music. Actually she even butchers the good music. I have definite issues with her. lol...for some reason she never closes her mouth, I have a problem with that. Like why wouldn't you be able to close ur mouth? and she's dirty, she just put water into a dirty cup. She like looks at it and like makes this face like "why's it dirty, I didn't wash it the last time I used it, but its been at least a week it should be clean by now?" and then she wipes it with her hand, and then proceeds to pour in the water. I mean really that's disgusting...and there's a mountain of clothes inside her closet. I mean really, when the damn pile is as big as you are, just do something about it, not that hard. That piles been there since we got here I think. I wonder if its the same damn pile... I think it is. That's gross, we have weird bugs in this room, that's probably where there coming from...I think I'm gonna scrounge up money and buy myself a screen so I don't have to look at that side of the room...

for the first time in my life I have scratches on my back that are unrelated to sex. Cheerleaing will do that to u....first games this week...I'm scared....

so I just got back from the India Arie concert, and she was amazing. The opening band was some stupid band from New York, but India was amazing, they were like all this really great Black grown people in the audience, and I loved it. She was in the middle of singing a Marving Gray song and some woman shouted out: "Take ur time sweetie" and I felt great. It was great. Like smack in the middle of her set I thought to myself: "did we brush our teeth today?" and I realized that I hadnt and right then and there I wanted to brush my teeth. Its amazing how that just comes into my mind sometimes. Like sometimes it doesnt even matter like if I've brushed them or not, if they feel icky I need to clean them...but yea...the concert was great. Shes adorable. I'm convienced that everyone is just a little boy/girl at heart. They brought this random guy from the audience and she was like gushing, it was great. I need to shower.

My horoscope says:
Deception is apparent when dealing with family or children. You may want to put some energy into beautifying your living quarters. Make everyone pitch in.

Mb I'll get to cleaning after all...

what the fucks it all for any ways? that what I'm like right now. what's the point? is this some big joke? is there no meaning at all in life? am I just doomed to wander aimlessly and know nothing? classes, and families, and people, and distance, and life just being hard. and I wonder, what's it all for? what's my purpose here, because I'm surely not seeing it. I think wisdom is the appreciation that soon enough ur gonna die, and none of the petty things are gonna matter. its sad though, when you know better, or at least you feel like you do and you realize that as always you have no choice, life decides for you which way ur gonna get to go. things don't go according to plan, or even ur way. you as an individual mean nothing.

its funny how every ghetto song, reminds me of the Booker. Songs I wouldn't sit through before now I'm making my new friends listen to and enjoy. I like to think of myself as slowly bringing a different culture to boring Western Mass...never thought of myself as a Southern until I moved up north.

Everyone is to have a burning question. I've decided that I will have two questions which are really one and the same: How does Shakira shake her hips like that? and why is it that when I go to sleep I have all of the pillow, and yet when I wake up Andy has taken all of the pillow, and I am left with no pillow? I don't move around so much, so its not like I some how let go of the pillow. As soon as I figure this put, and figure out how to shake my hips like Shakira I will have reached the highest point.

u know u know to a women's college when any time that u go to a dance party and guys try to dance with u, u think that they're both skeetchy and ur friends start coming towards u and ur pretending that ur a lesbian to not have to dance with them....yea. Thats why every guy who comes to this scholl thinks that were all lesbians, because u get so used to dancing and playing with girls that u dont wanna dance with anyone else, and boys scare u. yup, some black guy was trying to dance on my ass and i started grinding with one of my friends and holding her like I wanted to do her. yea, I go to a women's college.

my feet are tingling, i think they're swoolen, they look really big......the tips of my toes feel like they're asleep, and they been out of the heels for like 10hrs or so, and yet they still hurt...this doesnt look good.

and yea so i just got home. For future referrence NEVER wear cute heels to go clubbing. . .

Right soo yea. I feel as if my cheerleading coach hates me. I wasnt meant to be a cheerleader, and I'm kinda glad. Kinda like for work study I SUCK at doing the pots, which is fine by me 'cause G-d forbit I'd spend the rest of my life washing pots. Which makes me wonder about the stuff that I am good at, & in some cases gifted in, (some of u know which things I'm referring to). Is that what I will spend the rest of my life doing? I wonder . . .

i miss andy...hes a doll

and one small battle was just won. Ok now I think I can have some fun with this...

ok, this is starting to give me a headache! how the hell am i supposed to change the header? huh? I hate when u think u know how to do something and it just will not work! damn the man.

so...I've decided my life is interesting enough so that I can talk about it now. we'll see how this goes...