somewhere along the way i lost myself. you start with so much optimist, so much hope, so many dreams, they blosom and you nurture those new dreams and hopes, water them feed them, protect them. you hit some rough patches but you work thru them, you make concesions and work on compromises. you lower your guard and lower your expectations. you give up ur own dreams for things that are much greater than you. you decide whats more important. the cost benefit analysis, this will give me more happiness than that. and thats how it goes. little by little, piece by piece you dont even notice the change. its gradual, slow, sluggish, creeping, crawling, leisurely even. like a glacier slowly melting bit by bit, drop by drop. and then one day you wake up and wonder just how did i get here? is this really me? but you dont even know anymore what exactly 'me' is. which me are we talking about, bc i dont even know anymore. so many new ideas are in my mind. so many new truths. my personality has never been static, change is something that i'm accustumed to. but sometimes u just have to question the way that you change, the changes you make, the concessions that your going to give just to have peace. where do u stand? where do i stand....what do i stand for? what am i willing to give up to get what i want? i already know that one. everything. i've worked much too hard to get where i am to just give it all up. i'm not going to concede this one.

"you say u'll understand. you'll never understand. i say i'll never wake up knowing how or why. i dont know what to believe in, u dont know who i am, u say i need appeasing when i start to cry. but never is a promise and i never need a lie." -fiona apple- never is a promise. oh fiona. how i love thee.