the whole idea of blogging is very interesting to me because a lot of times i post an update on my life so y'all know that maybe u didnt talk to me that day but you still know some of the simple pleasures of my life, or the issues that are really affecting me. but thats not to mean that i blog about everything that happens to me or even the main thing that i'm really stressing about. many times the thing that i'm stressing about is the last thing that i want to write about, the last thing that i want to share. so a lot of times when i read other ppls blogs (especially if I'm not particularly close to them) I feel a bit odd and out of place bc i dont know if i was really meant to read what i did. its also a weird feeling bc i read their blogs everyday and check them all the time so i feel very attached to their lives. i just think its strange that there are ppl I wish that i was closer to, but I have no idea how to bridge that gap. and maybe here is where i feel a bit untruthful and i feel like i havent been doing what i meant to do with my blog in the first place, which was to make it a place where i could share my feelings about things and really force myself to talk about things beyond the superficial. to really allow ppl to peak into my life and see whats really going on. but i certainly dont do that. mostly bc those of u that know me know that i have some serious trust issues, and for those of u that didnt know me now u know. so the idea of sharing things that i keep inside myself...makes me uncomfortable....but how can u really allow ppl to know u without establishing some trust, without leaving urself open to get hurt. its not like i dont know the ppl that read my blog. i do (for the most part). so i dont now why i dont just do what i meant to do in the first place.

that being said, i'm going to be really hypocritcial and tell u about the very first A that i made on my italian quiz. in the entire yr and a half that I've been taking italian, this is the very first time that I have ever gotten an A on any quiz. thats sad. but i really think its bc i dont study...i have a hard time studying for languages in much the same way that i dont understand how u study for math. like if ur practicing problems, u keep on doing the same thing over and over again, but u keep doing it wrong...and so ur not really learning it. eh i dont know.

a very gloomy day today and too much on my mind....and too many ppl that i want to help and be a good friend for but i dont know how to do that. and how do u ensure the well being of 32 ppl who live on ur hall? i dont know. theres an image of a buddist goddess (i think theirs a hindu one too) and she has all these hands and she's doing all these things and its like she's balancing plates (remember that game on nintendo?) and thats how i feel. ur trying ur hardest to not let anyone down but u only have so many hands....i only have so many hands.

so there is a girl in my women's studies class thats a senior and i just thought she hated me. Like everytime I would say something she would like counter it and bring up something else and I dont know I get a bit on the paranoid side and I just figuared she thought I was an idiot sophmore and that she hated me. But its not like anyone hating me its this girl, who is basically the most beautiful hispanic woman that i have seen in a really long time. If I was to have a girl crush on someone it would be on her. But yea, so she emails me and ask me to join her group, which I thought was really random given that I assumed that she hated me. But like I talked to her today about it after class and I definately didnt get any hate vibes from her and she's *really* nice. so just remember that ppl that hate you could really just not. or something like that.

oh and go to the adbusters site. y'all will enjoy it promise. the spoof ads are pretty funny.

oh and fyi, banana dental dams do not taste like banana. their icky.

every day when i go to class i sit there and i get a headache. all that i could really think thru the first half of my marxian economics class was how in the world did I end up in a country that is so backward and yet so powerful. and while before i thought bush was just an idiot who really couldnt screw things up too badly i realize how much power that idiot really has. and it makes me want to fill out all the stupid paperwork to become a citizen so that i can actually vote bc the 18% of the population that is voting (yea only 18% of all the americans able to vote actually vote and from that less than half of that elected the current idiot Bush) is not doing a very good job of it.

its scary how little ppl care about stuff thats so important. and even scarier to think about how fucked up this society is. fucked up. maybe i'll just move to france...oh hell cuba would be better at this point.

this is just too disturbing to not share

link was yanked from one of my bro's friends. so dont blame me.

its funny how my weekend has become an extension of my workweek. like theres that hour after i get out of women's studies on thrusdays where i sigh and just enjoy the fact that i survived another week. and then right after that in the back of my mind is the fact that next week is just beginning. and next week is always trying to get you. and because of my schedule i have to spend my weekend doing my tuesday readings over the weekend or their just not gonna get done bc my monday night is stuck doing all my italian shit. it just bugs me how i dont have classes until 10, but if i wanna shower and eat i have to wake up at like 8:30.

ur asking urself whats the point of all this. well the point is that my weekends are no longer really fun in the sense of I'm going out to go party. like the fun change in my weekends is going to the dirty, the coffee shop, and studying there. but i went on saturday and wasnt expecting anything except a lonely night with me, my happy cow drink, and my italian books clustered around me on the table. and then this band, flying circus, sets up and i randomly enjoyed some good music. it was nice to study to a live band that was actually pretty good. and yea. the rest of my weekend consisted of reading about domestic workers and doing insane readings for my independent. and trying to figuare out how i'm gonna finish my major and take all the courses necessary for grad school in 3 semesters....i had a mini breakdown/panic on thrusday so that was also fun. and the weathers crappy.

oh and i've seen the blue screen of death probably at least once every day this week. so i'm thinking whiching to a mac might be a good idea, for the sole reason i would never have to see that damn screen again. i think my computer knows i'm thinking of getting rid of it, maybe thats why its acting up. eh who knows.

one of the funny things that i do is check other ppls blogs to see if they have written anything that day. i do it pretty obsessively and I get upset when they havent updated. But then i realized that i hadnt updated in a while so I figuared that i'd do that. umm yes, this week has been long and tiring, the sophmore class is in the middle of doing elfing (think secret santa for a week) for the first yr class and I'm in charge of it for the dorm. It gets really annoying having to wake up at 3 to leave little presents at ppl doors, that and I like giving things and doing nice things to other ppl, but I get a little annoyed that i'm spending my own money on stuff that I dont get to enjoy (yea i'm greedy, but I only get paid like 60 bucks every 2 weeks as an SA) so yea.

oh a brighter note though, I'm applying to be a mentor thru the girl scouts and u have to get 3 references for liablitity purposes to make sure ur not gonna molest anyone, so i got gabe to fill out one of the forms and the questions are just retarded. but he wrote on it that I was "unusually intelligent" and that just complety made my week, like my entire month. i dont think that I would ever use those words to describe myself, especially not here I dont think. but that was just so nice.

and i finally got my driving record from texas, and i its like 4 tickets over the course of 4 yrs, which isnt really that bad. and they only count the ones for the last 3yrs so i'm safe and will be getting my van license! yay! so I think i'm gonna try to do a day trip to boston or the ben and jerry's factory or something cool like that for my hall bc i wanna be a really good SA. although i dont really know what that means.

oh and if you dont have comments on your page (ahem Lasu and Brent) u should get some bc I reallly wanna write something about the LEGO porn and the fact that lasu hates all women and what the implications of that are.

last thing: I need to get rid of my baby/computer because going back and front from texas with it doesnt work for me and when I'm abroad next yr I wont be able to just pick my computer and go....so I'm thinking of switching teams and getting a Mac (yea Jes u can stop celebrating) but they're just so pretty and macs have really cute pretty stuff...only problem is that i like PC, born and raised on them and that whole switching to mac's thing feels a little bit like if I all of a sudden decided to be a lesbian....like I would be missing something very vital to my well being. but we shall see...it wouldnt be until the end of the yr anyways and I have to figuare out what in the end gives me more bang for my buck...

oh and i hate this snowing in october shit. theres no need for that. and i realized that I dont like the cold. not only do i not like it but I hate it. human beings are beautiful, I love seeing ppl in skimpy clothing and nothing kills any sort of attraction to someone as a big coat, hat, and 3 layers of clothing underneed...euk. i wonder if theres such a thing as sexy winter clothing. i doubt it. there some seriously wrong things with the north. winter being one of them.

today i was bold. and daring. i had a paper that needed to be done this entire weekend. please keep in mind that this isnt just any paper, this is my midterm in my Marxian Econ class taught by a man that I admire immensely...he's flat out one of the best marxian economist in the world, and maybe saying that isnt giving him enough props. anyways, so i've had this assignment for a good 2 weeks solid. I spent all of thrus, friday, saturday, and then sunday basically staring at my computerand not writing. I did many other things like all of my readings for my women's studies class for the week, and my italian, and sending emails out, and handling stuff in the dorm, and doing elfing stuff. i'm a busy girl. but i purposely left my weekend pretty much open (minus the hosting of a prospective and various meetings) to just focus on this paper.

nothing.

not a damn thing came out. but the thing was i wasnt concerned about the paper. i mean come sunday when the paper was supposed to be done, i didnt feel a damn thing. no stress, nothing. this is a major 8-10 pg paper that determines half of my grade. nothing.

so i went on with my life and made elfing signs and wrapped candies for my first yrs and did stuff like that. we were taping their doors shut with newspaper, so we had to wait until they went to sleep. i stayed up until 3:30 waiting on them to go to bed. when i was done i came into my room and very calmly went to sleep. i woke up at 6am bc of my alarm and just continued to sleep until 8am. at which point i realized my paper was due today and i started writing. i skipped italian and wrote 8pages before 1:33pm when I left to go get on my bus to umass. but i dont think that even really describes what went on there. i took breaks. i had lunch. wrote some emails. checked my blog and everyone elses blogs. talked to Gabe on the phone.

yea...i dont wanna make this a habit. we'll see how this goes when i get this back....maybe i'll be stressed then. eh maybe not.

i'm thinking of buying an easy bake oven or a Mrs. Field's Baking Factory so that i can bake cookies in my room....yum freah baked cookies....but i doubt that cooking with a light bulb is allowed within the dorms...

i love crap like this.

yay! I'm gonna see my mommy for thanksgiving! I miss her sooo much! plus its warmer in Texas, where everything is just better...well maybe not everything...stupid republican bastards.....anyways but yea, I was telling my mommy about my idea of spending my J-term in colombia visiting with family and such and my mom was immediately like I dont know about u spending the whole month there, not by urself, not with all the kidnappings that go on there..and it was just really cute how worried she was, but at the same time so real bc i normally just blow off all of the kidnapping stuff but my mom sure as hell wasnt going to, especially since to them I am an American and they assume (wrongly of course) that equals money. Ha! money! silly colombian kidnappers thinking that i have money! but i'm really excited about the idea of going to visit for a month, or even two weeks or something...especially since anna is going to India, it makes me feel like I need to leave the country, and that would be insanely wonderful for me to go and visit a country and get to really look at it, instead of just seeing it thru a child's memory of it, which is basically just like memories of going to the store on a donkey and my granpa giving me ice cream and coke...i really hope i get to go....but once again it all comes down to money, that dirty little word.

ahh why am i so busy? oh well things will get done! and i get to see my mommy!

i'm curently doing a "i'm not going to buy more clothes bc thats just glutonous and bc everything that i want was made in a sweatshop by people that were exploited thing" and really y'all know me, i'm somewhat of a brand whore, I'm the person who used to buy lots of Gap lip gloss...so this is hard. Its mostly because of my women's studies class and because of all the readings we have to do about all this and how in good consence u cant really buy this stuff. but my mind keeps wanting to buy a new jacket from jcrew (not that theres anything wrong with my current jacket or its even really jacket weather right now) and going thru the gap website is just painful...they have so many cute things. Which gets me to thinking of trying to find loopholes, like what if other ppl bought me cute little things from the gap like this, and it just magically appeared at in my mail...then i cant just let it go to waste right? yea yea...i know. i made my bed, now i'm lying in it.

oh and i wrote a paper for my women's studies class that i was pretty worried about, mostly because she wanted us to write an essay an instead i wrote a play, and i wrote it like the morning of. I basically finished the essay like 20minutes before i had to leave for italian. and so thus i was really sacred, and she's handing us back our papers and is talking about how she graded really hard on this first paper and how she had asked some people to rewrite their essays and so on, so i got especially scared. but then I got it back and I got an A- on it! Which is just right, because i honestly didnt proof it so there was stupid stuff wrong with it and I messed up the alphabetical order of the bibliography and stuff but she liked it...which makes me happy when people enjoy the random way in which i like to do things....yay!

k, off to an exiting dinner at the head of res.life's house....oh the life of an SA is so exciting....

all this rain makes me wanna stay in bed all day...but i like it its refreshing.

so i was supposed to go to my lab this morning at 9:20am and of course i didnt even think of it until about 9am. and i still had to finish getting dressed and finish my italian homework before class. so i didnt go. and i felt slightly guilty about it, but then i realized that i was super productive in the hr before class and that my lab could just suck it, even though i'd missed the last two of them. but i got to class and one of the girls was asking the other if she had gone to lab and she said yea but that no one was there and then the prof came in and she told us that our TA had left the school and that there would be no labs for the next two weeks which is wonderful and makes me very happy to not have bothered to go. maybe today wont be so bad after all.

i'll eventually do a fun little update on the weekend when i have a little bit more free time. just know that i'm doing well and that i'm happy and that the boy makes me very happy. and that it makes me happy when my friends are happy. and that my brother makes yummy food. oh and that umass peps arent so bright.

okay...must find food now.

What Drink Are You?

tantalizingly addictive...i couldnt have said it better myself.

Take the Affliction Test Today!


yea, i have nothing better to do.

Which Evil Criminal are You?

hehe.

Which Famous Homosexual are you?

hehe....yea, so now i'm randomly in Boston. Its funny how things turn out that way, like i was supposed to spend last night with a coconut drink in one hand and an empanada in the other....and then i end up here watching baseball and falling asleep.

i've realized that i need to control my time better, or maybe gain some focus so that i can accomplish things better...but all that i now right now is that a 5 pg essay/story on a feminist dinner party has to be pulled out of my ass and completed by 11am tomorrow, ah and that i have a shit load of italian to do (as always) and that i have a quiz on italian on wednesday....that and my umass prof gives me the best quotes ever like (commenting on the war against afghanistan) "that was a world series where it was the yankees against me and my cousin vinnie." i love that class, and i'm so thankful that i'm getting a liberal arts education and that i'm not at UT, or A&M, or (sorry y'all) UH. This is the most amazing experience in my life, getting to see how learning all of these different theories of the world is changing me for the better. and yea, it sucks being in the boondocks of western mass, and not being able to see my mom or my daddy for months at a time, or my friends at home, or eat good food, or have a car, or eat empanadas.....oh i miss empanadas.....

okay back to the writting....

last night was las vegas night, and i told myself that i was gonna have a good time since this is the only party that this school can actually throw, and thus did. i also reminded myself that i have an amazing tolerance. like amazing. we're not gonna discuss how many shots i had, but lets just say it was more than 4, and that i didnt take them out of a little bitch shot glass. ah, and i also had some other yummy drinks that involved 151 some rum and a little umbrella, those were some yummy drinks.

anywho, we did some pre-partying and some pre-pre-partying, and by the time i got to the "event" i was feeling pretty damn good. i wore the green naked dress, and that was fun bc everyone else was in like black and red and i was in green. and half naked. so i'll give some highlights of the night:

1. watching ev fall while walking down the firescape.
2. ummm getting to the pre-party already in the fuzzy state
3. running away from the sober group with drunk ev
4. jumping on brent's back bc my feet hurt too damn much
5. watching brent dry hump anna....that was just hillarious
6. watching various desperate women hit on brent
7. ahh the bisexual moment with anna...i couldnt stop laughing
8. watching brent dry hump anna some more, and feeling like i shouldnt be watching
9. being too drunk to gamble, but still trying to
10. running into my first yrs and watching them get hit on by drunken umass boys
11. dancing with a puerto rican from amherst and being retarded while dancing to abba
12. jumping on brent's back in a dress
13. having some random guy grab my ass while i was on brent's back and me watching him do it
14. watching ppl have sex on the dance floor
15. random cars stopping on the walk home and having them yell random things at us
16. watching anna walk like a gimp
17. watching ms.vembu dance with drunk men while sober
18. pushing alcohol on anna and yara who have no tolerance
19. getting to my dorm and being sober
20. the satisfaction of having actually attended a dr.pepper party

i got my new sexy printer in the mail today and i just love buying stuff off the internet...u go thru in the comfort of ur own home research stuff to death, check prices out and then u click on a couple of buttons and tada UPS is delivering ur printer over to u...its really an amazing system.

ummm yesterday i had the most amazing talk with my umass professor. the man is just so brilliant and so down to earth, every single thing that i would want to be like as a professor or as an economist this man like is the embodiment of it. and i just talked to him about everything from where i should go abroad to what classes i should take to get into grad school to what his feelings are about capitalism....like everything. and then we walked together to class and i got to hear him speak in french to this other prof. and the whole experience was just sureal to me. professors are like the most amazing ppl to me. especially this man since i've read most of his books and know his background and just to be able to ask the person whose book u read why they didnt include something, or why they phrased things a certain way and to just get an honest answer from them is just so amazing. the best thing about it is that he doesnt talk to me like i'm a student, or like he's above me, he talks to me like one friend would talk to another. neither being above the other just simply one person giving advice to someone else. its amazing really. and it makes me so thankful that i go to this school and that i'm lucky enough to be able to take classes from non-traditional economist...i really love my school and i'm so thankful that i randomly ended up here.....

last night i had a dream about Mr.Silvertooth, for some reason I was doing stand up (which is high up there as one of my public speaking fears) and he was one of the only people that came to wish me good luck. It was really an odd dream...it was something about being robbed in the hotel and silvertooth coming with his little girl to wish me goodluck, and me viewing him as a father figuare, and i didnt have both of my legs. i had a wooden peg for the missing one, and instead of like a foot i had a kid's rollerskate. i was basically a gimp doing standup....i have really odd dreams.

oh and i've figuared out that my entire job as an SA is to write signs. "Please wear your tops while brushing your teeth," "Dont be gross and put ur old food covered with maggots in the trash," "dont smoke here, do it 20 feet away," "if ur a male announce yourself before coming into the bathroom"