a music letter

Why are spring and summer the seasons for breakups? Every where I go everyone I meet is just reeling from a fresh breakup. A lot of this could do with the places where I'm hanging out. Bars and clubs don't really bring in a lot of happy couples. They bring in single people who want to drink and kill whatever it is that's making them unhappy. Well maybe that's harsh, some might actually just like clubs and the random possibilities of interacting with strangers. I've never been one for strangers though. I like the friends I have. I've had them for years. There's history there. A pattern of known behavior. I can better predict what I can and cannot expect from them. These are things I need in other to feel like I'm up for whatever or whomever or whathaveyou. Strangers bring in an entire sense of the unknown that makes me uncomfortable. What's their motivation? Why are they talking to me? Or not talking to me?

I over think these things entirely too much. That's for sure. Not all strangers are bad. I've had more than my fair share of fabulous life changing conversations with people whose names I don't even know. I just always prefer knowing to the unknown.

There are times however when I wish I knew less. That I wasn't having the same conversation over and over again. That there wasn't a predicted pattern of behavior that I know ends up with my being disappointed, and hurt, and angry and drinking on a Wednesday night and a Friday night and a Saturday night. Not like my liver cant handle it, because it can I have an insane tolerance for such a tiny frame. The drinking just dulls the ache for a few hours until I wake up and I'm sober and wish that there was something more substantial.

There isn't though. But for now, it'll have to do.