the whole idea of blogging is very interesting to me because a lot of times i post an update on my life so y'all know that maybe u didnt talk to me that day but you still know some of the simple pleasures of my life, or the issues that are really affecting me. but thats not to mean that i blog about everything that happens to me or even the main thing that i'm really stressing about. many times the thing that i'm stressing about is the last thing that i want to write about, the last thing that i want to share. so a lot of times when i read other ppls blogs (especially if I'm not particularly close to them) I feel a bit odd and out of place bc i dont know if i was really meant to read what i did. its also a weird feeling bc i read their blogs everyday and check them all the time so i feel very attached to their lives. i just think its strange that there are ppl I wish that i was closer to, but I have no idea how to bridge that gap. and maybe here is where i feel a bit untruthful and i feel like i havent been doing what i meant to do with my blog in the first place, which was to make it a place where i could share my feelings about things and really force myself to talk about things beyond the superficial. to really allow ppl to peak into my life and see whats really going on. but i certainly dont do that. mostly bc those of u that know me know that i have some serious trust issues, and for those of u that didnt know me now u know. so the idea of sharing things that i keep inside myself...makes me uncomfortable....but how can u really allow ppl to know u without establishing some trust, without leaving urself open to get hurt. its not like i dont know the ppl that read my blog. i do (for the most part). so i dont now why i dont just do what i meant to do in the first place.

that being said, i'm going to be really hypocritcial and tell u about the very first A that i made on my italian quiz. in the entire yr and a half that I've been taking italian, this is the very first time that I have ever gotten an A on any quiz. thats sad. but i really think its bc i dont study...i have a hard time studying for languages in much the same way that i dont understand how u study for math. like if ur practicing problems, u keep on doing the same thing over and over again, but u keep doing it wrong...and so ur not really learning it. eh i dont know.

a very gloomy day today and too much on my mind....and too many ppl that i want to help and be a good friend for but i dont know how to do that. and how do u ensure the well being of 32 ppl who live on ur hall? i dont know. theres an image of a buddist goddess (i think theirs a hindu one too) and she has all these hands and she's doing all these things and its like she's balancing plates (remember that game on nintendo?) and thats how i feel. ur trying ur hardest to not let anyone down but u only have so many hands....i only have so many hands.