today has been an interesting day in just every way of that word, but i'll start at the end and just give the highlights. I just had the most amazing conversation with a person from my intergroup dialogue group, and today was the last day that the group met and it was just so great, like that was just a wonderful experience, like just meeting with that group for 8 weeks just left me feeling so much more hopeful about a lot of issues (race and class) but mostly just brought my fate in humanity back up, so that was great. oh but we had just a really great conversation that lasted for so long, and i got to hear some more of her writing which just always touches me, and i'm just so glad that i found someone that I feel like i have so much in common with. Thats a great feeling.

Earlier on at 6ish, I met with Gabe (he's normally not in the office on thrusdays so he came back to campus from home to talk to me) and it was just so much fun talking to him. he was just being ridiculous and brilliant all at the same time. I have way too much fun talking to this man, I really dont think you're supposed to enjoy talking to a professor so much, but I feel like he's really become like my mentor, like my reminder of what i'm capable of doing and how much fun it really is, plus its just so easy to talk to him, but I guess after you've been working with someone for almost 2 yrs it becomes that way. I'm very excited to see what we do this summer. Oh and Gabe rocks because he told me thats he's going to show the Matrix to his economics in popular film class, and really how much cooler can you get than letting your class watch the Matrix for an econ grade? not much.

before that I had a conversation with andy that was not so pleasant, but not truly unpleasant, it was more clarification. What I am learning is that relationships require a lot of work, they dont just flow.....ahhhh which leads my to one of the highlights of my day which was my tuna melt that I had for dinner. It hit the spot, because it was not dorm food.

::sigh:: then there was my counseling session which was oh so fun, where we talked about why i dont take compliments well, like if someone tells me "ohhh your paper was so great" my response is "yea i pulled it out of my ass, its not very good but thanks i guess..." and so she asked me to think about that and I am...i think its bc i never think anything that I do is "good enough." like there's very few things that I've done that I can say in all honesty that i'm proud of. Like going to Nationals in debate and getting fourth place? nope, not proud of that. like thats kinda sick isnt it? i'm proud of one painting that i've done, its the only one that I've ever signed...and I'm proud of two papers that I've written and both of those were in high school, and yea see I cant even think of three things. when andy and i talked about it he was telling me that i needed better self-esteem, but i think i have damn good self esteem, like i know i'm capable of a lot of things, and i know i'm better at things than most other ppl are, but my feeling is always "but the general population isnt really that bright, so that doesnt say much about me." ohhh i dont know, but i am going to think about where these high expectations came from and how i can work on that.

all in all the day was good. i went for a walk, saw some beautiful tulips in the garden and just had a really fullfilling conversation with someone who i feel connected to, which is a beautiful thing. that and when i talk to Gabe and he says he'll get me more money so i can live comfortably during the summer, it makes everything that much sweeter.