Parents

I've been thinking about parents today, and how when I was younger there were always things that I wanted to do but my parents just wouldn't let me. Especially since my parents are notoriously protective. When I was in sixth grade I liked a boy named josh rocke. and although he wasn't the brightest he had really blue eyes and I wanted to go to the roller rink with him on a "date" or as much of a date when you can have when ur in sixth grade and your parents are still driving you around. But of course my parents wouldn't let me go by myself, probably since they didn't trust alesha (I wonder why?) and they didn't trust me. so they came along. on my "date" with josh rocke. and scarred me for life. and you know what I thank them for that. alesha's parents let her do whatever she wanted and bought her all the coolest things (she had a waterbed when she was 12, how cool is that?) and let her have birthday parties. all I got was bunk beds and being forced to go to church and not being allowed to bring home B's.

but now I'm well adjusted and alesha's well...getting a divorce and has the most adorable kid. so I'm thankful that my parents were so mean to me when I was 12, because what the hell did I know when I was 12? nothing. what did my parents know? that boys named josh rocke end up in rehab before they turn 21 and that I would get nowhere hanging out at the roller rink. my parents rock. no pun intended.

home

i find myself really wishing that i had stayed closer to home for these four years. i have so many mixed emotions about it all. i really have grown a lot by being on my own, and i've grown to appreciate my family so much more during this time. at the same time though i cant help but envy the people that i see running off to their homes whenever times get tough and wish that i could always know that i could get on a bus and go home whenever i wanted a good meal and a hug.

although i do always know that i can go to andys whenever i need to hide and be loved and that i'm very blessed to have that. i just wish that i had stayed in hiding a little longer this weekend. but oh well. you live and you learn.

i am a big dork

okay this just excites me because i'm a big nerd. but its okay because i like being a nerd.


You are Hhomi K. Bhabha! You're the most important
post-colonialist alive. You taught at the
University of Chicago for a while before you
were finally hired up by Harvard. You actually
only have one book, but it's a really important
book, and everyone respects you tremendously.
You are not dead.


What 20th Century Theorist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i'm in boston and I should be working, but i'm not. oh well.

Boston

I am so ready for this semester to be done! Because once its over I get to go home and see my parents and my friends and eat food and be merry. Before I can get there though I just have to get through one 25 pg paper, two 15-20pg papers, and a final. yea. not a fun prospect. but it'll get done and i'll survive and write brillant papers and be done with this semester.

this weekend i'm going to boston though, and not working on any of these papers since i need to get off campus and maybe see Brent and definately see Andy. so yea, in conclusion i have a comment thread thats 30+ comments long. i win.

oh and today I learned that a penis is just simply an enlarged clitoris. so ponder that.

my dad rocks

My daddy is the best man in the entire world. I talked to him on the phone today and he just put me in the best mood since my mom had kinda stressed me out, since I told her that I could graduate early and she said that I should and that I should go work for that semester, but I dont want to go to work just yet. So I told my dad about it and he said that I should just stay that year and take chinese and french and just learn for the sake of learning, and that just made me so happy to know that I had his support. Then I told him about my new idea of joining the peace corps after I graduate and doing that for the next two years after I graduate, and I thought he wasnt going to go for the idea but he was just like "why not? if its something that you can do then you should do it." Once again reaffirming that he is just the best man on earth. ever. the end.

idiot bush

this picture just upsets me way too much this early in the morning.
and if you can't see whats wrong with the picture, look closer. or read this.

little post

This week has been interesing, with andy coming to visit and getting fun things in the mail and school winding down. I've been attempting to get more sleep so I'm going to do a quick post just so y'al know i'm still alive. its getting really cold, like 30s and it was way too windy today. I have my schedule for next semester done and for my senior year I only have 3 more classes left! woohoo! so today I decided that I want to take an art class, more languages, a photography class, and just fun things to do. and some more stuff at umass since their classes are fun. I'm incredibly looking foward to coming home and then going to Cuba, but right now I just want to see my parents and eat yummy food but the semester is almost over just 4 more weeks of class and then finals. I am so ready to be done with this semester and the classes that I'm taking since for the most part they have not been very good. Except for my women's studies class which I always learn the most useful wonderful things in, except sometimes its depressing. Oh and my cute cd drive came in the mail today, so I'm just waiting for a firewire cable to come in the mail and then i'll be all set. ok thats it.

read this:
this is just creepy

excitement

so my mommy is wonderful and bought me a very tiny laptop that is incredibly light and tiny. this is a good thing because I dont like lifting things and I don't like to carry heavy things around. With the help of Charles and my bro I picked out really cool things that my laptop needed, like a cd drive and a wireless card. excitement. oh and my daddy bought me a cute laptop bag that is sadly not a designer laptop bag but is really tiny, comfortable, and padded. so i think i'm going to make it cute and really enjoy the random gifts my parents decided to give me.

the end.

its getting cold

i looked around today and noticed that all the pretty leaves had fallen down already. i wonder when the last time i looked up was.

in other news I'm tired of the look of this place so i need suggestions on what i should do. i'm just not looking foward to playing with the links again...or the colors. but we shall see.

in other other news, i've decided that i should get a wonderful digital camera for my cuba trip since i've wanted to get one and this is a good excuse to treat myself. i deserve something nice.

and what else. i had my cuba presentation today and it went rather well in my opinion. a bunch of ppl asked questions, no one looked too bored, and i think i made all my points and it all made sense. i got a tad bit nervous, since i was scared some ppl were bored, and i hate boring ppl (since i lose interest rather quickly) but i realized that it wasnt me that just their normal expression and then i moved on. i dont know how long i talked for though...i was supposed to talk for 20minutes. so yea. that went well ppl told me they loved my presentation, so that makes me a happy girl.

better

i figured that i should post something more upbeat since the last post was not so happy. i'm feeling better though, although its odd bc not really has changed between where i am now and last thrusday i'm still in the same yam as I was in but at least i have really great friends. like super great. and a really great man who shows up on my doorstep and visits for a few hours because he nows i need him...even if i wont ask. and my parents love me which is an extra bonus.

i spent the weekend on work and sleep and then andy visited and that was really good. i felt better just not being alone. and then he left and i spent the day in the sunroom reading and working on my presentation on cuba. i feel like i know a lot about cuba which is good. i'm finishing up a paper tonight and then hopefully sleeping. we'll see how that goes.

this time its going to be different.

some days you just feel like the world's bitch. like you're entire existance is for other people to dump their shit on you. today's definately that day. but i will not cry anymore. i will not wonder if there's something wrong with me since i seem to get dumped on more than other people. i will wonder whats wrong with them. i will not be a passive victim. i will fight for the things that i've worked for. i will not cry.

Manifestos

After writing a really long response to something Deb said on her blog, I realized something that I've known for a while now. There are certain things that I am passionate about and other things that are just a waste of my time. I want to get my PhD in economics and change the world for the better because life is so short and there is so much out there that needs to be done, but the thing is we all get so wrapped up in our own lives and in stupid petty material shit ("I want this, I need this") that all we see is ourselves and what we don't have and what we wished we had because if we only had that thing then maybe we would finally be content. But there's no such thing. I wouldn't be satisfied with a pair of Manolos, I'd want more. In the same way that I find it very hard to be satisfied within a relationship because there's always something that isn't quite right. When in reality if we all just stopped and looked at all the things that are right and just stopped focusing on ourselves we would realize just how lucky all of us are. And just how powerful we are. But somehow between the ages of 5 (when you think there's nothing that you cannot do) and 20 we lose that and become riddled with insecurities. Am I smart enough to do this? Am I pretty enough? Am I strong enough? and we become paralyzed and begin to live in our own small bubbles.

well I don't have that much time left but I'm going to make as much change as one person can do in a lifetime. I've already wasted 20yrs, I'm not wasting anymore. Besides which I do not live in Cuba so I have the freedom to speak my mind freely.

i've decided to do a special major somehow blending economics and women's studies because I dont have time to waste learning idiotic neoclassical economic bullshit. it doesnt apply to the real world where people work all day like machines and then wake up 20yrs later and wonder what happened to their families and their children that have grown up without them.

the more i learn the angrier that i get and if you're not learning things that are making you angry then consider this your wake up call. you are wasting your education. you are wasting an opportunity. do not wake up 20yrs from now and wonder why your wife left you and where all your dreams went. This is your chance to change your life. Do not let it pass you by.

Yay for activities!

I just had a really great hall activity that I threw together in the 30minutes before the event and it went really well and that makes me happy since its my job to get people to come together and mingle and the best way to do that is thru food. So I got really yummy cookies and fruits and caramel dip and then the people just started coming down. It was really great and it made me feel good since I become really afraid that no one is going to show up to my events.

so now i'm going to go to bed with my cuba books.

I hate waking up.

it has reached that point in the semester where I would rather sleep than go to class and where I am now talking myself into going to class. I think it might be better if I was actually getting as much sleep as I was earlier in the semester (I was getting a good 8-10hrs every night) but now I start a new Cuba book before bed and then I don't go to sleep until I'm too tired to see the words anymore. But on a good note I have now finished 5 books on Cuba like read them not just flipped thru them and got good info. I also think that I don't want to wake up bc its so hard for me to go to sleep in the first place that once I'm actually asleep I don't want to stop that. its so precious sleep.

oh and this is from Brent (You'll like it I promise)

too funny to not share

This came from: http://www.nerve.com/regulars/thisweekinsex/10-10-03/

What Kimmy's Mom and the Vatican Have in Common

Once TWR was babysitting our three-year-old niece Kimmy, who would not shut up. We asked her if she wanted some ice cream — figuring that if we gave her a whole gallon that was really frozen, it might occupy her for a while — but she recoiled in horror. Apparently, her mother had told her that frozen desserts contained bugs which, when ingested, would devour her from the inside out. No joke.

We chalked that one up to questionable parenting, but this week we were reminded that you're never too old to be fantastically deceived by people who want you to behave a certain way. Apparently, the Vatican (which, for our purposes, roughly corresponds to Kimmy’s mom) has issued warnings in AIDS-stricken countries (Kimmy) that people should not use condoms (ice cream) because they contain tiny holes that AIDS can pass through (organ-devouring bugs).

The president of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, stated, "The AIDS virus is roughly 450 times smaller than the spermatozoon. The spermatozoon can easily pass through the 'net' that is formed by the condom.” Meanwhile, the archbishop of Nairobi, Raphael Ndingi Nzeki, said: "AIDS . . . has grown so fast because of the availability of condoms."

Meanwhile, I'm banging my head against a wall. — Carrie Hill Wilner

random

my italian profesor just called my room. i love going to school this small.

Vegas Night Recap

Last night was Vegas Night and it's the biggest party that we have at Moho, and some of the guys from the house came over and we made margaritas. By "we" I mean me and Victor made some, and by "margaritas" I mean that I poured some tequila, margarita mix, sugar, and ice into my blender and created something that was no quite a margarita. I'm still learning its okay. or at least thats what I tell myself. The guys who came are just so sweet and fin so it was a completely not-stressful evening of walking randomly from one place to another. and then eventually coming back to my room and drinking some more. but i didn't get sloshed since I have absolutely no desire to blackout, throw up, or wake up in the morning with a pounding headache. but it was fun and i had a good responsible time. go me!

now my room smells like Jose Cuervo and smoke so I must fix that. immediately.

I'm going to Cuba!

I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!

yay!

Wednesdays can suck my 2 dicks*

I turned in my Cuba application today and I'm so scared. This is something that I really want to go to and I'm scared I'll be rejected. It'll be just like high school when I really really wanted to go to Israel and live in a Kibbutz but I was rejected and Pasha and someone else got to go because I said that my daddy was a engineer. But then again I did meet Andy that summer and that was a life altering experience so maybe if I don't get in I'll do something better instead...Like stay in Houston and drive around all J-term....Lovely.

in other news, yoga is really relaxing and as much as I want to make fun of it I really can't because its helped me strengthen my back and has increased my flexibility a lot, plus my instructor is super nice and helps me with my postures all the time because I'm not nearly as graceful as I look. I just have no time for it, so I'm thankful its almost over.

this is good for a fun read.

(*oh and the title is in reference to a wonderful article that I read in my fem and queer class)

I love not going to school

It was a highly productive break that began with getting over my cold/flu and then andy showing up and drilling things into the wall. We finally got all of my lanterns up and my room is once again nice and bright and happy. i also put up a curtain in the entrance to my room and organized my room. The only things that are left to be cleaned and organized are my desk and a corner of my room that has a box full of books and various other things.


in other news i'm a big huge dork and i like it. i went to the library today and picked up all my Cuba books with Yara and it was just really fun to watch the librarian go and pick up all the books i had on reserve...it was like 20 of them....the look on her face was priceless. but i'm really excited about this paper so thats good, and i'm going to go and read my books now, like the big huge dork that i am. oh and then we started joking around about how black listed I am now. My phone's probably on its way to be tapped. i like how this amuses me.

oh and if any of y'all know where to find a cafe table (small with like 2 matching chairs) i would love you forever. the end.