the reason

Some people date models. I date engineers.

Sure I've made out with carpenters, musicians, bull riders, race car drivers, and the like, but engineers, engineers are really what am all about. Now I know that may sound weird to a lot of you. Or maybe to all of you, and that you may wonder if there isn't some deep psychological issue behind this strange affliction. To which I say, sure there is. My daddy's an engineer and if you listened to Freud that would be the end of the conversation.

But it isn't.

Engineers are the very best kind of men. And it doesn't matter what kind of engineer: electrical, mechanical, civil (well not civil engineers). Ok so we're talking about actual engineers. There's something about a mind that is automatically ridiculously logical that is impossibly arousing to me, because I'm weird, and totally totally a dork. Engineers are also in vast supply and work long hours around other men, so you don't have to worry too much about them hooking up with their co-workers. Besides all of this though, a complex understanding of spacial analysis is great in a lover. Yea I said lover. Lets move on.

The key though, I have found, is finding an engineer who can actually communicate. Using actual words. In english. About things you actually care about. Once you get all those things together you end up in dating bliss. Otherwise known as why I haven't updated my blog since I got back from Chicago. :)

Yea I used an emicon. Let's move on.

llamaface

So I'm going to Chicago in a week. To say that I'm not looking forward to this is an understatement. I have no interest in going up north, nevermind the fact that this is the worst possible timing ever. Funny though because people around the office beg our leader to let them go to conferences out of state, and I get to go to Chicago and its like he's sending me off to iraq. or kansas. or you get the picture.

I'm sure Chicago is lovely and all I just have no interest in going. Especially not now. I have too much that needs to be done and not nearly enough hours in the day in which to do them. I'm just barely getting a handle on this whole growing up living on your own concept. I still barely remember to throw out the bad milk and buy new fresh milk, how can I be gone for a week? Like for example, I bought my car 2 weeks ago and it needs wiper fluid and I haven't bought any, because I don't have any paper in my house, because all my paper and office stuff is in erie, and I need paper to write down a to do list and I don't have any paper on which to write my to do list to remind myself to buy paper so I can make a to do list. This is what we're dealing with people. I have no clue how people my age have children and manage to remember to feed them. Hell I can barely comprehend how I would find the time to remember to feed a pet, cause if I don't eat breakfast the world isn't going to end. But if I forget to feed my imaginary cat he'd eat my face. And that would be a problem, because who would make mailing labels for 5,000+ people then? No one. And the world would end. And we can't have that.

The funny thing is that I'm all rested from Labor day, which was fabulous and relaxing and everything a labor day is supposed to be. And then some. And I went into work today and sat down and looked at my to do list and realized that I have a 3 days to complete a weeks worth of stuff so I then proceeded to destroy my emergency stash of smarties. Because if food can't make the stress go away, then really what's the point of living? or something.

So yea. I'm going to Chicago. And I don't think I'll even be able to take my laptop along with me because the world is a cruel cruel place and why do terrorist have to come between me and my minesweeper? Is there nothing sacred left in the world?

what is that sound?

At roughly the same time every night I hear this buzzing sound coming from the apartment above me (or is it next to me? I can never tell). Its on for at least an hour so it can't possibly be someone brushing their teeth with an electric toothbrush. Really I don't know what it is, because even though the walls are thin they're not thin enough for me to be able to decipher precisely what is making that sound. Its like clockwork though, to the point where I'm kinda waiting for the buzzing to start so I know its time to go to bed.

Ah to be young and live in a thinly walled box.

you gotta work with me

So as we know, I've been dating for a while. By no stretch of the imagination am I somehow new to the concept of having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend is my natural state of being. Once you've been around the block a few times (or a few hundred times) there are few things that catch you off guard. You know how things go. Or so I thought. For the very first time in my very short life I'm dating someone and I'm the one who is making things all complicated.

Now I know, if you know me your rolling your eyes and thinking "come on jes you've always been the complication" but hear me out. When before it was all square peg in a round hole now its like this makes too much sense, I'm overloading on how perfect this is. But this isn't perfect in the hormone induced craziness of relationships long since past, this is perfect in a completely sane we are two grown people with a plethora of issues but we figure it out as we go along, and then everything is good.

Everything is good.

That's the problem. Well if your me at least it is because I'm used to making things work. Used to stubbornly fighting and sacrificing to make something work that was never meant to work for so long. So the bliss, the insane compatibility freaks me out. Because I'm not used to someone actually understanding and hearing the words that trickle out of my mouth. I'm used to "agreeing to disagree" every five minutes.

So this is nice. Nice and scary, because what if I fuck this up? Then what? It wasn't him or us, or the universe, or the timing, it was me and my id. So that's where I'm at. Trying to not be the complication and just be.

I'll let you know how that goes.

I'll let you whip me if I misbehave*

There's something about Sex and the City that has always bugged me. Its bugged me since the very first time I saw a full episode of the show (horribly dubbed in spanish in cuba) and it continues to bug me now whenever I'm flipping through and catch a rerun (which I always proceed to watch even though I've seen every episode at least 3 times).

The condoms.

If you have watched SATC at all, you know that Trojans are prominently displayed everywhere. In the first episode, when Carrie meets Big she drops her purse and a roll of Trojans fall out of her purse. It was a meet cute satc style, girl meets boy, drops her purse and shows boy that she carries a roll of condoms with her because you never know. Its all very safe, very cute, nothing wrong with this picture right? Wrong. My problem is that women who spend $600+ on shoes and $10 on candy martinis would know better than use trojans. Trojans are the condom of choice when your 16 and dont know any better, but think you're the shit. When in reality you have absolutely no idea what "good" is because you also drank some Bud Light and thought it was amazing. Basically your 16, you dont know any better, you're trying to be safe. All very smart. I'm not knocking the use of condoms.

What I am knocking is the use of trojans past the age of 20 (I'm giving you a 4 year window to not know any better). Especially when your characters on a show in which the entire universe centers around having the very best things in life. Ohh and there's one episode which always gets me, its season 5 and Miranda's baby grabs a trojan (still in its wrapper) and sticks it in his mouth and everyone is horrified until Samantha quips "oh don't worry I have those things in my mouth all the time" and everyone laughs because its funny. Except for me because I'm always horrified, because if you've ever had a trojan in your mouth you know that its not all good, those things have the worse taste known to man. And the smell the smell is awful.

So they should know better. And you should know better. There are better condoms out there than trojans. Much much better. And just like you spent some time and some money searching for something better than bud light you should do the same with condoms. That is all. Go forth and multiply, or something.

* The title is from justin timberlakes "sexyback", dont think that I'm trying to tell you I'm into s&m.

k now the links:

* Okay so first I read this. And then I read the article. Actually no, I started reading the article and then I proceeded to throw up a little in my mouth, because when someone says shit like this with a straight face I just can't keep my food down:
The female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women: a man who appreciates this can negotiate whatever difficulties arise in his relationships with them.

Last Christmas, my wife threw me out after discovering I'd been cheating on her. On the night we got back together, I made strong, passionate love to her. Unfaithful as I'd been, I was not going to let her have me over a barrel for the rest of our marriage. I needed to keep a sense of self and not allow her to mire me in guilt and a desperate quest of forgiveness.

I needed to let her know what she would be missing if we broke up for ever. I gave her a manful bravura performance that night, and at the height of her passion, I asked her: 'Who's the boss?'

The question threw her. Initially she wouldn't give me a reply, but I enticed it from her. 'You are,' she finally gasped. 'You are!' I am a very difficult man to be with. I know I have caused my wife great pain and anxiety. But she is an adult, and ultimately it is wholly her choice whether she wants to be with me or not - I cannot be anyone other than myself. Originally when I read this I was going to do a whole post on this thing. And then I realized that I didn't need a whole post, just a few sentences. A good female orgasm, brings a man down to his knees. Its not the thing that a man holds over a woman, like "look how manly I am, I gave you the greatest pleasure you have ever known," its the thing that makes even the strongest manliest men, into idiots. A good moan, an arch of the back, and men turn into putty. In s&m the partner who is actually in control is not the dominant, but the submissive who sets the pace and can at any time say the word and end the "play." Things are not always what they seem, is what I'm saying. By telling you that "you're the boss" she's choosing to give you what you want. All power is relative.

* My favorite blog has always been "girl with a one track mind" but I don't link to it often because the subject manner is beyond pg-13 Long story short it was an awesome anonymous blog, which got turned into a book, and then ended up in having the bloggers identity discovered. All very sad, very tragic, because I'm sure my favorite blog will never be the same.

and how this post end up being all about sex?

dont say

So last night I was going to do a post on crazy bitches in general and one specifically crazy one. It was going to be good because I was really upset about it all last night. But then this morning I woke up, and there was a cute boy in my bed and the sunlight was coming in and I didn't care anymore. So what if they're crazy. It has nothing to do with me and I'm not going to put myself into it by talking about it. Just know crazy bitches are out there and they really don't like me and I think its stupid because I have better things to do than try to steal away the dumbfucks that date them. If they had any sense they'd know that, but alas being crazy they have no sense.

The real news though is that I have a car. Its still sinking in that I now have a car and its in my name, and that it really is mine. But yea I bought it yesterday in the span of like 3 hours. Of course this being me, I didn't do a lick of research cause I could care less what type of car I drive. But my car is still super cute, its redish, ford focus, with four doors. I'd prefer that it only had 2 doors, but whatever its only for the now and I'll be done paying for it in two years.

And yea that's my news. I have a car. Its all mine. And its cute. The end. All thats left now is finding a permanent place to live in and you know furniture and stuff... but its all coming together and its awesome.

ahhh I almost forgot the very best part about my new car is that within having it for like 30 minutes my car had been blessed with holy water, which is fairly amusing, to say the least.

I'd like to paint this picture for you

Last night marked the longest period of time that I have spent alone in my apartment. And there was definitely a point somewhere in hour 5 where I wanted to go out just so the walls would feel a little bigger when I got back in. Its not like I don't like being alone. On the contrary I love being alone. I barely like people at all. Well I like people in the plural sense of the world, its just individuals that I have a problem with. So being alone is one of my favorite states of being.

Until Erie that is, where I'd spent weeks by myself, with the only other person I came into any real contact with being Andres. Clearly I'm scarred because last Sunday I woke up early and ran errands, spent half my day at a coffee shop, and then went over to my dad's because the thought of spending all day in my little studio was soul crushing. And honestly I don't need my soul crushed anymore.

But last night I wanted to stay in. I decided I wasn't going to go out before 10am, it didn't matter that it was a Friday and awesome whomever was going to be wherever doing whatnot. I had stuff to do and I wanted to sleep and I had absolutely no interest in standing in a club having a mindless conversation about whatnot. I wanted to do laundry and watch tv and sleep.

Somewhere in there after finally sitting down and writing something substantial for the first time in months, I decided that I wanted to paint, well sketch some stuff in oils (part 1 of the long and complicated painting process). So I went to open my painting box that had been sitting in my closet for a week. It was like Christmas, and when I pulled out one of my favorite paintings I was deliriously happy knowing that it was now with me and not sitting in some apartment in the middle of nowhere PA. But then as I started pulling stuff out I started getting angry. He'd rolled up some of my paintings and placed packing tape on them to hold them together. Not a big deal until you attempt to pull off the tape and the backing of your favorite painting that took you weeks of work to paint and still isn't finished starts coming off.

Still though, I was happy the paintings were back with me. So I started getting deeper into the box and I realized that there were no paints in there. The 30+ different tubes of artist grade oil paints? Not in the box. My large box of oil pastels? Not in the box. My large sketching pad, that contains everything I've been working on for the last 2 years? Nope, not there. My charcoals? Not there. Even though I'd specifically asked that they all be mailed to me.

If we weren't talking about my entire collection of art supplies that I've been collecting and amassing for years now, I wouldn't have wanted to run someone over with a car. Yea, there are some blank canvases in the box I got, but irony of ironies I have nothing to paint on them with. Oh yea my brushes? All of them? Not in the box.

So I wanted to start throwing stuff. Obviously, because really he should know better than this. He knows how much that stuff means to me. If he had mailed absolutely nothing else it should have been that box. Its hard because I want to vent and at the same time I don't want to say an eight of the things that are rushing through my head right now, because things were really good for a long time and I want to respect that. But, I want my shit back. And of course he's not in Erie anymore, so my stuff if it hasn't been mailed is just going to sit there until December at some point.

Yup. I get the distinct feeling that instead of buying my easel I'm going to have to rebuild my collection. Awesome.

k links:

* My favorite place in Houston is the River Oaks Theatre. And because this is Houston, and we love new things over old things its probably going to be demolished to make a borders or a starbucks or another strip mall. Because lord knows we need another strip mall. Anyways the nytimes is talking about it and you should read about it.

* make any site work friendly. really, make it look like your working all the time.

* the future and whatnot.

mas de mil formas de besar

Here's what I'm learning. I'm learning that I have got not a clue of what is good for me or who is right for me or what is and is not a good idea. I'm learning that its so impossibly good to be with someone who laughs at my midget jokes and makes them right along with me. I'm learning that having a man make me laugh uncontrollably from my gut is impossibly sexy. That being with someone who is as equally messed up as you in the very same ways is fun, and nice, and really comforting. I'm learning to just chill out and relax in a good thing and not think too much and just stop being so damn bossey.

I'm learning that someone making you uncomfortable isn't the sign that you need to run in the opposite direction. Its just a sign that I've finally met my match and its about damn time I stopped being in control all the time.

I'm learning that the word smitten does not come anywhere close to describing what I'm feeling right now. I'm learning that I am a fucking sap. And I love it. But will continue to mock it endlessly while secretly secretly loving it.

I'm learning that falling into something is terrifying but the terror lets you know you're really living. I'm learning that I have no idea what's around the corner. And that things come when your ready for them. I'm learning I can't stop smiling. And its about damn time.

baby baby baby

I still haven't unpacked. Its now August, and I've been in Houston since April and I'm still living out of a suitcase. Well suitcases. I'm entirely too much of a clothes whore to live out of one suitcase for any significant period of time.

More of my things arrived today. More clothes. My linens. But most importantly my painting stuff is finally here. I looked at easels today, since my brother in all his random awesomeness gave me a gift certificate to buy one, and I found myself contemplating how seriously I want to take painting. Its one of those things that I love and when its out of my life for large amounts of time I definately feel its absence. Like my arm is missing type of absence. But for some reason spending a chunk of money on a quality easel seems wrong. Like how much am I really going to paint to justify it. The whole thing is silly because I would just spend that same money on a cute pair of heels or yet another dress and in the long term the easel would make me happier.

So yea. Its totally amusing that the easel would be my first real piece of furniture. And in all honesty I'm probably just get a nice easel made out of oak and not one made of aluminum...but then again its me and I might just decide that the money would be better spend on a pair of black stilletos that have been calling my name.

And as for the boy. I like him enough to know I'm in trouble.

sh*t!

Dear Internets,

I like a boy.
I like him a lot.
And he's not a plumber.

::gelluh::

/mush

38 hours naps make Mondays feel like a steel wall of pain

Okay, so let's talk about Lindsay Lohan. Because I love her and think that she's getting unfairly picked on for being young, and hot, and slutty, and a self made multimillionaire, who likes to drink, and do some recreational drugs, and take slutty pictures. I mean really isn't that what America would like all its young women to turn into? If we're serious for just a bit and ignore that whole "pretend virgin" bs and just got real, then Lindsay really is the American dream. So why the double standard? Male actors do blow, act like sluts, stumble home at strange hours of the night and they're just called Irish or Australian or foreign or misunderstood. I understand all right though, you wanna have a good time, there's no shame in that, Ms. Lohan just wants to do the same thing but when she does she gets a scolding from her producing company. I smell the man at work here, and its just not right.

The girl works alot. She young, and youth only last for so long, so you should you know seize the day and what not. Besides which how many people do you know who can look this stunning coming out at last call? Not many.

ok bunch of links:

* This link is for lasu, who is afraid of the future. Its going to be ok, really.

* "Paris Hilton: Anti-Hero." Its mostly about pop music in general, but it does talk about Paris, who strangely I'm starting to actually like. I'm not quite sure how that happened.

* More evidence in video form that Johnny Depp is the coolest person on the planet. part one and two.

* Umm this site is like crack. Bad awful from the street corner crack. You have to click on the little boohbahs though and go to the part where they dance, because I kid you not I think I lost an hour of my life to this shit.

* If I had made all my millions from videos like this, I too would try to hide behind giant bags.

* This might be the perfect thing for me. Cute pet like object that I cant kill.

* a list of sexy movie scenes, which since they only list a couple of foreign films I totally do not agree with, because really i don't care how sexy tom cruise was in risky business but until you see the Polaroid scene in el sexo y lucia you have no idea what pretend movie sex should look like.

* Okay this video is funny and under 3 minutes. Its a win win.

* This little makeup how to series is awesome. And as an added bonus Elke has the most adorable accent.

* Have you met Face Hunter yet? Because until you have, you have not lived. Reasons I love include but are not limited to: I love seeing people have fun with clothes, I like looking at pretty people looking slightly off, I love clothes, I love clothes on foreigners wearing straight jackets as nuovo vougue, and seriously I love seeing people not taking themselves too seriously.

* Friday night was a weird night at the club. Weird awesome patron shots after last call are a totally bad/best idea ever type of night. There was a guy dressed as a pilot, which really I think says it all.

* A listing of the 50 best movie endings of all time. or something.

* And because just reading fluff rots your brain here's an update on the hpv vaccine. I don't understand why something this crucial isn't just being put inside lollipops and handed out to everyone and their mother. But you know that could just be me, and my irrational fear of dying of cancer.

ps: I'm obsessed with kellis' "bossy", dont worry though this should pass in like another week. or twelve. although for the life of me I cant comprehend whats going on in the video. like what alternate poddle and grilled filled paradise is she living in?

and then there was one.

Blah.

For the past week Yara has been my constant companion. And now she is boarding her place and heading back to California. Ev left on Sunday and is already back in Boston. I miss them already. Sure I've been ruining on at most 6 hours of sleep and my place is a mess and I'm tired as hell, but this past week has been awesome. Like complete and total super busy perfection. There was a picnic at the park with fried chicken and biscuits. Swimming at 11am while still tipsy from the previous nights drinking. There was an awesome birthday dress. I saw some nipples which were perfection but will remain nameless. A soccer game. Colombian food. Venezuelan food. Greek food. A trip to a taqueria at midnight. I got into the club for free all by myself.

It was basically one full week of all my favorite things. Which is funny because really you rarely ever get to do just all of your favorite things and ignore everything else. Well I still went to work, but I just took hour long lunch breaks out of the office, which I'd never done before because I was a bit too consumed in getting everything done. The work/play balance was thrown off this week, but it was fabulous. And I loved every moment of it.

Plus having your birthday fall on a Saturday is an incredible dangerous thing. Because you go out on Friday and then again on Saturday and by the time Sunday hits you take a pass on that wine at dinner, because your liver just cant take anymore.

And my friends. My friends are awesome. I wanted everyone to meet them because they are just perfection. Crazy neurotic I am going to murder them in their sleep and then make out with them some more perfection. I'm convinced that Mount Holyoke women are a totally different deal. It was hilarious watching men try to talk them up and then being destroyed because they just don't stack up.

And the boys. They behaved themselves very well this weekend. And smelled especially good this weekend. I was really happy with them. Even if they couldn't decipher our humor and thought Yara was seriously a whore, and married, and had ten kids. But whatev, it was funny none the less.

Yea this past week was perfect.

Oh and my apartment? It rocks. I'm 20 minutes away from the airport. Down the street from my pho place, my favorite greek place, and the club, and my after club drunken eating place. Ten minutes from the best fried chicken in town, and the soccer stadium, and my job. I actually think I could get away with buying a vespa. So we'll see.

Memento mori

This Carpe diem business is really tricky, because sure "seizing the day" sounds like a good idea but somehow before you know it your hanging out a hipster dive bar listening to screamo with two queens entirely too sober to just give in to the randomness of the evening wondering what weird decision in the night got you in this situation.

Yea. What started out as an early evening out turned into me driving someone home to the third ward at 2 in the morning. Not cool. At all. In the slightest. Because seizing the day shouldn't mean not getting your 8 hours of sleep because your driving a drunk home while trying to figure out the fastest possible way out of the ghetto and away from the prostitutes.

So yea. Good times. Or something like it.

Links!:

* If you have some time I highly recommend reading this, its about the study of happiness and its long but oh so good. Here's my favorite part:

And no matter where they live, human beings are terrible predictors of what will make them happy. If Stumbling on Happiness tells us anything, it's this. "Imagination?" says Gilbert, "is the poor man's wormhole." Our imagination has an odd knack for Photoshopping things in and airbrushing things out, which is why we think that getting back together with our exes is a good idea; it also tends to mistake our present feelings for future ones, which is why, when we decide to marry the right person, we find it unthinkable we'?ll ever be tempted to sleep with anyone else. At the same time, we forget that our imagination has a miraculous ability to rationalize its way out of grim situations- which is why we're more likely to take a positive view of things we did than things we didn'?t (so go ahead and ask that woman to marry you), more comfortable with decisions we can?'t reverse than ones we can, and more apt to make the best of a terrible situation than a merely annoying one.

* Too cute!

* Since Israel is blowing things up I figure it needs some good pr right now, so its in that spirit that I share this video with you.

* Pure random absurd humor in video form.

* "You can't be a bear."

A plumber, a lawyer, and a catholic schoolgirl walk into a bar...

If we weren't sluts we wouldn't have any fun.

That my friends was the quote of the night. I was in the restroom stall ignoring the crying drunk girl at the sink when suddenly one of her other drunk friends in an effort to comfort delivers possibly the greatest line ever uttered in the history of dumb drunk girls everywhere.

It's so true though. Its brilliance lies in its simplicity. If you always did the "right thing" the "smart thing" the "appropriate thing" you would never have any fun. All work and no play, you know?

In the spirit of no work and no play I had a really good night last night. An awesome night. My week was super long. It was all meetings, and trial by fire, and your the only person in the department Jessica, and stare at asp for 8 hours a day, and drop what your doing and go to this meeting in Sugarland, and then order some shirts, and figure out where the faxes come in. A lot of working went on this week. So I needed some major sitting at a bar and drinking to take the edge off the week.

So I did. A couple of Woodchuck Ambers later and the week doesn't seem so rough. Normally when I'm behaving I have 2 drinks and maybe a shot the entire night. Lets just say that it was 12 something and I was way past my quota.

But the drinking was only one part of the fun though. The real fun started way before then when I was getting dressed and wanted to be at once lazy and cute. So I traded my suit pants for a plaid mini-skirt and voila I went from Annie Hall to Catholic Schoolgirl. Now you have to know that my dressing up as a schoolgirl is funniest to myself. Its absurdly funny, so I go with it. Plus I think pretty girls in particular are much too serious about getting dressed. Its all sexy top, cute heels, and jeans and not nearly enough random catholic girl getups. So really I'm doing this for humanity.

So drinking + a catholic schoolgirl getup= getting hit on by my friend's lawyer. The man was like old, but he was rich and it was funny. He knew it wasn't going to happen, but he did it anyways. I like that. I didn't like it enough to go to New York with him on his jet though. So its official that I do not have a gold digger bone in my body. Good times.

I also got hit on by a plumber, but he's adorable and called today just like he said he would so that's impressive. He also didn't give me a look when I told him I majored in Women's Studies, so really he has two things going for him. We'll see what comes of it though.

Okay and now one link:

* Reason a billion and one why I <3 Madeline Albright:

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright on women in power: "I'm not a person who thinks the world would be entirely different if it was run by women. If you think that, you've forgotten what high school was like." (via the fix)

its what we are

In about a week or so I turn 23. To say I'm excited about it would be an understatement. I am beyond excited. For many reasons beyond the normal, "oh its my birthday."

I'm excited because my very favorite mohos are coming to visit. I'm excited because they both said they'd show up at the airport in bows. I'm excited because I officially have my own damn place and we are going to get so impossibly intoxicated on girly slumber party fumes I'm not going to sleep for a week.

So there's much excitement. There's also the big realization that I am turning 23.
And 23 is close to 25.
And 25 is close to 30.
And 30 is close to death.

So I'm glad I'm not close to death.

23 is the beginning of a lot of things though, I am realizing. Its the beginning of the baggage. Of the real honest to goodness baggage. Sure before 23 nutty people got married, experienced heart ache, got herpes, went to rehab, had big blowouts with folks, made some mistakes, you know the good stuff. But somehow I think 23 is that marker, where no longer do you just shrug those things off and you begin to weight your choices a lot more carefully.

I'm being so vague when really I'm talking about one thing. Before 23 I think people take a lot more chance on love and like and lust. After 23 I think there's a lot more caution, because experience has shown that if you give your heart away you get hurt. Or that eventually the butterflies pass and your left with a elbow to the face. I think there's more fear. At least that's what I've noticed amongst the 23yr olds I know.

There's a lot of "I'm not looking for anything serious, my last relationship was X amount of years and I don't wanna go through that again. I just wanna have fun." Which seems smart. Seems so prudent, but there's something to be said for just taking a stupid chance. Stupid chances defined my teens and well I didn't get herpes, and I survived. But by not being bold and taking a chance possibilities are lost. Hope is lost. If your cautious all the time, and think everything through then you over think everything and you miss that window where you just kiss that girl/guy and say the hell with it to over thinking what it means and the repercussions.

I think you miss out on living when your weighed down by all that baggage.

But then again what do I know? My motto is currently "I don't need no stinking boyfriend telling me what to do. I just wanna have fun."

What do I know really I'm just turning 23. I'm just a kid.

re*gret

n.
1. A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone.
2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.

Regret is the dirtiest of all words to me. Its what I avoid most in life. It is, many times, my main motivation in deciding whether or not I'll do something. The question is always "will I regret it if I don't?" not "will I regret it if I do?" because quite frankly if I know that I would have regretted not doing it then it negates whether or not after the fact I regret having done it. Its not even a conversation in my head really. Well its a short conversation that goes like this:

"Damn I shouldn't have done that"
"But if I hadn't I would have regretted not doing it"
"eh well then it was worth it"

And that's that. Because I'm a big girl and even though I'm notoriously flaky when I make a decision I made it. And so what if future Jessica thinks that was a bad decision the Jessica that made that decision thought it was a good idea. And so what if I'm drunk or high on pheromones or what have you I made a decision and I always think its so stupid to qualify things after the fact. I always feel like I have to own up to whatever I've done and not just shrug it off and say "well I was drunk." In reality it should go more like "yes I was drunk, but I also decided it was a good idea at the time and I have to live with that."

And live with it I do. For the most part though it works out. It means that I take chances, even knowing full well that a huge possibility exist that things aren't going to work out. Moving to Erie? Not the greatest idea. But I'm so glad I took a leap of faith. And okay so I crashed and burned and killed some innocents along the way, eventually it wont hurt so bad. All wounds heal. Eventually at some point.

Its better than wishing that I had just kissed that boy and called him back and moved in with him but not having done it because he might laugh in my face or betray me or not marry me. Haha. Its too soon to joke about that one. Eventually though it wont be.

Eventually.

And now links:

* Today at work I started at asp code all day. After 6 hours of it I feel like this.

* Do you want to head butt like Zidane? Well now you can.

* And why Zidane proved that soccer is not the sport of suburban soccer moms.

* funny ad.

* I love jews. A little more than a should probably. So this list is totally going up on my fridge, as soon as I move out in like a week.

* I got this from Brent. Whos blogging more now because he can. Best part of the interview though:

HR: I get "Ya know I'm really depressed and I'll never meet a girl like that again and I'm twenty-one." Son, you're twenty-one. It is a big world out there and you are going to have a really good time. You are gonna meet lots of women, and humans are complex tricky creatures. If only we were dogs then shit would work out better but humans are very complex. There are a lot of reasons that things don't work so you don't have to call the girl a bitch because everything a person does is coming from a real reason. She cheated on you? Well, she wasn't getting what she needed from you. She is getting something she needed from this other fellow, or woman or whatever that she left you for, so you gotta move on. But don't kill yourself. Don't drink yourself into a stupor. Don't drive to the guy's house. None of that stuff is appropriate behavior. And believe it or not, you're gonna be fine.

Campioni!

Super happy about the Italy win. The moment it looked like they were going to go to penalty kicks I knew Italy was going to win because its always the team that doesn't look so hot during the game that wins during penalties. Normally this bothers me but since I hate the French (for reasons that are unknown even to me) I thought it was awesome.

So yea that's that. Yesterday the Houston Dynamo played against Chivas USA and they won 3 to 1. The game was awesome in spite of the fact that it was delayed for 30 minutes because of the rain. Not so awesome was the 5 hours of sleep I was running on because I am a genius and decided that it would be wise to end my evening Friday night with a shot of pure evil. I have no idea what was in that damn thing but I know I never want to drink it again. Well not unless I want to short circuit every bit of good reasoning in my body again and drive home in the rain less than sober. Not a smart move on my part. And normally I'm super good about that, but like I said that shot was evil. And I promise to never ever do it again. The end.

My engineer shorts finally got to meet the world on Friday night and they were a big hit because they are adorably short. They did inspire one of the bouncers to molest my hand and for that I must remember to always use the shorts for good and not evil. And to stay far far away from giant bouncers who are 5 times my size when I go out. But then again there are probably worse things in life than having a bouncer want to molest your hand. Like having a bouncer kick you out of a club. So that's good too.

When we finally made our way out of the club though it was raining and there was no way I could get my suede pumps wet. Because they mean more to me than life itself and I cant replace them. And since I wasn't drunk enough to think walking barefoot on dirty Houston sidewalks was a good idea, Lasu had to give me a piggy back to my car. Well a piggyback ride to the garage he made me walk on dirty garage pavement, to the 4th floor. I figure that he owes me from countless evenings that I've spent babysitting him so its ok.

And yea that's that. Some where in this evenings debauchery I completely messed up my back. Like it hates me now. And its my entire back that hurts, so I wish I knew what I did to it so I could make sure to never do that again. And yea that's that.

Exciting stuff, I know.

ps: If you haven't heard Justin Timberlakes 'SexyBack' yet you should do so right now. Its good catchy stuff.

* Do you love Ghostbusters as much as I do? Well you'll be pleased to know that you can now watch it in gif form.

* I love books. My daddy loves books. My brother loves books. My mom... well she likes books. Anyways we all love books, so when I read that "80% of US families did not buy or read a book last year" I was shocked. And yet not shocked because I already knew that my family is abnormal. Anyways the other stats in there are interesting and you may want to glance through them.

* "I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!" This article (from the Onion for those of you who cant decipher satire) is super funny and you should read it now. Oh and I found it here.

* "Smoking is a dirty habit. It's a dirty habit for a dirty little girl" This quote right there is why I love Lindsay Lohan so.

* And finally "The Garden State Effect" a great article music and people listening to certain bands simply because they're lemmings and what not.

Jump in

Five day weekends are magical things. Not so magical is the pain of waking up at 6am after 5 days straight of not waking up until around noonish. It was a great weekend. An awesome weekend. The type of weekend were you kind of forget you have this awesome job that you normally go to for 5 days a week and instead think your life revolves around pubs, yummy food, and futbol.

Sadly however my life now also revolves around being painfully not awake and yet still being forced to function for 8 hours. I had kinda forgotten that my brain isn't really awake before noon. Which is why I spent the majority of my day doing data entry, because it requires the absolute minimum of brain cells to get the job done right. And by the majority I mean to say that I spent 8 hours entering data. I have the sneaking suspicion that in my dreams tonight I'll be entering data.

Good times.

Last night though we went to the Dynamo game after watching the totally awesome Italian victory over those awful Germans. The game ended up being tied one to one. And it was sprinkling throughout the entire night. Not so fun when you consider its Houston in the summer and the air is already impossibly humid. Its also been raining for a week straight and will continue to rain for about another week. Which sucks.

Ah but best part of the game was the opening which featured a fly over which was pretty cool, but the best part by far were the skydivers which fell right above the stadium and looked like they were going to crash into the stadium and then managed to some how land smack in the middle of the playing field. Coolest thing I've ever seen.

Well except for that time I saw that kitten bitch slap a baby. But that's a story for another day. In the meantime here are the links:

* How to cut a mango, in video form. Mangoes are my favorite fruit. I could eat them ever day. I put salt on them and like them cold. Its magical. The only problem is that I make a bloody mess every time I eat them. So I have to load up on paper towels to eat them which cuts down on the places where I can eat them. This video how to however might just change my life allowing me to eat mangoes in more places than ever before.

* awesome awesome tattoos. via myaimistrue

* My friends are lovely. They are also idiots. In the interest of their well being I bring you how to avoid being arrested in video form, for those of you who don't like to read.

* This picture is a couple of years old, but it perfectly illustrates my personal philosophy that you can in fact be too old to rock teeny tiny shorts. Which is why if you can you should do so now while you still can and lose the leggins.

* beer clip. simple genius.

* did you ever want the internet to tell you
what celebrity you most looked like? well today is your lucky day.

* My entire life I've been partial to nice boys. I've never been one for assholes. Well, not obvious assholes, some of them are pretty sneaky. Anyways if you need to be converted over to the much happier side of life this list will help you see the light.

* Okay this is long, but soo worth it. "When you cant earn an MBA: Thoughts on getting ahead without an MBA" read it, pass it along.

* And finally the banana that you know and love is on the verge of extinction. Don't worry though, science will save the day. Okay, well worry a little, but not too much because it happened before and we survived. Also long, also worth reading.

wasting time

So umm I had this super awesome post. It was epic. It was witty. Then firefox got mad at me and ate it. So just be aware that I can already tell that this post is not going to be nearly as epic as the one that was just lost. I'll give you a moment to mourn.

Moment gone. Basically though I've been mia for a week because I have an 8 to 5 (well really an 8:30 to 5 something ish) and I'm still in that magical brand new job phase were I don't spend 85% of my day stalking people on facebook. I don't think it really sunk in that I was actually employed for real until I deleted my "jobs I should apply to folder." Best. Feeling. Ever. And I do mean ever. I don't wanna jinx it though but I really think this job is a really good fit for me. Its like every random thing I ever learned to do (except for welding) is being put to use. Case and point in this past week I've translated a brochure, stared at some code and created some web pages, entered stuff into a data base, edited a letter, and you know saved the world. Not bad for the first week. So I'd like to keep my job, hence my not blogging at work. I have no interest in getting dooced. And that's pretty much that.

I'll tell you the most random part of my week at work though. A woman who works for the Finland version of us came to visit the office and she was the most stunning woman I have ever seen. Like period. And I've seen a lot of pretty women. This woman though was abnormally stunning. Like for 10am in the middle of the week in some bad office lighting to be that stunning is not right. Which makes me wonder if she would have been considered that beautiful in Finland or if there she's like the average pretty woman. And if so why haven't we gone over there and conquered that shit?

I like how this is what I'm spending my time thinking about. Also I've realized that working cuts right into my reading-every-damn-thing-on-the-internet time. Which means that I spent about 7 hours today (I wish was I was joking about that number) catching up on everything I missed. and let me tell you I missed alot.

So here's what I missed:

* Brooke Hogan (Hulk Hogan's daughter) made a music video. Well her daddy's money made a music video. And it makes me feel bad for her. Very very bad because when Paris Hilton makes a better music video than you, you know your in the wrong profession. She's a big girl too, like a pretty and big and tall girl she'd make a good wrestler maybe she should do that instead, I cant imagine Paris Hilton being a good wrestler, so she'd have her beat there.

* I'm so glad I'm not alone. Although I do have to say that having an all European world cup finals pretty much kills my interest in the cup. I'm rooting for Portugal and pretty much just hoping that anyone but the Germans win. But I'm not obsessed eating drinking sleeping it like I was at the beginning of the cup. Also I'd like to be the first to offer a conspiracy theory and say that this cup was rigged. Its insane and unthinkable that no Latin American teams or even a Asian team made it to the semi-finals. There were good teams that were robbed because of bad ref calls. So I say the refs were bought and this whole cup was sham. the end.

* I want these!

* a great little motivational blog post thing. even though I did an awful job describing it you should go read it. Its about removing barriers and getting shit done.

* If your dumb enough to wear flip flops to your office job then your not smart enough to get promoted. end of story.

* One of the billion reasons I never take any pictures that I wouldn't want my mother to see. And just so you know, unless you work with ron jeremy you totally don't want to read this at work.

* My goal is to finally finish reading "Love in the Time of Cholera" soon. I'm re-reading it in Spanish and it makes my brain hurt. Hence my putting it down and watching god awful tv instead. Once this is over and I destroy this book I'll be able to read something else, which is where this handy master reading list thing comes in.

* I was going to watch Superman today, but the movie was sold out. You should know that the only reason I'd even agreed to see the film was because alcohol was involved. But after reading this, I'm so much more interested in good ol' Clark Kent.

* And finally this. Last night I went out and in celebration of my new job wore my celebration dress. Otherwise known as the naked dress. Now I'm not actually naked in this dress, as always everything is covered. There just isn't that much coverage. And its all held together with some string. A good dress. Anyways for the first time in wearing this dress I got attention in a way that very much made me uncomfortable. And it wasn't even crude or anything like that, it was just coming from people that I don't want looking at me like that. But there was some leering and I wanted to disappear. Or find a sweater. Anyways it was the type of thing that only happens when you find yourself in the midst of a pack of men. Which is pretty much my entire social life now. Male attention is a funny thing, and for some reason unlike the blogger whose post I linked to up there, I've never gotten mad at being looked at and cat called or harassed, because I honestly think its me. Because my skirts are really tiny, and men cant help themselves, and if I don't wanna get leered at dry clean that burka and rock that shit in the club. And the fact that I honestly feel its my fault that I'm getting leered at is sad. Yea okay I'm cute and you can look, but no matter how revealing the outfit you should always be respectful of the person in it. Cause there's a person in there under all those breasts./rant

Wayne Rooney is an ugly troll

So clearly I have a problem. An addiction if you will. It started innocently enough, like these things always do. A game with my dad. Then another. But things were under control. It was only a weekend thing. Then the worldcup hit. And suddenly I was watching 3 games a day. Watching games that I had no reason to be watching (Tunisia vs Saudia Arabia anyone?) Not just passively watching the games mind you, but seriously interested and invested in the outcome. I knew myself well enough to know that I needed to kick this habit and return to my normal life. During the Argentina vs Netherlands match I went to go see Nacho Libre. But I spent most of the movie txt messaging various people to make sure I didn't miss anything. But even then things were still under control.

Ok so not really. About 80% of my conversations now are about the world cup. Its pretty much all that I talk about with my daddy. Gone are the days when we bitched about politics. Now we talk strategy, bitch about refs, and make predictions about future games. So far so good. We've called the Argentinian, German, and Portugal win. If it wasn't for those dirty stupid brits the much better and much more awesome Ecuadorian team would have also gone through.

Thankfully those awful brits will get a taste of their own medicine when they play against Portugal. Wayne Rooney and his ugly mug are going down.

/crazed soccer rant

Now the real problem though is that tomorrow I rejoin the working world. And will no longer be able to watch the games live. So tomorrow will be the real test of my ability to get a handle on this little vice.

Okay and now links!:

* This was totally made for me. Its at once cute and just a wee bit disturbing.


* Brent noticed that the french teams jersey's have a little colar on them which started a discussion on uniforms. Google came to the rescue once again and brought me this.

* The Urban Etiquette guide. Best. Thing. Ever. How do you politely handle a one night stand? This and other highly important questions are answered. So go read it right now.

* 100 awesome music videos. The title says it all.

* Ask a ninja explains net neutrality.

* Oh and my curiosity? Totally another addiction. A delicious delicious addiction.

tequila makes her clothes fall off

Having your very best friends on opposite sides of the continental US makes a girl sad. Impossibly sad on even the sunniest days. The whole idea of best friends is pretty laughable, and I use the term simultaneously as irony and truth. The idea rings back to a time long since past when who your best friend was changed by the week, dependent on which way the wind was blowing, and who had the best type of pudding at lunch. My best friend for ten something years was always the same person until there was a falling out, well I fell out, she stayed the same. But I like so few people and I'm so very fickle that these two who currently are my very best friends, really are my very best friends. They're stuck deep in my pit. And if I ever ponder for too long the reality of their absence in my life I want to just pack my bags and pick a coast just so at least I could be close to one of them.

Alas though, its not meant to be right now. Which sucks. An impossible amount. Because navigating time zones and work schedules and significant others makes the distance real. And reality and me aren't friends right now.

Technology makes everything better though. And I know I can always call and harass. But I miss being able to walk across the hall and walk into an unlocked room and steal some doritos and drink some rum and bitch about the day.

Essentially I miss college. In a way I never thought I would. I don't miss the papers or the classes or the books or the boondocks or the smell of manure. I don't miss any of those things. I miss skipping class to gossip on the hill and take in the sun. I miss the drive to Boston, and the singing and talking and daydreaming that killed the hour and made the traffic worthwhile. I miss having someone that made an hour and half drive in the middle of the night seem like a brilliant idea.

So yea that's where I am. Best friends on opposite sides of the country. No boy to daydream about. No escape. Just me and reality.

This growing up stuff, it stinks.

puffy hair = sad jes

So its been raining for the last 4 something days. Lots of rain. Enough rain that its the first thing everyone talks about. Enough rain that Houston was on the front page of the nytimes (at least the online edition, I don't read the newspaper edition). Fortunately I love rain. Its my favorite weather condition. I like the way the air smells during a thunderstorm. The sound of giant raindrops hitting my window. The way my car slides around a little bit and I have zero visibility and suddenly driving to the grocery store requires more brain cells than it typically does. All of it is good.

Except for the humidity. Which is already bad in Houston. Bad enough that if you've never been in Houston during the summer or really at any point during the year you have no idea what humidity is actually like. In Erie I had finally figured out the perfect combination of products and the exact order in which to put them in to get my hair to perfectly curl. Now that I'm back in Houston my hair refuses to play along. With all the rain its pretty much impossible to get it to not puff up.

So I'm seriously considering chopping it all off and doing some cute pixie thing just so I don't have to go all Bill Nye on my hair to get it to behave again. Only problem is that there's always that awful stage when your hair is growing out where no matter what you do its just angry. So basically I don't know what I'm doing with my hair and I just wasted a good couple of minutes of your life talking to you about it. Sorry about that.

Ok here are the links, there are a ton of them so try to keep up:

* Pretty much everyday I go to the park and eat lunch with my daddy. Because its fun and I'm a dork, get over it. Anyways there are always a ton of ants trying to eat me alive and with all the rain I started to wonder what ants do exactly when it starts to rain. My daddy and I theorized some stuff until I got curious enough to just google it and get this answer. Which was good and all but when google just wont cut it there's this old school solution.

* This is just creepy. via apartmenttherapy

* I love men that smell good. After 4 years being away from men at moho, my sense of smell is hyperdeveloped. Meaning that in a room full of women I could tell when I man entered the room first by smell and then by sight. So this new commercial with Nick Lachey amuses me greatly.

* "Gay Until Penetration" awesome article from the villagevoice.

* Another funny colbert video.

* How to make your own ac take 2.

* A great but long interview with Damon Dash.

* Victoria Beckham aka "Posh" is the scariest woman alive. Can we talk about her breasts for a moment though? What exactly is going on there? If you know please let me know. Oh this woman gives me the creeps too. Mostly because no mother of 4 should look like this. Its unnatural.

* I'm all about the sexy nerd look. that's all I 'm willing to share about that.

* I couldn't finish a crossword puzzle to save my life. Which is weird because I love logic puzzles and I love words. For some reason though I can never figure out the clues. So I cheat. Its wrong and it makes me feel dirty, but it gets the job done. I'm more of a suduko type of girl, even still I found this article/interview with the guy who makes the crosswords for the nytimes super entertaining.

* When soccer players yell at the refs what language are they speaking in? Slate answers this pressing question.

Young and restless and bored*

There was a hoochie contest at the club Friday night. A veiled "model search" that was really just a way to discovered the hoochiest of the hoochie. The club is 21 and up though and the majority of these professional hoochies were under 21, so their parents were there. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to be at your normal spot and look around and see a bunch of 50 year olds drinking bud light. Just so you know this isn't the type of place were you drink bud light. So even at the very beginning of the night, the entire vibe was odd.

So lets ignore for a moment the complete absurdity of taking your 19 year old daughter out to a club to let her prance around in a micro skirt and a g string in front of a group of drunken strangers while you stand back and clap and drink your bud light and focus instead on these young women instead. First of all they all looked way older than me, which doesn't really take much because I'm really more of a mascara and lip gloss kind of girl. I'm constantly being told that I look much younger than I am, which is fine because I figure that when I'm 78 I'll be the one who comes out ahead.

Anyways, so one of these girls asks my friend to buy her a drink. She's totally up front that its all she wants from him and he's cool with it because she's hot enough. Now the bartender whose a good friend of his (because he's there three times a week) tells him he's only going to make him the drink if its for him and since we're all pleasantly tossed at that point we don't get what he's talking about. So my friend gives her the drink and the bartender gets pissed and drama ensues because the girl isn't 21. Now to his credit even I had no idea she wasn't 21 because honestly I never looked at her face. She was all breasts. So if I didn't look at her face, there's no way he ever stopped to look at her face.

Now the other thing is she was hot and a lot of these girls were hot only because they weren't wearing any clothes. When your walking around in some shiny cloth and some tape its very easy to be considered hot. Much harder is being attractive when your actually wearing some clothes. The moment you stopped staring at their totally bought and paid for matel breasts and looked at their faces, it was total disappointment. Which is sad because even if your going to be a hooch you might as well be a pretty hooch. But maybe you go into hoochy-doom because your more of a Monet than a Cezanne.

Either way it was amusing enough to watch them prance around. Endlessly more amusing though was the swimsuit portion when they all started walking around the club in their bikinis. Now I think it must take some incredibly large balls to be able to walk around a club where everyone else is totally dressed and you're pretty much naked. Now technically they were "clothed" but honestly if you'd seen these bikinis you would have realized that it was only a mere technicality. A technicality that was necessary because it would have been totally disconcerting if they had actually been walking around butt naked.

And yea that was my night. That and some babysitting followed by some delicious buttermilk pancakes. The end.


*I'm currently obsessed with Bob Seager and I'm not quite sure how that happened. Anyways the title comes from his "night moves" an awesome awesome song.

aint no other man*

I'm not the most patient person in the world. And me saying that right now is the understandment of the year. Its something that I'm trying to work on, yet find it impossibly amusing. Like one of those quirks about me that are impossibly annoying and yet just a little bit endearing. Well at least to myself. It annoys the hell out of other people. In the four billion years Andy and I were dating I don't think he ever once managed to give me a gift before my figuring out what was inside. Because I don't like waiting until I unwrap something to know what's inside. I like to know now.

So waiting to get hear back after my interview was excruciating. I made it worse though by really doing nothing but waiting. And checking my email obsessively. Until finally I heard something. They want me to come in for a second interview. Which would be just a good thing if I wasn't so patient-ly challenged. Thankfully the interview is tomorrow, and I wont die waiting until then. So after that we'll see what happens.

ok now links:

* the title comes from christina aguilera's new single which is really catchy

* Not the hottest looking site, but it provides interesting and relevant information on average salaries for different jobs.

* You should go read this post by my bro. Its amusing.

* If you enjoy watching cars crash into each other this video is for you.

* A cool little calculator lets you know how much your saving over time by making your own lunch instead of eating out every day. via lifehacker

* My love for meat is apparently inherited from my folks. Well that and its just so yummy.

* Are you lacking cuteness in your life? This video should cure you of that.

* Yesterday the most exciting game by far was the Saudia Arabia vs Tunisia match. In games like these though sometimes I don't know who to root for, so I root for whichever country is more of an underdog. If your politically inclined there's this handy guide that lets you know who you should root for. Oh and if you're like me and love soccer and fashion there's this article from the nytimes.

* Remember when I was traveling and was attacked by that creepy machine thing? No, well heres a picture of it.

white chocolate flavor

Umm I have nothing to say today. Odd. I'm just obsessively checking my email waiting for some folks to get back to me. That and watching bad tv while I still can. I'm doing some vaguely productive stuff though like looking for a cute little apartment. But I don't consider that real productivity since I'm not calling places up and setting up appointments just yet. Mostly because until I sign something I wont actually believe that I'm staying in Houston.

and yea that's all I've got.

Ok here's a handfull of links:

* Today the Us played the Czechs and they sucked. Sucked so much I don't even wanna talk about it, I just want to pretend it didn't happen. So that's what I'm going to do. Instead I'm going to point you over to this clip of Colbert telling folks that their goal should be to ignore soccer. Clearly he's just being funny, but far scarier is having that exact same argument used for real. Seriously arguing that Americans don't like soccer because they're more evolved and like sports where people use their hands, is just an ignorant argument. Americans more evolved than the rest of the world? Somehow I doubt that.

* Here's an interesting and thoughtful article on why Brazilian soccer stars go by one name.

* A duh article from the nytimes on how stuff you do online can keep you from getting a job.

* Good solid advice for recent grads and young adults alike.

* A great article on how to avoid all the junk they sell in supermarkets.

* And finally something too cute! and something a bit creepy.

* Oh and this shirt was totally made for me:



Its pink and funny mean. Just like me.

el numero ocho

Okay so I'm sorry but I'm going to have to inflict this on you. I know you don't like Paris Hilton anymore than I do, and that out of sheer curiosity you listened to her song the other day, and that watching the video is something you don't really want to do. But you must. Because its so tragically funny that you need to watch it.

I must warm you though that the more you listen to her song the further into your brain it goes, until you find yourself losing perspective and not hating it. I know its shameful to admit, but someone must be brave and shed all of their pride and just say it. So I'll say it. I don't hate her song.

man I feel dirty.

But the thing is I think this is really not a reflection of me but a reflection of how bad pop music is these days. Given the choice between Ashlee Simpson and her new nose and Paris Hilton, well that's not really much of a choice is it? I'm going to argue that the lesser evil is Paris Hilton, because this isn't her "career" not really. Unlike Ashlee Simpson who really thinks she can sing, Paris knows what she's good at. Which is nothing. Which is why she spends so much money to make herself sound good. And she spends "her own" money on it, which is better than wasting someone else's money on making you sound good.

The video though. The video is tragic. She's trying so hard to be sexy. So hard to seduce and it just doesn't work. Which is particularly sad because she's devoted her life to going out and dancing and to watch her dance in the video I feel sad for her and her lack of dancing ability. Calling what she does in the video "dancing" is a stretch. Although I once watched a contemporary dance production where the dancing consisted of 5 women walking from one side of the stage to the other. So maybe this is avant garde and I just don't get it.

So yea. good times.

links!:

* World cup started today! For those of you that don't know even the most basic rules there's this. Plus beefy pictures of soccer stars. Always a plus.

* In praise of boxer briefs. I once knew a man who went commando and it was the most disturbing thing. Same goes for briefs. When it comes to male underwear there's really just one sane choice.

* This game is at once addicting and disturbing. Plus there are kittens and you can never have too many kittens in your life. Thanks to lasu for bringing it into my life.

* A nice essay on basic digital photography. via lifehacker

* Also from lifehacker, comes cooking for engineers, a cooking guide for those with impossibly analytical minds. andy I'm looking at you.

* How to stay in good shape while partying like a rockstar.

* Cool interview with William H. Macy.

* This little clip once again shows why I <3 Jon Stewart so.

* I love knowing odd stuff about people. Like what they carry in their bags. What they have in their fridge. Or their car. Or in their wallets. Some people describe this as being nosy. I like to think of this as just being insatiably curious. Which is a good thing.

* The cervical cancer vaccine has been approved. Which is good news, but now comes the real battle when the committee determines who will have access to the vaccine. via feministing which provides some great analysis of why its not time to celebrate just yet.

maneater

Dear Internets,

I have an interview. For tomorrow. With a nonprofit. Doing what I actually want to do. And they found me I didn't even directly apply.

Today has totally redeemed itself.

And since blogger has stopped being obnoxious I can share with you all these links:

* Al Gore likes to bum people out. We all know this. Now though you can personally see how much of the problem you are by going here and determining your impact on the Earth.

* Sometimes I come across something and I'm reminded of how naive I really am. This is one of those times. Did you know that the US will grant citizenship to known torturers? Cause I sure didn't. Because clearly I've been living in la-la land and thought that there was some sort of system to determine if people were qualified to live in the US.

* An incredible op-ed that brings a totally different perspective to the whole Plan B debate (ie not making it available over the counter because the Bush administration is full of tools). If there's only one thing your going to read today that's going to use your brain, this should be it. via feministing.

* So I listened to the Paris Hilton song. Clearly anyone can be made to sound good using the wonder that is technology. I just wish the wonder that is technology was being used on something a billion times more beneficial to humanity than Paris Hilton. Just so you know this is a direct link to her song, so its going to start loading immediately. I'm just letting you know so you can keep your shame of listening to it away from your coworkers.

* Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is the messiah. And now you can ask her questions.

* So cute!

* Umm. Don't open this around people. And I got it from Lasu. And honestly I don't wanna know how he came across it. I just know you need to see it.

* The symmetry thesis is simple:

A given person likes (loves) you as much as you like (love) him or her

I think its bs and yet strangely true all at the same time.

* National Geographic has a lovely series of essays of why soccer rules the world.

running just as fast as you can

It seems that 80% of the work that I did during college is now lost. A couple of months ago I switched from my desktop to my brand new itty bitty laptop. I assumed that I had moved all of my files, but I was being pretty lazy about the whole thing because well I was in Erie and I was being pretty lazy about life. So today when I was searching through my files it suddenly hit me that I'd only moved over some of my women's studies stuff. But the majority of my work, all those italian papers I wrote, all that umass stuff, all of my economics stuff was gone. Not anywhere on my laptop. Strangely I feel kinda okay about the whole thing. Its not like I read any of that stuff after I turned it in. At the same time though I kinda need it for writing samples. And you know to have something beyond a tiny diploma to show for 4 years of saturday nights spent at the library.

Andys going to look over the computer in Erie and see if miraculously any of the files are still there. I doubt it though. I left in a rush and I distinctly remember telling him to just delete everything. I do have hard copies of stuff. Well some stuff, not all of it. Yet another reminder to back absolutely everything up.

okay its link time:

* Okay this video is great for about a billion reasons. I'll just give you the top three: 1) its maradona 2) the song is impossibly happy and 3) his shorts are so tiny they'll make you giggle just a bit.

* This video makes it possible for me to inflict mattress mack on the rest of the world. Actually mtv did that, I'm just passing the link along.

* The number of people that you've had sex with is a number that isnt easily disclosed. Unless your bragging or talking to someone your close to, it really isnt something people like to talk about. There's too much judgment. Both good and bad. A more interesting number would be how many people you wished you'd slept with. Or the number of times you've had sex. Or number of times you had sex but would have rather been watching some bad tv instead. This article from the village voice talks about the dreaded number and why we shouldnt pay so much attention to it at all.

glacial motion

I have a love hate thing going on with my cell phone. For starters I never wanted a cell phone. I'm not one of those people who must have the newest cutest tiniest cell to flash around to their friends. A)Most of my friends don't really care about these things and B)Most of my friends care entirely too much about these things and there's no way I'd be able to pick something that would amaze them. More than that though it would be pointless. I drop my phone at least twice a day. Probably because I like to carry it in my hand next to my lip gloss and keys, just so that in the rare chance that I need to call 911 between the walk to the car and the house well I'm prepared. A la girl scout. So something impossible cute and tiny would die within a week of being in my possession.

I've only used my cell in an actual emergency once, like a week ago when my mom's car stalled and I had no clue what the hell I was supposed to do. For emotional emergencies though the cell phone is my life line. Creepy man tries to talk to me on the street? I'm on my phone immediately. Boy troubles making me nutty? I start calling my trifecta to see who picks up the phone first.

So that's the love part. The hate part is much more pronounced. I hate my phone. I hate calling people on the phone, it makes me uneasy. Probably because I'm a rambler with a touch of ADD so its hard for me to keep track of everything that comes into my brain and in what order I said it and then wait what was my point. I'm much better in print. Because I can delete things, and spell check, and google things. Over the phone I'm a mess. Which is why I don't call people. Well lets rephrase that, I call some key people obsessively to talk about every micro crisis, real and imagined. But that's only like 1% of my phone list. The other 99% I'd rather die or I don't know eat Taco Bell than actually call them on the phone. Unless its for directions then I'm ok.

Which is why texting is the best thing known to man. Because its just like iming someone but using your phone. There's none of that weird chit chat that I hate, or any of that "oh are you busy, can you talk" kind of bs. Whatever random thing popped into your head can be sent out and be answered by the other person at their own convenience. Like when they're stuck in traffic or stuck in some horrible awful comedy show and you need to talk to someone immediately about how much you just want to die right now. Texting allows for me to multitask in real life as much as I do online. Because online at any moment I have at least five tabs open, plus some minesweeper, video or music, and an aim conversation or two. In real life I have to focus on one thing, even when I'd much rather be doing something else. With texting though I can be the good daughter and have two hour dinners with my folks while still talking to someone else, without the rudeness of getting up and answering the phone.

The only thing is with a cell I always feel obligated to answer it, because if you dont there's a bit of the "umm I called you why didn't you answer" thing which I hate. Because I'm forgetful and like to leave my phone on silent and then leave it in the kitchen next to the peaches. Unlike email where sure you have to answer it right away but there's like a one day to two day window where you have the time to answer it without feeling like you have to apologize for your complete inability to stay on top of your email. So I hate my phone. Because my mom likes to call me and then I have to answer and sometimes I just don't want to answer. Which is the main reason I didn't have a cell for 5 years or so.

But now I do and I'm hooked and what are you going to do, not have a cell? Then what would you have to do when creepy men start trying to talk to you? Talk to them? I think not.

Ok and now the links:

* The world cup starts June 9th. In preparation I have begun reading a lot of soccer stuff so I can better appreciate the game and know whats up. If you want to also stay in the know there's this.

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." - Bill Shankly, the former Liverpool coach.

Oh those silly Brits they're not going to win this year. Although if they did, that would be something.

* I love tiny cars. Probably because I love tiny things that are jes sized, the way all things should be really. well most things should be tiny, not crucial things like steaks or tvs.

* This thing is so cool. You type in an author and whatever authors appear closest to it are other authors you would enjoy. The listing is just getting started so everyone isn't on there yet, but they have Grace Paley so its a good enough start. And perfect for me because whenever I go into a bookstore I always just end up having to flip through the first couple of pages of a book to see if its good or not.

* On the book kick there's this nifty slide show from Slate about classic novels done with pulp book covers.

* How to make your own ac unit. If you like to build things and have the space and design aesthetic to accommodate a garbage can in the middle of your home. I'm looking at you Jose.

* A nifty little ad.

* Wtf? Here's the thing, I know butts are all the rage right now but umm seriously? This thing doesnt look like fun. And plus the let down when your clothes come off, would be intense.

* A very nice article from Slate arguing for the ethical reasons why meat should be made in the lab and not slaughtered. As an fanatic meat eater and a tree hugging liberal I sometimes have a hard time justifying my love of meat. I typically just eat some bacon though and just shrug it off though.

* An article from the nytimes about the importance of net neutrality.

* Yet another reason to hate Bush. Followed by an even bigger reason to hate Bush.

* Over the weekend in Colombia President Alvaro Uribe won re-election in a landslide. I dont follow Colombian politics very closely, because its really depressing. But my general feeling about this news goes like this, any friend of Bush is no friend of mine. But at the same time anything that brings even the semblance of peace and order to Colombia is desperately needed. So I'll wait and see how this all plays out.

* Finally, the other day I watched this on PBS. Being a documentary on sex slavery it was impossibly sad. Especially the story of a man trying to get his pregnant wife released from these people. If you get a chance to watch it do, and if not the directors commentary on it is a must read.

"my mommy approved this outfit"

Last night was interesting to say the least. I tried once again to wear my engineer shorts out of the house only to have my outfit vetoed by my mommy. Its really just a matter of semantics though, since I ended up wearing a skirt that's just as short, but for some reason my mom thinks that with a skirt I'm much less likely to be gang raped. Which is really just silly if you think about it. But I like to humor my mom so I let her veto my outfits from time to time. Leading to the quote of the night when my friends started hassling me about my outfit that "my mommy approved this outfit". That I actually said that and that its true makes me giggle.

The thing is though that whenever I go out there's at least one guy with me at all times. Normally though I'm in a group of 3 to 6 guys, which explains why no random guys try to talk to me and why the chances of me being gang raped are impossibly slim. This is why I can wear a teeny tiny skirt and not be worried that I was going to be hassled the entire night. I'd attempt to explain this to my mommy but I don't think I can adequately translate "gang rape" into Spanish. Sadly, I'm just not that fluent.

I also "borrowed" a pair of my mom's heels. This was actually a pair I didn't even know she had but the moment I saw them I knew I had to wear them, it didn't matter if I was going to have to chop off my baby toe to get in those shoes but it was going to happen. They're that cute. White suede stiletto pumps require that level of sacrifice. They fit pretty well though, because the universe loved me tonight. I just had to take little steps because they're little shoes. I was also terrified someone was going to ruin them by spilling a drink or something on them and even though some little Asian dude booted right next to me not a drop of it ended up on my shoes. I think some of it ended up on the back of one of my legs but I didn't care as long as none of it got on the shoes. It was really only a spritz of candy colored boot, and I can deal with that.

Best part of the night though hands down, was the impossibly inappropriate conversation that we had at the diner where we were beginning the sobering up process. A diner located in the gay epicenter of Houston. A conversation that pretty much just revolved a rotation of the words "dyke, gay, donkey, anal, nuts, ass, and punch". Even in my fuzzy alcohol induced giggly haze I felt impossibly bad for the two gay gentlemen sitting at the table next to us.

It was really just the kind of night where you try to explain why you had such a good time, but there really is no explanation. We went to the same places we always go to, talked to the same people, had the same drinks and yet some how the evening was incredibly good. And chill. Ok so we offended a waitress, some gay men, someone was drunk dialed, I got boot on my leg, and we watched a million Asian kids acting like this was the very first time they'd had a drink. It was still a good night. A really good night. And exactly what I needed to forget the ickiness that was last week.

okay now some links:

* When I like something I listen to it a billion times until I squeeze every bit of goodness out of the song and it becomes something I hate. This song and video are well on its way to being hated. Oh and can you believe she had a baby? Maybe there's hope for britney spears after all. I doubt it though.

* This video is at once disturbing and hilarious. Its good to the last drop, so make sure to watch to the very end.

* I love meat, but for some reason jerky has never done it for me. Probably because I prefer for my meat to be juicy with just a bit of blood peaking out. Apparently though jerky is America's hidden obsession.

* If you're like me and are more than just a bit excited about the world cup here's the schedule for all the games in handy chart form. I was watching the match between the US and Venezuela and I almost wet myself I was so excited when Brian Ching from the Dynamo scored the very first goal for the American team. I'm just excited that the US seems to finally be getting it together (especially after the ass whooping they received from Morocco). I doubt they'll go all the way, especially after watching France destroy Mexico yesterday. But yea, its looking like its going to be an awesome cup.

* I'm more than a little excited about "Nacho Libre" partially because I have a wee bit of an unexplainable crush on Jack Black. Let's never discuss it again ok? But I was a little worried that the movie might be offensive since Jack Black is playing a Mexican priest and the man is about as white as they come. It seems though that the movie is going to be funny without being mean which I always like.

* Ok, so maybe myspace isnt all bad. maybe.

* And finally one serious link. Cervical cancer is no joke. Not even a little bit of a joke, and now a vaccine has been developed to prevent this horrible awful cancer that is caused by HPV a sexually transmitted infection. Good news right? Except that the Christian right is already taking issue with the fact that the best and wisest course of action would be to vaccinate young girls/women saying that doing so would encourage young people to have sex. Which is like saying that getting a flu shot encourages people to make out with sick people. Or getting a tetanus shot makes me want to lick some rusty nails. This article which deals with this hypocrisy and tries to get to the bottom of it is super good, super short, and you should read it. /rant