theres a fine line between friendship and love. i read a quote along the lines that becoming friends with someone was like falling in love, and thats kinda stuck with me for the last week since i read that. i think the best friendships are like that, which is probably why i dont bother being a people whore and fucking the room everytime i go to a party and why i really have a love/hate thing going on with ppl that are like that. (fucking the room is a lot like fucking a person, like its lustful everyones happy but u dont really care for them and u'll forget their name before ur even done with them) i have like my core friends, the ppl i know would be with me even if i got busted for having a child midget porno cocaine ring or something. and then theres everyone else, like thats really how i see ppl. which is good and bad. good bc it gives me a lot of freedom to go and move and develop new friendships and then call up ppl see them and its like u never left, like falling in love all over again with why u just adore this person to pieces. i feel that way whenever i see alesha, and even kassady bc i just see them and i remeet Kassady, she learns my name all over again and then by the end of the visit shes holding my hand and asking me what things are. but its also bad bc you see ppl and you realize you dont live there anymore and they keep asking you when ur coming "home" but you dont have a "home" anymore, you live your life between places, out of suitcases and boxes never really having all your things at one time. it just makes me wonder how things would have been if i hadnt high-tailed it out of texas (which i know pretty much see as the promissed land) i dont know if things would be better or worse, i know my world is bigger now so i guess i'm thankful for that. theres just that underlining sadness to it, the whatifs. the "what would have happened if i never had abandoned everything that i love?"

i dont know. but i do know this is the life i chose, and everything happens for a reason right? so theres a reason i'm in south hadley this summer. i just wish south hadley was a little closer to houston, thats all.