i cant sleep. I think i've messed up my own body schedule so much that I just cant go to bed at a decent hour anymore. Theres so much on my mind and yet its not coming out. I keep sleeping thru classes bc I wake up and wanna crawl back into bed, so I basically tell myself I'm either going to go back to bed and enjoy it or get my ass out of bed instead of doing my normal get up every ten minutes to turn off the alarm thing. So of course when I do that I just crawl back into bed and enjoy my sleep, it just seems more important to me than italian.

ppl keep gently asking me if i'm okay bc "this isn't like you jes" but maybe it is. I've been thinking about that the last couple of days, maybe my Abad genes can only take me so far, we're all so full of promise and brilliance and then we only get so far. Like me and my brother both went to the same high school and started out in the top ten and then by the time senior yr rolled around we both had classes that had a high possibility that we weren't going to pass. Like the start of the race is really good and then.....We get bored? I dont know. I cant really use the "we" cause i've never asked jon about it, but i'm going to guess that I can use the "we" bc at this point he seems especially tired of school. i'm tired of school, but its that point in the semester where no one is really giddy about school anymore, its just a matter of finishing the race.