pancakes

i cant believe I forgot to post about these things:

*On the way to pick my bro up at the airport there was a giant "Jews for Jesus" bus. Like giant. I'd always heard about these ppl but I always assumed it was a joke, but by the looks of their website its really not. I still dont get it though, so if anyone wants to explain it to me that would be lovely.

*While home I was instructed to go to the mall and buy my dad new pjs since thats what he would be living in from now on. (I got him nice ones that didnt remind me of a hospital gown or Homer's mumu in that episode where his goal is to become obese) anyways, so i'm walking to around and there is a man in a giant bunny suit (for easter obviously) and he starts waving at me. Now I already think humans in animal suits are weird so I try not to make eye contact. The man then proceeds to start blowing kisses at me and dancing. It was then that I realized that my life had hit a new low since I was getting hit on by a man in a bunny suit.

*thick texas accents never fail to amuse me.

*For further reference never miss a weeks worth of class. Especially when you typically barely make it through classes when you dont miss class. i cant wait for this week to be over and to sleeeeep.

I had more but now i forgot. I'm too damn sleepy. Damn me and living on the other side of campus and going to bed at 4 in the morning bc I stayed up and chatted with ev. i just wish i could nap. i cant wait until next yr when i'll be living right on campus and not across a river and up a hill. Oh and another thing, eating salads while good for my body just doesnt fill me up the way my old meat diet did. (I'm now eating salads first so that I can slowly insert veggies into my diet since I have really eaten any in the last 3 yrs i've been in college, I previously just ate meat. lots of meat.) So this is sad bc I ate at 12:30 and now I'm sooo hungry again! maybe it would help if i ate breakfast. we'll see.

Monday Monday

mondays suck, but I think we all know this. Tragety has fallen upon our blogging community this week as one of our own has been struck by the most tragic of tragic fates. His father found his blog and has suddenly learned of the secret alter ego of their mild mannered son. Which gives us a time to pause and reflect about what exactly we write about within our blogs. Always filter. *always* Do not write about wild orgies with kegs and hot women. Write about the weather and that interesting sign that you saw on the way to class. Or that guy who cut you off on your way to your friends house. Do not give actually names, and if you do make sure you clear it with everyone before you post.

Actually this whole incident has got me thinking about my blog and what I want to do with it. Its rather bold of me to have my name attached to this, since anyone can goggle for me and get my blog. This has happened before and I had to block some people and it just wasnt pleasant. So I'm going to think of moving the blog and regaining my annonimity. or something. we'll see.

Todays random public service annoucement is of the real dolls, the world's finnest love toy. Now I thought about posting this here for a really long time before I actually did it. First I didnt want y'all to think I was into strange silicone love dolls, so I'm going to explain that I'm not in the market for a love doll. I found this on nerve.com which is one of my most favorite sites, because of its humor. It was one of the "i did it for science" experiments. I decided to post it because I feel that its a site that helps to demistify the male species, since this is obviously what some very rich sick men are into. Their into silicone dolls that look like crack whores or alternately into perfectly sculpted women that they dont have to feed and that dont talk. I recommend reading the faqs section, since these ppl are ridiculous. yea. thats all I'm going to say about it.

Oh and wtf?

long time no blog

so I'm still in Texas and I wish it was for happier reasons, but my dad had a small heart attack last monday but he didnt know it was a heart attack and drove across texas to mcallen and back and didnt go to the doctor until Friday, so I went with him. From that point on it was one surprise after another (he was hospitalized for observation then they transfered him to intensive care) until today when he had two byasses done on his heart. Thankfully it went well, it was a four hour surgery and he's looking so much better now than he was when he first got out of surgery. He had a breathing tube and was covered in cables and it was too much. Then later on he was on a respirator but still when he took breaths it was incredibly strained and he kept slipping out of consiousness. But this last visit he was a gatrillion times better and could talk to us, it was still strained and sometimes i couldnt understand him and he was really pale, but he was himself. We had some laughs about how all of us are changing our diets, my brother is eating organic and I cant look at a burger anymore. I tried to eat a whopper and it was pretty disgusting. I've pretty much just been in the hospital from 10-8pm, keeping my daddy company. He's been such an amazing sport about the whole thing and I think things are going to be okay. Although its amazing to think about how this time last week if you had told me my dad was going to need major surgery i would have looked at you like you had an arm growing out of ur head. I'm in theory going back on friday, and I just hope he's out of the icu by then.

Going home! Going home! Going home!

Its funny, I've been here for 3yrs now, and Texas is still home. right now I think its more of a weather thing than anything else, so home=someplace warm. Although sometimes I do feel that Moho is home, but this year its been a little odd since Yara left and I never see Ev so my room isn't really "home" its more of a place I rarely see. but yea, very excited about Texas, about seeing my mami, and my dad and eating (!!!) and about just taking a break from Moho to re-examine and re-gain my focus. I need to figure out how to make a great summer happen, since after the fiasco that was summer 03' I feel I deserve to have a rocking summer. well see though.

today is a beautiful day though, but I think it just has to do with perspective and having just a positive character about things. I'm starting to realize that although I'm a realist and rather blunt about situations, I'm actually a very optimistic person, like whenever I hear ppl say that "oh well that will never happen, its impossible" I just think that's such a narrow view of time. Humanity has accomplished so much in the short period of time that we have been in existence. There's nothing that is impossible. I think this new perspective has been brought about by two changes in my frame of reference: 1) my friends are all positive people, and having no drama in ur life just helps have a positive view of what's possible and 2) I've started to see that I'm much more connected with my past/history than I've ever thought before. Things are accomplished in generations, not in singular lifetimes, and best of all is that your not alone in any of it since your tie to your family takes you back to the very beginning of time and forward into the future. so all in all very exciting.

and now getting of my sappy soapbox, I'll leave you with some gross tidbits of what people are doing with dead people:
*Yea, this is just much to disgusting to really think about
*As is this

Shake it like a salt shaker

Today just rocked.

yes it was snowing and its March, yes it was like 26 degrees, but today was just such a great day and I really needed that.

It started out like any other crappy Tuesday, I was up at 8:30am and had writers block. For the life of me I couldn't get out the letter I was supposed to be writing to this amazing Jewish writer who was coming into my class. Like what could I possibly say to a woman who has won tons of awards and has ppl constantly telling her how brilliant she is? So I'm late, and since I have to email my prof before noon with the letter, I have think of something. Adding to my stress is that I have a presenter coming into my Spanish class, so they told me to not be late. Of course I'm late. I'm always late. I finally get some semblance of a letter spit out and by this point I'm scrambling to get my stuff in order. I head out of my room and of course I forgot my one card, which I need to get into my door/eat, so I go back. I grumbled to myself "today's going to suck."

little did I know that today was going to rock. I was only a couple of minutes late to Spanish since I ran to class, and my presenter rocked. She spoke the most perfect Spanish, and had an adorable Puerto Rican accent, and she was just great. Then one of Spanish professors (who I am just in love with) brought up like class, race, gender, and language issues into our little discussion on bilingual education and I was in my own geeky heaven. Then lunch came, and I had both a really great discussion and a really delicious clam chowder.

after lunch I checked my mail, and I got the Hall President position that I wanted in the dorm that I wanted. By this point I'm just jumping up and down like a little girl. The my femtheory class I was on point, and like arguing with the prof and bringing up good points, which is great bc that's what I like to do. but even better than that was that some other ppl brought up some great points so there was an actual discussion going on. Then I got to umass and we had the opportunity to hear and talk to Marjorie Agosin about her book, El angel de la memoria, and she was just amazing. The courage that this woman has is amazing.

So yea, that's my rocking day. How was yours?

*Ohhh and I learned that the Shakers practice celibacy so there are only four left in the world. amazing.

cutie cutie

right so, today is a blah day. today is the definition of a blah day. Its snowing, again, and its March. Its really sucks. I'm trying to remain positive but really I'm too tired for that to work. This isnt a positive post....umm let me think. I have "Hey Mama" by the Black Eyed Peas stuck in my head...I'm addicted to the video. Its funny because I start dancing to it when I get bored and that makes me look carzy bc ppl dont know that i have a song going on in my head.

okay the people in the library are riduclous. They're just loud and obnoxious. "How do you spell english?" "i dont care."

eeek. home on thrusday! sooo excited for clear skies and seventy degree weather, and for yummy yummy empanadas and arepas....and carne asada! ohh sooo delicious.

ok this is just asking for trouble. stupid civil engineers.

I added these two things around 8ish:
*i think this is probably only amusing for ppl at moho but I'll add it in here anyways
*I like how this is considered news in Africa

fog makes me sleepy

Todays "what the f..k?" momment is brought to you by Microsoft. Is Bill Gates out of his mind? Does he really need more money?


You are Lucy!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*monkeys*

It is the end of my week and I am exhausted, but really thats every week so I'm not too concerned about it. Today was rather uneventful, sleep in, get to class late, pull a show and tell out of my ass (i talked about Gloia Anzaldua who I could recite in my sleep), and then had fem theory where I never quite know if my professor is loving what i'm saying or wanting me to stop probletamizing these theories...and then I had to go to the Career Development Center, which I dont really go to, but I had a miers-briggs assement and it was really fun. it turns out that i'm a bunch of really interesting combinations.

yea. i havent gotten much in terms of work done, and i need to go to a lecture tonight....eek. yea this post isnt exciting. what is exciting is that i'm going home, and that my boy is coming this weekend, and that i may see Havana Night tonight (I've been having very comforting dreams about Cuba lately, I dont know what thats about) and that I'm going home next weekend. I'm going to utilize my time being home to 1) learn more about my parents since I dont know much about their lives before me and 2)convince my parents to let me go to Colombia for part of the summer (like a month). thats my goal. also to get a good tan.

i'm really shallow sometimes. so much to do....so little time/energy. thats all.

Tuesday

Today was not the death of me as most Tuesday's are. I think it has everything to do with the fact that the weather has finally turned and its beautiful 50 degree, the snow has melted (almost completly), and its just fresh and cool. Spring, summer, and fall are really my favorite seasons. Okay so really I just hate winter, it drags the life out of me and makes me want to hibernate and die. Thats probably what i get for being born in the land of 80 degree weather. yumm. 80 degrees. Right now though I'm just marveling at how gorgeous 50 is. It is being rumored that sometime in the next week it will hit 60 degrees, which means that I will finally *finally* be able to wear my beautiful yellow dress. yay!

so this is my excitement for the day. actually no, my excitement is that I'm going home! From March 11 to the 18th I will be in beautiful wonderous Texas! with my mommy! and daddy! yay! and before people start getting their panties in a knot, yes I will see y'all too put first I'm going to go to beach with my mami. Because she gave birth to me. and she rocks. the end.

TGIF

last night was the opening night of Junior Show. Personally I thought it was all going to crash and burn, since "opening night" was really our very first dress rehearsal. Everyone was shocked by how well it went. Plus I actually remembered my lines, which is amazing given that I was 1)super nervous and 2)we had only run thru our skit twice and even then not everyone was there. so that went well.

another great thing was that i did not have to pillow fight with anyone in my underwear. yes, you hear me right underwear. one of my friends was late, so i was roped into agreeing to step in and take her place on stage. yea. i'm soo happy when i saw her come in. It really wouldnt have been a big deal if i had been wearing cuter underware, but since no one told me there was a possibility ppl would be seeing them, i didnt care that i wasnt matching today. that was the valuable lessoned i learned, forget wearing clean underware bc you might be rushed to the hospital, wear clean and matching undies bc at anygiven point the entire school could have to see them.

interesting items for y'all to puruse:

*new SAT's would allow keep Shakespear from getting into college
*Haiti is in the middle of a revolution.
*Todays public service announcement.

What the?

okay I think the world has started to go crazy...Well crazier than it normally is. Clear Channel is pulling Howard Stern off the air and for indecency. Ok, now I'm not a fan of Stern, I personally think that he is rarely actually funny/shocking and typically just obnoxious/stupid, but the thing is no one should be deciding what is decent and indecent for people to watch. Stern has a huge audience, so there are people who share his mindset, or enjoy him enough to watch his show. I just think its frightening that it seems like civil rights/freedoms are being trampled on left and right but not many are saying anything about it.

which brings me to my next rant. I just finished reading this marvelous book about the Brown v. Board of Education decision, and I learned a bunch of stuff. For example, did you know that one of the first cases that the NAACP brought forth was on the segregation of Mexican American children in California schools? I didn't realize that other people of color, were also segregated. well except for the Japanese who got placed into camps for no reason what so ever in other to "protect" the American people. So I finished this book, and since I like to relate things in the past with what is going on in the present I thought of the current legal struggle with gay marriage. I was watching the news yesterday and there was a statement from Sen. McCain, republican, who said that he disagreed with amendment to the constitution making gay marriages illegal. While I agree with him what struck me was his next statement that "the American people are not ready yet for a legalization of gay marriage." At one point the American people weren't ready to end slavery or segregation, so what kind of logic is that? The courts are in place to say what is legal and what is not, not to just follow whatever the public is ready for. So go San Francisco and taking a bold step and allowing gay marriage. We'll look back on this fifty years from now and think how silly we all were to resist.

School wins this time

I spent the entire day in my room cleaning and I finally have my room the way that I want it, its a bit of a shame that its taken me all the way until February to finally unpack all of my things and put them in order. Oh well. Its done now, and that's all that matters. My room looks like I actually live in it, not some slob that leaves her sweaters all over the place. So that's exciting.

What isn't exciting is my schedule this week...I have rehearsals for Junior Show (its a parody show that the Juniors put on every year), plus my regular schedule. I haven't memorized my lines...Which is no good, and I haven't finished my readings or my papers for the week. Which is also no good, since that basically means that I'm either going to a)get no sleep b)not do my readings for the week or c)all of the above. I'm so screwed, and not in the good way. But hey at least my room is clean, right?

Damn VH1 and its never ending cycle of I love the 80's, sucking me in and not letting me finish my work. Damn you bad TV!

I think I'm gonna quit whinnying and do some work.

Pointless post

I'm actually in a great mood today, which probably has everything to do with the fact that I slept last night and just ate three wonderful chocolate truffles...yummm truffles.

but more than that I think that since the weather is relatively nice (its a lovely sunny 36 degrees) I'm just in a better mood. plus I had a really nice day of classes and my week is now over. Finally. Now I just have to better prepare myself for next week.

I'm taking this wonderful Spanish for heritage speakers class and today we learned about Spain, which typically would drive me crazy since I cant deal with their damn lisp, and I personally (and this is based on no facts what so ever) that Spaniards are just full of themselves because their "European." the truth is they lisp and killed tons of indigenous people and destroyed tons of people. The point of this story though is that we learned that there are four different languages in Spain, which I didn't know. So thus I am sharing this knowledge which you now so that we can all have tons of wrinkles in our brains.

*the previous posts comments are very interesting, so if you haven't already, please read them*

exhaustion

I am exhausted which is the perfect time to post because it means that theres no filter on just typing. and thinking. hopefully.

so Tuesdays can just suck it, because I start at 9 and dont finish until midnight and thats ridiculous. like I had to scarf down my dinner because I had to catch the bus, and thats not right. I need a damn car. but yea.

my jewish women writers class is intense because this woman (who is amazing) does not bullshit. she just doesnt. and coming from a public hsep education I basically got my degree in high level bullshitting. but the class just requires tons out of me. like theres the fear of being called on (she likes to randomly call on people to keep them on their toes), the pressure of writing non-bullshit papers (we write at least 2 every week), and the physical drain of having that class from 6-9pm when all that i want to do is turn my brain off and sleep. so today I just wasn't there. and honestly i think thats okay, because who really remembers if i say something brilliant in class? maybe no one notices that, so why bother trying to impress? but most importantly I'm worried about my mom, who rocks and who i wish i was with right now because if stuff starts going wrong again....i dont know what i'll do.

which brings me to my second point. I have a new found hatred for the Hilton sisters. Who are they to be born with that much priviledge? I just want to take them and their stupid dogs with diamond encrusted collars and take them to Calcutta or Bogota so they can see what real people experience. That way they can just feel intense guilt for the stupid way they just waste their money. Thats just a waste of an opportunity to help people. Also its unfair, since everyone should share at least some pain in their lives and I'm not seeing any pain listed within their E!True Hollywood story.

dammit. not again.

heres the thing about my life, when things start to go even the slightest bit better everything just turns to shit.

this isnt fair.

she doesn't deserve this.

i just want to go home.

instead i'm going to boston. and hiding.

woohoo!

my school week is done and I just found out that as soon as I declare my women's studies major I'll only have 3 classes left to finish the major, which is insane! But wonderful, I'm so so so excited about this and the professor who is head of women's studies right now is a quarter of a century old and I walked in and was a little scared since I don't normally do well with the older people but she was soo cool and have so much spunk. So today is a happy day. I can finally leave econ behind or even still do both if I really wanted to, but I dont think I will. Yay for me!

this is what happens when you take all of the requirements for a major just because you feel like it!

now to deal with my busted arm (which is now creeking for some weird reason) and to do all of my readings for next week. delicious.

read this.

I am a strange southern girl, because I dont think of myself as American but I definately think of myself as being a southerner (and andy if you tell me i'm from the southwest i may resort to violence). and I'm even stranger still because I came to school in north where people seem to enjoy to just bash the south, which is funny considering how I don't think we ever just sat around and talked about "the north" or those "yankees." I like the south. I happen to think that Texas is a wonderful place with a ton more diversity than in the north, and that I'll be incredibly happy when i can move back down and live in a nice big pretty house.

so today in my econ of race class we of course talked about "the south" and how awful things were down there. and i started to feel myself getting angry, almost to the extent as if someone was talking about my mother. well almost, nothing makes me as angry as that. Mostly because the majority of the women in the class are international students that are under the impression that discrimination is more of an internal/mental issue than an actual reality, probably since they've only experienced living in South Hadley which is like a road and a supermarket.

but yea, so of course we were talking about schools and i mentioned the booker and its very interesting system of segrating people based on whether they were engineering students or not, and how the downstairs people had the options of taking typing and shop but we never did. which got me thinking about HSEP and what a strange high school it is, and how i pretty much hated going there but at the same time it was the best place that i could be. which is odd since i still have a strong dislike for the school.

using the power of google I found this so that if i start feeling really nostaligic towards HISD I can purchase some humpcaps or whatever else strikes my fancy.

The longest day.

Today started out badly, I was a dumbass and went to bed at 2am because I got addicted to Mozaki Blocks....its highly addictive, probably because I'm still addicted to old school tetris (my first love). Of course I have readings and class in the morning...yea I woke up feeling grumpy. But then I skipped Spanish (which i actually like) and wrote a paper for my Umass class which is due tonight. Of course its all bullshit, but the paper is about which character I identified with the most, so I figure I can't be wrong about who I identified with.

But yea, then after that the day got much better since I had lunch with Jess and then got to class late. But my feminist theory class is really exciting because I dont feel like an idiot since the class is pretty much a review of the ass kicking I got last semester when I immersed myself into the briliance that is Michel Foucault. Today I decided that if I ever get the oportunity of meeting a dead person he's it without a doubt, because he died before finishing his theory and I have a bunch of questions to ask him because I am a giant dork.

umm. yes. So overall for being not even close to halfway through with my day (since I dont make it back from Umass until around 10ish) things are looking up. And the weather is super nice today we are in the high 30's/low 40's which is (let me just say it) *wicked* exciting. Dammit I need to move out of this state before I start actually using that word in conversation.

Oh and my arm only hurts when I try to raise it or when I strech it out, so thats progress. Plus I'm going to Boston this weekend and once I get done with today my week becomes soooo much easier. yay!

modays suck

okay I woke up today from a really good dream and thought "today shall be a good day." but it wasnt. My arm still hurts and since its my right arm everytime that I have to type or open a door or write something it hurts. Add to that my back acting up again and we're just having too much fun. yeah.

also my brain doesnt work on mondays. this isnt good because I need to be productive so that i can survive the rest of the week. but i just want to sleep. no good at all. but instead of sleep i have to write what should be a very simple and straight foward paper on self censorship and instead i'm in a computer lab starring at the screen and wondering if theres anything new posted at fark.com. theres not.

also i'm tired of winter. and not only that but i believe that winter should be banned for the following reasons:
1. its dangerous, all that snow and ice is just asking for people to fall to their deaths
2. its unattractive, yes snow is pretty when its falling down but its not pretty when you add in gravel and sand and turn it brown
3. it makes people grumpy, no one is attractive in a large coat and hat. no one.
4. its not right to have it be so cold that your hair could break off
5. hair gets messed up from all that wind

okay so number 5 is a little weak but i live list in odd numbers.

ice sucks

So yesterday it got into the 30's and I was happy. Today it was back to good ol'1. Yes thats right, it said 18 degrees feels like 1 degree with the wind chill. When its 1 things like water freeze and when you live on a hill that means that you're screwed. Today was the first time since I've been here that I've fallen. Sure I've had some close calls before, but i was always careful, watched were I went, and regained my stability before falling. Yea...falling sucks. Now my arm is all screwed up since the weight of my entire body fell on it. and it hurts.

But since I am now a cripple (or at least will be for the next week) i got all of my work done until Wednesday. Which means I'll get it all finished tomorrow and be done for the week. hopefully.

now read this.

EEK!

Some days you wake up feeling like you are completly on top of everything and that you are completly in control of your life. Today was not one of those days. I need to just stop time and get in control of my life. Its the beginning of my semester and there is nothing that I want to do. Thats no good. Going into Boston last weekend was probably not the smartest thing because now I'm a bit behind on the readings and just need to get a grip on this semester before it completly gets out of my control.

But now I have no time to get it done since I have to go to Umass and take a class and then come back and sleep. eeek! no time. Another problem is that my room is a vortex where I cant get anything productive done, which probably has more to do with me having cable than with anything else. I just get sucked into bad awful things on TV and then the next thing that I know 3 hours of my life have faded away.

so yea. I have to get into some kind of order. And why is the beginning of the semester so much more stressful than the end of it? thats probably just me though.

Super Bowl!

Went to Boston to watch the game and that game rocked! And theres probably nothing more fun than watching a game like that in a house full of MIT frat boys. and normally I dont even watch football, but that was great and might be reason enough for me to learn more about the sport.

but yea, right after that last second win by the Pats I ran upstairs grabbed my stuff and then we got the hell out of Boston, since those kids are going to riot all night and we didnt feel like being trapped there.

Oh and did anyone else see Janet's boob during halftime? we tivoed it and got to slow it down and replay it, was that planned? the look on her face was priceless though. this probably explains it though. Another thing what the hell is that thing on her breast? so yea, wonderful weekend and that game rocked. and i wish i'd been in Houston to party tonight but sadly I'm stuck in the cold. Hope all of y'all had a blast!

Oh and this is adorable!

Boston

Ok this weather thing is ridiculous. Its just silly. I look at the weather report and get all excited because its going to be in the 30's but then when the day comes its says something like "27 degrees feels like 7 degrees" and thats when I get sad. Because I'm excited and thinking that i might actually get some decent/livable weather and then its not there.

But I'm going to Boston today which is good because I get to see andy and eat real food and bad because I have a shitload of reading and work that needs to be done. eek. but I'm not taking a class at Amherst that i thought I might take, so that makes things better since with 4 classes and a gym I think I have my hands full.

Alright so now on to the joy of packing.

You are 27% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

I'm back!

Okay I've been a very bad blogger and I apologize but life and laziness got in the way of things. I've started classes and they're all pretty intense and I'm trying to decide if I really need to take 5 classes or if 4 and a gym is okay for me (I normally take 5 but most people take 4)...I just dont want to be bored, but my classes seem intense enough that it wont be a problem. We'll see though.

Both of these maps make me sad:


create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide



create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide


I must travel more. Thats the plan.

oh also think of this as a public service announcement.

Cuba!

I would be an awful blogger if I didnt at least post a little something while inside Cuba so here it is:

Yesterday was amazing!

I went snorkelling along the coral reef outside of Trinidad, Cuba and it was amazing amazing amazing! except now i´m burned. and this computer sucks and i have 3 minutes left on my card. oops. ummm...Cuba rules except I´m glad to be heading back tomorrow since i got super sick for half the trip and thought I was going to die from my fever. not fun.

ok 2 min.

ummm. I´m in Cienfuegos....which is nice. my camera died so I have no pictures. and yea. one minute. this computer sucks. the end.

alright kids

okay this is it, tonight I will leave for Miami, and tomorrow morning I shall be on my merry way to Cuba! Strangely the flight doesnt leave until 1pm but we have to check in at 10am. But the flight only takes an hour so thats good.

Before I leave I still need to pack and translate some papers. eeek. kinda cutting it close but its okay.

okay kiddos, when i get back i'll post some pictures and tell some stories and it'll be like I never left for 11 days.

woohoo!

Its 80 in Cuba! I just got way more excited about my trip! I'm going to Cuba! yay! be excited for me!

a slow news day

This time next week I will be in Havana, Cuba. Thats just crazy. but really exciting, because it seems like I'm actually going and I have a ticket to Miami, and a hotel for the night, and I'm actually going. A tad bit scary, but thats okay because its only ten days, and its something different than what I would be doing if I just stayed home.

I wanted to post some random things, like how the news is just ridiculous, I just heard a report about college students and drinking, and the whole time I'm thinking "this is news?" But maybe its just a slow news day.

oh and during this break I realized that my nightmares have changed. Before I used to have nightmares about witches and falling off really high distances but now my nightmares are about having like 30 minutes to finish a giant paper. Thats just weird how my nightmares are now all school related but as andy said probably directly related to my finals.

umm thats all I have. I'm vaguely thinking about changing the format before I leave for Cuba, but right now I'm just thinking about it.

yay!

i got my hair cut today and its super cute, very Mandy Moore. and it makes me happy since the lady didnt straighten my hair, like more hair places do, she just washed it and cut tiny little layers into it and then let me go. and now its super cute and not frizzy and it makes me happy. the perfect thing to make me excited about my Cuba trip, since I was getting scared that I would end up with bad hair in all my vacation pictures. yes I worry about stupid things, but thats good bc it means that nothing awful is happening in my life and I can just worry about my hair. life is good.

i really should get a digital camera. then i could post my mandy moore cute hair online. but then i'd get weid stalkers. and that wouldnt make me happy. since stalkers are never fun.

laziness is an art

so. i'm home. been home for a while now, and I've pretty much just been watching bad tv and sleeping all day. umm. yea this isnt a very interesting post. umm lets see...so andy came to visit for a few days and that was really fun. i had to finish my stupid cuba paper, so i didnt get to spend tons of time with him, but it was still fun. we watched bad tv and went out to eat. and then his mom showed up on friday night, and we went to go eat with them. then the next morning they left. and then a couple of days later my bro showed up, but his bag didnt. umm and then it did. i saw Big Fish last night and it was a really good movie. although we got there late and i had to sit in the very first row and that wasnt so much fun. but it worked out.

i'm leaving for cuba next week, and i'm a little nervous about it. we're having some problems with the travel agency and it seems like we dont have our visas yet... i really hope its not going to be a problem. i hope everything goes well. while i'm in Cuba I wont be able to communicate with anyone since its 3 dollars per minute and internet connections are not easy to find. but i'll take pictures and then post them.

and i'll bring back cool things from cuba, so let me know what you want and i'll see what i can do.

15 hours!

We are down to the final 15 hrs before I begin my journey back to Texas. I have to clean (since I wont be back for a month), pack, and get as much of my Cuba paper done as is humanely possible. The ideal would be for me to finish it, but thats impossible. If my battery worked I might be able to get it finished on the plane, but it doesnt, so I'm just going to sleep.

In the last 5 days I have written over 25 pages and taken a corporate finance final. Thats just insane. What is more insane is the fact that I am still awake and coherrent even though I'm not looking too good since I've been sleeping in 4hrs a night. I think what was key though was recognizing what I could and could not accomplish and taking breaks to go eat food.

now lets see how much I can get done before heading home.

I finished!

I have completly finished my fem and queer paper on the performativity of race! And I actually like it! and that makes me feel super proud that I did it. I hope she likes it, but I think its honestly a good solid paper and I dont mind the fact that it took me a little longer than I had hoped to finish. I'd rather have quality than just finish something that is crap. I now have 34 hrs left to study/take a final and to get as much of my cuba paper done as possible. Hopefully I will be able to get my friends to help me pack and do some laundry and then I'll just finish the Cuba paper at home since it's not due till saturday. yay! Although after this writing marathon I feel more ready to tackle this paper and get it done. Right now its started, with a solid thesis, outline, and the paper has been divided into sections. Most importantly the logic flows. And I know sooooo much about Cuba now after reading like 20+ books and articles on the subject. My works cited page will be insane so he'll have to give me an A in the class. Lets hope.

todays addiction

today's addiction is: http://www.theory.org.uk

My favorite stuff in here are the Judith Butler, bell hooks, and Michael Foucault trading cards and the lego people. This site rocks.

Oh and you know what else rocks? Having 9 pages of my paper done! woohoo!

not writing

this is just too addictive: http://exchangeprogram.org/

accomplishments

I have finished my italian paper.
I have 7 pages of my fem and queer paper (out of the 15 needed)
and I started my massive Cuba paper (I have a plan of attack and the historical section)

tonight I will finish this fem and queer paper. it will be done. I can feel it. Besisdes which I'm not concerned because I have the best intro in the history of intros. the rest of it is questionable, well I have a solid three pages and the rest is just a vague outline with quotes.

fun stuff. I come home on Tuesday. yay!

Finals

Jessica hates finals. She thinks that they are stupid. She also thinks that she needs to be working on her 3 papers. But she is on a break. Breaks are good. Jessica likes breaks. She has 40 pages to write before Tuesday at noon. Jessica will not get much sleep between now and Tuesday, but she will write like theres no tomorrow. Writing is good. Do you want to write Jessica's paper for her? Please say you do. You could just write one paper. Maybe the 25 page one? That one will be fun. Or you can take Jessica's corporate finance final. That will also be fun. People like to have fun.

I'm losing my mind

I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to remember where I knew this woman from that I opened the door for...and it was weird because I remembered the general direction where I knew her from, like I knew I had met her on the side of campus by the gym, career center, and the health center. and then I was like did I meet her this summer? Is she a nurse? I could not for the life of me remember. Then like 30 minutes passed and it just came to me, she was my yoga instructor but I didnt recognize her bc she was wearing normal clothing. Yea. I need sleep.

But instead I will diligently work on my research for my fem and queer paper. must be brilliant. must. thats the problem with having other intelligent oveachievers in your class, you know you can't slack off. Especially since we're posting our papers online...and their going to read my stuff. eeeek! must write.

sleep

this is why i don't go to Galveston

in other news I can't go to sleep. not even when I want to. Like I was going to take a nap from 3-7am but I just couldnt. Like I lay in bed and just stared at the ceiling. not very fun, and it was made even worse by the fact that I really wanted to get some sleep. dammit. oh well. I just ended up going back to bed and sleeping till 10:30. I can't pull all nighters anymore, I'm too old. its probably for the best though.

i hate it when that happens

I had a post but something happened and blogger didnt accept it. i vaguely remember what i wrote about.

i'm going home on the 16th and thats exciting. and I bought the ticket for supercheap and thats also exciting. umm i have finals stuff that i should be doing. i think something like 50+ pages that need to be written by the time i go home. yea. i need to get on that.

also go to andys site and read the 12 sti's of christmas. it'll put you in the holiday spirit

the universe hates me

theres snow everywhere. thus no formal. no andy. no drinking. just the cold and my goddammed work. beautiful.

finals time

Here's a fun exercise for the kids. Go to google type in "miserable failure" and then hit the "I'm feeling lucky button" Its fun, I promise.

Its finals time, this means that I have work that I'm ignoring and not doing. This is also made worse by the fact that my parents havent gotten around to buying my plane ticket to go home, and I need to be home by the 17th. Yay for my parents! Add in the fact that my dad is in San Angelo and doesnt answer his cell phone and loses my phone number and now you're in my world. woohoo!

so what am i doing to fix this situation? I'm going to Boston tomorrow for a formal! yay! drinking and wearing pretty dresses fixes even the worst of problems.

hey hey!

Its Andy's 21st Birthday!

and my seminar was cancelled!

and its december and it snowed today!

today rocks!

Parents

I've been thinking about parents today, and how when I was younger there were always things that I wanted to do but my parents just wouldn't let me. Especially since my parents are notoriously protective. When I was in sixth grade I liked a boy named josh rocke. and although he wasn't the brightest he had really blue eyes and I wanted to go to the roller rink with him on a "date" or as much of a date when you can have when ur in sixth grade and your parents are still driving you around. But of course my parents wouldn't let me go by myself, probably since they didn't trust alesha (I wonder why?) and they didn't trust me. so they came along. on my "date" with josh rocke. and scarred me for life. and you know what I thank them for that. alesha's parents let her do whatever she wanted and bought her all the coolest things (she had a waterbed when she was 12, how cool is that?) and let her have birthday parties. all I got was bunk beds and being forced to go to church and not being allowed to bring home B's.

but now I'm well adjusted and alesha's well...getting a divorce and has the most adorable kid. so I'm thankful that my parents were so mean to me when I was 12, because what the hell did I know when I was 12? nothing. what did my parents know? that boys named josh rocke end up in rehab before they turn 21 and that I would get nowhere hanging out at the roller rink. my parents rock. no pun intended.

home

i find myself really wishing that i had stayed closer to home for these four years. i have so many mixed emotions about it all. i really have grown a lot by being on my own, and i've grown to appreciate my family so much more during this time. at the same time though i cant help but envy the people that i see running off to their homes whenever times get tough and wish that i could always know that i could get on a bus and go home whenever i wanted a good meal and a hug.

although i do always know that i can go to andys whenever i need to hide and be loved and that i'm very blessed to have that. i just wish that i had stayed in hiding a little longer this weekend. but oh well. you live and you learn.

i am a big dork

okay this just excites me because i'm a big nerd. but its okay because i like being a nerd.


You are Hhomi K. Bhabha! You're the most important
post-colonialist alive. You taught at the
University of Chicago for a while before you
were finally hired up by Harvard. You actually
only have one book, but it's a really important
book, and everyone respects you tremendously.
You are not dead.


What 20th Century Theorist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i'm in boston and I should be working, but i'm not. oh well.

Boston

I am so ready for this semester to be done! Because once its over I get to go home and see my parents and my friends and eat food and be merry. Before I can get there though I just have to get through one 25 pg paper, two 15-20pg papers, and a final. yea. not a fun prospect. but it'll get done and i'll survive and write brillant papers and be done with this semester.

this weekend i'm going to boston though, and not working on any of these papers since i need to get off campus and maybe see Brent and definately see Andy. so yea, in conclusion i have a comment thread thats 30+ comments long. i win.

oh and today I learned that a penis is just simply an enlarged clitoris. so ponder that.

my dad rocks

My daddy is the best man in the entire world. I talked to him on the phone today and he just put me in the best mood since my mom had kinda stressed me out, since I told her that I could graduate early and she said that I should and that I should go work for that semester, but I dont want to go to work just yet. So I told my dad about it and he said that I should just stay that year and take chinese and french and just learn for the sake of learning, and that just made me so happy to know that I had his support. Then I told him about my new idea of joining the peace corps after I graduate and doing that for the next two years after I graduate, and I thought he wasnt going to go for the idea but he was just like "why not? if its something that you can do then you should do it." Once again reaffirming that he is just the best man on earth. ever. the end.

idiot bush

this picture just upsets me way too much this early in the morning.
and if you can't see whats wrong with the picture, look closer. or read this.

little post

This week has been interesing, with andy coming to visit and getting fun things in the mail and school winding down. I've been attempting to get more sleep so I'm going to do a quick post just so y'al know i'm still alive. its getting really cold, like 30s and it was way too windy today. I have my schedule for next semester done and for my senior year I only have 3 more classes left! woohoo! so today I decided that I want to take an art class, more languages, a photography class, and just fun things to do. and some more stuff at umass since their classes are fun. I'm incredibly looking foward to coming home and then going to Cuba, but right now I just want to see my parents and eat yummy food but the semester is almost over just 4 more weeks of class and then finals. I am so ready to be done with this semester and the classes that I'm taking since for the most part they have not been very good. Except for my women's studies class which I always learn the most useful wonderful things in, except sometimes its depressing. Oh and my cute cd drive came in the mail today, so I'm just waiting for a firewire cable to come in the mail and then i'll be all set. ok thats it.

read this:
this is just creepy

excitement

so my mommy is wonderful and bought me a very tiny laptop that is incredibly light and tiny. this is a good thing because I dont like lifting things and I don't like to carry heavy things around. With the help of Charles and my bro I picked out really cool things that my laptop needed, like a cd drive and a wireless card. excitement. oh and my daddy bought me a cute laptop bag that is sadly not a designer laptop bag but is really tiny, comfortable, and padded. so i think i'm going to make it cute and really enjoy the random gifts my parents decided to give me.

the end.

its getting cold

i looked around today and noticed that all the pretty leaves had fallen down already. i wonder when the last time i looked up was.

in other news I'm tired of the look of this place so i need suggestions on what i should do. i'm just not looking foward to playing with the links again...or the colors. but we shall see.

in other other news, i've decided that i should get a wonderful digital camera for my cuba trip since i've wanted to get one and this is a good excuse to treat myself. i deserve something nice.

and what else. i had my cuba presentation today and it went rather well in my opinion. a bunch of ppl asked questions, no one looked too bored, and i think i made all my points and it all made sense. i got a tad bit nervous, since i was scared some ppl were bored, and i hate boring ppl (since i lose interest rather quickly) but i realized that it wasnt me that just their normal expression and then i moved on. i dont know how long i talked for though...i was supposed to talk for 20minutes. so yea. that went well ppl told me they loved my presentation, so that makes me a happy girl.

better

i figured that i should post something more upbeat since the last post was not so happy. i'm feeling better though, although its odd bc not really has changed between where i am now and last thrusday i'm still in the same yam as I was in but at least i have really great friends. like super great. and a really great man who shows up on my doorstep and visits for a few hours because he nows i need him...even if i wont ask. and my parents love me which is an extra bonus.

i spent the weekend on work and sleep and then andy visited and that was really good. i felt better just not being alone. and then he left and i spent the day in the sunroom reading and working on my presentation on cuba. i feel like i know a lot about cuba which is good. i'm finishing up a paper tonight and then hopefully sleeping. we'll see how that goes.

this time its going to be different.

some days you just feel like the world's bitch. like you're entire existance is for other people to dump their shit on you. today's definately that day. but i will not cry anymore. i will not wonder if there's something wrong with me since i seem to get dumped on more than other people. i will wonder whats wrong with them. i will not be a passive victim. i will fight for the things that i've worked for. i will not cry.

Manifestos

After writing a really long response to something Deb said on her blog, I realized something that I've known for a while now. There are certain things that I am passionate about and other things that are just a waste of my time. I want to get my PhD in economics and change the world for the better because life is so short and there is so much out there that needs to be done, but the thing is we all get so wrapped up in our own lives and in stupid petty material shit ("I want this, I need this") that all we see is ourselves and what we don't have and what we wished we had because if we only had that thing then maybe we would finally be content. But there's no such thing. I wouldn't be satisfied with a pair of Manolos, I'd want more. In the same way that I find it very hard to be satisfied within a relationship because there's always something that isn't quite right. When in reality if we all just stopped and looked at all the things that are right and just stopped focusing on ourselves we would realize just how lucky all of us are. And just how powerful we are. But somehow between the ages of 5 (when you think there's nothing that you cannot do) and 20 we lose that and become riddled with insecurities. Am I smart enough to do this? Am I pretty enough? Am I strong enough? and we become paralyzed and begin to live in our own small bubbles.

well I don't have that much time left but I'm going to make as much change as one person can do in a lifetime. I've already wasted 20yrs, I'm not wasting anymore. Besides which I do not live in Cuba so I have the freedom to speak my mind freely.

i've decided to do a special major somehow blending economics and women's studies because I dont have time to waste learning idiotic neoclassical economic bullshit. it doesnt apply to the real world where people work all day like machines and then wake up 20yrs later and wonder what happened to their families and their children that have grown up without them.

the more i learn the angrier that i get and if you're not learning things that are making you angry then consider this your wake up call. you are wasting your education. you are wasting an opportunity. do not wake up 20yrs from now and wonder why your wife left you and where all your dreams went. This is your chance to change your life. Do not let it pass you by.

Yay for activities!

I just had a really great hall activity that I threw together in the 30minutes before the event and it went really well and that makes me happy since its my job to get people to come together and mingle and the best way to do that is thru food. So I got really yummy cookies and fruits and caramel dip and then the people just started coming down. It was really great and it made me feel good since I become really afraid that no one is going to show up to my events.

so now i'm going to go to bed with my cuba books.

I hate waking up.

it has reached that point in the semester where I would rather sleep than go to class and where I am now talking myself into going to class. I think it might be better if I was actually getting as much sleep as I was earlier in the semester (I was getting a good 8-10hrs every night) but now I start a new Cuba book before bed and then I don't go to sleep until I'm too tired to see the words anymore. But on a good note I have now finished 5 books on Cuba like read them not just flipped thru them and got good info. I also think that I don't want to wake up bc its so hard for me to go to sleep in the first place that once I'm actually asleep I don't want to stop that. its so precious sleep.

oh and this is from Brent (You'll like it I promise)

too funny to not share

This came from: http://www.nerve.com/regulars/thisweekinsex/10-10-03/

What Kimmy's Mom and the Vatican Have in Common

Once TWR was babysitting our three-year-old niece Kimmy, who would not shut up. We asked her if she wanted some ice cream — figuring that if we gave her a whole gallon that was really frozen, it might occupy her for a while — but she recoiled in horror. Apparently, her mother had told her that frozen desserts contained bugs which, when ingested, would devour her from the inside out. No joke.

We chalked that one up to questionable parenting, but this week we were reminded that you're never too old to be fantastically deceived by people who want you to behave a certain way. Apparently, the Vatican (which, for our purposes, roughly corresponds to Kimmy’s mom) has issued warnings in AIDS-stricken countries (Kimmy) that people should not use condoms (ice cream) because they contain tiny holes that AIDS can pass through (organ-devouring bugs).

The president of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, stated, "The AIDS virus is roughly 450 times smaller than the spermatozoon. The spermatozoon can easily pass through the 'net' that is formed by the condom.” Meanwhile, the archbishop of Nairobi, Raphael Ndingi Nzeki, said: "AIDS . . . has grown so fast because of the availability of condoms."

Meanwhile, I'm banging my head against a wall. — Carrie Hill Wilner

random

my italian profesor just called my room. i love going to school this small.

Vegas Night Recap

Last night was Vegas Night and it's the biggest party that we have at Moho, and some of the guys from the house came over and we made margaritas. By "we" I mean me and Victor made some, and by "margaritas" I mean that I poured some tequila, margarita mix, sugar, and ice into my blender and created something that was no quite a margarita. I'm still learning its okay. or at least thats what I tell myself. The guys who came are just so sweet and fin so it was a completely not-stressful evening of walking randomly from one place to another. and then eventually coming back to my room and drinking some more. but i didn't get sloshed since I have absolutely no desire to blackout, throw up, or wake up in the morning with a pounding headache. but it was fun and i had a good responsible time. go me!

now my room smells like Jose Cuervo and smoke so I must fix that. immediately.

I'm going to Cuba!

I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!I'm going to Cuba! I got accepted!

yay!

Wednesdays can suck my 2 dicks*

I turned in my Cuba application today and I'm so scared. This is something that I really want to go to and I'm scared I'll be rejected. It'll be just like high school when I really really wanted to go to Israel and live in a Kibbutz but I was rejected and Pasha and someone else got to go because I said that my daddy was a engineer. But then again I did meet Andy that summer and that was a life altering experience so maybe if I don't get in I'll do something better instead...Like stay in Houston and drive around all J-term....Lovely.

in other news, yoga is really relaxing and as much as I want to make fun of it I really can't because its helped me strengthen my back and has increased my flexibility a lot, plus my instructor is super nice and helps me with my postures all the time because I'm not nearly as graceful as I look. I just have no time for it, so I'm thankful its almost over.

this is good for a fun read.

(*oh and the title is in reference to a wonderful article that I read in my fem and queer class)

I love not going to school

It was a highly productive break that began with getting over my cold/flu and then andy showing up and drilling things into the wall. We finally got all of my lanterns up and my room is once again nice and bright and happy. i also put up a curtain in the entrance to my room and organized my room. The only things that are left to be cleaned and organized are my desk and a corner of my room that has a box full of books and various other things.


in other news i'm a big huge dork and i like it. i went to the library today and picked up all my Cuba books with Yara and it was just really fun to watch the librarian go and pick up all the books i had on reserve...it was like 20 of them....the look on her face was priceless. but i'm really excited about this paper so thats good, and i'm going to go and read my books now, like the big huge dork that i am. oh and then we started joking around about how black listed I am now. My phone's probably on its way to be tapped. i like how this amuses me.

oh and if any of y'all know where to find a cafe table (small with like 2 matching chairs) i would love you forever. the end.

this is just a too disturbing

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
Username
You will die by:	You died of natural causes. How sweet. Your funeral is an adverage open casket.
Death Date:	January 28, 2040
Number attending your funeral?	22
How much will you leave to friends and family?	$4,380,971
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

I love Boston!

We went to Boston today for the day and it was just such a great trip and it taught me a bunch of things like:

1) My friends are just so great, and I'm so happy here because the people that I hang out with are just the nicest, sweetest, funniest people I could be friends with and they're are just so amazing because there's no drama. no mess no fuss. just good times. I like that.

2) Andy just makes me happy. we just work together and its fun doing absolutely nothing with him. Plus I can be a big huge dork around him and its okay. I like that.

3) I love to shop. and I'm good at it too. I bought the softest pink scarf, a bunch of cute elastic headbands, and nailpolish. and I have a new favorite store. which is always exciting.

4) I really like hanging out at the house. it just makes me feel normal to be around guys. and these guys are funny and sweet.
5)I like having things in sets of 5.

the end.

Cuba crazy

I'm in the library on a Saturday night, and the sad/pathetic part is that this is my entertainment for the night and I don't mind it. So I'm supposed to be reading my corporate finance but that's just boring, so I decided that something fun and productive that I could do was to start my research on my research paper that's due at the end of the semester. yea I'm a big dork, so I started looking up books and ordered a bunch of them up...like more than 20....but that's okay because its only October and this isn't due until the end of December. yea feel free to hate me, mostly because I'm excited about this and starting my research waaaay too early.

oh and its really cold here. and its only October. If it started snowing in the next couple of weeks I wouldn't be surprised.

Exhausted

Wednesdays try to kill me, and this last one damn near succeeded too. I started my day by waking up at 5:30am since I wanted to be ultra good and study for 6hrs before classes started, well I went to the bathroom and then came back into my room and I heard screaming, and not like happy "hey its the crew team lets scream" screaming (the crew team likes to yell in the morning), but it was "someone's getting killed" screaming. Being the scarie cat that I am I jumped back into my bed and just tried to go to sleep. but I just remembered that I'm living in a dorm that was built and has been in use since 1912, which does not provide me comfort.

so then I wake up around 8ish, shower and then start cramming for my corporate finance quiz and realize that I'm screwed. I walk over to class with yara (who's b-day it was yesterday and has been sick with a cold/flu/viral congectavitis for 2weeks now), and I basically use class time to cram some more. I think I missed 2, but it doesn't matter since I have to get perfect scores on ten of the quizzes so I don't have to take the final. Then was lunch, then boring Italian, then my day kicked into high speed since I had 30minutes to walk across campus (15 minute walk), change into yoga clothes (5 minutes), and write my makeup assignment for yoga which meant that I walked to the library (10minutes) and wrote my paper (I did it in like 15minutes) then walked over to class (and I didn't run, which is a 5minute walk from lib to gym) and got to class in time. so basically I bended the rules of space and time bc I got to class, dressed and everything, 5 minutes before it started.

after that it was back to the library for me, since I had to post a reflection on the readings for my seminar online, which meant finishing the readings and posting in the 3hrs that I had before my meeting at 7...I thought I was going to get to eat dinner but no...so I asked amazing yara to grab me some fruit at dinner and bring it to me...so that's what kept me from starving at my meeting for res life. which was actually fun for some odd reason, and I got to use my engineering skills for the first time in my liberal arts career since we built water towers out of spaghetti, straws, and tape and we did it in 20 minutes. Our structure was the tallest and the most stable, and it completely supported the water balloon on top. So the fact that I went to HSEP finally paid off, which is nice since I don't like losing.

then after the meeting ended (9pm) I finally got to eat dinner...well no, I went back to the library to collect yara and finish some work, then we got dinner (10pm). I didn't get to actually eat my food until 10:40pm when I got back to the dorm and I proceeded to inhale my food. and my tummy hurt. I then collapsed into my bed after saying hi to ev.

damn I'm tired just thinking about yesterday.

i like being old

another very wonderful weekend. i'm back in south hadley and i'm exhausted. i just want to sleep. but this weekend was pretty laid back, on friday i read all day while andy did silly errands and was ocd with his laundry. then saturday was the formal and i drank smirnoff while everyone else had wine (i think it'll be a while before i have any wine) and then me and andy were old and stayed in while ppl went out on limos. this was my 8th formal, its pretty much lost all its luster and its more of a "yea let me put something together" type of thing. we sat up on the roof and talked and it was really nice. i like being old. now if only i had finished my corporate finance so i could just got to bed.

A most sad day

I was viciously attacked by a squirrel today and Edward Said died today, which is an incredible lost. If you don't know who he was shame on you, and you should read up on a man who was one of the most brilliant thinkers of our time.


other than that though lunch was very nice, and my fem and queer theory class is really entertaining and I'm starting to really understand it and enjoy it so much more. I think I'm really learning and growing as a person and an intellectual this semester so I'm most excited about this transition. and yea, I'm going to Boston tomorrow, which is a much welcome break.

not mountain day

its so sad. I knew it wasn't going to be mountain day and yet... I just wanted to believe that I would get the day off. especially since I stayed up way past my bedtime having waaay too much fun with ev. I'm glad I actually get to see her this year, like down the hall from me. oh but yea. I didn't study for corporate finance, that class just makes me so sad. Its not what I'm excited or even want to do with my life, I mean why would someone really want to sell their soul and work at Goldman Sachs? But yea, so I didn't study for my quiz so I'm gonna have to cram some info into my brain before I take this quiz. But at least I wont forget my calculator this time.

I keep checking and checking to see if maybe it is Mountain Day and I just didn't get called bc I have the pretty signs all made up....But sadly, it is not mountain day. Maybe it'll be next Wednesday though. I can hope.

my weekend rocked!

I had the most wonderful weekend, and I wish I was still in Boston but I'm not I'm back in south Hadley wondering why I don't live in Boston and when mountain day shall be. I want it to be next wed. bc weds are my longest days and its yara's birthday so we could all go and do something fun. lets see there was a dinner on Friday with the whole house and the food was not so good even though I love seafood, but it was fun to go back to the house in a cab and not walk and have some ice cream and just hang out before everyone got back. Then Saturday I watched the very end of jes playing volleyball and then I took a nap while andy was in a meeting and then went out to dinner with andy to this place called charlies that was just so delicious and yummy and the waiter was really nice and the place was just really nice, and then Sunday I got andy out of going to a meeting and we just hung out and andy explained evil math to me and I kept him from doing his work. then I left super early in the morning and don't remember much of anything from class, except that I just wanted to come home and sleep and not be in class, or that I really could have lived with not going to classes today and taking the day off.

oh well, I'm back and I'll be back in Boston next weekend so I don't have t miss Andy for too much longer. I wish I could just skip my movie and just sleep.

my schedule is out to kill me

every week so far is the same thing. The beginning of my week is all running around trying to stay on top of all my readings and my other fun obligations, and then all of a sudden its Thursday and I don't even know it because all the days are so long and blended together that I didn't really think I would actually get to see Thursday and then its here and I realize that I cant relax yet because the next week is already starting and all I want to do is catch my breath before I start it all over again. I'm trying to decide if I should go to Boston for the weekend and have some fun or just stay home and be productive. I really really want to see andyroo bc we've just had such a rough go at it this summer that I really want to just celebrate the fact that we've made it this long and are still together. At the same time though I know that I should stay and be responsible and do my readings, clean and organize my room (I still haven't finished unpacking), and just not add more stress into my life. But I really want to see him, although I am going to see him next weekend for the formal...I don't know. This entire week I've been pretty on top of things, and waking up early and doing my work and cleaning and just generally being responsible, I know I need a break, I just don't know if I can wait a week until that break happens.

decisions decisions

all work and no play makes jes a dull girl

Ever since I moved from my old location to my new location, I have had no free time, and when I've done fun stuff its bc I'm ignoring something important. Like I havent even had time to talk to my mom all that much, and I love talking to her. But I've been getting up pretty early, especially considering that my classes are in the afternoon, like today i dont have class until 1pm, but i'm up now bc i feel guilty for not doing all of the ridiculous reading. Its really insane the amount of stuff i've been reading. its a shame that I'm not a slacker bc if I was I wouldnt feel so bad when I cant do all the readings or all my SA duties, i just start feeling guilty and so i punish myself and stay in the library all weekend and wake up early. At least I have yoga to make me calm down, except that I thought yoga was all stretching and laying down on the ground, but its not, like yesterday I broke a sweat which I didnt think would actually happen.

So yea, maybe all this work will mean a much easier time later on, or maybe it;ll get me ready for things getting much worse as the semester gets more stressful. we'll see.

squirrels are ppl too

I just shared a moment with a squirrel. I was in the process of waking up trying to figure out why I had woken myself up so early and then I hear leaves breaking right outside my window and the same kind of crunch u would hear when someone is walking over leaves, only it was smaller. so I looked outside my window from my bed (which is 4ft off the ground) and I saw something brown outside my window, and since I didn't have my glasses it looked like a rat. but then rats don't have bushy tails so I knew I was dealing with a squirrel. I got my glasses out and sure enough it was a squirrel looking thru my window and trying to break in thru the screen. I thought about letting it in, but then I realized that might scare the squirrel and then I'd have to deal with a squirrel running loose thru my room. So I just kept staring at it and then it just stopped and looked at me, and we stayed like that for a long time. Until it decided to move higher up the building. So yea, that was my moment with the squirrel, which made waking up so early completely worthwhile.

Happy Anniversary Andyroo!

the umass vortex of doom

I woke up at 7am this morning and went on my merry way to Umass for my second attempt at taking a class there, so i get there at 9am, 15minutes early to class, and sat in the room and waited. then i waited some more, then as more people started to pass by the room, but not go into the room i was in i became very nervous that i was in the wrong classroom. so i wandered the hall looking for some sign of where my class would be. Then people starting going into the room where i had been waiting so i felt relief that i wasnt an idiot and was in the right room all along. Except that these didnt look like the type of ppl that would be taking an econ or women's studies class (it was the political economics of women) and then i saw the professor and he definetly didnt look like the kind of man that would teach a women's studies class. and he wasnt. this wasnt my class, it was biology or neuroscience or something. so i got up and left the building feeling like an idiot and got right back on the bus to go back to moho, where things make sense to me. where the pol econ of women was being held i dont know...although now i know that i wouldnt have gotten in anyways bc my professor emailed me and told me that there was an 8 person waiting list for the course.

that was my morning. this is why i dont wake up that early. but i did perform a good deed by telling hampshire kids how to get to the gym and where to buy food. so not all was wasted.

The start of a new year

Its been a really long couple of weeks, but very fun too. I've met a bunch of really cool women, and I started picking out my classes and trying to get into umass classes and I dropped some courses bc my schedule was insane. My beds also now 4ft off the ground so my illegal fridge can fit under there. I'm pretty much running on low/empty but its been so wonderful having ppl move back on campus and i feel like i'm in such a good stable place, like i'm not a firstie whos super nervous or a sophmore whose still pretty unsure of stuff, and i'm not graduating this year. I'm in a great place where I know what the deal is with school, I know my way around, i'm comfortable in my own skin and I have another yr ahead of me thats going to be as drama free and dun as possible. its a good time.

my room is a complete mess though bc I dont have enough storage space anywhere. so that sucks, but andy will come over with a little tool kit and fix it, and so thats okay too. life is good.

oh and once i have a bit more time i'll revamp the old blog to something better bc change is good and healthy.

Say anything. Just say it in French.

I like how what I want to do with my life just changes randomly. So today I was sitting around with Satya and he's been trying to talk me into going to UMASS so that I dont leave him alone in South Hadley bored out of his mind. I dont want to be in this valley anymore than i have to so I make it very clear that I'm just not staying here. So he's talking about how besisdes UCRiverside there isnt another progressive economics campus for me to go to, and I really dont wanna end up learning boring neoclassical bullshit for the rest of my life, with prospects in the US looking really slim I was just like "well what about outside of the US?" He's like well then theres lots of options, although American Phds are really the best thing you could get, but if you really wanted to study economics just go to France and learn economics in Paris. I was like now that i can live with, and if I can learn italian, i can learn french I did take it in high school so i vaguely remember learning something there., and I know I can learn french. So I'm looking into intensive language institutes for the summer, and this looks like something I can do.

oh and check out my bro's site because it is looking hot.

Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

raindrops keep falling on my head

yea so its raining and its been raining for a while now, but the annoying thing about it is that its not really pouring, instead there has been this constant half-assed rain where its sprinkling and just hazy. It looks like its going to be like this for the entire week, and that just bugs me, because if its going to rain it should just rain not be this weird mist stuff. It just puts me in an odd mood. I dont want to do any work, I dont want to read anything, I just want to move into my new room and get the rest of my things out of storage, or I wanna be in Texas playing with a 2yr old. But I'm not in Texas, I'm here. I'm feeling very blah about everything and I'm tired of living here. I'm really looking foward to andy's visit this next week, maybe he'll help me pack and at least then i'll have someone to talk to. um yea. thats it.

Why aren't I in Texas?

I've been asking myself this since I started packing my bags and getting ready to leave again for mass, with everytime i leave it gets harder and harder to go, which is ass backwards since it should just get easier for me to leave, but its just getting harder. Everytime I go home its just more fun than the last time, and I just love having alesh in my life like this and getting to hang out with kassady and having her call my name and kiss me just stole my heart. i know why i'm here and then i dont... summer has just been so odd, and everything has just kept turning itself over and i dont know whats going to happen next. all i know is that i wish i was in texas sorting my feelings out... i dont know whats going to happen next and i dont know what i want.

everytime i go home i feel so much like myself and so damn happy, and then i get back here and i feel like i left my soul in texas like i go thru the motions but i havent found my place here bc my place is in texas with the people i love and the new people that i'm starting to love. i just feel like i'm living split lives that have nothing to do with one another. i wish i could just get ppl to move with me or that i could commute in from texas...or something. oh that and i'd kill someone for a whopper right now. seriously.

"wait so why arent we in jail right now?"

yea so my week in Houston went by in a blur punctuated by a night out on Saturday that I vaguely remember, so I must have had some fun. I worked that day at astroworld working security for the Kumbia Kings concert basically being a bitch and telling ppl they couldnt come in with video cameras. They loved me. I also saw more hootched out 12 year olds than I needed to see, I was just thinking the whole night "your mother let you out of the house looking like that?" like my mom would have kicked my ass if she saw me looking like a prostitute at 11, when your 20 you earn the right to look like a hooker and you can wear whatever you want to pull off but in the pre-teens come on now, you dont even have anything to show off. oh and i saw plenty of unattractive ppl so that made me feel much prettier, bc it just simply reminded me what normal people look like, and I felt bad for them.

So after standing for 6 hrs straight I knew that I deserved a drink, and so we all (alesh, kenneth, some friends of kenneth, alesh' cousin, and me) went out to a club first and then we stopped at a gas station bought some beer and since I dont drink beer some smirnoff triple black for myself, and then went to some party in the warehouse district, where i was i dont know, but the music was good and loud and i had a bunch of fun being a goof with alesh' and company. After that things get fuzzy. I have no concept of how much time i actually spent there, but i do know that by the end of our time there alesh had decided that I was not going home like that, and I think i agreed. what proceeded next was the longest and most drunken drive of my life. I think i tried to jump out of the car at least 4 times. I managed to escape from the car though only like twice...actually no more than that...the most memorable one/least memorable one was when she parked the car in a parking lot bc i guess they were afraid i was gonna get out while the car was in motion and i just layed down on the parking lot floor and shut my eyes and then next thing i knew there were two cop cars and i was like "oh shit, i'm going to jail now" but tre and alesh talked to them and then one of the cops asked me some questions and then we were on our way. with the amount of open containers and various other things in the car i really should have been in jail...my mom would have loved that.

ummm finally we got to alesh' and i took a really cold shower and tried to sleep but the room was spinning so hard and alesh made me eat toast and it was really gross. then we called my mom so she wouldnt freak out and i drunkenly told her i wasnt coming home and she was pretty calm about it. and then it was the next day. that was my night. or as much as i can remember. the end.

malls + kids= not fun

Going shopping with a two year old is not nearly as fun as I thought it would be. Its just really tiring and you dont really get to do any real shopping, so that was a bust. But kassady is just really fun to be around minus her busting up my lip with her head and trying to poke my eye out, oh and thinking that my breast are drums and banging at them while i'm carrying her. other than that it was really fun.

my birthday was yesterday and it was really fun. american airlines lost my bags and told me they would arrive at 5pm and they didnt even show up until 2am. I really should have just checked the bag...eh at least now i know. but i got to hang out with brent and steven and that was just really fun we ate yummy food with my folks and then my mom showed up with the cake and we ate cake. oh and i got really really pretty flowers from andy. so it was a very good day.

home bound

I love Texas, but in order to love it I had to run the hell away from it and everything else that I had there. Going home is always so sweet now, its just the best and i'm so excited about seeing my parents and just being home. I think thats the best thing that I can have for my birthday is just to be home for it. So at 4am tomorrow my journey home will begin and i cannot wait to have an amazing carne asada.

I'm so excited to finally be 20! I just feel so good at where I am right now. now if only the dreams would stop being so weird. oh well, at least their interesting.

i'm in love!

"Spa treatments are expensive but you know what's more expensive? divorce"

okay this stuff is gold. just pure and simple gold. what these guys can do is just simply amazing. and its funny too. ohh cant really say enough about this show, just watch it and learn and laugh. love gay men, just love them.


oh and i even had burger king for dinner which was soooo good. so today rocked. yay!

wishes

i found myself wishing for a lot of different things today, that my mother had never gotten cancer in the first place, that i hadnt gotten so drunk that i ruined a great friendship, that i had more money, that i was taller, that the neon's ac actually worked, that my hair behaved the way i want it to, that i had never met luis, that i had never met jon (not my brother a different jon), that i was closer to my brother....you get the point. I caught myself wishing that I had nicer skin and I stopped, and decided to be thankful instead because I have been blessed even if it doesnt seem like it sometimes. I get really tired of having ppl pity whats happened to me in my life, bc I dont feel sorry for myself so why should they. I'm thankful that I was born as smart and stubborn as I am, I'm thankful that my parents love me as much as they do, I'm thankful that I have some amazing friends that I carry with me in my heart where ever I go, I'm thankful that i wasnt an only child and that my parents stayed together for as long as they did, I'm thankful that my bro was kind enough to let me have the car for this long, i'm thankful that i met gabe and have such a fun job, and i'm most thankful that I'm at this school. theres tons of things that i can wish for that I know i'll never have, I'll never be on the cover of vogue or cosmo, i'll never be a sumo wrestler, or vegas showgirl, i'll never be president of the US (but i dont think i want the job anymore), i'll never have a trust fund, and i'll never be a singer or an actress, but i dont think thats a bad thing it just narrows down all the possible dreams to all the things that i really could do, like be on jeopardy, get a phd, write a book, have my own little stationary store, own a museum, travel, live on my own, and get a law degree... all these things are very possible.

I was talking with Gabe the other day and we started talking about alternate universes and he mentioned this theory that he had when he was little that boiled down to wondering whether we really had a true choice in life or if there was no choice at all, and i told him that i believed that there was always a choice, even if sometimes we feel theres no choice at all. then we started talking about alternate universes and how it was possible that we have lived everyone of our choices in a different alternate universe, and i liked this idea bc it created a real freedom for me, like we had ultimate choice bc we got to choose everything. i like that idea bc then theres no regret, bc in some alternate universe you already did whatever it is that you might regret not having done.

i had the most normal day today, i went shopping at old navy and bought a really cute skirt and some wonderful flip flops and a really belt thing. it was nice bc i havent been shopping in a while, so that was just nice to be able to go somewhere by myself without having to get anyone to get me a ride. i went to stapples and tried to find my planner but they didnt have the one that i like so it was a no go kind of thing. i was sad but i still looked around the store, so that was okay. umm lets see i dont know my way around here since i've never driven around here on my own, so it took me a while to find where the staples was and the thing is that its all country driving like where theres trackers coming out of nowhere and farms and stuff. i'm used to city driving. but it was fun, and so incredibly nice to have a car (yay for cars, thanks jonathan!)

fear

when i was a little girl i was terrified that my father would die. so much so that i would have nightmares of it, but they were odd childhood nightmares where this tiny woman was out to murder my father by driving him crazy and the most frightening part of the dream was just waking up and not being able to save him. i still have nightmares of my father dying, they've only gotten worse and more brutal with age. i would sit for hours when i was not quite so little but much younger than i am now, and think about what i would do if something did happen to my father, i think it was my way to try to gain some control over the fear. i'm afraid of a lot of things actually, i'm afraid of the dark and i'm not really ashamed to admit that. its not so much the dark that scares me its what my mind puts in there. To this day I will have to be in my bed with the covers half on before i turn off all the lights, and even then i have to put the covers over my face right after i do it. i'm afraid of a lot of things, ants, heights, midgets, clowns, drowing, being alone, certain paterns really creep me out too like mold or the way rust kinda bubbles over sometimes, or burns, like just thinking about it now i'm getting goosebumps, and really wondering why i'm sharing this since its a little weird. well i remember the point is i'm afraid of a lot of things, but above everything i'm afraid of losing my parents. but its bound to happen at some point, so theres no point in really thinking about it, or worrying about it, and i'd much rather have it so that they would die before me bc i think my parents world would just collapse if that happened.

are you strong enough to be my man?

i think I've attempted to talk every single man that ever felt something for me out of liking me. well not every single one of them, but the major ones at least, and some of the minor ones too. i just dont have the best track record with men, well its not in their best interest thats a better way to put it. i just think i'm too much of a romantic, too much of a dreamer to really ever be satisfied. is that so bad really....eh i dont really know. i just know that i'm tired of hurting ppl just bc i want more than they can humanly give me. or bc the timing isnt right, or theres too many miles between us.

theres all these little kids running around campus for some sort of camp for "gifted" children and these kids are the same size as me, and i just keep looking at them and i just feel so damn thankful that I'm not 9 anymore or 12 or 14 or any of those other awful ages, i remember telling myself that i only had 8 more yrs to go and then i'd be free to move the hell out of my house and go to college, like that was my mantra. and now i'm here. and i'm so thankful. i dont wanna get married i dont want any kids running around, i dont want a house in the suburbs i just want to rejoice in the fact that in 12 days i'll be 20! and not married with no kids! woohoo!

i'm rhambling now...but not really, i'm just so thankful for where i am, and that i've managed to not fuck up my life so far although i've tried. like its just really funny when i start thinking of how many times i could have been married and divorced by now. i'm just so thankful things ended when they did. i'm just happy for where i am. thats it. and that i dont really think i've found anyone who can really contain me...but thats not a bad thing.

jessica vs the ants

i hate ants, so of course a few of them decided to move in while i was away in Boston. So I cleaned everything and then bleached it and i thought that they would just go away. They didnt. Then I started being insanely careful about where I ate making sure that if a crumb fell anywhere on the floor i would immediately clean it up. But even with no food the ants would not go away. then i read something about ants hating baby powder so i sprinkled it everywhere they could possibly be, it seems to be working. like after i sprayed them i saw like 7 ants that seemed upset and they did not seem to enjoy the baby powder raining down on them. so i went to bed feeling relieved that they were finally going to go away. But i think they just went on the offensive bc something bit me and i think it was an ant, so then i couldnt sleep so now i'm sleep deprived, itchy bc of the damn ant bite, and afraid to eat anything bc of the ants. i cant wait to move into a new room so i can get some sleep...and be away from the ants.

just for Mr. Patterson

Cancer and Taurus

When Taurus and Cancer come together in a love affair, it's usually a very good combination. They are two positions apart within the Zodiac, and such Signs tend to share karmic ties and a deep mutual understanding. These particular two Signs have much in common: Both prize security in a love relationship above almost all else; both tend to be nurturers (Cancer is emotionally nurturing while Taurus loves to spoil their lover with sensual delights, gifts and good, rich meals). They're both quite domestic and love a quiet night spent at home with their sweetie.

The Taurus-Cancer partnership tends to be a happy one due to this mutual enjoyment of the security and comfort of home. They love a solid home base, a strong relationship, nice possessions, good food: all the comforts of domestic life. Theirs is often the ideal family that people of other Signs strive for, with strong ties between them and a relationship that is family-oriented rather than toward the outside world. Their only major problems arise when Taurus insists on having its own way and Cancer responds by sulking. Taurus must understand Cancer's emotional sensitivity, and Cancer needs rely on open, honest communication than on emotional blackmail.

Taurus is ruled by Venus (Love) and Cancer is ruled by the Moon (Emotions). Both of these celestial bodies vibrate with feminine energy. Cancer often keeps emotions bottled up and simmering inside, which can lead to occasional boil-overs. Thus, Cancer is attracted to Taurus's open, honest, unafraid nature. As the Moon controls the tides of the Earth, quietly affecting all life, so does Cancer, manipulating behind the scenes. Cancer tends to be sentimental, and both partners prefer to enjoy each other rather than socializing with large groups.

Horoscopes rule

Cancer:

Trusting others makes you even more trustworthy. By assuming common ground, you save a lot of valuable time. All eyes follow the person with the best goodies. If you're serving, be sure there's enough to go around.