i did it.

i feel like this momement requires documentation. today was an awesome day. it marked the end of my undergraduate career. and god damn it i earned this one. all by myself.

this semester has been impossible. i honestly didn't think that I would make it. between the internship, and being an hp, and taking 5 classes, and having a life, and painting. i didnt think i would get to this point. but here it is. i'm done.

it feels amazing. like a daze. my last paper was due at 5pm. i considered getting an extension on it. but i didnt. i just turned it in. then the women's studies majors all got together and celebrated. what an awesome group of women. three tequilla shots in the room where i took womst 390 and fem and queer theory. then we went and had an early dinner. and i was tipsy, partially on the cuervo but mostly on the accomplishment. i finished. it still hasnt completly hit me.

then dinner in amherst. and a bit more drinking. and i got a job for the summer, which is super good news. its a really great position and i'm incredibly excited. i didn't think i would get it. but i did. all by myself.

oh and i took ten seconds off my minesweeper score, taking me to 94 seconds in expert. which is definately among the top world minesweeper scores. and we played some barrell of monkeys and i whooped everyones ass and won.

i started the day off with an email from my cuba prof, letting me know that if i had taken the independent with her for credit i would have gotten an A-. I just needed to pass and i got an A-.

i feel like i so very rarely do, that i accomplished something worthwhile here. and it wasnt given to me because i'm spoiled and priviledged, i had to earn it. and i did. and it feels awesome.

i am the winner

I am: 0% Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Are You A Republican?

Ha!

Anyways on page 6 of the 20 page anthro research paper that I am editing. I'm basically going through and putting in stronger evidence and strenghtening my argument but its taking forever. So in between deep thinking about migration as a gendering process for Latino men I play minesweeper. Lots of minesweeper. Thinking about it today I think I play over 3 hours worth of minesweeper whenever I write a paper. Its probably way more than that but if I actually tallied it up I'd cry. I did however learn that my 27 sec. time in the intermediate minesweeper qualifies as a world record (in the top 25 of times for that level) which is cool. especially since I lost my old records when I reformated my computer, so who knows what scores I had there. They were good though. I remember that.

Next Tuesday is my last day of classes, which I will celebrate by going to champagne and strawberries. After that I only my womst paper (20pg), my presentation (10 minutes in front of a bunch of people), and my comedy final. Totally doable. Yay!

Okay back to the horror that is editing.

this is me doing my work

You Are 55% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

that was amusing. and not one of the three things i should be working on. oh well. i'm having burst of productivity were I write a good page and a half and its followed by an hour of me searching the internet and taking silly quizzes. this paper has to get done today. and i absolutely have to work on the first of the 20 page monsters.

here are some more things to keep you distracted:

* 10 things about interns.

* I knew they'd pick a winner.

* just kidding

* tony danza rocks.

"the way to hump a cow" *

my eye needs to stop twitching. seriously. now. it started twitching a while ago (maybe at the beginning of the semester) and then andy came to visit and it stopped. but then of course he had to leave because he has to write a thesis in 9 days and it started twitching again. even though it was most lovely this week. i wore flowery dresses, and left the sunroof open on my car and it was fabulous. except for my eye which kept twitching. its the only part of my body that seems to care that i have to write a 20pg paper, a 5pg paper, a 3 pg paper, a 20pg paper, a 5pg paper, take a final, paint, paint, paint, write a speech, and give a speech in the next 2 weeks. the rest of me didnt really care. i was too busy watching the west wing, taking 2 hour dinner breaks, and goofing off with my friends.

during my goofing around I saw a post on my brothers site about someone wanting a life sized cut out of him and joked that it would be motivational not creepy. so in response he made this and suddenly i regained my work ethic. I've finished editing all the papers I needed to read for my anthro class, made appointments, gone into work, started readings, gone to class, and started my research for my 2nd 20 page paper. so now my brother is my wallpaper and work is getting done. yay.

now if only my eye would stop twitching.

*e.e.cummings. read this.

-and this.
--and this too.
---and while your at it, dont forget about this. (okay so maybe I havent been so productive)

mercury is the new lead

Fortune cookie says "If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?"

Fortune cookies are surprisingly clever sometimes. Oh well. The universe has returned back to normal, after a week were everything was upside down, but Andy came to visit first for a night and then for two nights and it was fabulous. Absolutely nothing got done. We did however eat yummy Chinese food and have pizza and watch most of the fifth season of the west wing. Which was most needed.

Now I have a rather long list of things that need to be done. I have no clue how they'll actually get done, but I know it has to happen. I cannot wait to be done with classes. I'm very much looking foward to that.

le piccole virtu

This past week has been bizarre. I ran into the one person I absolutely did not want to see. It was bound to happen. I don't think he saw me. And if he did I don't think either of us wants to say a damn thing to one another. Well maybe a few choice words, but I'm civilized enough to keep them all in my head.

He looked so happy and carefree. I think that's what really got to me. How happy and carefree he looked. This week has just been like that, reminders from the past about the way I once was and how I'm no longer that person. Letting go of the past is a lot like mourning for someone who has passed, except once you let go there is something much better waiting on the other side.

This entire school year has been reflective like that. Looking at the past, figuring out what to keep and what gets thrown out. There's been a lot of throwing out this past week. But, its good its like pulling out the weeds so they don't suck all the minerals from the daffodils.

So what if I trust way less people than I did before? The good still outnumber the bad. And in the end, thats what keeps me going.

come out and play in the sun

You know I'm ready to check out when I'm updating my blog a million times a week.

Time needs to hurry up. And my work needs to magically get itself done. Specifically my painting class, in which I'm 2 assignments behind. Eh. I wish I cared. Yesterday I sketched out my still-life and my Prof. came by and freaked out on me telling me that I made the purple ball (one of those kickball things) too big. Basically he wanted me to start over. And I just stared at him and told him I didnt want to put too much stuff in it and that I liked it. And he said that he wanted me to put stuff in it because I have a habit of making things too "shapey." I have no clue what that means. If he had said "cartoony" or "cute" I would have agreed with him. So I ignored him and continued on. The man doesnt like me as it is, which might be a problem if I cared, but I dont.

Oh well. In other news I've decided that my summer plans will revolve around me getting the fuck out of my life. Specifically not going to Houston for longer than 2 weeks (my parents are lovely but stressful) and getting out of the country. I got a sorta job offer that would be able to pay for my need to spend ridiculous amounts of time around people who speak Spanish and in a bikini. Its good to know I have priorities. Or not.

Links:

*Why naming your kid "Roshanda" is probably a bad sign. There's also a list of the whitest and blackest names. Thankfully Jessica is not on either list.

*Pink umbrella from Target. (from mighty goods)

*One in seven Americans would stop in the middle of sex to answer their cell phone. Why?

Spent the day sunbathing on the mandelles hill with Yara. Took a book with me but only read about a page in it. Saw some girls playing with a frisbee and a topless Bulgarian. Yea.

If last week I was ready to check out, this weekend it only got worse. Time needs to go by faster. And I need to figure out some summer plans. the end.

we all feel how we feel inside

This past week has been surprisingly good to me. It basically involved me reading every book and article on Latino masculinity and then writing 19 pages in 14 hours. The first 11 were pretty good. If I had started a couple of hours earlier I would have done and alright on the other ones. But alas sun always beats work and I spent more time sunbathing than typing. Oh well paper draft is turned in.

The weeks just been a lot of memorable moments. Like a really fun seminar class and sitting in front of Blanchard with Yara avoiding work and enyoing the early night. Going out to mexican food and being really loud. Standing my ground in a meeting and winning. Getting to talk with old friends. And yea. a bunch of tiny good times.

I'm ready to graduate. Like mentally ready to move on. And that feels ridiculously good.

*This guy's been in college for 11 years. I respect that. I could barely stand to go through 4.
* I love pocky, the delicious Japanese waffle chocolate sticks. But I do not get their commercials. At all.
* this is just so i wont forget to watch this.

f@#&! self involved pricks

Its a bad sign when you're trying to write a message to your hall and everything you think of ends in "bitches"

Man I need to get out of this place.

And now a quote from my new favorite website:

Girl #1: She always has this miserable look about her.
Girl #2: Dude, that's just her face.
Girl #1: Ew.

--Lincoln Center

and a link. about the japanese.

This feels exactly like the last semester at HSEP where I missed a month of school and spent a billion more hours playing Mario Tennis than in Physics. awesome.

A month from now this will all be over.

I'm incredibly amazed at my ability to be a horrible student sometimes. Not all the time. Just enough to get myself in trouble every now and then. Like now. When I have a fairly important 20 page paper of doom due tomorrow I am sitting here happily updating my blog. Why? Because I really stopped caring. I had a horrible allergic reaction to something this weeked (I'm hoping its either oil paints), and really after losing all of Saturday to the horror of Benedryl I really just dont care about my work. Which is bad. I should care. But I dont.

I really dont. Instead I have been doing everything but work today. For instance I cleaned my room. Made my bed. Made myself breakfast. Read everything on the internet. Straightened my hair.

Thus I leave you with links:
* http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/people/columns/intelligencer/11678/index.html
* http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/03/22/hogzilla.ap/index.html?section=cnn_offbeat
* http://www.slate.com/id/2089248/?GT1=6334

such is life.

My blog has been really quiet for a while now. But I'm feeling especially renewed today (maybe since its Easter Sunday and here in western mass its oh so close to being spring) so I figured I would say something today.

I'm in a really funny place right now. 45 days away from when all my grades are due. Those around me who arent graduating are getting ready for next semester, choosing hall numbers, picking roommates, and running for elections. And I'm not a part of that. Which is weird but feels right. Last night I went out to On The Border with Yara because I was starting to dream of fajitas. And our waitress was a Moho who graduated the year before. She told us not to worry that she had a really job just that Moho was really expensive so she had another job. It was just reality served to me by a girl who used to be in one of my econ classes. This is life. And this is the reality of what happens after you leave the safe ivory tower of mount holyoke. Or really any ivory tower. There are bills to be paid and a life that is not glamorous but just real that needs to be lived.

And such is life. I finally told my parents that I was moving to Erie like 5 months after I already decided I was going (shhh dont tell my mom that part) and they were as always my parents. Super suportive and really nice about the whole thing. I don't know why I was so scared that they would be disappointed or mad. By this point I should know my parents well enough to know that. So yea, its highly official now I'm moving to Erie and I'm really excited about it. So yea for me!

I will now leave you with adorable things:
* "gansta" t-shirt.
* "I'm saving it!" undies.
* and a giant pony. (stolen from: design*sponge)

a lot of advil and kleenex

so this week has been...memorable. and thats all i'm going to say about that. it snowed again last night/yesterday. It was really pretty. So yea. that's that. I have big things to do this weekend. Because before Monday rears its ugly head I have to finish a black and white still-life and do 4 more tiny ones (its really cool they're all monocromatic using one primary color in each painting until the last one where I get to use all 3 primary colors). I'm going to do a series of children's toys. So like one rubber ducky (yellow), one barrel of monkeys (red), and yea I dont know what for the other two. Maybe a train for the last ones. Its going to be a ton of work. If that's all I had to do though I would not be worried. However since I also have to learn about Travestis (brazilian biologically male but female bodied prostitutes), PR, Infant CPR, and Men's Shelters I'm in a bit of a crunch.

Its okay though. I'm a lucky girl. Lucky girl with little time so here are some links to keep you company:

* The cuteness of tiny tiny ninjas is overwhelming. i want one!
* Ikea is like crack.
* More Britney Spears madness.
* An Ivory soap enema?
* If you think finding this made my day and I fowarded it to all my friends. You're right.
* Another fabulous store.
* this made me giggle.

ps: go visit my bro's site (www.jonabad.com) and vote for him as a wordpress topsite. so click on the icon on the right hand side and enter the site.

pain is magically delicious.

in going through the blogs it seems a lot of people are going through some stuff right now. i am no exception. Strangely though its always when I'm put in horrible stressful situations that I'm at my best and most positive. I dont know why that is though. But yea. I'm focused on graduating in May and doing awesome on all of my classes and just saying thanks to everyone who has been there for me. I have awesome friends and even though I'm going through some shit right now, I am truly blessed. I'm just super proud of myself. I can take care of myself through anything. And this makes me happy.

Just one link today because I am ultra busy:
* scary!

busy= good/bad

I am currently in a very interesting state of exhaustion, where I am busy (ie I am writing this blog within the only 2 block of time within my day that I have "free" today), but really content/happy. Being really busy makes me feel like my life is actually being used productively. and this i like. But yea. I'm really excited about this semester. I'm taking a bunch of new things, and doing some specialized old things.

So here's why I'm busy:
*The internship I was so excited about turned out to be a bust. Which made me have a mini panic attack, which I have now moved on from, which has caused me to spend every free moment between classes researching non-profits in this area. I now have my sights set on a women's shelter in Holyoke, so hopefully things will go well this time and I shall have an internship.
*Painting I is time intensive. Like whoa. But I like it. There something really humbling/frustrating about doing something that you love so much in a different medium that your not used to (ie oil paints) and suddenly you suck. well I dont suck. I could be way worse, but yea. It takes much time.

No actually that's it. I guess writing it all down makes it seem better. which i like. sadly my busy-ness means i have to cancel meetings (which i had doing) and not see andys (which i hate doing even more).

and as always some links for your enjoyment:
*this years oscar nominations make me soooo happy. basically because of this.
*juice. movies. and porn. is there really anything more to life?
*nothing quite like revenge.

this is my life.

Conversation currently going on outside my room:

girl A: how cold is it outside?
girl B: its 30
girl A: 30! I dont think I even need my coat
girl B: yea I know, I was thinking of going back and putting on my swimsuit
together: hahaha!

I've been really productive lately. I wonder were this energy is coming from? eh oh well. I went to Boston yesterday to drop Andy off and got to go to one of my favorite art stores. plus we went to Dino's and I had the pasta ravioli, which I've been dreaming about for various months now. Plus Yara came with us, so I didnt have to drive back to Moho all by myself. So yea. All is good.

Here are many interesting things that I found:
* We're number 1! Well maybe being number 1 isnt good on this one...
* So there aren't any slutty girls in high school. Interesting. Also interesting that amazingly there are also no gay people at this high school.
* The cutest thing.ever.really.
* disaster porn and lesbians on PBS. What's educational TV coming to these days?
* old article about the awesomeness of MHC
* my new most favorite thing.

long time no post

I'm back at school now after being without the internet for a month with only basic TV channels to keep me in touch with the outside world. So I started and finished Wasterland by Jo Sinclair. It was really great to just sit and read something. I also go to spend massive amounts of time with my daddy, which was awesome because he's really the most fabulous man ever. Other highlights included meeting Andy's grandmother (she's soo cute I could just keep her in my pocket, if that wasnt kidnapping) and getting to watch The Life Aquatic and Closer. And thats it. The weather was both nice (high 70's) and bad (freakish snow failing).

So far here at school things are going awesome. I got my fin aid stuff all worked out so I could register for classes. I found an internship with ACCION headquarters in Boston that would pay me money for something I would gladly do for free. I got into CPR so now I wont not graduate just because I'm missing a PE. I'm taking a comedy class in the english department, so I'm learning really good jokes (Why do blind people hate to go sky diving? It scares the dog). And Andy came to visit and bought me really beautiful white roses and delicious truffles. So its happiness all around. Even though its like -5 outside.

Here are some links:
* The pictures are funny.
* The future is now.
* this week in sex. from nerve.