i just realized that i dont have a sprinkler in my room. that sucks for me.

i wish i could paint my walls...they would look so pretty...like a nice happy yellow, como un pollito like my mommy says. i miss my mommy...i miss my parents. some evil man tried to rob my father at gunpoint (sorry if mom didnt get a hold of u to tell u jonathan) on sunday night while my daddy was walking the crazy dog. my daddy escaped and got back home safely but still...life is so fragile... and the irony of some desparate crazy bad man trying to get money from my dad is just...::sigh:: people are so disconnected from one another. like if that man knew my father, and that he's given everything he has to educate his children, then i dont think he would have tried to do that, but people dont think of others. i run accross a lot of girls here who feel that they're entitled to have whatever they want. i think thats why i want my kids to grow up with very little, or at least thinking that their poor because i think that having to work for everything that you have gives you the best perspective on life...on whats truly important and what is a luxury, a gift, not an entitlement or a right. the older that i get, and the more perspective that i receive the more afraid i am of losing the few people in my life that i truly value. my mom's illness taught me that...life teaches you many things about priorities in life.

do something good. live. we all hear that crap about seizing the day but i'm starting to think that its true, and i'm getting really scared because i spend most of mine with my nose in a book and not actually getting to live it. college does that. and so does having a job. things try to get in the way of u enjoying ur own life...maybe thats why i want to go to italy, so that i can try to get out of this american mindset of always rushing thru things...rushing thru ur life not focusing on whats important.

its been raining here since around sunday, when andy left and its funny the effect that the rain has on me. it seems appropriate somehow.