i've having a really rough time with humanity lately, mostly just because the optimist/idealist in me has a really hard time with the practical/realist part of me, coupled with the fact that i'm a very passionate person and i cant just read about these things and not become involved in them. which makes mantaining a stable mental state pretty hard when your studying how ppl are exploited and basically raped for all that they're worth (which according to capitalism is only what you make for the work, so if u work at Wendy's its $6.75/hr, sick huh?) and then some bc they're making more money off you than the $6.25 that they're paying you (but we all know that), so the farther that i get into the theory the more days than not that i come home and want to crawl into my bed, curl up in fetal position and cry. yesterday was pretty much me doing that. then i talked to andy for a while and he helped me snap out of that.

i'm just watching myself change throughout this semester. i can honestly say that i'm a better person now than i was in middle school or even high school. heck, i'm a better person now than i was at the begining of the semester. thats not to say that i dont truly admire the things that i did then, bc i think in my short lifetime i've accomplished some pretty gusty things. i had (and still have) a lot of confidence in what i'm capable of doing and what i'm worth as a human being, separate from the fact that society likes to beat down my throat that since i'm a minority, a woman, and an immigrant that i have no worth. but i never belived that, and that makes me be proud of myself. i like that. i also think it has a lot to do with the fact that i'm light enough to pass as being white, and as a result i do get a lot of priveleges from that (like not being followed when i go into saks to get to the other side of the galleria) that also makes me appreciate my parents and the amazing things that they've done for me so that i could become this way, so that i could come to this place and learn these amazing things. i'll spend the rest of my life trying to repay them for that.

which brings me to my message for y'all today. Love your parents. They are amazing amazing people, that have sacrified huge things for you. my mind can no longer comprehend the anger that i use to feel towards my parents, and i cant begin to understand why ppl feel the need to be disrespectful to their parents. they did the best that they could. no matter how they might have messed with ur psyche and hell they werent perfect, but they loved you. so be good to them, bc life is too fragile and you can never take for granted the time you have with them.

and thats my soap box. enjoy the new links on the side.